I am declining to go to a wedding. What is an appropriate response if asked why I can't attend
Q. I have a "friend" that I known my whole life because our dads work for the same company. We went to the same high school and hung out often. As an adult, I can't stand him. He always wants to go places but wants other people to pick up his tab....
A. 22 March 2021: I wonder; did this "friend" ever find his wallet to repay you for picking up the bill? I wager not. Clearly he’s a moocher and not a friend in any sense of the word… Remember the saying; “you can’t pick family, but you can pick friends”!? So with ... (read in full...)
Why would my new boyfriend still be talking to his old girlfriend?
Q. Hey y'all. My boyfriend of 6 weeks and I have run into some interference from his ex girlfriend of 8 years. He moved to my country and we started dating after he broke up with her. She was not in touch with him at all during those 6 weeks and then ...
A. 16 March 2021: Of course "he misses her terribly" and "still loves her", it’s because they recently broke up! When anyone breakups; generally there’s a remorse period thereafter, among other emotional feelings, physical emptiness, a void feeling, which lasts for ... (read in full...)
He's lusting after young women. What do I get?
Q. My partner can't get the type of girls he wants because they are well out of his league (model types much younger than us )we're in our forties ) and he spends his times lusting after them in porn. This makes me feel like he is settling for me a...
A. 23 January 2018: IF for any reason a partner makes you (feel) second rate with the fact he is porn oriented or obsessed you are in effect made to be emotionally insecure. For me, there are one to many women in your relationship!? His emotional loyalty is not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want to be near me when I am sick.
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for past 2 years and it's going on good and we meet on weekends and stay together on weekend. One thing that concerns me, not sure if I should be, he doesn't want to meet and around me whenever I'm sick, he says he doesn...
A. 23 December 2017: OP, simply put, he is a "fair weather" BF.
Unless he's germ-a-phobic, has a weak immune system and your contagious with the plague I give him no applause for abandoning you with a cold etc.
He easily could have given you support, show he... (read in full...)
My ex is living with his partner but confessing to love me. Is he playing games?
Q. I split with my partner two years ago. He gets in contact every few months to say he misses me etc. Not long after we split (he ended the relationship) he met someone else. He’s confessed it was a rebound. Last month he told me that I’m the only ...
A. 19 December 2017: He is playing you and his GF at the same time! Covering all his bases. This guy (be he an EX) does not sound like a guy you or any GF can really trust emotionally? He’s in between the sheets with his GF who no doubt is being emotionally deceived and ... (read in full...)
Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?
Q. I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...
A. 19 December 2017: It's certainly a strange relationship with the Ex in that you did not met his Dad face to face after a year and a half? Even so, his Dad was no stranger to you, so the Ex who is in bereavement has simply contacted you to let you know of his Dads ... (read in full...)
Helping spouse pay their child support
Q. I currently work 2 full time jobs, in order to pay off debt. I pay all the bills. My husband works a construction job and pays his car note, child support, and takes care of personal expenses. Now he has fallen behind on child support payments and ...
A. 19 December 2017: Simply put, his child support is not your responsibility nor should his personal debts be.
The fact that he had not come up with an obvious solution himself by getting part-time work to solve his problem triggers alarm bells in me, as he'd rat... (read in full...)
How do I tell him his breath smells?
Q. I am seeing the most amazing person I have ever met, but I have a problem. His breath always smells and I have no idea how to bring this sensitive subject up without hurting his feelings. I did not notice it at first, but recently I have become ...
A. 21 November 2017: I became mysteriously sick one time after a new housemate came to live with me and in short I casually left a hand washing brochure on the kitchen bench for my then housemate, whom didn’t quite understand or seem to practise washing his hands after ... (read in full...)
My step daughter is making my life hell!
Q. My step daughter is making my life hell. I'm a nurse on a trauma unit and I work nights. My job is stressful enough without coming home to a battle every day. My husband is far from perfect but his main flaw is his unwillingness to discipline his ...
