A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My twin sister died a few years ago in a car accident. I was really affected by her death. She wasn't just my sister but my best friend. I got a tattoo of her name on my chest so that she'll always be next to my heart. I have been seeing a girl for some time now and have serious feeling for her. She is demanding that I get the tattoo removed because I have a previous girl friend that had the same name as my sister and she says she doesn't want to look at it because it reminds her of my ex girl friend. I think she's being very stupid and immature. Here's some more information. My girl friend knew both my sister and my ex girl friend. My ex girl friend doesn't even spell her name the same way as my sister, so she knows that my tattoo has nothing to do with my ex girl friend. The thing is I really care about her but is really making me very angry about this. don't break up, I just want her to understand how I feel. So I have a few questions? Am I being insensetive? Should I get it removed? Is she being immature about this? She's got me a little confused.
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best friend, immature, my ex, tattoo Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Why are you even considering removing your tattoo ? You are both teenagers, the chances of you two ending up together for good are statistically slimmer than a runway model. Are you really thinking of removing the cherished memento of your dead twin, to please a girl that most probably in 6 months will be dating someone else ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Hi
I am a twin and can say the bond is something else...your girlfriend is so selfish on this, get your tatoo.
Spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, briscoe  +, writes (11 July 2011):
hi there, so it seems you have lots of answers already so i'll keep my short. your girlfriend is being not only immature but very selfish. it's a sad thing to lose someone we love, especially a twin, she was obviously dear to your heart. if your current girlfriend can't understand maybe she's not for you, believe me i do get the same name thing (my ex actually cheated on me with a girl who has the same name as me) but come on this is your twin sister's name, not your ex-girlfriend's name. she should grow up and be more compassionate. hope i helped :)
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Is this about the tattoo or is there a deeper control issue? Your sister means so much to you and your girlfriend does not respect you or your feelings about your sister. If she can't accept your tattoo, show her the door.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I think that dmartin89 summed it up perfectly!Seriously, though- you're response to this is remarkably considered. By any fairness, the person writing for advice right now should be her, and the question should read more along the lines of;'I can't believe how selfish I've been! I've asked my boyfriend to remove a tattoo bearing the name of his late twin sister. I can't imagine the hardship that he's been through in losing her, and this was a poignant gesture to keep her close to his heart forever. I've been incredibly insensitive to this and the only reason I could give to defend myself was merely that she shared the same name as an ex-girlfriend of his- and their names aren't even spelt in the same way! How can I ever ask for him to forgive me for such a selfish request?'It's a minor miracle that you're even still talking to her after making such a brutal request.You shouldn't HAVE to explain to her how much this means to you. It's obvious to ANYONE.Point out the difference in spelling to her if she isn't already aware of this and simply state that exactly as you've said; that this is a gesture in keeping your sister close to your heart.If she doesn't appreciate this... I'd actually go so far as to ask her if she can appreciate the impact of her request on you to remove connection. If she really can't understand how insensitive and how brutal her request was, I'd seriously think about walking away from anyone that could be so cold to your emotions.My sympathies for all that you have lost. Hold on to the connections that you have to your sister.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Maybe she thinks you are lying, show her a birth certificate of your sister or a picture, or have your parents talk together with her to make her understand it IS your sister. Tell her how much it hurts, and cry a bit... a nd cut off all contacts with your ex, she sounds like she is more jealous than anything,
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Wow. Not only was your girlfriend's demand immature, the very act of asking you caused you a lot of pain. The name isn't even spelled the same as your ex. I would tell her that her request has seriously damaged your relationship. A brother's relationship with his sister is a sacred bond, made all the more so by your memorial to her as a tattoo. And she should see that it IS a memorial. One would no sooner request the 9/11 memorial be removed because an ex's name is on it.
