| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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Newest answer was posted
30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I am not meant to be a mom
Q. Hello. A specialist came to our house today to assess our 2.5 year old, having had some concerns raised by myself and nursery surrounding sensory sensitivities and learning difficulties. As suspected, our 2.5 year old is being referred due to ...
A. 5 January 2024: I don't want to deny your experience and belief that you may not be meant to be a mom, but it also sounds like you're being awfully hard on yourself. Going 2+ years with a partner that has denied not only what your observations were and your medical ... (read in full...)
Friend's style changed dramatically after breakup
Q. Concern over friend Friend recently had a break up about 6 weeks ago. She works at a school and went from dressing very girly/feminine like skirts and dresses everyday. She still wears dresses but now dresses in all black daily and wears litera...
A. 2 January 2024: That seems odd at that age, but as long as it is isn’t hurting anyone (specifically thinking about her career), then I would let her do her thing!... (read in full...)
My mom is pregnant by a man 4 years older than me
Q. My problem is simple My mother is 41 years old. I found by chance ultrasound picture show that she is 10 weeks pregnant. When i asked her, she confirmed her pregnancy and want me to meet the father. When i met him, i found that he is the young man...
A. 2 January 2024: I am assuming, but am not sure, that your mother has all of her mental faculties? Ie she doesn’t have a driver because she has a neurological or physical issue? If she is healthy and capable of making decisions, then you’re gonna have to let this ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a life and place that is a dead end
Q. First of all, here's wishing everyone a very happy new year! I have been married for 8 years and have a beautiful, intelligent 7 year old daughter. I guess my problem, if I can call it, is my relationship with my husband and the entire situation...
A. 2 January 2024: Is the extra money he’s making worth the divide it’s created? If he took a lower paying job in a different location, would you still want to be with him? It sounds like a very lonely relationship for both of you, and it sounds like you’re ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be pushed into sex. How do I express I want it to come naturally?
Q. Hello, I was chatting with someone online for about 5 years. He finally moved to my country. I have seen him several times since he moved here. We get along well, he seems very serious. He reminds me he moved here for me. We haven't had s...
A. 17 October 2023: I would discontinue the friendship. Verbal pressure could turn into physical force too easily. Follow the discomfort in your gut, this is off.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be pushed into sex. How do I express I want it to come naturally?
Q. Hello, I was chatting with someone online for about 5 years. He finally moved to my country. I have seen him several times since he moved here. We get along well, he seems very serious. He reminds me he moved here for me. We haven't had s...
A. 17 October 2023: I would discontinue the friendship. Verbal pressure could turn into physical force too easily. Follow the discomfort in your gut, this is off.... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask of my b/f not to watch violent movies when he knows that it triggers me because of my past?
Q. A year ago i went though a trauma. My ex beat me black and blue and strangled me repeatedly in a spontaneous rage. It took a few months for him to begin serving prison time, and so my feelings of safety were further compromised during that period ...
A. 4 September 2018: I still say this guy can make accommodations if he really cares. Turning the volume down? Shouldn't be a problem to a guy. Putting the movie on a laptop/tablet and using headphones? Again, shouldn't be a problem. Not raising his voice at a woman ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask of my b/f not to watch violent movies when he knows that it triggers me because of my past?
Q. A year ago i went though a trauma. My ex beat me black and blue and strangled me repeatedly in a spontaneous rage. It took a few months for him to begin serving prison time, and so my feelings of safety were further compromised during that period ...
A. 2 September 2018: I don't disagree with HoneyPie that therapy will be very helpful here. However, I do think that your boyfriend should be way more accommodating than he is. Are you sure you're ready for a relationship so soon after this happened? I wonder how much ... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I don't want to know about his personal masterbation habits?
Q. I hope this question is not too vulgar. It's actually quite personal and embarrassing but I'm not sure how to handle my situation most effectively without some advice. I'm sorry for the length. It's a two part question i guess. A few weeks ag...
A. 2 September 2018: I find the whole thing rather (likely unintentionally) manipulative on your part. Why did you repeat history that was completely unsolicited by your guy? You said you have problems with other ex's introduction to porn, and then you went down the ... (read in full...)
My ex has suddenly vanished again
Q. I have a general question. I am a gay female. I was in my last relationship for 3 years. We started off as really close friends that eventually developed into a relationship over the course of time. She is the one that broke it off with me and come ...