A. 18 September 2017: How does it feel, sleeping with one eye open? Scissors today, perhaps a knife in your gut tomorrow which will see you in the Trauma Unit you work at as a patient? All because Daddy dearest is a repulsive specimen of a so called parent and perhaps ... (read in full...)
Not ready to meet the kids - but how to tell her?
Q. Hi! I started dating a girl about 5 weeks ago (I'm 36 and she's 34). She has 2 children. She said the other day that she spoke to her ex, told him about me and that she'd like me to meet the children and he said that he's fine with it. I really a...
A. 13 September 2017: What say the children in this matter, rather than her EX? Do they understand that grownups date? I’m sure they know where it leads to... First there’s the introduction, then there’s you sleeping over and the kids waking up to a new man in mom’s bed, ... (read in full...)
How can I let go of the anger I have toward my parents?
Q. How can I make peace with my absuive childhood? My parents were absuvice verbally and physically towards each other - and raised me in that environments - I cannot remember a day of peace - they are way too judgemetnatl - my father is a man that is ...
A. 5 September 2017: There’s details left out of your story, mixed priorities, have to live with parents, supporting a good friend in turn... Because anyone can see you immediately need to get an income to remove yourself from their place.
Other than that, take you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has just confessed that he slept with someone else
Q. I'm after some advice, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have never doubted our trust or believe he has ever done anything to jeopardise our relationship. Well that's what I thought until this Wednesday he called me down the...
A. 5 September 2017: It may well be out of character for him, a onetime huge mistake, it does happen. However you elected to broadcast this embarrassment to friends etc. where it could have remained private between you and him to work things out.
I think there’s ... (read in full...)
My very best friend is cheating on her partner! Do I tell him?
Q. Please help. She is my very bestfriend for 17 Years. WE See really good with each other. I care for her. I know her very much and everything what she do is open to me. Thats how she trust me. My Problem is, i visited Her 2 months ago. Thats ...
A. 22 August 2017: I wager from a man’s perspective, prior to him getting married, he would want to know of this cheating and at the same time not wishing to know it were true.
IF you intend on exposing her and you have 100+% PROOF of her cheating nowadays... (read in full...)
She didn't like my solo comment to a girl online and now she won't speak to me
Q. Been seeing this girl a month , I like her she is the good girl sweet type.. It took her forever to have sex with me.. she hasent had sex in 4 years had an abusive ex .. long story short I was on Facebook chatting up another girl I wasn't hiding it ...
A. 21 August 2017: You're certainly getting a rousing on this one mate. What were you thinking?
I mean seriously, are you a teenager to be “chatting up” another girl, a complete nobody in the scheme of things, other than your own sweet GF? This does not show you... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex of 4 years ago. I treated her badly and have regrets
Q. Hi 4 years ago I was with a woman I fell completely in love with I admit now I didn't treat her how I should of done I called her a couple of nasty names and generally treated her like rubbish now every morning I wake up with her on my mind I see ...
A. 21 August 2017: An opportunity has presented itself as Karma works bother ways does it not? I wonder if this is the time you humbly apologise to her for your wrongdoing - rubbish behaviour towards her and move on?
No need to go into a lengthy conversa... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 8 months is going on vacation with his almost ex wife and their kids! Is this normal? Is this okay?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man (in recovery from alcohol) for 8 months. A few months back things got a little rocky as hes still not fully divorced that's not final for about 2 more months. I have not met his children, nor him mine. Hi...
A. 19 August 2017: Oh great... its Disneyland to the rescue, too soften the blow of their parents’ divorce! How many soon to be divorced couples take their children to Disney as a last hoorah to their family unit, hoping the children will have memories of Mommy and ... (read in full...)
Suggestions please on how to help his aim
Q. I got a question and it's not drama and I think it needs to be answered guys my husband iS a hunting man so I ask guys how can you hit a deer at 300yards and miss toilet seat at 3 feet...
