How do I get out of loving the "other man" when I'm a married woman?
Q. 4 years ago I became colleagues with a man I met online. He knew I was married from the beginning and he was always platonic with me, or so I thought, Things soon started getting weird between us and he started acting jealous whenever I'd men...
A. 11 July 2017: To the OP, 1) Considering your age group, do your husband and you have children yet? Has this been a concern so far? 2) When the beau adamantly blocked you 3 years ago, was that the first time you were experiencing this? 3) Over a span of how ... (read in full...)
How can I stop liking my married coworker?
Q. How can I stop thinking about my coworker? I have developed a crush on a new coworker in my new job - he is quite handsome but married. He is friendly but we have never been innapropriate - we on chat about silly things and we added each other on ...
A. 11 July 2017: If "Don't act on it" does not quite work for you, then try "Don't fight it".
Convincing yourself that it's something that can very well be there, without your having to feel like you're letting anything pass you by, while you continue to operate ... (read in full...)
Is his request weird or not?
Q. So lemme know if this is weird or not. My boyfriend has been serious/joking with me about if I we had kids, that he'd want to drink my breast milk from my boobs. I shudder at the thought, and I can only imagine the issues women have with their ...
A. 9 July 2017: @janniepeg's answer has got just about everything covered.
Maybe when he is saying "it's unfair to deny him his request" what he's protesting against is really that he's not a weirdo for having made that request.
You can simply explain to him t... (read in full...)
Is she interested or a flake?
Q. Hey there, I am recently out of a relationship and ready to start dating again. Went back online and met a cool girl who I really clicked with. We messaged a few times back and forth, exchanged numbers and text quite a bit. Before our first date s...
A. 9 July 2017: It might make it easier for you to move on if you learn from this experience that if you're going to make productive use of your time, you should be ready to smell flakes from a mile away and not hesitate to cut them loose with nary an explanation ... (read in full...)
Is she interested or a flake?
Q. Hey there, I am recently out of a relationship and ready to start dating again. Went back online and met a cool girl who I really clicked with. We messaged a few times back and forth, exchanged numbers and text quite a bit. Before our first date s...
A. 9 July 2017: It might make it easier for you to move on if you learn from this experience that if you're going to make productive use of your time, you should be ready to smell flakes from a mile away and not hesitate to cut them loose with nary an explanation ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why she wont just delete her profile from online dating sites!
Q. It's hard to know where to start, and I know this will turn into a long post so I appreciate anyone willing to read through and offer advice. I've been in a long-term-relationship for about six years, we're the same age. When things are good,...
A. 9 July 2017: I don't know much about dating sites, but I'm wondering if keeping the profile up is not 5% about finding someone new who might go long term, which turned into 100% about 'power-playing' / mindf*cking you instead.
I'd suggest that if you're g... (read in full...)
Should I back of and give her time to deal with things?
Q. So for the past month or so I've been sleeping with this girl I know through mutual friends. We always have a lot of fun together when we hang out. She's just getting out of a seven year relationship and is currently in the process of moving out of ...
A. 8 July 2017: Wait... in Avengers II, Tony Stark has this line "Wait a minute, no one else is gonna deal with the fact that Captain just said... 'I look past your looks and into the clockwork of yo---Goddamn!Man! Did you get that line from alt.seduction.fast ... (read in full...)
Hes been exchanging suggestive messages with an ex ... should I break up with him?
Q. A few months ago, my boyfriend and I argued over a woman that he had been making sexual comments with on facebook. He said that he was joking, but I didn't think it was funny. She said she had a soft spot for him, then he mentioned a "hard spot" , ...
A. 7 July 2017: I think MissKin and Honeypie have got your concerns covered, pretty awesomely too.
From the Fringes, I'll add that you're a case in point that before you even consider dabbling in relationships you're way better off working on gaining confiden... (read in full...)
Help me understand these people! I'm feeling hurt and confused!
Q. Hi I broke up with my husband in October and met someone I'm work after. It was a whirl wind and I was vulnerable. The man was charming told me I was wonderful promised me the world. I fell for it hook line and sinker. I found out he lived w...
