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Why should you listen to my advice?: If I give you it, it means I probably have experience with the situation/problem you're having
Location: Oxford - UK
Currently: Single
Profile updated: 27th of March 2011
I'm Andy. I'm something of a sentimentalist. I consider myself to be romantic and affectionate
I first found my way to Dearcupid after my first dose of heartbreak. I was in a long distance relationship (240 miles) for over two years from 2005 - 2007. I met my girlfriend originally in December 2004 over the website Habbo Hotel, she found me purely because she liked my hair (I had an Afro at the time!). We ended up talking every night over MSN. By April, she revealed that she liked me, and very soon after, I decided I felt the same way.
On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was stood right down the other end of the platform, and ran towards me like something out of a movie. I threw my bags down, and she dove into my arms for the first time. Later that day, after 3 hours of being crowded by her sister and mum, we got our first minutes alone, and kissed for the first time. In my case, it was my first kiss ever. It was magic.
We met up on 13 different occaisions, including a couple of camping trips alone together as well as a holiday to Cuba as late as April 2007. Then everything changed.
On the 25th of June, just over 2 weeks before the anniversary of the day that we met on that Summers day at the train station, 5 weeks before we were scheduled to meet up again; She rang me up in tears and told me that she thought we should end things. I was completely devastated. She told me her decision came due to the fact that she didn't think we would have as much time to meet up when she went to University, and that things were hard enough as they were. Also, we had argued over stupid things a little more regularly, but I didn't think it was any thing worse than what all couples encounter. I hadn't fallen out of love with her, but she now expected me to do so and become just a friend. By breaking up with me, as of that day, I had pretty much lost my best friend in all the world, and it wouldn't take long before it was clear that I couldn't handle the transition from boyfriend to friend.
Instead of talking every night, we went back and forth from talking to not talking. Anytime I spoke to her, after a few days I would start to miss her, and even cry over her. Her father died of liver problems less than 6 months after we broke up. After he passed, me and her spoke for a couple of nights, and I told her that I would try and support her like a friend should during that time of sadness, but it didn't take long for me to start avoiding her again. I felt really guilty for that. She wanted to be my friend, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I was crushed by what she had put me through. It always stuck with me when we spoke for the last time. It was about 2 months after her dad died. She told me "I feel like I've lost so much already, I don't want to lose you as a friend." And as much as it kills me, she did. We haven't spoken since... and to this day I still feel guilty, though I have come to accept that I had to protect myself from being hurt further.
I can honestly say that that experience has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But we're 5 years on from when we met each other and I have since found love and lost love again, twice in fact! My 2nd love showed me that I am capable of loving others and having meaningful relationships. The 3rd one has shown me how to be happy without having someone in my life. In truth, I have never really been happy within myself since my first love left me. I felt like I needed somebody in order to be happy. It's a shame that I have had to go through heartbreak to learn that, but for the time being I feel a great deal better about myself and even feel like I can maintain a friendship with my ex's... Maybe even my first love in time.
Throughout this whole experience, I have found out that pain only make you stronger, the first cut is the deepest and time really does heal all wounds.
Cheers for reading, and may this be an encouragement to everyone else out there who has experienced heartbreak! Things really will get better for you one day, you have to believe! |
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| Latest articles: The Last Laugh... Is it really on me? ;)
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 April 2008: Hi, it's Andy00. I just thought I would share something with all of you. As you all know, I went through a horrible case of heartbreak 10 months ago, after my distance relationship was cut off by the girl I love (it still hurts to this day). But h...
1 Year since the holiday of a lifetime - 3 months before life as I knew it came to an end
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 March 2008: Hi everyone. This is my second article. I just felt the need to tell the story of some occurrences that took place a year ago from today, where me, my family and my beloved girlfriend took a trip together across the atlantic ocean to Cuba. To s...
My relationship, its end, and the 7 months of confusion and hurt... that made me stronger.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 February 2008: Hello everybody, this is Andy00. And to all fans who like long articles, this one is a treat for you... Unfortunately, it's a true story. I have been on this site for about 7 months now. I have posted many, many questions over time, but...
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Can our love survive this religious zeal?
Q. My girlfriend of little over two years how now decided that she wants us to be celibate until marriage. She is a Christian and recently has taken active steps to get closer to God. I am an agnostic. I am doing my utmost to support her in her belie...