She needs to really grow up on this one. Her insecurity just did a lot of damage and caused a lot of pain.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Just lay down the law. I'm never getting rid of this tattoo, so either you can accept that... or there's the door.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Stand your ground pal. If anything, get rid of this girl. She seems selfish and arguably controlling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): I would sooner get rid of the girlfriend than the tattoo. SHE is being the insensitive one, not you.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 July 2011):
 There is a reason your ex is your ex so she shouldn't be so insecure. And she should become an ex also because this is a ridiculous request. Your sister will always be your sister and this girl you're with will just be someone you've dated. Do you really want to be with someone like this? If she can't understand find someone else.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Get rid of the girl not the tatoo!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): You're not the insensitive one here! I can't believe anyone could be so selfish. Your girlfriend might be young but she seems completely devoid of empathy. If somebody made such an unreasonable and inconsiderate demand on me I'd kick them to curb so fast... I know it's hard because you care about her but trust me, you don't need people like that in your life. Don't waste a second longer contmplating giving in to her disgusting whims. What happened to your sister was an absolute tragedy, I'm so sorry; I think your tattoo is a poignant and beautiful tribute to her memory. If your girlfriend can't or won't find the compassion to accept you tattoo and all, then it speaks volumes about the sort of person she really is inside. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Oh sweetie..I'm so sorry that you lost your sister. I know that twins have a very special bond, so of course you wanted a special way to remember her. Anyone with compassion would understand that. Your girlfriend unfortunately sounds very jealous and controlling, please beware these are NOT good qualities in a mate. Do not even consider getting that tattoo removed. Make it clear to your girlfriend that it is there to stay and she will either have to accept it, or perhaps she's not the right girl for you. If she can't understand the significance behind it then she's not the girl for you. There's really nothing else to say.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (11 July 2011):
 no, don't get it removed. this girl is obviously the jealous type. if you do as she says with this tattoo, there will always be other stuff she can find to be jealous of so you may decide in the future that you don't wanna stay with her anyway, in which case you would have had the tattoo removed for nothing. make a stand with this. the tattoo is important to you and she has to realise that you won't be bullied or whined into discarding things from your life that mean a lot to you
x
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 July 2011):
 definitely do not get it removed. Twins grow up very close to each other. Losing a twin is a very big trauma. Your G/f may not always be your G/f but your sister will remain your sister.
Your G/f should attempt to resolve her resentment/controlling/jealousy issues. And get over the similarity.
Tell her if she had a Jeff instead of a Geoff on her body that you would show more empathy in the roles were reversed.
Your significant tattoo stays. If she want to remain significant to you then she had better 'get over it'
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Shes being insensitive and she needs to grow up.do not remove your tattoo!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 July 2011):
Yep - teenage diva if there ever was one. Run.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Don't get the tattoo removed. Your girlfriend is being insensitive and controlling and very very stupid. You would be stupid if you got the tattoo removed.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 July 2011):
 they don't even spell their name the same way? The GF is out of line. I'm sorry ... she's not being reasonable at all...
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 July 2011):
I think your feelings are perfectly natural and your girlfriend is completely in the wrong. She cannot, and obviously does not want, to see things from your point of view. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a sibling but I can certainly understand what you mean when you say that she was both your sister and best friend, so really my heart goes out to you.
As to your questions 1) You are NOT being insensitive, 2)do NOT get it removed, 3) she is being EXCEEDINGLY immature about this.
I know you say you have serious feelings for this girl, but anyone who would make this sort of demand on you is not a nice person and not the sort of person you want to be in a relationship with. Not only is it immature but it is controlling, jealous, you name it. At the end of the day your twin sister was your twin sister, and this girl is just some girlfriend who wants you to do what you're told so that she gets her own way. The fact that your sister and your ex shared a name is irrelevant, and the fact that your gf is making a big deal out of it shows how badly she is handling the relationship and how little she cares for other peoples' feelings.
You need to find someone who respects your feelings, not someone who completely disregards them in favour of their own, especially on a matter as important as this. You are completely justified in the way you feel. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Jay_xxxxx +, writes (11 July 2011):
 O my god, don't let her be like that with you, who cares if your ex had the same name as your sister, she should understand how close you were with her and that it's not your fault that an ex girlfriend had the same name.
She is being really insecure and you should tell her what that tattoo means to you and that your not going to get rid of it. If that doesn't work then you shouldn't be in that type of relationship and should think about ending it with her as she is being very selfish
I'm sorry to hear about your sister, and you shouldn't have to be put through that sort of pain, I hope she realises how silly she is being and that she'll reconsider what she has asked you.
Jay x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Your sister is family. This girl is not. You're young, she's unlikely to be the girl you spend your life with, so spare yourself the hurt later on. She's asking you to remove your tattoo, which is just as bad as asking you to remove your sister from your life. Don't let her control you, this is your sister, not your ex-girlfriend. She's over-reacting. Either she accepts that the tattoo stays, or she goes because no one should EVER request that you remove that tattoo which is a tribute to your late sister.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2011):
 You're 16-17? And this girl is demanding you remove a meaningful tattoo? Um, run. Seriously, run. She's insecure and controlling and maybe it's immaturity or maybe it's more than that but you don't need to have your life controlled by a 16-17 teenage diva. Run.
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