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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 18 September 2012: I am sending this article to a truly Dear friend today who I know is grieving today. Suicide leaves such a cruel legacy for those left behind.
Today I feel my wonderful Dear friend might benefit from this article.
If you are suffering, havin... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 1 June 2012: Thank you Maverick494 for your very understanding feedback. I truly appreciate your comments. Your post made me very reflectful. And that was, originally all I was going to say. But you inspired me to say more.
Interesting that you observed... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 10 December 2011: Hi Anonymous123 the feeling is mutual.
I know what a wonderful contribution you make to Dear Cupid too. Your really great advice is clearly appreciated by so many.
Best Wishes
Abella... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 December 2011: thank you Tisha, for you are amongst the wise people I refer to, when I think of inspiring wise people, who I have inspired me with their wisdom, logic and good commonsense.
Such people include two long term friends, a Nun, and of course my grea... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 3 December 2011: Christmas can be a tough time, for some. Especially the elderly, those far from home, those who have just split with a partner, or just suffered a tragic experience.
Remembering who is not around to share this time with you. The media feed you imag... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas
No I don't believe in retribution nor in Karma.
Because if I did I would have to conclude that the 'plan' was cruel.
And I don't believe in 'everything happens for a reason' for that too would lead me to question what 'reason' cou... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas,
I feel terrible that I did not respond earlier. The first time started to read your response and the second one I was so over-whelmed that one family could have to face so much. And I had to go back twice before I finished reading the ... (read in full...)
I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?
Q. hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...
A. 23 August 2011: Hi, I was perhaps tired when I wrote this. But I thought of adding a PS because of the quote from your message :
"I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments "
And I thought, if the tendency to come out with... (read in full...)
I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?
Q. hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...
A. 22 August 2011: hi
One way not to be a run away motor mouth is to develop very superior listening skills.
Really weigh up all they are saying. Quietly reflect on everything they are saying. Let there be silence. don't feel you have to be 'interesting'
And ask t... (read in full...)
How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help
Q. About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me. my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i re...
A. 21 August 2011: Trust is very important. Trust is earned. Often easily. But Trust lost needs a lot more work.
If you cheated, then he dumped you, then he took you back then that tells me he is a forgiving guy who is willing to trust you again.
But he will not... (read in full...)
How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help
Q. About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me. my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i re...
A. 21 August 2011: Always look at his actions and do not just look at his words.
The same applies to you.
Listening. Real genuine, taking notice of what you say. Replying to what you said in a way that demonstrates that he understands you and values what you have to ... (read in full...)
I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?
Q. hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...
A. 21 August 2011: I think it would be useful for you to explore with a counsellor why you feel the need to open up about things where it may not be the approriate time or place to reveal such things.
Just because something jumps into our head does not mean it has ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is best friends with ex...wife?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about a month now. I am 20 and he is 27. We have a lot in common and have become extremely close rapidly, we knew each other for 11 months before dating. From the beginning, my boyfriend had been ...
A. 21 August 2011: There is too much going on here and he is not standing up to her. And not showing you respect.
Sure she is trying to split him up. If she can't have him then no one else will. Hence her relentless pressure to ruin your new relationship.
And i... (read in full...)
Should I worry that its easier for me to get turned on by girls than guys?
Q. I am a girl, and I can get extremely turned on by other girls, but not so much with boys. I enjoy their bodies and find them attractive or not, but it is more complicated for guys to get me turned on than girls. I can only get really turned on by ...
A. 21 August 2011: Hi Misssparkles,
You are still learning more about who you are and what makes you feel good.
You say you have been turned on by boys you feel in love with. So you understand that guys can be magical, funny, delightful, and make the butterfl... (read in full...)
Am I looking too deep into this or is my friend totally uninterested in my life?
Q. I made really good friends with a women last year frew facebook. We went to school together but were not close friends or anything. We met up in town and hit it off straight away and became the best of friends in no time. Anyway, last year I was ...
A. 21 August 2011: Sadly I think this friend has emotionally moved on but prefers not to come out and say it. Your first analysis was probably correct. That she was distancing herself from you. When you called her on it she re-grouped and said she thought that is what ... (read in full...)
Is he being unfair expecting me to orgasm the same time as him?
Q. Is it normal for a guy to expect that if his past experiences have been with girls who have had an orgasm at the same quick time as him, to expect me to? I told him it takes me longer to get there and that I need oral and stimulation to get me ...