A. 2 December 2015: I don't see why we should have to marry sooner. I don't think this situation should change that. We have a 5 year plan in place and we will ideally be married in 3 years time, though we are not even engaged at this point. Furthermore, she insists ... (read in full...)
Can our love survive this religious zeal?
Q. My girlfriend of little over two years how now decided that she wants us to be celibate until marriage. She is a Christian and recently has taken active steps to get closer to God. I am an agnostic. I am doing my utmost to support her in her belie...
A. 2 December 2015: I simply asked if we could have sex occasionally, as opposed to regularly. I wasn't specific, my hope was that we could negotiate, but that didn't materialise.... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on my girlfriend because she's overweight?
Q. Should i cheat on my GF? I know its wrong and everything, but i have been talking to this girl lately and i feel i have a connection with her, like its crazy how similar we are. Im not 100% sexually attracted to my current gf, she is over weight, ...
A. 17 June 2013: I think everybody else has covered this fairly well. However, I would like to ask - Why do you want to cheat on your girlfriend of seven years? Personally I think you're now in a place in your life where you want to try and experience something new. ... (read in full...)
Will having sex with him prove that I love him? I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
Q. I just had a new boyfriend ane he want me to have sex with him to prove that i love him,i told him that i am a virgin but i am not,i dont want to lose him,what can i do?...
A. 1 June 2013: This man is not worthy of your love. There is a much better guy out there for you who will treat you with far more respect than this man will.
If you decide he's worth staying with, that's fine. The choice is entirely yours in that respect.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel this confused after a break up you were sure you wanted?
Q. Hello everyone, I have just come out of a relationship which lasted over a year and a half. The relationship began quickly. We were effectively in a relationship together after just a few dates. We had a lot in common, it seemed. We shared simila...
A. 30 May 2013: I think you're right, Daisy. She is no longer my responsibility, I just wish I didn't have to put her through it. I can't understand why I've changed... or whether I truly did. I always had doubts about us as a long term couple after all, but then ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel this confused after a break up you were sure you wanted?
Q. Hello everyone, I have just come out of a relationship which lasted over a year and a half. The relationship began quickly. We were effectively in a relationship together after just a few dates. We had a lot in common, it seemed. We shared simila...
A. 29 May 2013: Thank you Daisy for your answer. I think you're right enough. It's very early days and I need to give myself time. I do miss her companionship terribly now that it's not here anymore. I'm sure it will get easier, but I'm more worried about her than ... (read in full...)
My ex is rubbing her new relationship in my face
Q. I'm new here and i reallllllllllyy neeeed some help I had a very rocky relationship with my girlfriend for 11 months. Everything was cool at first, but things just changed. She was controlling and never let me do what I needed to do. It was a...
A. 25 September 2011: She hasn't gotten away with anything. She's merely twisted it in such a way that it looks like you did wrong and that is not so. As long as you know that, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter at all what she or anyone else thinks, because it ... (read in full...)
I'm going to visit friends in the town where I went to university, but I'm worried about running in to my ex. What should I do?
Q. I'm going to visit friends back in the town where I went to university, but I'm worried about running in to my ex. Mine and my ex's relationship was short term, but we got on incredibly well with each other and formed a strong, loving relations...
A. 19 September 2011: Hmmm, I see the jury is out on this one. I'm very thankful for the answers, but I'm not closer to deciding what action to take! I see your point about how it doesn't matter how she reacts if she catches me, but I don't want her to think that I'm ... (read in full...)
My ex is rubbing her new relationship in my face
Q. I'm new here and i reallllllllllyy neeeed some help I had a very rocky relationship with my girlfriend for 11 months. Everything was cool at first, but things just changed. She was controlling and never let me do what I needed to do. It was a...
A. 16 September 2011: Sometimes break up's are bitter. Yours didn't have to be, but she made it that way. I know it isn't easy given that you cared for her a great deal, you just need to try and look ahead now and focus on the future. Time is a great healer, so for now ... (read in full...)
My ex is rubbing her new relationship in my face
Q. I'm new here and i reallllllllllyy neeeed some help I had a very rocky relationship with my girlfriend for 11 months. Everything was cool at first, but things just changed. She was controlling and never let me do what I needed to do. It was a...
A. 16 September 2011: She's being petty and childish. It's quite pathetic really isn't it? - She messed up your relationship, she was dumped by you as a result and now SHE'S the one DESPERATELY trying to make YOU jealous. Utterly, utterly pathetic and not at all worth ... (read in full...)
