| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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How do I go back to being who I was while at Korea? I'm stuck in a weird slump
Q. Okay, I am a 20 year old guy who just returned to my middle of nowhere hometown after the most amazing year abroad in Seoul, South Korea studying at a University that I've always dreamed of attending and it finished, AN incredible, what i thought to ...
A. 13 July 2017: The big difference between your experience abroad and back home is that abroad, nobody knew you. You could start clean and just be who you are without anybody having any expectations about you.
Back home, you're confronted with people who have kno... (read in full...)
The red-blooded male in me says to give her more experience, the gentleman in me says to wait a few years!
Q. Sex question- a girl I've met online is very inexperianced and wants me to teach her about the physicality of sex. What's the problem?- there's a 12 year age gap and while she's above the age of consent and therefore it would be legal, the ethic...
A. 5 March 2017: Every 16-year-old girl says she's "mature for her age". Hell, she probably got fed that line by men the moment she grew boobs and a butt. The problem is that really, she is just 16. No matter how much life experience she claims to have, her brain ... (read in full...)
I work with her. Should I act as if I do not know that she blocked me on FB? Or do I confront her?
Q. My friend at work blocked me on fb... I think it's pathetic, so do I confront her or not? (I'm thinking that I wouldn't really like to give her the satisfaction of knowing it's annoyed me...versus the making her squirm/lie about it...!!) ?? How d...
A. 5 March 2017: Dude, you haven't been young enough to get worked up about shit like this for 30 years. I get it coming from a 10-year-old, (though even then it would annoy me) but you, you should really know better.
Confront her all you want. All that will do ... (read in full...)
I missed the boat and it's breaking my heart. I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Will I ever get over this?
Q. I don't see how I can ever be happy. I LONG to be a wife and mom. I want it so badly that it breaks my heart. Realistically, I know that it can never happen because everyone knows that men aren't attracted to a woman who is over thirty. I'm i...
A. 5 March 2017: Listen hun, the average lifespan of a human being in the western world is 83. This means that at 35, you have not even come close to hitting the halfway mark yet. If you feel old now, you will feel old for most of your life. As a society we've ... (read in full...)
How am I so bad with women?
Q. I'm at a place now where I'm rejected 100% of the time. It's mind boggling how awful I am at attracting women. They're put off my me almost immediately and if they're not, I get their number and they stop talking to me. It takes talent to be this ...
A. 28 February 2017: Being a woman, I can tell you why some men get immediately dismissed in my mind upon meeting them. They have the following characteristics:
1) they are painfully insecure. Their posture is bad, their back hunched, they look like a deer in headligh... (read in full...)
Is there a way to hint to a guy that you are not interested?
Q. I went on a few dates with a guy, but I just didn’t feel a connection with him. He seems so enthusiastic about our next date, but I don’t want to date him anymore. So is there a way I can hint to him that I’m no longer interested? ...
A. 28 February 2017: Lesson number one in dating: there is no painless way to turn someone down. There is however, a right way to do it.
When I was your age my modus operandi was to try to subtly but 'painlessly' hint that I was not interested anymore. I told mys... (read in full...)
How can I end this selfishness in my marriage?
Q. Hi guys. Im just looking for a bit of advice. Im 24 years old and I married my husband last year. Lately he has been very selfish and entitalled. Every morning he is rude and angry. He always complains about having to go to work. I am so sick and ...
A. 3 February 2017: Thanks for the update OP! Looks like he isn't completely oblivious after all. Hold your ground, assert your boundaries, but stay as calm as possible.
Could be that he was simply procrastinating on growing up, which means he realized what he was d... (read in full...)
She had sex with somebody else when we were apart, I can't get over it!
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. I had serious commitment issues and after being together for just under a year and a half I pushed her away and subsequently she withdrew. While we were apart I have never been in more emotional ...
