A
female
age
36-40,
*abona Chaos
writes:Dear All, This is a really complicated situation, but i have been with my husband for three years and we are still in love although there are a few things i really hate about him and a strange thing he did yesterday. Some background, 1. Fashion addiction, he is always asking me to dress up or look fancy even to his family house! He is obssessed with looking his best! 2. Making me jealous or giving me points about fashion or my weight. (I am pettite and slim and dont need to lose it!) .. This is a little background of him. Im the only one married from my 3 sisters and when i get back from work id rather or have to spend time with my two year old daughter, which i feel very guilty for leaving her to go to work. Recently both of my sisters joined a gym for the summer so my husband has been nagging on me to join a gym even though we are short of money these few months and dont have time as well. (I wonder why he doenst join a gym) When I tell him that he says that a women should always look her best for her husband so he wont look at other grls! (I would pull his eyes out if he did) ..Anyway last night we went to the movies with my 23 year old sister, he constantly blabbed with her about her gym and asked her how much she lost weight ( i found out he was also wearing a tummy tuck band) .. it was like an interview with her and he was fascinated and constantly talking about his athletic intentions.. Naturally, when we got to the theatre seats i told him to sit first and me next to him and my sister next to me... he looked at me and said, why didnt u let me sit next to your sister? Your making things awkward with your jealousy!.. I was shocked but remained quiet and enjoyed the movie! .. When we dropped my sister home after the movie he mentioned the seats again! I asked him why didnt i sit next to my friends husband or his brother when we went the times before? The natural way is for couples to sit together and even asked him why would my sister want to be seated next to him anyway? She would rather be next to me ! .. He was quiet the whole way and I went home and ignored him and slept the night away..Dont get me wrong, he is a good guy and i know he loves me and has done alot of wonderful things for me...but the stuff he is doing is making me sick of him! Its stuff i dont understand!..Thank you so much all .. Any advice?Thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 You sound both rather insecure.
The seats at the movie theather, for instance . If he had sat between you and your sister, that would have been the most natural, normal- and proper- arrangement. Ok, if you want it's a stupid thing from way begone times, and there are not many chances that your husband had to defend either sister from a fire spitting dragon or a drapel of venture soldiers inside a movie theater... but that's the way it is, the idea is that the knight is there to share his "protection", assistance and services between two dames. If you feel threatened simply by your husband sitting next to another lady... you have got work to do. On yourself, not your husband.
As for him, it sort of sounds that he is insecure about his looks and attractiveness ( a tummy tuck band at his age ???) and having a hot wife is sort of getting by proxy
what he can't get from himself. It's not unusual , I've seen plenty of plain looking guys being proud and protective of their women's good looks. It's like, they feel bad about themselves, but if they are with a gorgeous lady, .. that must mean they are worth something too.
The solution here is ... to relax and not overdramatize. You should both join that gym and go together, transform it into a family project where you can support his weight loss and physical improvement without stressing it too much. Even if you are slim, gym can't hurt you- there is always room for improvement :) and probably your husband really needs an exercise buddy to be consistent. I think when he'll feel better about himself, he won't need anymore to feel good... through you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): He sounds like a pain in the *** and that he has problems. Is he seriously threatening you with cheating if you don't fit his standards for looks? Tell him to go to a gym himself and or do some sit ups instead of wearing a tummy tuck belt!
As for the attention to your sister, I'm not sure what is going on there, is he attracted to her? Maybe he is trying to come between you and her? Ask him why he cared where he sat in regards to her.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (17 July 2011):
 I think your husband has TOO much pride. He needs a reality check. I hope you don't give in to his demands to dress up every time. You don't need to dress up to go to the store. There's no need for him to make you jealous. You two are in this together and you're supposed to be on the same team. He's bullying you and you shouldn't take it. If women have to look good for their men, then why can't he do the same? Even though he thinks he looks good, he should go to the gym also if he plans to make his intentions come true. It's great exercise and a way for you to spend some time together. But you shouldn't go unless he agrees to also. He took the movie thing too far. What couple wouldn't sit together when watching a movie? Tell him to come back to earth because he's in space and he's lost his humbleness. Just because he thinks something doesn't mean you have to or should follow through with it. Talk to him and tell him everything you're feeling. Surely he can change for you. Get back to us and tell us what he's said.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 July 2011):
 What an impossible load of 'his insecurity' is being dumped on you and that is entirely unreasonable.
His complete rudeness and his act of attempting to humiliate you with an unjust allegation of 'jealousy' really took things too far. Your sister, of course, should have supported you by insisting that you and your husband sit together.
In some situations I don't see a problem with people mixing and matching where they sit. But attempting to humiliate you, and then carrying on about it later was rude and inexcusable.
If he thinks he can 'hint' that infidelity might have a 'cause' in how his wife looks I say, 'rubbish, Sir'. It will be His Failure completely if he acts om any desire to be unfaithful.
Tell he he's lucky he's not married to me! Picture this: I wanted to better explain mountains and rivers and lacks and floods. when I'd finished we were all covered in mud, all wet, and hair a mess. But the kids loved it.
Tell your husband that if one cannot relax in their home then its a Building, not a home.
And tell him that interacting with your child and having fun during play time is far more important than being a fashion plate. Your child will remember the fun times and the interest you show in your child, not what you are wearing.
Your husband's empathy score needs a bit of work right now.
And if I had to write up his assessment it would be along the lines:
Mr Insecurity needs to stick to the core subjects. Obsession with fashion. Wastes precious time on side issues. May need closer supervision if he can't maintain a focus on the core values. Not up to standard this term. Disappointing classroom manners, when others are watching.
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