A. 29 August 2018: I generally disagree with aunt honesty, but seems clear here her motivations were some kind of rekindling move. OR it IS entirely possible she saw the move as you actually essentially earmarking boundaries, like she lost and new gf won and only out ... (read in full...)
He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!
Q. i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a ...
A. 13 August 2018: I think you're here because you need to be empowered to get out of this. None of this is good. What he's suggesting is no consideration of your boundaries, of your values, or of any kind of respect for you. I get the sense he is going to rape you. ... (read in full...)
Do I deserve to be treated this way because I cheated?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 years. Out of the past 10 years I have supported him fully. I am the only one that works, pays the bills, mortgage, cooks, and does all of the housework. We also have a child together that is only a ...
A. 10 August 2018: No one ever deserves being physically abused. And financially used. Is cheating great? Nope..but he decided to stay with you which PRESUMES that he wanted to WORK on things. Instead he's put zero effort in, is a slack@$$ and mooch and is crappy to ... (read in full...)
My online LD friend made me uncomfortable by flirting so I blocked him
Q. I met this man on Instagram 8 months ago, we both loved music and that's how our conversation started. He's from Australia and I'm from the US. Everything was great, however he started to confess his love for me WAY TOO EARLY. I found it weird. ...
A. 10 August 2018: Isn't there a way to report him? It's harassment at this point.... (read in full...)
How can I stop being insecure about my boyfriend’s past relationship?
Q. Hello all, I’m gonna try to make this as short as possible! I’m struggling to get over my boyfriend’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I met my bf a little over a year ago when I tried to sell him a car, I was 20 and he was 19 at the time...
A. 10 August 2018: Are you always like this in relationships? Look, everyone has a past. If you keep comparing yourself to her, you're going to end up like her, ie. DUMPED! Even though they were an item for 3 years it doesn't sound like it was serious, he said ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sexual past worries me
Q. Im currently dating this man whose been sexually active since a very young age. Well at first he didn't tell me about it, everything was going awesome, until we got too comfortable and he decided to share some personal things about him. He told me ...
A. 10 August 2018: I think that's a TON to take on. Let's say that he is completely not ever going to have a sex problem with you in your relationship: fine. He has an enormous amount of sexual trauma and baggage he needs to work through, not to mention the grief of ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to brush aside red flags?
Q. So almost 24 and have never dated or been approached or even remotely shown interest in by any guy. And that's fine. I've never really been into the idea of relationships and never felt like I needed to be in one to be happy. I'm very content in my ...
A. 30 April 2018: I think I would keep a major eye on it. In general, my feeling is if you have a tendency to explode at work, where there are more social/professional constraints, and those constraints don't induce you to follow social norms, boundaries and exercise ... (read in full...)
My uncle says I remind him of my abusive father
Q. I feel like ive caused a massive family rift by asking a silly question. Ive had a difficult relationship with my uncle for many of my adult years. He is often very sullen and angry around me. I get short snippy answers to anything i say. He is 48 ...
A. 30 April 2018: Couple of things. His comparison makes zero sense. You treating your children to a vacation and offering him tea is just like you being his abusive brother/your abusive father? The other thing is he doesn't sound all that stable himself. There's ... (read in full...)
He went to a strip club, I went to see male dancers and an "eye for an eye" isn't feeling good right now
Q. I feel like the back story is needed (see below). But, my question is how do I let go of the fact my boyfriend went to a strip club TWO nights in a row while on business? I eneded up going to a male strip club for a girls night recently, now I'm ...
A. 28 April 2017: So let me make sure I'm tracking-you are holding a grudge from something that happened 8 MONTHS ago, and acting on it and trying to rub it in his face? You have insecurity and trust issues. If you want to BUILD a relationship you don't approach ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't feel anything for him after losing my virginity to him?
Q. Hi I'm 17, soon to be 18, and a few weeks ago i lost my virginity. Me and this guy have known each other for some time over a year and have been good friends ever since. Although we've been just friends there's been this kind of sexual tension (for ...
A. 19 April 2017: No I would consider it somewhat of a good thing since you guys seem to be on the same wavelength about it. You can't force feelings, and right now you're in a good place. Tell your friends that you're not interested in their input. At your age, I am ... (read in full...)
We've been married a year and are in a rut! I need some advice
Q. Lately, our marriage has been on the rocks. We have been together for 5 years and we are days away from our 1 year wedding anniversary and there has been so much tension and hate lately. I feel like I can't do anything right. We had an argument not ...
