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Newest answer was posted
30 December 2012: “How do you know someone is right for you”? If most of us knew how to answer this question, you would tend to think there would be less questions posted to this site. Answering this question successfully does depend on a large degree of self-a...
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I had never seen him in a fight before, and I can't handle it because of my past!
Q. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, and I'm now 21. I have had therapy and medication for the past four years, with a little success. When I explained it all to my now ex boyfriend, I thought he understood my mental ...
A. 28 January 2014: I dont think your 'wrong' to feel like this. From what you have said here about your past this is an entirely understandable reaction given your past experiences. However, context matters and you have to keep that front and centre of your mind. What ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel bad for having these feelings for him?
Q. I think I'm in love and I hate myself for it! For the past about 18 months a guy has been trying to pursue me romantically despite the fact I had a boyfriend. His family own a numerous businesses where I live, including the one I work at so I see...
A. 25 January 2014: I suspect you feel like a bad person because you think he is a horrible person yet on some level your attracted to him and it probably is on the lust level. There is often some dichotomy between what we are attracted too sexually and what is good ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about this breakup and want to talk to him about it!
Q. Hi my boyfriend broke up with me as he felt we didn’t click and he said he should be falling for me but he isn’t. He also said he’s not been happy. I am so confused about this break up. Things were great at the beginning of the relationship. W...
A. 21 January 2014: I think there are a variety of possibilities and that is the problem here for you because you cant get closure. His behaviour seems to have changed suddenly and rather radically as well. There is no reason to think he doesnt have feelings for you ... (read in full...)
How much should you tell a new partner about past relationships?
Q. When embarking on a new relationship how much should you tell your new partner about your "relationship past" I ask this not because I've had a problem with this nor am I embarking on a new relationship but simply because I see on this site that t...
A. 18 January 2014: I think this is one of those questions where there is no real right or wrong answer. It will vary from person to person depending on the type of person the two people involved are and how the relationship is progressing etc. The way I am, I'm happy ... (read in full...)
I was thinking once I find work and I am happy with my life that I could perhaps try again with him.
Q. Hi My boyfriend has just ended our 4 month relationship on the basis that we don’t click. At the beginning of the relationship, things were great. We were close, we enjoyed spending time together, we had fun and we would talk all the time. ...
A. 15 January 2014: Your missing the point here. Losing your job wasn't the problem. The problem wasnt the fact that you lost the job. The problem was that you simply werent prepared to let him fully in emotionally. You lost your job and not unsurprisingly you got low, ... (read in full...)
What happened to my once perfect boyfriend?
Q. I was 4,5 years in beautiful relationship.It was really strong,we were planning to get married and have kids. It was a distance relationship but we were seeing each other often.I was supposed to move to him,after i graduate from faculty this yea...
A. 14 January 2014: What is going on in this guys life because taking your word that there isnt somebody else involved, this sounds like textbook depression, his moods seem erratic, he is cold and distant with you when he obviously loves and cares for you, and the ... (read in full...)
What exactly are we?
Q. So there's this guy who I was initially just friends with and at the time I was with someone else who he doesn't particularly like so when he found out we were together he kinda pulled away from me to avoid conflicts between them. After my breakup ...
A. 12 January 2014: I think you need to just have it out with him because you are hedging around each other and that is why you are stagnating, I think he took what you said as you saying your not interested. He obviously carried a candle for you but respectfully kept ... (read in full...)
My partners wild past is making me feel insecure....am I blowing it?
Q. My "girlfriend" is a couple years older then me and she has a wild past, relationship wise. My biggest problem is that I feel insecure about her behaviour, cause she still maintains contact to some of her fromer boyfriends and even to some f**...
A. 10 January 2014: It's not paranoia if somebody is really out to get you. It's pretty obvious to me that it is not just your 'girlfriend's past but her current practice that is making you feel insecure and from where I am sitting this insecurity is perfectly ... (read in full...)
His friends won't include me and I'm not sure our life goals match.
Q. Hi All; Wanted to hear some of your opinions hopefully! I'm really forcing myself to evaluate my relationship of 2.5 years. We've had a rocky one, that lead us to break up for 3 months around a year in. Since that; Our closeness and communic...
A. 9 January 2014: Your more than welcome :) I am totally sure they do, I am one of them, I understand you feeling trapped, its something I feel (outside of relationships I am mildly claustrophobic), but I think sometimes what is an instinctive, gut feeling, can blind ... (read in full...)
His friends won't include me and I'm not sure our life goals match.
Q. Hi All; Wanted to hear some of your opinions hopefully! I'm really forcing myself to evaluate my relationship of 2.5 years. We've had a rocky one, that lead us to break up for 3 months around a year in. Since that; Our closeness and communic...