Is my ex contacting me just to check up on me?
Q. Is my ex contacting me purely to check up on me? Why is she doing this? Since we broke up for circumstantial reasons 6 months ago, she has moved on. She moved on very quickly (within a month) and has been in a relationship ever since. I've date...
A. 5 September 2011: Wow thisonestaken... That's such a great perspective to look from and you make a very good point.
I guess I am okay by myself, and it's only when I see other couples or when I think about her and her new boyfriend that I start to feel like I s... (read in full...)
My ex wants to meet for coffee. Good or bad idea?
Q. So basically my ex and I broke up 5 months ago. He has a new girlfriend but he still wants us to be "friends". I have feelings for him still and he wants to meet for coffee. Do you think it's a bad idea?...
A. 3 September 2011: You don't have to give a reason in great detail. Just explain to him that you're busy, but that it would be great to catch up some time and say that you'll let him know when you're available. Then leave it at that and see how you feel after more ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to meet for coffee. Good or bad idea?
Q. So basically my ex and I broke up 5 months ago. He has a new girlfriend but he still wants us to be "friends". I have feelings for him still and he wants to meet for coffee. Do you think it's a bad idea?...
A. 2 September 2011: I've been in this situation before. I've met up with an ex on a few occasions after she had started seeing somebody new and I still had a lot of feelings for her. While we had a nice time at the meeting and it was lovely to see her again, it was a ... (read in full...)
Is my ex contacting me just to check up on me?
Q. Is my ex contacting me purely to check up on me? Why is she doing this? Since we broke up for circumstantial reasons 6 months ago, she has moved on. She moved on very quickly (within a month) and has been in a relationship ever since. I've date...
A. 1 September 2011: Thank you for your answer, blueangelvenom, it must have been added after I posted my update. It seems so strange to me that she would contact me as regularly as she has done. I'm sure she is happy in her life, she is a generally happy person anyway. ... (read in full...)
Is my ex contacting me just to check up on me?
Q. Is my ex contacting me purely to check up on me? Why is she doing this? Since we broke up for circumstantial reasons 6 months ago, she has moved on. She moved on very quickly (within a month) and has been in a relationship ever since. I've date...
A. 1 September 2011: Wiseoldman, I don't understand. Why is she keeping in touch? Surely she isn't jealous of me? She has everything. Or is it that she's keeping in touch with me to make me jealous of her?
thisonestaken, that's just it - while a part of me would lo... (read in full...)
How can I cope after this break up?
Q. i was with my ex girlfriend for two and a half years i got with her when she was 17 and i was 21. we spent the best time together and after 6 months or so i ended up moving in with her family, we became so close and did so much together, holidays ...
A. 22 August 2011: My friend, no, you aren't perfect. Nobody is perfect, remember that. She certainly is not. Her behaviour was extremely poor at certain points in your relationship and YOU WERE NOT TO BLAME FOR THIS. You cannot excuse her actions by placing blame on ... (read in full...)
How can I cope after this break up?
Q. i was with my ex girlfriend for two and a half years i got with her when she was 17 and i was 21. we spent the best time together and after 6 months or so i ended up moving in with her family, we became so close and did so much together, holidays ...
A. 22 August 2011: First let me reassure you that what you are feeling is completely natural given the situation. Breaking up is horrible as it is, so it is understandable that you're finding the situation you're in to be quite agonising. What's worse is there is no ... (read in full...)
How can I get him alone to talk to him?
Q. Ok so Im about to be a freshman and Hes gonna be a 8th grader. I used to see him every day in the hallways. Then I moved and he play basketball at the park by my house everyday so i still see him. We havent really talked before and i dont know if he ...
A. 12 August 2011: If talking to him at the park is out of the question, you'll just have to find some other way of bumping in to him and striking up conversation. At breaktime, perhaps?... (read in full...)
How can I help my sister deal with her BF and a potential LDR?
Q. My sister's bf decided that he wants to move away to place A which is in state X. He is from place B which is in state Q. He felt that he was unable to accomplish anything in state Q and he has expressed how sick he was of this state and the people ...
A. 12 August 2011: As much as we would all like to help our siblings with their relationship problems, ultimately what happens will be down to she and this guy. If the worst should happen it will be up to you to help support your sister and get her back on her feet. ... (read in full...)
I've just realized that I like her -- what next?
