A
male
age
36-40,
*nsomniac
writes:hii am in a relationship with my gf more than three years.we both love each other a lot.But recently we hav started fighting a lot.these may be the reasons first of all she is not that expressive she only says i luv u when i say no initiations from her side she rarely says i miss u(long distance now) .second part is that i really don't like her talking to other guys or other guys calling her sweety n all although she doesn't use all these words but some how they really frustrate me a lot i know this isn't right but i am not able to cure myself i am really tired of this problem that i am facing and most of the time this turns out to be one of the reason for our fights when i inquire her about all the details abt whom she chat wid n all.It also happens that wen ever we both are chatting online i keep on waiting for her reply and she is chatting with other guy friends of her.this irritates me.I really love her nad dont want to lose her just because of these insecurities and jealousies.Please some one help me as we both want get married in future...
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 You know,just like abella said,LDRs are very challenging as they are EXTREMELY CHALLENGING and innately unsatisfying
Coupled with the fact that you are constantly bombarded with many alternatives closer to home(by way of the opposite sex)
From what ive learnt and experienced in my life,id always advise against getting into an LDR,no matter how suited you are for each other
About the insecurities,theres no magic wand you can use to wave them away. We all have them(including myself),but what matters is what you do about them
You have to realise that such feelings come from having weak inner game,low self confidence and self esteem. Imagine the thoughts going through your head when other guys ogle at your woman as you walk in town together,mentally undressing her
Imagine what its like having -ve thoughts floating throu your head saying "im so lucky to have a hottie such as x in my life,but if im not wary and protect my territory a better guy may snatch her away"
Imagine thoughts like.."this guy is so much funnier than me,a much better conversationalis and probably a better lover,and if i dont regularly let her know how much i love her or control who she sees and where she goes,ill lose her!"(ive gone through such in the past)
But like i said,what matters is what you do with such thoughts and how you react externaly. One thing i learnt is that you have to control the -ve things you say to yourself in your head(to boost your confidence and self esteem)
Tell yourself e.g that you could care less if she goes off with some guy coz you are sexy and could just as easily attract another hottie etc etc
DONT GET ME WRONG,I LOVE AND RESPECT WOMEN,but this new kind of thinking helps build my confidence and self value,making me more fun to be with for the woman in my life
Try out what i suggestd in both threads
A
male
reader, insomniac +, writes (24 July 2011):
insomniac is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dodds: dude thanx for advicing and i also feel the same way and could u advice some more on hoe to get rid of these jealousies and all as i knw this is the ONLY spoiler..
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Not every relationship is meant to last nor will last for the lifetime we hope it will last.
Every relationship is a learning experience, and in some relationships love blossoms and grows. While in others love falters after a small challenge or a big challenge. A LDR is a very big challenge, and especially difficult if enough stability does not already exist.
Make a list of all the qualities you love about her and give her a copy of that list so that she understands how much she means to you. It may be what she has been waiting to hear from you.
And be the catalyst to get you both back on track together.
The parties in a LDR also need great strength of character to remain true to each other amid the pressures a LDR imposes on the couple.
It sounds like you have that strength of character, but you are beginning to doubt your partner. And you may have even been disappointed to discover the possibility that you partner may be having trouble coping being in a LDR.
You may see this as sad.
And it is.
But it is an opportunity to re-examine the question:
''Is this relationship good for me now?''
First off long distance relationships are often very difficult to sustain. And really need a high level of trust to survive.
A long distance relationship also require the discipline and strength to remain faithful in all respects.
A long distance relationship will be under immense pressure if one party or both require more physical and emotional contact than the distance and the amount of contact allows.
The very fact that you want to ask her who she has been talkimg to tells me that you have doubts.
And of course she can talk to whoever she wants, but it will be hurtful to you, if you start to surmise that her 'talking' to others is any more, than just innocent fun.
It may just be innocent.
Usually it's an impossible situation for the one who is feeling jealous. And jealousy will eat away at your positive feelings towards the relationship.
Often the jealousy has no basis in fact. But in this instance she is talking to others. Even though her talking may be entirely innocent.
The next phase will be very tough on you. And it may not be possible to see her in person, to guage how she feels.
Allowing the jealousy will hurt you so must.
You do need to talk to her.
If you can both talk without a scene and without accusations and without ugly recriminations then good.
If the spark between the two of you has been lost then all your good intentions may not be enough.
If she is just talking to other people because she is lonely, (but still prefers you) and has not developed other hobbies, and other activities then there is hope.
But if she is already bored and is actively looking for a new partner then please ask her to be honest with you.
Your dilemna demonstrates how a LDR can flounder.
But knowing now, rather than ten years after you have been together, that there may be a problem, is a good thing.
Some relationships run their course. And need to be replaced with a more committed relationship.
You are meant to have a relationship where there is complete trust, faithfulness, honesty and commitment. If you can talk to her in person then do so. If this relationship is meant to be then this will be a wakeup call, to get it back on track.
If it is not meant to be then cherish the good memories, value her for the happiness you had together, and then
Start to reassess what you need and what to do next to find your true love sometime in the future.
My very best wishes to you.
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A
male
reader, Dodds +, writes (23 July 2011):
Women crave excitement and challenge from the men in their lives
Just relax! Whenever you are together or communicating long distance focus on keeping the interaction light and fun,be playful with her!
The fighting all seems to emanate from your side coupled with the fact your acting all needy and insecure(the top two reasons that repel women and destroy the natural attraction they normaly feel towards their men)
Stop telling her you love her every now and then and eagerly waiting for her to say it back(let your actions show it)
Stop 'wanting' her to tell you she misses you and stuff like that for the sake of your happiness
You SERIOUSLY need to let those feelings of jealousy go especialy when she is talking to or getting attention from other guys
You are pushing her away ironicaly,and the fact that you are displaying such a lack of self confidence in yourself will make her start to wonder whether the grass is greener on the other side
Have you considered that her not replying to you while online and at the same time chatting with other guys is her testing you to see how you react
By reacting badly as you currently are doing,you fail every time!! And she starts to view you as weak and needy instead of strong and confident
You have to value yourself,you have to have a mind of your own,you have to have a set of your own values for your life,AND you have to stop putting her up on a pedestal
She wont respect you until you do. She wants you to be the strong,stable man in her life
By behaving like you have only serves to push her away and possibly into the hands of another man
Focus more on self improvement activities like work,education,working out as well as your hobbies n interests. Build your social circle and stop depending on her emotionaly,you should support her emotionaly instead
GOOD LUCK!!
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