A. 8 January 2014: I think everybody constantly questions and evaluates things dear to their heart and so they should. With regard to the kids issue, some people use humour to deflect from their real emotions, usually its a nervous thing, I suspect he probably shares ... (read in full...)
Less communication lately from my LDR
Q. Hi I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months (it's a serious relationship and we have met and everything). For the past month or so things have changed. He hasn't been so 'into' me like he used to be and I haven't...
A. 6 January 2014: I think this is one of the pitfalls of LDR's. As you rightly say they are based on communication which 'fills the space' which is left by your inability to see each other as frequently as if you lived closed together. I think your unspoken fear is ... (read in full...)
My father has become even more controlling since my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumor
Q. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day before Christmas Eve. Since then our family has all been together, trying to support my mum. My Dad is very details obsessed kind of guy. There are all these palliative care nurses, district ...
A. 4 January 2014: I am sorry to hear about your mum and sympathies to you and your family.
The other aunts and uncles have covered quite alot of ground. However, I would like to add something. Obviously, your father already had controlling tendencies, so he was t... (read in full...)
She told me how somebody 'could get her panties to drop!"
Q. Alrighty then, a little backstory on me. I'm 19 and I've never even had my first kiss, let alone a date. It's not lack of opportunity, just no one I've been interested in that the opportunity came up with. So, anyways I've known a girl for about 6 ...
A. 2 January 2014: Well I know what you want this to mean, that she wants to have sex with you, but sadly because you want it to be so doesnt necessarily make it so. In the context of the conversation you were having she could be using what turns her on as an example ... (read in full...)
I went to the movies with a male friend. Was that cheating on my boyfriend?
Q. I've been friends with this guy for 2 years and 2 weeks ago he told me he's never had a gf before and that I was the first girl that got close to him and he developed feelings for me, I reminded him I have a boyfriend that I love, he said he was ...
A. 2 January 2014: I dont think you cheated but then again you dont have to cheat to be in the wrong and I think on balance you were in the wrong. You probably have given this guy some encouragement as Ciar says. You cant help that he has feelings for you and the fact ... (read in full...)
I feel very sorry. But feel if I were to admit what I've done, it would blow up. What are my options to move forward?
Q. I've done something really silly and need advice. My boyfriend and I went to one of her really well off friend's house parties the other night and I got really really drunk. Recently I've been waking up the realisation I have a bit of an alcoho...
A. 1 January 2014: I think you should admit it because I see this as part of the work your doing with your alcohol problem. My understanding is that people use alcohol as an emotional crutch sometimes to effectively run away from problems, nothing entirely bad about ... (read in full...)
I got with this boy, now he is acting like it never happened!
Q. on friday i got with this boy and we have been friends for 4 years but lately we drifted apart! when everything was happening i kept saying 'that we dont do this' and h was like this should have happened ages ago. We were both drunk me more than ...
A. 1 January 2014: Id suggest turning the other cheek and ignoring him totally and just live your life and not give him the time of day... (read in full...)
I got with this boy, now he is acting like it never happened!
Q. on friday i got with this boy and we have been friends for 4 years but lately we drifted apart! when everything was happening i kept saying 'that we dont do this' and h was like this should have happened ages ago. We were both drunk me more than ...
A. 31 December 2013: Don't take this on yourself. Its not the fact your disgusting. It seems to me that this guy used you badly to get what he wanted, sex and has now turned his back on you. Sorry to be so blunt. I think if you approach him you will not get any answer ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a player?
Q. three weeks ago I moved out of my partner's home after being together for 3 years with my son. My reasons being that our relationship had become physically abusive and cold where i felt i couldn't trust myself any longer to be sane around him as we ...
A. 31 December 2013: Your welcome and I do wish you luck :) I am not sure how much you will be able to pin him down to a concrete committment on where you stand, keeping you on your toes is a mechanism of control but you should aim to know where you stand, as you said, ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a player?
Q. three weeks ago I moved out of my partner's home after being together for 3 years with my son. My reasons being that our relationship had become physically abusive and cold where i felt i couldn't trust myself any longer to be sane around him as we ...
A. 30 December 2013: I dont know, what you have said here doesnt speak to me as certain evidence he is a player. You did say however there were other reasons for you to end this relationship and those are good enough for you to stay away. What you are really asking is ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends no time with me!
Q. Hi there iv bin seeing this boy for bout 3wks know and he has said we are girlfriend n boyfriend but every time I ask him to spend time with me he says yes then when it come to it he doesn't answer any off my phone calls or text! He said he needs ...