Q. Hey everyone, Another girl problem but this time a different girl is in the question. She is this girl who moved to our school last october, she and this guy hit it off and went out for like 2 months which I didn't really take any notice in cause...
A. 12 August 2011: There is no clear-cut sign that she likes you in any way other than as a friends at this time. Persevere and see how it goes.... (read in full...)
First time, split condom, could I be pregnant?
Q. i'm freaking out, i had sex for the first time this weekend and the condom split. how much chance is there that i'm pregnant? i'm on the pill, he hadn't ejaulated yet, and there was no pre-cum because he had ejaculated before we had sex. do i...
A. 16 June 2011: No, the chances of you being pregnant are slim to none, so please don't threat. My only advice would be to ensure that either whenever your partner puts a condom on/you put the condom on your partner you are following the instructions provided with ... (read in full...)
Is it a crazy idea to have a baby at 15? Or a good idea?
Q. im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be ...
A. 7 June 2011: In short, this is a terrible idea. If you carry it out in doing so you will be throwing away the last years of your childhood and all the freedom that goes with it. Seeing friends, going out (something you haven't properly experienced yet, given ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when I loved him so much?
Q. I was recently seeing this guy and I really liked him, we finished it about five weeks ago due to circumstances. I was fine for a while but recently I just can't stop thinking about him, I dream about him all the time! I just don't know how to get ...
A. 7 June 2011: Ahhh, circumstances. I am no stranger to the circumstantial break up. I have been in your situation a few times, let me tell you. Just out of curiosity, what were the circumstances behind the break up? How long were you together?
What you are feel... (read in full...)
How do I get this creep to leave me alone at work?
Q. There's this guy at work who's pretty creepy and pervy. He's 32 and whenever a new, young girl starts here he immediately tries to get her number and says disgusting things about her. I've been working there for 4 years and for all that time he's ...
A. 4 June 2011: Excellent! Be sure to keep us posted... (read in full...)
How do I get this creep to leave me alone at work?
Q. There's this guy at work who's pretty creepy and pervy. He's 32 and whenever a new, young girl starts here he immediately tries to get her number and says disgusting things about her. I've been working there for 4 years and for all that time he's ...
A. 2 June 2011: I agree with GeeGee, it's time to talk to the boss. The guy is harassing you and it needs to stop. Saying things like he's going to beat up your boyfriend if he hurts you and that he'll always be there for you until he DIES is completely ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex always get mad when I get a new boyfriend?
Q. First let me apologize for this being so long. I don't get it! My ex boyfriend told me to move on when he dumped me and I have, but whenever I get a boyfriend he always gets so mad! We broke up the beginning of April (2 months ago) and he got a new...
A. 1 June 2011: This guys is a waste of time and you should be glad that the two of you broke up. I know that sounds harsh, but if he's going to move on from you, get another girl pregnant and propose to her all within a few months, how can he be considered ... (read in full...)
Opinions on young teens fooling around.
Q. Hi, im 14 and have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, the other day suggested that we take things further. When he says further, he means blowjob, fingering, dry sex and sexting. I spoke to my mum and she said she wasnt bothered as long as ...
A. 28 May 2011: Well, you are below the age of consent in the UK which is 16, so therefore if you were to have sex it would be considered as "illegal". From that point of view I would advise you steer clear of intercourse until you're both over 16.
In my opinion ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 22 May 2011: Dreams aren't really avoidable, but a suggestion I have for in the mornings (and this isn't going to be great news if you're the kind of person who likes to lie-in in the mornings), but it if you wake up and find yourself thinking about her, get up ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 21 May 2011: I did the same thing you did. Sadly in my case, somehow, I always managed to stumble across her picture (like, she'd appear in my list of friends on the left hand side of my profile page) and each time I did my heart would leap a little in panic. In ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 20 May 2011: My answer to that is to remove her from Facebook. Not out of spite or because you don't want to be friends anymore, but because it will help you heal faster. You could always explain that to her before you do it, but I really think it's for the ... (read in full...)
I may never see my ex again after the next time we meet... should I ask for my possessions back?
Q. Hi all, When me and my girlfriend of 4 months were together, I would often leave a long sleeved hooded top at hers. Eventually it got to the point where I would never take it with me. When we split up back in February due to the fact that I'm le...
A. 18 May 2011: Thank you so much K_C, that's wonderful to know. I don't know why I worry about it as much as I do. Many people have said more or less the same thing you did, but now and again it becomes difficult to accept that circumstances are to blame and I ... (read in full...)