A. 21 August 2011: This poor man has no idea how many of his partners earlier were FAKING their orgasm.
Finally he has an honest real girlfriend and he cannot take the heat. He is not doing enough at all to encourage you to orgasm.
And yes you are correct,... (read in full...)
14 year old student hitting on me. How do I solve this?
Q. This 14 year old girl has a obsessive crush on me. It all started when I was looking for a part time job. I’m a college student and I’m living in an apartment with my roommates. As I was good in maths I decided to teach maths at high school to t...
A. 21 August 2011: you are not a coward at all. You made a good professional decision, an honorable one. This girl just cannot recognise integrity.
This girl has a major crush on you. A crush you should not acknowledge nor recognise. You have done the right thing by d... (read in full...)
Does this saga look like we will ever get together for more than friendship?
Q. So I went on 2 dates with a guy (but knew him through our sports team beforehand). On our team he was known as an outgoing, confident flirt. But once it was he and I on a date, he was totally different and actually seemed nervous to make moves!! ...
A. 20 August 2011: And that is a good thing that you set some boundaries. A girl with no boundaries is no challenge for a guy she is too easy.
Thank you for the update... (read in full...)
He wants me to allow a violent friend to rent the room in my house. How do I say no to him?
Q. I am 50 with him 12 yrs. i do not work and we rent out a room . he is always gone he says to make extra money so why do i put up with people in my home . i dont have anything with him i feel so very bad. yes i do look for work. he says he loves me i...
A. 20 August 2011: Your self esteem has taken a battering in this relationship and that is not ok.
As an exercise to demonstrate the need for you to value you more highly I suggest that you write out a list of your ten (Yes, Ten) BEST points.
right now I am not s... (read in full...)
My Mom has upset me. Should I just pack up and go back to where my real home is ?
Q. Help. I'm depressed and can't talk to my mum about it because she's the cause. She tore apart our family and moved me states away from my brother who's now living with my dad. Me and my mum have moved to 2 different states before a year's time. I ha...
A. 20 August 2011: Oh and PS, If your Depression does not lift within a first two weeks after you arrive home and are with your Dad, then please see your Doctor. Depression is a serious illness and should never be taken lightly. Some good counselling and a discussi... (read in full...)
My Mom has upset me. Should I just pack up and go back to where my real home is ?
Q. Help. I'm depressed and can't talk to my mum about it because she's the cause. She tore apart our family and moved me states away from my brother who's now living with my dad. Me and my mum have moved to 2 different states before a year's time. I ha...
A. 20 August 2011: Hi You are not a child. At 20 you are an adult and can do as you please. The relationship with your Mom is making your sad. It is not working. Your brother probably needs your stablising presence. So pack up, book the flight, phone your Dad and ... (read in full...)
Does this saga look like we will ever get together for more than friendship?
Q. So I went on 2 dates with a guy (but knew him through our sports team beforehand). On our team he was known as an outgoing, confident flirt. But once it was he and I on a date, he was totally different and actually seemed nervous to make moves!! ...
A. 20 August 2011: I truly get the impression that even if this guy likes you that perhaps he is so used to girls throwing themselves at him that he expects that he should not have to try and does not expect to try too hard to get any girl. It's all become a big bore ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends ex came back to 'see his son'. Turns out he doesn't want to see his son at all, just my girlfriend!
Q. I'm 27, dating a single mum, who's 28, with a young son. She's not seen the father since she was 19 and he was 21; he left right after the baby was born (when she was 20, he 22) and disappeared out of her life, was never heard from again. Unti...
A. 20 August 2011: Get thee to an Attorney asap and instigate steps to legally adopt your son with your girlfriend. For all intents and purposes you are the only father he has ever known. And you do have his interests in mind, something the biological sperm donor ... (read in full...)
Where do I go through from here? It wasn't another woman, it was his cocaine that came between us.
Q. I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago, and it did not end well. He had been lying to me about using cocaine and it spiraled downhill very quick. We dated for a year, and I fell harder than I ever have in my life. I can't stop thinking about when...
A. 20 August 2011: Cocaine is terrible. Drugs in General are a terrible problem all over the world. Cocaine is one of the really bad drugs. Leading to the big "DOWN" after the initial rush the user would get from the drug. Of course mood swings will get worse and ... (read in full...)
I wish my husband would wake up!