A. 19 April 2017: It sounds like you're showing affection in the wrong ways. I think it's thoughtful of you to try to make food for him but..unless he's specifically said so, you should let him take the reins on food. He's better at it, he obviously likes it enough ... (read in full...)
My husband and his co-worker have feelings for each other. What should I do?
Q. Let me start from the beginning if I may. About 2 weeks ago my husband said one of his supervisors at the factory where he works 3rd shift came up to him while he was loading a truck and harassed him about being too close to a girl who has a bad re...
A. 13 April 2017: Why the HECK are you putting up with this? I can't believe someone would be so disrespectful to someone he supposedly loves. You should not put up with this. That they flipped this on you and you're under some kind of probation while he F's another ... (read in full...)
I don't seem to have much luck with dating. Should I message him one more time?
Q. I'm quite unsuccessful in the dating game. I havent had much experience . Over a year ago i tried online dating and i got chatting with a lovely man and we met up had a great date . We agreed to meet up again but didnt exchange numbers and his memb...
A. 13 April 2017: Dating is hard. It's hard to find someone to connect with so I empathize that you got invested early on to someone you felt a connection on your end with. But my best advice (other than agreeing with posters who say don't contact, he's not ... (read in full...)
When is it ok to have "the talk" or expect to be exclusive ?
Q. Hi all .. How soon is too soon to expect a guy to commit when it's a long distance relationship? You know us women are always being told not to "scare" me away by putting too much pressure on them. I've been dating a man long distance since N...
A. 13 April 2017: I find that the anxiety of not knowing where you stand with a potential partner much more uncomfortable than the bummer it might be to learn he's not as interested. Be brave and find out what's up!... (read in full...)
I want to confront this guy. Should I do this? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie?
Q. I have been with my wife approaching 14 years now and married for three. Four years ago my wife confessed to me that she had kissed another man that delivers to her work. She said she felt terrible about it immediately after, she quit her job and...
A. 9 April 2017: So to be clear:you wouldn't be seething with rage had your wife been informed by her kisser that he had a family? You're mad because your wife was duped by a guy who said he was available? Is your thought process "she wouldn't have done it if she ... (read in full...)
My sex drive has been ruined. I don't even enjoy masturbating? How can I ever feel comfortable having sex?
Q. Please help! Any advice would be appreciated. So I've been in a long-term relationship with my fella for a few years now, but in that time we haven't had sex and we are both virgins. I would like to point out here that this is my fault, we tried ...
A. 9 April 2017: There's gotta be some other treatment that won't conflict with your mental health regiment. In the meantime, maybe you should look into oral/hand stuff with your beau, for both of you. Or is your guy saying that's not enough for him?
I know med... (read in full...)
I know our arrangement isn't right for me in the long run. Should I break things off even though we've made plans together?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about 6 months and its has gotten quite serious saying he loves me etc. He is 20 years older than me and married. We were talking for a while before hand and being flirtatious and we've had a couple of nights alone. He ...
A. 9 April 2017: Well, you're always going to be his number 2 below his wife, so I'm sure he won't be that heartbroken. You don't owe much to this guy, it's best you get out while you're not that invested. Send him a text and let him know it's not sustainable for ... (read in full...)
My Gf attends functions with her friends by herself in order to avoid the risk of losing face. This concerns me. How should I handle this?
Q. I have a problem and I need some sound advice. I'm caucasian and my girlfriend is asian. We both get along great except for one big issue in our lives, and that revolves around how she worries about how some in her community may frown upon inte...
A. 8 April 2017: If this is a relationship you two both want long term, you need to talk to her about this-what's her end game here? To keep you forever a secret? That's not fair to you, reasonable or sustainable. Does her family know about you yet? If it's been a ... (read in full...)
Should I be totally honest or shall I leave it as friends and stop thinking about him?
Q. Recently I have realised I have feelings for a man who I have known for 10 years. We met when I was 17, he was 21, and he asked me out on a date. We only dated for a few weeks before going our own ways and reconciling a few months later as just fri...
A. 8 April 2017: I think he knows this could be coming up, and is not interested given his evasive maneuvers.If he were interested even would make time when he was available to see you. I think he's just finding flirting fun but not meaning much to come from it... (read in full...)
When is it ok to have "the talk" or expect to be exclusive ?
Q. Hi all .. How soon is too soon to expect a guy to commit when it's a long distance relationship? You know us women are always being told not to "scare" me away by putting too much pressure on them. I've been dating a man long distance since N...