Ex wants to be friends but I told her I needed time. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago after 2 years ago and when she broke up with me, she said that we could still be friends, but the other day i told her that i still wanted to be friends with her, but i need time to myself to ...
A. 18 May 2011: That's a very brave sensible decision you've made, well done! Trying to be friends with someone you love can be agonising and it's something to be avoided. Give yourself time for your feelings to cool and hopefully one day you two can be friends. ... (read in full...)
I may never see my ex again after the next time we meet... should I ask for my possessions back?
Q. Hi all, When me and my girlfriend of 4 months were together, I would often leave a long sleeved hooded top at hers. Eventually it got to the point where I would never take it with me. When we split up back in February due to the fact that I'm le...
A. 16 May 2011: Thanks for the continued advice folks, it looks as though I was right in thinking that the hoodie won't be of much value. I'm sure she will be more than happy forme to have it back.
K_C, thanks for your input. Here's some background, I will try... (read in full...)
I may never see my ex again after the next time we meet... should I ask for my possessions back?
Q. Hi all, When me and my girlfriend of 4 months were together, I would often leave a long sleeved hooded top at hers. Eventually it got to the point where I would never take it with me. When we split up back in February due to the fact that I'm le...
A. 16 May 2011: Thanks for the advice, Realist.
K_C, I want it back purely because it's mine, it's a nice top and it'd be a shame to see it go to waste in her possession. I don't mind her having it if it has some sort of value to her, but otherwise I think I ... (read in full...)
After all boyfriend has done to me I don't know why I'm still holding on!
Q. Hello, and thank you... First of all I'm very much still in love with my bf but I'm starting to give my head a shake. After all he has done to me, I don't know why I'm still hanging on. Its been a roller coaster ride from the beginning....
A. 4 May 2011: I was going to answer this after only reading as far as the garage incident, but I kept going only to come to the same conclusion - this guy is a joke. At least you are starting to see that for yourself.
I'm sure he has some good qualitie... (read in full...)
I told my ex that I'm breaking plans to see her later in the year. Was this the right thing to do?
Q. I met with my ex for lunch today. It was the first time we had seen eachother in about a month and a half. We broke up just over 2 months ago after a 4 1/2 month relationship ended because I'm leaving town later this month. Contact between us have ...
A. 3 May 2011: Thanks for the support folks. It wasn't an easy thing to do and a part of me still feels bad. It's probably because I know that I disappointed her (I hate disappointing anyone, people I care for especially) and because I know that by cutting that ... (read in full...)
LDR b/f wants us to have sex when we meet!
Q. Okay, so I really don't know how to start. I'm having a long distance/online relationship with a guy whom i'm supposed to meet in July. He is a really great guy, fun to be around and a really nice person. The only problem is that were not on...
A. 2 May 2011: I always say that sex is a two-way thing, and should only be participated in unless both parties want to. If you feel it is too soon to have sex with him then you shouldn't. Besides, you are meeting for the first time and there's no guarantee that ... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over your first love?
Q. hi aunts and uncles. I would really appreciate some advice. I met my first love 4 years ago we started off as friends and at 16 we became a couple. It was intense and we saw each other every single day (not even an exaggeration) I was his first ...
A. 1 May 2011: I guess it's different for everybody, but from my point of view - Yes, you do get over your first love. However, they say first love's are people who you never forget and I believe this is true. I was in a 2 year long distance relationship. She was ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend dumped me when he got depressed
Q. I am trying my hardest to get on with life right now but Im finding it quite hard. My long distance boyfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago. He got depressed and as a result he didnt care about anything or anyone. Then one day he woke up and realised how...
A. 25 April 2011: I know what it's like to have a long distance relationship end unexpectedly. It's horrible and I'm very sorry it's happened to you. Firstly, don't TRY not to talk to him, DON'T talk to him. Cut off all contact with him and remove him from messeng... (read in full...)
He only wants to kiss or cuddle when he wants sex
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for only 5 months and the only time he wants to kiss or cuddle me is if when he wants sex. each time i say no he plays the guilt trip and says you would if you loved me, i just don't know whats best to do, end the ...
A. 25 April 2011: Completely agree with dirtball. He is emotionally blackmailing you when he says that and that isn't fair on you at all. Talk to him and hopefully he'll adjust his behaviour!... (read in full...)
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