Q. my husband and are separted he lives in another town about 15 mins from me . he loves music and so do i .all of this was going good until the singer drinks lot and doesnt help out on moving band stuff .any way my husband and i lived with this man ...
A. 20 August 2011: So am I understanding this correctly? Did your husband get drunk? Do you see the other man as a bad influence? Was there more to it than that? The reason he was sacked? Could he also have health issues greater than he is telling you? If he is aroun... (read in full...)
Should I read into his answer?
Q. My bf asked me the oh so popular question "Who would you save in a burning fire?" He told me to choose one of my three siblings. I had a very hard time and kept telling him I'd either save them all or die togpther with them because I wouldn't be ...
A. 19 August 2011: If you were just playing Twenty Questions and you were both feeling tired, and maybe he was getting bored, then that puts it all in a different light. Being tired can result in responses that are not as considered as usual.
Maybe he was feeling tire... (read in full...)
Should I read into his answer?
Q. My bf asked me the oh so popular question "Who would you save in a burning fire?" He told me to choose one of my three siblings. I had a very hard time and kept telling him I'd either save them all or die togpther with them because I wouldn't be ...
A. 18 August 2011: I would question the judgement of any person posing the question in this way.
Objects yes. Such as what item would you save from your home. And before Digial saving of photos online some people would probably have said things like their phot... (read in full...)
My Fiancé still in love with a dead woman...Do I, or don't I, leave him?
Q. My Fiancé is a generally wonderful guy; intelligent, sweet, loving and kind. He's a doctor and very passionate about his work. While he does lab research now, he did do many years with Doctors Without Borders (D.W.B.) and I know he saw some really ...
A. 17 August 2011: Whether you leave him or not is not the issue. And whether or not you still love him is immaterial right now.
Doctors are renowned as being often cavalier about getting treatment for their own woes.
This man is currently deeply in grief.
Have... (read in full...)
He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!
Q. Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...
A. 17 August 2011: Hope things have improved for you since all this happened?
You were certainly getting a raw deal back when you asked this questions. Just thought I would check back to see how you are going now - you don't have to follow up this - but I did noti... (read in full...)
Do I tell my family that I suspect my uncle is an alcoholic?
Q. is my uncle a alcohloic? he drinks at work 4 tinnys i dunno how often he does this i have just started the job he got me it, we work in a glazier company, i noticed it today he goes to the shop down the road buys a 4 pack hides it in his work ...
A. 17 August 2011: it depends doesn't it?
Does it affect his work capacity? Can he still do his job? Does he work in an area where he demonstrates serious impairment? Or is he operating with a good level of skill. Some men have hollow legs.
He may well need a high l... (read in full...)
How do I save my relationship with my mother?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm writing because I want to save my relationship with my mom. I am 22 years old and our relationship has been steadily deteriorating for years. I know that it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't necessarily respect her, a...
A. 16 August 2011: Your Mom is hurting really bad right now. That does not excuse her actions in trying to lay guilt on you and blaming you. But she knows her current relationship is limping along. She is broken hearted and possibly depressed.
Try not to obviousl... (read in full...)
My lover thinks I am out with someone else if I do not answer his call! Should his lack of trust bother me as much as it does??
Q. HI Help please am i over reacting here? I have been in a relationship for many years and i have always been faithful. What is bothering me is my lovers remarks,i feel they are a showing a lack of belief in me and i feel like he is thinking i'm a w...
A. 16 August 2011: I am Sorry you are being put through this unneccesary "Trust issue". He is trying to control you by attempting to make you feel insecure. Getting you to modify your behavior to the point where you will become afraid of your own shadow, tip-toei... (read in full...)
I'm looking for love, not just sex! What am I doing wrong?
Q. Hey guys. I will be really honest with you. I am a 30 yr old female. I have asked myself this question several times and it's about time I get your thoughts. I seem to attract wrong guys all the time, but because I am not crazy, I never do anything ...
A. 16 August 2011: I realise that you possibly want answers from guys. but if you will forgive the intrusion of a girl I will do my best.
First of all I do believe that some people Meet the love of their life at 9am and by Noon they are lovers. The novellist D H Lawr... (read in full...)
Everythings different now my friend is back from Australia and we are not even speaking, what should I do?
Q. I,ve been friends with my best friend since we were 3 years old. She recently return from a few weeks away from australia and everythings different... Last week I stayed a few nights in her house and i was a very clumsy with few things Lewing the ...