A. 19 August 2017: Sounds like Hubby needs a longer penis or shorter legs?
Alternatively ask him to sit down or grow a lemon tree for him to water. I harvested 42 lemons one season from a small tree thanks to this fertiliser :)... (read in full...)
My husband is unaffectionate
Q. My husband literally acts like I'm invisible he never hugs/kisses me or shows me any love at all. I've asked him over and over what's wrong or whether he still loves me he just says that he does love me yet never changes. I even asked him if h...
A. 19 August 2017: He's obviously taking you for granted or it's not in his nature or natural for him to show affection in hugs/kisses. Yet a man can show he cares for and connects with his wife in other ways... does he help with the chores, do repairs around the ... (read in full...)
Is it petty that I am annoyed that the man I am dating is cheap?
Q. I am dating a guy who is about a decade older than me. On our first date we went to a restaurant (one he'd chosen and he asked me out). When the bill came he wanted to split it. He has a very well paying job. I am setting up my own business and earn ...
A. 19 August 2017: After he showed you he's no gentleman in paying for the first date, I would not have accommodated him; to suggest eating on the cheap etc. You either want a man to act as a man or he is a friend to hang out with? Friends share the bill, not ... (read in full...)
I'm still friends with an ex and my new girlfriend gets jealous!
Q. I've been with my new girlfriend for six month's, my ex am still friends with,she babysits my granddaughter, if she needs help I help her like today, I have a pickup, she bought a big snowblower, so I pick it up for her, I help other friends too, my ...
A. 13 August 2017: I think your EGO must really be intact if you don’t get jealous about her Ex’s or guy friends. It’s a very rare quality for a man indeed. Personally I can relate to you up to a point.
As for helping an Ex you are not Dial-an-Ex delivery boy as y... (read in full...)
Things were perfect then he began to change. Should I break up with him?
Q. My relationship was perfect with my boyfriend.and then things began to change..he doesnt go down on me when we have sex and making excuses saying the odour coming from my vagina smells terible when we have sex and thats the reason he cant.and ...
A. 12 August 2017: Maybe there is an odor that can easily be washed beforehand or a change of diet can also effect our bodily odors, sweat, plus his semen can give an odor in the area of play also?
However he is being very nasty about your height and picking ... (read in full...)
His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!
Q. I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...
A. 12 August 2017: Auch the spiteful Ex-GF; another drama waiting behind the scenes to unfold... It sure doesn't get easy for you does it?
Just be cool, keep out of the way and always let him deal with her drama. Best to keep your nose out of their BS anyway a... (read in full...)
Wife won't share "our" car. Is she being unfair?
Q. My wife doesn't work and hasn't for years despite us not having any kids. She quit her last job with my blessings. It was worth it to me just to not have to listen to her complain about it and I make a decent income such that she doesn't have to ...
A. 12 August 2017: Yes she is being utterly selfish, unfair, not supportive, ungrateful and inconsiderate to the hand that feeds her. Dare I say you've spoiled her to this the lap of luxury dear husband? Now when you need her help as a couple, she flakes on you. Such ... (read in full...)
How do I make my wrong turn right?
Q. Hello i have another question connected to the one i asked earlier , about Reason(s) from Decent man. Shall i message her and say I Really like you a lot . And i am not after ( you know what ) As i am a Decent man ( which is what she ...
A. 11 August 2017: Mate, I’m going to give it to you straight... you're coming across as someone desperate and slightly weird at your age, when you should be able to gauge if a woman is interested in you for a second date without over reacting or analysing the ... (read in full...)
My fiance has stopped trying to make me happy. Its making me not want to marry
Q. I think my husband to be is taking me for granted and he doesnt really care about my feeling now. He no longer try his best to make me happy. When we meet he talk with me like im annoying him or like he is bored. He seems to lose passion toward me ...