A. 3 February 2017: OP, I get where you're coming from, but you have to understand that the moment you pushed her away and ended the relationship, you two stopped being an exclusive. After 3 weeks she was realizing it was truly over and what the heck, why not sleep ... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 3 February 2017: Edit because autocorrect sucks: *insists on porn... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 3 February 2017: Listen OP, truth is, we've all been taught about fairness and equality among human beings, but the world has never cared about stuff like that. The world just is what it is, just doing its own thing, and it will keep turning no matter how ... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 3 February 2017: Listen OP, truth is, we've all been taught about fairness and equality among human beings, but the world has never cared about stuff like that. The world just is what it is, just doing its own thing, and it will keep turning no matter how ... (read in full...)
My housemate has "Issues"and is getting on my nerves..She is too clingy. What To Do?
Q. We're the same age and I didn't know her before I moved in (I replaced another girl). I've been here since the New Year. There are two other guys here but they keep themselves to themselves. She's a student from China (I work), and though I hav...
A. 3 February 2017: Be as frank with her as you can. Next time she comes to you with her troubles, tell her what you're really thinking. You don't have to be rude about it.
For example:
"Look, I have absolutely no problem listening to people when they have so... (read in full...)
Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?
Q. Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...
A. 2 February 2017: Wow, what an unprofessional piece of shit. Seriously, hearing this makes me want to bash his head in like an old potato. I know this stuff still happens and that it's a toxic industry for most female hopefuls, but still. It shouldn't be this way.
... (read in full...)
Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?
Q. Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...
A. 2 February 2017: Wow, what an unprofessional piece of shit. Seriously, hearing this makes me want to bash his head in like an old potato. I know this stuff still happens and that it's a toxic industry for most female hopefuls, but still. It shouldn't be this way.
... (read in full...)
I'm losing my best friend and don't know what to do.
Q. I'm friends with a female who ive known for six months, I knew her from work as we worked together and seem to get on, she was one of those temporary people. anyway she told me she was off to nicaragua on a water project to promote clean water an...
A. 1 February 2017: I find it very hard to believe you can qualify someone as your "best friend" after just knowing her for 6 months in a work environment. More likely: you're into her, she's not into you and her keeping her distance is a very clear signal of her ... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 1 February 2017: I'm guessing that whomever you're dating or have dated has used this excuse on you to justify porn use.
And sure, 99% of porn is created with men as the target group. That doesn't mean every man watches it, or gets to a point of "needing it", whi... (read in full...)
My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 1 February 2017: Your manager probably hasn't realized your trip has already been cleared by the company, and that it is booked and non refundable. This should not be a big deal, so I'd suggest not approaching it as one. Simply go up to your manager and tell them: ... (read in full...)
Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?
Q. Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...
A. 31 January 2017: Just saw your latest follow-up. Whetever happens, don’t feel gloomy about your current achievements. I made a lot of mistakes in the past and I have a well paying job in IT, without actually having a degree in it. Yup, I got two degrees and my ... (read in full...)
Why would my co-worker buy me coffee and a muffin?
Q. Today one of my coworkers that I'm friendly with surprised me with coffee and muffin from a fast food place. I normally get to work an hour early because parking spaces are scarce--first come first serve. When I arrived, he came to my window and...
A. 30 January 2017: I feel very sad for having to say this, but from repeated negative personal experience I have learned to err on the side of caution when it comes to older male colleagues. Is this unfair to the countless men who absolutely mean no harm and are just ... (read in full...)
I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?
Q. I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...
A. 30 January 2017: Fatherly Advice has the right idea.
1: leave your girlfriend. This is a no-brainer. It can be seen from space that you are trying to find ways to make your waning attraction her responsibility, which it is not. If you're an attorney worth yo... (read in full...)
Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?
Q. Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...
A. 30 January 2017: The time that having a degree meant you were pretty much guaranteed a secure financial situation in the future has long passed, if it even existed. Now it's more like a type of noose you pick to hang yourself with, and I'm saying that as someone who ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media
Q. My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. ...
A. 18 January 2017: I'm like your boyfriend. My friends nagged me into opening up a facebook account, but after 5 years I still don't have a profile picture and the only pictures that show up are made by others, with me tagged in them. I sometimes use it to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?
Q. I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...
A. 15 January 2017: Listen, you can only control your own actions, not his, so keep your head up, your back straight and allow fsm to visit him. If he cheats on you, he cannot blame you for being the "controlling, insecure gf who drove me away blah blah blah" and he ... (read in full...)