A. 8 April 2017: My feeling is just tell him you want to be exclusive. Don't make it about the other girl, both of you dropped the ball on following through about a conversation about commitment, so you don't want to come off controlling and possessive when you're ... (read in full...)
How can I shake off what my ex said about my family?
Q. My ex-girlfriend has really messed with my mind about my family and the people that I've been closest to my entire life. She comes from a broken home, her mother has been through 2 divorces, and her father is gay. At my uncle's wedding, she was very ...
A. 3 April 2017: Maybe she's just projecting or even jealous that you HAVE had such an involved family, given her familial instability. Do you have any other friends you trust that can give their input? Tell us more about the concerns you've had and what boundaries ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend have commitment issues? He won't change his address
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year, but he hasn't changed his address with the post office. He is still picking up mail at his parents house. We moved in together June 2016. Last weekend I mentioned it and he said, "t...
A. 30 March 2017: It sounds like he might feel insecure like you're too good for him.is there reason he might feel like this? Something with the father of your child? I think I'd ask him to explain more and assure him that you're in it for the long haul.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's insecurity is chipping away at our relationship
Q. So I am having some serious issues in my relationship and I don't know how to deal with them. I am coming here for some much needed perspective. To start, I'm a gay female. 33 years old. My girlfriend is 27. We have what I would normally conside...
A. 29 March 2017: You're describing borderline abuse and substantial emotional manipulation that is not only psychologically toxic but is actually very literally endangering both of your livelihoods. The thunderstorm story alone was enough for me to have me peace ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that on our break I paid for sex?
Q. Hi, my and my gf of 5 years have sort of had a bit of distance come between us, on my end mainly. She was always so insecure and sort of clingy and although I loved her it chipped away at me and I felt I needed space. We took space and things were ...
A. 29 March 2017: It depends. How did you define "space"? Were you permitted to see other people during this time? Did you use protection during this event?... (read in full...)
I'm dating someone new but don't think I'm over my ex. Should I let the new guy go?
Q. I am 28, In November I was dumped through whatsapp by my ex who I was madly in love with I was only with him for 4 months but I felt so much love for him after one month I got pregnant and had a n abortion and it totally messed me up as o didn't ...
A. 26 March 2017: Sounds like the timing is offf for this relationship. I would take time for yourself to get some closure on these issues and see if he's around in the future. It would be silly to expect him to wait for you, but you also shouldn't put both of you ... (read in full...)
My ex refuses to acknowledge that porn played a part in our breakup
Q. Hi there, I recently had suspicions that my partner of 8 years may be suffering porn related ed. he was being secretive, defensive and only capable of having sex when he could act out his fantasies(which he didn't share with me). No intimacy...
A. 12 March 2017: You can't force a person to feel a certain way. It's better that you just realized you were in a relationship that didn't acknowledge your needs and move forward. Focus on yourself and becoming stronger without him.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being truthful about his parents?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years now. He's currently in his forties. We broke up last year for about a month because he and I talked about getting married but then when we actually started trying to pick a date he told me ...
A. 2 March 2017: Sounds like commitment phobia to me.... (read in full...)
My FWB grabbed me by the throat when I said I would find sex elsewhere!
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We made it very clear we do not want a relationship with each other. It is just friend with benefits kind of thing. We are really good friends and we're not sleeping with anyone else. Last night we ...
A. 2 March 2017: 100% Doesn't matter why. Cut him out of your life today.... (read in full...)
Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?
Q. Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...
A. 23 February 2017: This is definitely something you'll get a spectrum of answers on. I personally categorize boob play for men's entertainment only, I get zero pleasure from it and actually get a weird sadness from the whole experience (no history of molestation or ... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to make the first move in this situation? Because I think he thinks, in error, that I'm exclusively gay.
Q. I sit next to a guy in one of my classes, and I've realised recently that I'm really into him. I work with him on a production and I think it's been coming on for a while, but best of all I get the impression he's into me too. I just have sever...
A. 23 February 2017: Wait so..you're seniors in high school then? And you're wondering about junior year abroad? How about you stick with the now and maybe the summer, it's not worth thinking farther down the line. I'm actually not sure how British educational systems ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...
A. 23 February 2017: Let me add, that I don't read this situation as "cool guy" or "sweet boss" but a man that shows he is sketchy and lacks understanding of boundaries. Red flag city. ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...
A. 23 February 2017: Do not get involved. He is telling you he is emotionally unavailable and if you cut it off now, no one (hopefully) is going to hold a grudge. Keep it professional or you risk the stability of your position. You will never be an equal in love or in ... (read in full...)
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