A. 30 December 2013: Well something isnt right here. I can understand what he was saying leading to him spending less time with you than would otherwise be normal, I could understand his lack of money being a concern and again possibly leading to less time with you but ... (read in full...)
I'm in a place where I feel I should stay single forever, is this normal?
Q. Hi this isn't a problem as such but something that is bothering me. I am currently single and have been for just over two years, iv dated quite a bit over that time, I have no problem getting a date or a man (sounds big headed I don't mean it too!) ...
A. 29 December 2013: Hmmm well you dont sound scared to me, what it honestly sounds like is you want the occasional social activity, bit of fun and flirting maybe, since youve dated while remaining single and your pretty content with your lot. I dont see any harm in ... (read in full...)
She's no good but I can't stop loving her.
Q. I've no idea what to do? I feel like I've tried everything. I met a girl years ago who I thought was the woman of my dreams. She's beautiful, and she's been successful in life. I discovered she was cheating and as a result we split up. For...
A. 28 December 2013: I think intrigued may have a point - this is well beyond the conventional so it may be time to go out of the box on this one. You are addicted, shes an addictive person, this is what I mean when I say I dont think your in love, your hooked, and ... (read in full...)
She's no good but I can't stop loving her.
Q. I've no idea what to do? I feel like I've tried everything. I met a girl years ago who I thought was the woman of my dreams. She's beautiful, and she's been successful in life. I discovered she was cheating and as a result we split up. For...
A. 28 December 2013: Maybe move if you think it will help but be aware if shes as determined as I think she is she will probably find you and make contact again. She isnt contacting you because she wants back with you, shes contacting you to keep you on a leash, to stop ... (read in full...)
It's not so much what he did, it's that he lied about it
Q. hey aunties and uncles... i am in a real tricky situation and just cant seem to make my own judgement or decision on what to do... I have recently been seeing a guy for the last 7 months and am planning to get married in November... we have known ...
A. 27 December 2013: Let's get some stuff out of the way first. Was his lie a big one? Yes. Was it cruel, has he tricked you out of your virginity? Yes. Your not reading too much into this, this was a major betrayal and all your negative feelings are natural and he ... (read in full...)
Would it be a mistake to get involved with him again?
Q. I met a guy last August from an online dating website . We had an instant connection and had many fantastic dates. I didnt sleep with him immediately . He then disappeared without any contact for a week then i got a text saying sorry he was broke ...
A. 27 December 2013: Well in the grand scheme of things I cant see something he has done here to not warrant at least a chance. His explanation fits, especially as you seem to have noticed an upswing in his mood connected to an improving work situation. All he did was ... (read in full...)
Am I overthinking because of guilt or did he really care?
Q. I had been dating my ex-bf for 8 months before he dumped me saying "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's going anywhere.". when I asked him if he figured he wanna break up with me two weeks before (which is when I felt like he started becoming ...
A. 26 December 2013: I think you probably are overthinking this but then again from what your writing here it sounds to me like that may very well be in your nature. Maybe your insecure or maybe its in your nature to analyse and dissect things something which, believe ... (read in full...)
I want this relationship to work!
Q. Hello, I'm needing advice about me in my relationship. To make a long story short. I have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. We've had our share of trouble, but there is one that happen a two years ago that still haunt me. My fiancé che...
A. 25 December 2013: Id say your fiance has some issues that he hasnt worked through, him accusing you when you have done nothing to warrant this suggests deep seated guilt issues which he hasnt worked though, if he has anger issues then maybe he has been cheated on, ... (read in full...)
His dislike of me makes me uncomfortable with my group of friends.
Q. my friendship group has recentally broken down with lots of different people involved in individual fights. during this time i have been dealing with issues with work and my ex so i have spent that much time around it all. however a few weeks ago, ...
A. 24 December 2013: Its hard to advise on this one because it isnt clear what his agenda is, why he dislikes you, or why he appears to be poisoning your friendship group against you. Sometimes people like this just sneak into the cracks when groups start falling apart ... (read in full...)
I can't bear the thought of him kissing another girl!
Q. Do you think that kissing is cheating? When I was with my ex, I would have firmly said no - I really didn't think kisses meant that much and weren't personal, I kissed other people and he did too, it was never sober or with the same person more...
A. 23 December 2013: I dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this question because people have different ones. For me, it depends on the type of kissing, a peck on the cheek can not be considered cheating because its a friendly thing. It's where lips are ... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 18 December 2013: Your true colours dont so much come out as your inhibitions are removed which I suppose amounts to the same thing in a way. Im going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt like So Very Confused has, not least because she is right and your ... (read in full...)