Do his comments about other women signify insecurity or a potential cheat?
Q. Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so s...
A. 5 January 2017: My mom used to do this when I was a kid. Whenever there was a movie on or a commercial or anything with a hot guy in it, she'd make a comment. "Wow, he's hot," or: "Wouldn't mind a visit from him on a rainy sunday morning", etc, etc. My dad, who was ... (read in full...)
I don't want to nag, but my boyfriend won't shower. Solutions? How should I respond?
Q. I'm 26 and I've just got into a relationship with a guy who's just turned 25. We've been seeing each other for months and we've been official for less than 3 weeks. As you can imagine I'm still in the honeymoon phase but he's straight away made him...
A. 5 January 2017: As long as he is clean and his clothes, as terrible as they may look, are too, I'd be fine with it. Not thrilled, but I'd accept it if I loved him. But if he smells bad and his clothes smell bad, it's no longer a thing of him you either accept or ... (read in full...)
Should I marry a man I don't love? Is it time to settle?
Q. Should I marry a man I don't love? I have a friend who really likes me I told him that I really like his company, I think he's a nice person but there is no spark. He told me that despite the fact I don't love him he would wait for me and marry...
A. 30 December 2016: Aaand here I am again, last time, I promise. I knew I read somewhere that the cultural anxiety about only being able to have kids until a certain age was based on outdated research. Here's the article that talks about it: ... (read in full...)
Should I marry a man I don't love? Is it time to settle?
Q. Should I marry a man I don't love? I have a friend who really likes me I told him that I really like his company, I think he's a nice person but there is no spark. He told me that despite the fact I don't love him he would wait for me and marry...
A. 30 December 2016: Just saw the follow-up:
OP, a stable family unit does not consist of people who settled for each other. That is probably the most unstable situation to start out in, because sooner or later one will start to resent the other, like WiseOwlE... (read in full...)
Should I marry a man I don't love? Is it time to settle?
Q. Should I marry a man I don't love? I have a friend who really likes me I told him that I really like his company, I think he's a nice person but there is no spark. He told me that despite the fact I don't love him he would wait for me and marry...
A. 30 December 2016: The current average age of death in the UK is 81 years. So, with that in mind, don't you think it's a wee bit soon to write yourself off as destined to be alone forever? Forever in this case might very well be another 50 years. That's a lot longer ... (read in full...)
I’m struggling with my sexuality and depression and wonder what I should do?
Q. I'd always considered myself a straight man but I guess what I'm about to say kind of disputes that a bit. So for the last 5-6 years I've basically been in love with my best friend who is also a man. I knew the entire time that he wasn't gay and ...
A. 23 December 2016: First off, it's a good thing you're getting a better grasp of your sexuality. I myself am bisexual and it took me a while to dig through the layers of societal conditioning and pressure from my family to really admit to myself that I am also ... (read in full...)
I'd like to offer her some money, but not sure how she'll take it
Q. a girl moved into the apartment below me in the same building as me (unit of 6 apartments). she has 2 kids aged 3 and 5, throughout the year we exchanged numbers, talked about things mostly info about the apartment or how to fix something etc. ...
A. 17 December 2016: I have been very poor in the past and I've had people 'give' me things and 'lend me a hand' only for it to turn out to be an investment on their part. They did something for me and as a result I was now in their pocket and if I didn't do what they ... (read in full...)
I'm on vacation with girlfriend but found out she wants to break up with me. What do I do now?
Q. Ok so I'm on holiday in Tenerife with my girlfriend of 4 months and I have just found out she wants to end it with me either during or after the holiday. I've read messages between her and her mum who is encouraging her to "get shot as I'm not good ...
A. 3 November 2016: You're not going to be able to enjoy the rest of your holiday like this. So why keep pretending. If direct confrontation is not your thing, pack your bags, pay your part of the holiday (if you haven't already) and leave when she's not around. Maybe ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to use a prostitute to gain experience?
Q. I am a male virgin who has never kissed a girl or been on a date. I've made up my mind recently on how I will be losing my virginity. I am currently saving up money to visit one of the legal brothels in Nevada. I feel like at my age, being a kis...