A. 15 August 2011: Sorry to hear that there is some sort of 'distancing' happening between you and your friend.
Something caused it - possibly the raised voices?
Call her, invite her out for coffee or lunch, during the time you are together tell her how importan... (read in full...)
HIV Questions
Q. NOTE: TWO QUESTIONS FROM SAME ASKER COMBINED Can me and my baby remain negativ wen my husband is hiv positiv? Is it advisable to marry a man with hiv?...
A. 15 August 2011: Hi you would not be asking if you were not worried. And you can delay a wedding while you think things through. A person who is HIV positive sometimes irrationally thinks getting with some one who is not HIV positive will be "good for them" B... (read in full...)
HIV Questions
Q. NOTE: TWO QUESTIONS FROM SAME ASKER COMBINED Can me and my baby remain negativ wen my husband is hiv positiv? Is it advisable to marry a man with hiv?...
A. 15 August 2011: You must use condoms on every occasion you have sex with this man. Your have said that he is HIV positive. Any time you have unprotected sex (with no condom) then you run the risk of catching this virus from a person who is already HIV positive. Yo... (read in full...)
Tragic troubled past. Will falling in love with this Police Officer make it worse? How do I get through this?
Q. text This is Your Average "Im In Love W. My Teacher Story". Minus The Average Part and There's Alittle More Excitment Then That.. This Is Your "In Love with a Cop Story" My Life. This Great Untold Story That Everyone Has Started Eighteen Years Ag...
A. 15 August 2011: Also this link may help.
I too have come through and survived what you suffered when Steve left and no one would ever suggest it is easy.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/coping-with-bereavement-of-losing-your-love-to.html
So I hope the above li... (read in full...)
Tragic troubled past. Will falling in love with this Police Officer make it worse? How do I get through this?
Q. text This is Your Average "Im In Love W. My Teacher Story". Minus The Average Part and There's Alittle More Excitment Then That.. This Is Your "In Love with a Cop Story" My Life. This Great Untold Story That Everyone Has Started Eighteen Years Ag...
A. 14 August 2011: You have made it this far and you write well. Despite all the odds you are clearly a survivor. But may I ask, did you get counselling to help you work through your feelings after Steve left? Because if you didn't get at least three months ... (read in full...)
Are people who look at porn more likely to cheat?
Q. Hey, I'm interested to know-do you think people who look at porn are more likely to actually cheat on their partner? I'm asking because I know my bf of 1 yr watches porn videos online every 3-4 days. It used to get me down, but so many people have ...
A. 14 August 2011: Hi, i don't think watching porn indicates the person will cheat, any more than 'people who cheat who have never watched porn'. Sadly people, men and women, have been unfaithful for millions of years. Watching porn, or not, is not the indicator. ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to come home earlier and actually notice that I exist?
Q. My husband works late every night (like 10pm ish-he is supposed to finish at 7pm). We have a 1 year old and I have been on maternity leave then made redundant so I am now a full time mum. My problem is the fact that I get no help from my husband ...
A. 12 August 2011: hi Pizza1,
Lovely follow up, and thank you
Abella... (read in full...)
How can I get him to come home earlier and actually notice that I exist?
Q. My husband works late every night (like 10pm ish-he is supposed to finish at 7pm). We have a 1 year old and I have been on maternity leave then made redundant so I am now a full time mum. My problem is the fact that I get no help from my husband ...
A. 12 August 2011: Also, I am very sorry you are suffering this lack of support. You sound like an excellent Mom.
Besides finding ways to get more support from him - which you Do Need and which he should be giving you - I think you need more external support.
Find ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to come home earlier and actually notice that I exist?
Q. My husband works late every night (like 10pm ish-he is supposed to finish at 7pm). We have a 1 year old and I have been on maternity leave then made redundant so I am now a full time mum. My problem is the fact that I get no help from my husband ...
A. 12 August 2011: Hi, do you have a Totally Utterly reliable loving kind willing family member who would be willing to care for Baby? Preferable someone who can care for baby Over-night. Baby not to return home before 10:30am the next day. Choose a day when your guy ... (read in full...)
GO AWAY LOVE, I don't want to be a freak
Q. I know i'm being stupid asking this but its really getting me down i convince my self that with practically every guy i meet that its love and that there he's one i've had a couple of bf and each time my mind goes into this omg its love, i lov...
A. 12 August 2011: Under no circumstances are you a freak.
You are in love with love.