Why cant I leave this bad situation?
Q. Well I have been on and off with my boyfriend for five years! He has confessed to cheating on me, and Well there has been many times where he has been emotionally abusive, calling me names, even physically! But I would go back to him! Things have ...
A. 14 December 2013: You do deserve better than this and I have to vigorously disagree with the Op who said you were "stupid" - I doubt very much you are stupid. It's possible you are in love, but not with this guy, but in love with pain. Now the reasons for that could ... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 14 December 2013: I think this one is pretty straight down the line. He got scared off and has feelings for you but has decided to play it safe and go for the 'just friends' approach. The thing is your vulnerability probably made him feel vulnerable. I think you are ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or was it a harmless joke?
Q. Last night at a party, I overheard my boyfriend of 7 years tell his friend that they should go to some town because the "chicks will like them better there." He didn't know I ha just walked in the room at the time. I confronted him about it as ...
A. 9 December 2013: I think you need more to go on than this - I understand totally why you would be disturbed but the problem is you have to stick to the facts and the facts fit both something to be alarmed about and something that is exactly as he said - he was ... (read in full...)
He's been there and done that, but I haven't!
Q. My husband has a wild sexual past. I don't. Our sex life is as vanilla as it gets. I don't mind being vanilla, but I'm hurt that he doesn't want to try anything even remotely kinky with me. Unfortunately, he was way too open when we met. He...
A. 9 December 2013: I can understand how you feel, but think about this for a moment, you could flip what your saying around 180 degrees and say because he is doing things vanilla with you but never did with his exes you have a part of him that they will never have. I ... (read in full...)
I bailed on him due to my insecurities, now he doesn't seem that interested
Q. Hi aunts and uncles! Have a bit of dilemma! I started seeing a guy at the beginning of the year, after a week i wasn't sure about him , i guess i got a little nervous and i admit i am very insecure at times due to being treated badly in the past. ...
A. 8 December 2013: I think you may have to chalk this one up as 'one that got away' and write it off as a learning experience. I don't think this is that complicated, although it was due to your insecurities, you sent mixed signals, now the guy is at best doing the ... (read in full...)
I love my best friend, but he causes me pain; is he mysterious or a psychopath?
Q. Hello everyone 3 Things are getting out of control here and I could really appreciate some help! I’m painfully in love with my best friend. He is fun and at the same time he’s conservative, he is sometimes gentle and some other times really cynic...
A. 15 September 2013: You need to be careful, there is obviously something in the way this guy treats you that, as you say turns you on, so you are drawn to him. You are instinctively drawn to things that are bad for you and that are draining. He isnt being affectionate ... (read in full...)
How do I tell new guy that I need to be single, and how do I get over my ex?
Q. I just had my first boyfriend and I'm almost positive that I'm in love with him, but we broke up two weeks ago. I just got to college and I was thinking to get over him I needed a rebound, so I started hanging out with this guy and we've made out. ...
A. 8 September 2013: I dont think there is any other way than the direct, blunt way to be honest, it might hurt him more in the short term but is better in the long run because at least he knows where you and him stand. He will probably get over it quicker as well which ... (read in full...)
Fell for my FWB -- should I try to be just friends?
Q. So i've been seeing someone from work for the past few months now. We've both just came out of long term relationships so decided on a no strings attached/friends with benefits situation. The thing is I've totally fell for him! So when i last saw ...
A. 31 August 2013: Hmmm this is what I feel is the problem with these arrangements - that invariably one party ends up feeling more than the other though in this case you dont know that to be the case. The point is id say one party ends up developing feelings. In your ... (read in full...)
G/f broke up with me and I had to cancel our plans to get a house. I'm not sure what to do now.
Q. Hi guys. I need some help here. I'm 26 and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, 23, for over six years. It had a wobble or two when we first started but its been pretty plain sailing no problems ever since, we were very happy. We p...
A. 19 August 2013: Well, credit too her, I think we can all agree, no matter how much it has hurt you, she has done the right thing. Look at it this way, what she has said has hurt you but at least she didnt let this get to the point and cheat, she has done the honest ... (read in full...)
The boyfriend, his ex and their child are going to the movies!
Q. Hey. This site always gives me great advice and I was wondering if you lovely people could give me your opinion. Dating boyfriend 1.5 years. He has a 6 year old daughter with an ex. Bit if history/ Seen as myself and my other half knew ...
A. 11 August 2013: Hmmm I think confronting him is the wrong way to think about this. If you confront and, as is possible, this is just a friendly relationship, your partner trying to do essentially the right thing and maintaining the family unit as best as he ... (read in full...)
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