A. 11 August 2017: This sounds like an arranged marriage? If so it appears you both have been poorly matched. Had you chosen each other independently, I can't see why you need to go through life miserable... too marry someone who has no passion, flame or back bone to ... (read in full...)
His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!
Q. I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...
A. 9 August 2017: Let’s not get too hasty (or domineering) with something that does not necessarily belong to you nor are you in charge of doing the disposing. As much as you get rid of stuff after a breakup as I do, guys are a bit more ho hum lax about it; they're ... (read in full...)
My partner shows little empathy when I am upset
Q. My brother died in a bike accident and the third year anniversary is next week. I dread this time of year. My mum is still heartbroken. My partner shows he cares through practical things like cooking a meal or walking my dog. I am tactile, warm and ...
A. 8 August 2017: It sounds like your partner was not familiar or had met your brother to be unaffected as he is? Nonetheless he still knows you and the affect your brother’s anniversary has on the family to understand a bit of TLC is in order as he’s done so.
... (read in full...)
Our family holiday has upset partner's ex!
Q. My boyfriend and I are taking his son, (6) from a previous relationship on holiday with us in September, along with our son (19 months). My sister, brother in law and two nephews (3 and 4) will be there too. I thought everything was good between ...
A. 8 August 2017: She (the EX-wife) is very protective of their son... yeah sure up to a certain point like normal Mums are, but the rest is a load of BS! It’s about her losing control! So please don’t go losing control yourself or stooping to her level by giving her ... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet a woman my boyfriend fancies! Your advice?
Q. When I had been dating my partner for a couple of months he showed me his old school friend's facebook page who had just married. He said his friend'a wife is so attractive and and he thought he was punching above his weight when they were dating. I ...
A. 8 August 2017: Please don't blow this out of proportion... really it's no big deal meeting an ol' school friend and his Mrs. Yes the wife is attractive and so are you when you go meet instead of making it known to all you're insecure.
If he acts inapprop... (read in full...)
How do I fix things and apologize in order to reconcile?
Q. My ex who I broke up with about 5 months ago asked me if I wanted to hang out yesterday with her and her kids and we spent the whole day together playing in the pool and stuff at the house and cooking dinner. We have been good friends the last ...
A. 8 August 2017: This is like going back to the drawing board... you’re basically dating again; hanging out with each other, feeling comfortable and building the all important trust. Except this time you’re placing your neck on the line to be trusted again? Will you ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband of 4 months look at me with disgust?
Q. My husband doesn't tell me I'm beautiful anymore. He yells at me. Demands things. And the hugest thing is he looks at me with disgust. The only person that matters the most to me. Seems to be overwhelmed with disgust whenever he sees me. I ...
A. 7 August 2017: Sadly the Honeymoon is over, like Elvis has left the building. Reality has set in on who you both married. No doubt the signs where there before you walked down the aisle? Or did this toxic bully nature of his suddenly appear out of the blue?
... (read in full...)
We bought a house together but feel my fiance is taking advantage of me financially
Q. My finance and I bought a house together at the beginning of the year. I paid for the entire down payment out of my savings account, with the understanding that he will pay me back for his half. In addition, I also put 25K into our joint account to ...
A. 6 August 2017: In short, you need to stop dancing around the table with your Fiancée and tell him you’re not the Bank of America; he needs to honour his word in giving you what he said he’d do! Starting from now as the wishing well has gone dry. Otherwise he’ll ... (read in full...)
Cheating past discovered via old emails! Should I confront him?
Q. ve been with my bf for almost 10 years now. I've never had any issues, and never even had a slight suspicion that he would do anything he's not supposed to, and never had trust issues with him (maybe I'm too naive?) one thing always peeved me off ...
A. 5 August 2017: What he did back then, four years into the relationship was totally wrong! Had you confronted him back then it would be a different story? Now you must look at how he treats you today, in the present moment to get past his blundering days.
Since... (read in full...)