But you do not know enough about you yet and your mindset is not yet 'there'to identify and meet a guy who is the 'one'
Have you ever thought about the qualities you do value in ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hate everyone! I want to be happy again.
Q. I'm finally out from under the thumb of a controlling ex. Extremely happy about this, but... I'm about to start school next week. At the end of last year I alienated myself from my peers per controlling boyfriend's request. This kills me because ...
A. 11 August 2011: Hi
I'm Glad the ex is history. Are you resolved to never never ever take him back? Because he sounds seriously toxic.
Losing touch with your friends at school can be tough, but not impossible. Just think of students whose families shift inters... (read in full...)
It is a crime to upload sexy picture and could they be found on the internet later?
Q. i want to upload some racy pictures on net of my girlfriend..dey arent nude but are sexy showing a little bit of cleavage here and there.. my questions are 1)i am from india and so is it a crime to upload pictures of my gf on net 2)is it safe and ...
A. 8 August 2011: It is not a wise move to upload the pictures. Potentially extremely harmful to your girlfriend. Even if your girlfriend has said, in writing, and with her witnesses present that she is willing to let you do this, that is not enough. Especially i f ... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with married man and I know he won't leave his wife for me!
Q. Okay, I'm writing this because I'm miserable and at my whit's end of things. You've may have heard this a thousands times before, but Im simply head over heels in love with a married man and I have being for the passed year. And the worrying thing ...
A. 8 August 2011: I know he probably seems the most dashing romantic wonderful man. But he is only showing you his 'best' side. He is not showing you his skill at duplicity. He can easily 'wait' before consumating the relationship as he continues to 'get' that at ho... (read in full...)
Can a good man just make a mistake? Or once a cheater always a cheater?
Q. Long story short, my boyfriend of a year cheated on me with a one night stand. We got in a fight, I said really mean hurtful things I didn't mean and told him I never wanna talk to you again! Well the next night, he went out, got really drunk and ...
A. 6 August 2011: hi, He couldn't manage to stay faithful even in the first 12 months? That alone would have made me ditch him if I were in your position. Infidelity is not something I want to ever try. It is a betrayal of trust. It breaks the unwritten contra... (read in full...)
A life without sex?
Q. I'm 35 years old and I have been married for 8 years. My wife says she only wants to be friends and nothing more. We haven't had sex in a year. I love my wife and I dont want to leave her but its very hard to live without sex. I workout 3 days a ...
A. 6 August 2011: hi
What a terribly sad intolerable situation for you. And of course you would be torn, still loving your wife, but her sexual desire gone.
Your wife has unrealistic expectations if she thinks she can retain all then benefits of a happy marriage... (read in full...)
What would be an appropriate gift for my long-distance boyfriend, given our circumstances?
Q. My guy's birthday is coming up in a week and I want to send him something, but I'd like some advice as to what would be a good present given our circumstances. We are currently long-distance and cannot see each other. We also have an age difference ...
A. 4 August 2011: Hi birthday is in a week so unless you send something today it may not reach him anyway.
Though if you want to send him something it can't be something too over the top in any case. You have not seen each other in person for two years, though I im... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 August 2011: Hi Dodds,
I found your response moving too.
Thank you,
Your lovely understanding meant a lot to me,
Regards
Abella... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 5 July 2011: One DC person has made comment about this article. And needing to know more about how the second relationship progressed after losing my first husband and about going from being a widow with a child and how did I handle introducing a new man into my ... (read in full...)
He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!
Q. Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...
A. 3 January 2011: you are doing very well. Keep up the good work. He's looking for a little faltering in your resolve, but offering you only second best. And you know that's not OK. Accept him and you cut yourself off from moving forward. Give yourself applause!... (read in full...)
He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!
Q. Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...
A. 24 December 2010: hi Caringgirl, well done, you have come a long way, in working through things and will do more good things as you heal your heart. It is a pleasure hearing from a strong capable caring girl like you, hope all goes well, best wishes Abella... (read in full...)
He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!
Q. Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...
A. 19 December 2010: You had the chemistry together.
So that makes it especially hurtful and hard for you to endure.
But in time you will repair your heart, and seek new experiences, that will lead to meeting new, available, genuine potential partners.
If you ca... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 12 December 2010: Thank you C Grant (love the photo! Well chosen Avatar). You made my day on seeing you post. Your comments very much appreciate, regards Abella... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