A. 18 October 2016: Just for the sake of it, browse the virginity section on DearCupid. You'd be surprised how many men of your age come here to ask the same thing. Society may give us the impression that most people lose their virginity as a teen, but studies have ... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable to ask if our family could go again to their vacation home?
Q. I have known a couple for a very long time and used to see them often, but for the last couple of years it seems like they only want to get together once a year. My family used to borrow their vacation house-- we haven't been in about 5 years. Do...
A. 24 September 2016: Your wife wants you to ask because she probably doesn't feel comfortable doing it herself. I wouldn't do it.
Like others have pointed out, you have been degraded to acquaintances and though you have borrowed their vacation home many times, i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes purchases with my credit and doesn't pay them off
Q. Hello. Last year my bf bought an iphone. He didnt have the money to buy it so he borrowed my credit card and he is making the payments. I realized he hasnt pay the full amount and it has been a year already but he makes monthly payments. Yesterday ...
A. 23 September 2016: Okay, here's what I would do. Do not (at first) blow up at your sweet talking parasite of a boyfriend. Let him think he's successfully managed to appease you. Then when his guard is down you take everything he has of sellable value that could pay ... (read in full...)
He's married and much older.... and I've a serious crush on him. what advice can you suggest for me?
Q. Hi. So i'm sure this has been discussed countless times, but i still feel the need to get my situation out there and hear your opinions on it... So i have this guy in my life, he's my trainer of sorts, and i see him a couple times a week. He's way...
A. 23 September 2016: When I was twenty I had a huge crush on my much older, married, martial arts instructor. I tend to have a thing for older men, and he had the bonus of still being in awesome shape, which to me is like the best of both worlds. Anyway, he once ... (read in full...)
I'm besotted with a female colleague
Q. Hi, I'm currently married with children, happily I must add. Intimacy has been an issue between us for a longtime and not just sex but otherwise we are very happy and good together. About a week ago through the course of work I met another woman wh...
A. 22 September 2016: I once fell head over heels for someone else while I was still in a relationship. However, I knew I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I pursued it, so I backed off and kept my distance. This really helped because when you're ... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong to pay for sex
Q. I have reading the many posts on dearcupid from men who are contemplating paying for sex. I see that most people are against it, like it is the lowest a guy can go. I am at the lowest point in my life now and it will only get worse. I have Marfan ...
A. 22 September 2016: Abella gave some really solid advice. And to add to that, I'd just like to say: ask for forgiveness, not for permission. If you're nearing the end of your life, don't let what other people may or may not think of you hold you back from what you ... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong to pay for sex
Q. I have reading the many posts on dearcupid from men who are contemplating paying for sex. I see that most people are against it, like it is the lowest a guy can go. I am at the lowest point in my life now and it will only get worse. I have Marfan ...
A. 14 September 2016: If you're going to do this, don't pick up your average prostitute. You were talking about sex surrogates earlier and though surrogate therapy is a thing in the US, I have not been able to find a lot about it in Australia. Maybe it would be good to ... (read in full...)
I trust my boyfriend but I'm also afraid of being hurt
Q. My fiance is a personal trainer and he is crushing on one of his clients. As it is a professional relationship, I don't think anything would happen. However, we met that way initially and I'm so jealous... I work in the same building - on a ...
A. 13 September 2016: I know how you feel as I also have major trust issues because of a past of being bullied. However, you need to separate facts from feelings.
Your 'radar' or 'instinct' isn't foolproof. And with your history, it is bound to be heavily influenc... (read in full...)
I have nothing in common with my work colleagues. How do I get out of spending time with them? Any coping strategies that might help?
Q. I'm a fairly new member on this forum but thought I would post as there seem to be some people who talk a lot of sense when posting on here. I would be interested to hear your views on my situation.(Apologies in advance for the length of the post...
A. 12 September 2016: I'm going to present the simplest option: just...be honest.
Figure out beforehand if there are any concessions you can make that you could live with. Then, I'd go to the MD personally and have a talk. For example:
-------------... (read in full...)
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