Is this guy lying about his wifey situation?
Q. I met a guy online and started seeing him. Before I started seeing him he took down his profile as he said he found it demoralising. He told me he was separated, had been for 9 yrs. said he hadn't divorced because he wife had gotten a boyfrie...
A. 23 July 2017: Talk about drama; he will forever be running backwards and forwards to take care of his son, plus dog until he gets a place of his own. Having the Landlord breathing down your neck can put people off from having/inviting visitors over. It would not ... (read in full...)
How do I tell a man he's not doing it for me in the bedroom?
Q. Ok so my problem is pretty simple. How do I tell a man he's not doing it for me in the bedroom? I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks now and in the last two weeks we've started to have sex, but it really isn't good. He's a great kisser and...
A. 20 July 2017: From what you described this guy has no idea what he's doing because he performs sex straight out of a porn movie... expecting you to “show enjoyment” so HE can enjoy sex more, yet you want to take one for the team... well ok 4x. That certainly was ... (read in full...)
Does my LDR GF have borderline disorder?
Q. I posted a similar question a while back but I need some more help now more than ever. Long story short, my parents and i all went camping for three days and I told my gf that it may be hard to talk since I'll be in the middle of the woods/at...
A. 20 July 2017: OP would this be the previous post you're referring to; 2 July 2017 – My LDR girlfriend gets obsessive when I am with my family or friends
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ldr-girlfriend-gets-obsessive-when-i-am.html
... (read in full...)
I'm ready to walk, am I just being used as a babysitter?
Q. hey, my partner sits on her phone all day does the odd chore round the house i mean when one of the babies does a dirty nappy she doesnt get down to cleaning it up she tells me babies pood so i end up doing it and been like that for years im a stay ...
A. 20 July 2017: "...are you being used?" Used for what; PARENTING!? I guess that makes most women on the planet "USED" doesn't it by their sit on the couch lazy hubbies?
You're taken for granted, exasperated, exhausted and to top it off you’re feeling unloved,... (read in full...)
She makes up things I've said - then criticises me
Q. Hey guys, Need some advice here or just a way to avoid the unnecessary arguments altogether. In short, my girlfriend is continuously saying I've said things I've never said. It's driving me mad because if I defend myself about these things...
A. 19 July 2017: A former partner did this with me until I had the idea to record our conversations, and his flare ups... This kept my sanity intact because I had proof of my side of the argument. Prior to he'd tell me he blabbed to friends and strangers about me, ... (read in full...)
Engaged but I've seen someone new
Q. I am engaged to a man whom I have been in a mostly happy relationship for 9 years. He cheated on me three years in with someone at work but we got over it. We are now engaged and the wedding is next year. My problem is, I'm absolutely obses...
A. 19 July 2017: “...but we got over it” I don't think that's quite true OP cause you’re eye wouldn’t wander elsewhere as it’s totally out of character for you right?
Underneath the surface (subconscious) YOU have not got over it; with your partner cheating... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my brother in law and I'm not sure where to go with these feelings
Q. My husband passed away unexpectely in August of 2016. We had been separated for 2 years but we were working on our relationship towards getting back together just before he passed. We have a 21 year old daughter and she was greatly affected by his ...
A. 19 July 2017: Regardless of the BIL feelings for his late brother, he put that aside and stepped up to care for family. I don't know what that shows you of him personally; was it a call of duty or an act of kindness and caring?
Either way, how you get along wi... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my brother in law and I'm not sure where to go with these feelings
Q. My husband passed away unexpectely in August of 2016. We had been separated for 2 years but we were working on our relationship towards getting back together just before he passed. We have a 21 year old daughter and she was greatly affected by his ...
A. 14 July 2017: You've fallen in love with your emotional rescuer, much like some women fall for a Fireman who helped them escape a burning building. And some men are like Firemen who seek to save and give comfort to a person in distress.
Indeed your BIL has ... (read in full...)
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