A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in a long distance relationship for almost a year and a half. I'm 25, he's 26. We have both decided to save some money in our current jobs, get things together and then move in together. Originally we thought he would move to where I live (Canada), however we decided it would be easier to move to where he lives (USA). I've been working as a junior kindergarten teacher (with crap pay mind you, so I don't mind changing), and he's been.. well working JOBS lets say. I've managed to save myself some decent money, where as he currently only has $700 in his bank account. The reason being is because he has not been able to acquire a stable job. He's had about 3-4 jobs in the past hear, I can't even remember. And he has willingly left each of them. He's his reasons:Job 1: He was in a job with two friends, their pay was getting decreased and they all decided to leave together, consequently the place went out of business. Job 2: He couldn't handle the computer monitor, said his sugar would drop too low (he's a diabetic) and he was paying too much for gas each week and not able to save, and they cut down his lunch break.. Job 3: They lowered the employee pay, haven't given their employees one of the cheques yet..so he quit today (yeah recent).I'm sorry, but some of these excuses are dumb. My 17 year old brother who gets paid like $7 an hour has saved more money then my fiance this year. I feel like this man should be a little more concerned about keeping a job at the moment since we plan on MARRYING then whether or not his lunch break has been cut down, or if the company lowered the pay slightly..I feel he is UNSTABLE, UNRELIABLE, and IRRESPONSIBLE.I'm am TIRED of dealing with the stress every time he leaves a job. I feel like he's relying on the fact that I have some money saved. I love him to death but I feel so conflicted at the moment. I have a wonderful connection with him and I don't want to lose that, but I feel so disappointed. It's taking everything in me not to explode on him and tell him exactly how I feel because I know he'd be hurt. I give him credit for consistently finding jobs, but jesus christ.. CAN HE KEEP ONE? This is an important time in both of our lives, it's no time to be picky!!Please help, what do you think I should say to him? Whenever I mention it, he always says "It's not my fault I keep getting crap jobs" and gives me one excuse after another of why he should have left all those jobs. I'm so stressed out now, I feel like this is a reflection of our future..
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 this is HIS problem, not yours. He is old enough to have already have his life on track. In the same way as your life is on track, and as your brother's life is on track.
Break with this guy, with the following conditions:
1. In the next 12 months you can both go out to meet new people
2. In the next twelve months he has to stay in a full time single one job with the same employer
3. In the next 12 months he needs to save a minimum of 10 percent of his weekly pay every week. And never spend any of it. And leave it in the bank to accumulate it.
4. In the next12 months he needs to take his own lunch to work and take full responsibility for his diabetes
5. In the next 12 months neither you nor he will attempt to contact each other
6. In the next 12 months neither of you will look at each other's Facebook.
During this 12 month break please take the opportunity to meet new people, attend new things, and learn new skills and go to new places
And in the next 12 months do start to clarify your thoughts on the qualities you need in a responsible partner. And what would be the qualities you would need to exist and be there in the father of your future children.
My guess is that at the end of 12 months this guy will not be able to measure up to your needs any more.
You really deserve a real man, not an irresponsible boy full of blaming others and full of excuses.
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