A. 7 July 2017: It might help if you could imagine projecting yourself out of your body and floating up and up and up and up... and watching billions of events per second unfolding on Earth from space... try it. Murders, lottery winners, surfers, birth of an ... (read in full...)
What to expect in relationship after 10 years?
Q. Hi, I need some perspective on my relationship. I want to know if it is expected that after 10 years should romance fade? Should I still be feeling lovey dovey or should I just be feeling bland and monotonous? Should I still be excited? Does ...
A. 7 July 2017: So, here's an angle to consider:
i) in case you kept trying but never could find a fulfilling relationship, do you already know that you are making the best use you can of your time on this Earth to be as happy as you can be on your own?
... (read in full...)
Online dating. He's not just chatting to me. Should I start chatting to others?
Q. Online dating. I've had both good and bad experiences doing this . I've been chatting with a guy for a couple of week and we are meeting in a few days for our first date . He's told me the lines how he's hoping i'm the one and what he hopes will h...
A. 6 July 2017: Your approach is one way of going about this online dating thing; I doubt it's efficient, let alone effective, though.
You sound like a very traditional romantic. I often find that I have yet to shed nearly as much of that skin myself.
How com... (read in full...)
She strung me along to cancel three times ...
Q. Hello everyone, so about 2 years ago I was in a short film with an actress and we hit it off really well, great chemistry. There was a kissing scene but it wasn't awkward at all. She even suggested "practice kissing" during rehearsal. However, ...
A. 5 July 2017: "I just feel so frustrated right now. And I know it was just a date but it still affects me." She's not really interested, there's plenty of other fish, all such variants hold true. But maybe what's really nagging you is "Why does her behaviour af... (read in full...)
Why is everyone sceptical about a 'friends with benefits' arrangement?
Q. So a while back me and my friend had sex a couple of times. We actually live in a shared house with other people, although they don't know that anything happened between us. We had known each other for about a year before this happened, and had ...
A. 5 July 2017: On my part, 'skepticism' about the F.W.B thing is that I might as well be looking for a pink unicorn. I'm not sure what people who make it happen know that I don't, but a girl literally put herself stark naked in front of me, and 'things' still w... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend the truth about a small crush?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 years. In the past 4 years, I've started to become really unhappy because he has broken so many promises, has lied so much, and I want to be married. He says he want's to be married too, but...
A. 11 June 2017: [To rasblack, I really don't appreciate you saying I want to "deliberately sabotage" my relationship.]
Errata: I really meant to write,
'You sound like you [subconsciously] want to sabotage your struggling relationship...'
OP, it's noted th... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend the truth about a small crush?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 years. In the past 4 years, I've started to become really unhappy because he has broken so many promises, has lied so much, and I want to be married. He says he want's to be married too, but...
A. 10 June 2017: It just sounds like you don't have the guts to make a decisive move to cleanly break up with your boyfriend. All you'd be doing telling him about this 'crush' thing is to inject further deterioration into your relationship. You sound like you d... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 5 years. Why does he need so much attention from other women?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Throughout the relationship I have caught him engaging in online flirtation. He signs up for dating sites to chat with women, and he uses Facebook to chat with multiple women (sometimes the ...
A. 7 June 2017: OP, first of all, you do have the right to choose the kind of relationship that you want. If you're feeling hurt from his behaviour then you are the one who has a decision to make in addressing that concern. Yes. However, there are 7 billion pe... (read in full...)
I thought we'd made plans but she hasn't texted back!
Q. Hey all! Need some advice here please. Earlier in the week a girl said I was amazing and that we should hang out this weekend. I texted her yesterday asking if the plans were still good and she said heck ya so I replied sweet that's what I like to ...
A. 27 May 2017: Try to put yourself in her shoes. I won't jump to any conclusions about what's happening on her side. "I then asked about what time and day this weekend and said that at some point I have a bday party to go to" If I were a girl, I believe I'... (read in full...)
I'm not in love with my husband. Do I tell the man that I do love my feelings just to get it off my chest?
Q. I am married to a wonderful man, and have two teenage children. But I was never in love with my husband. About 10 years ago I became very close to my doctor,he was unmarried, we never told each other how we felt but I know we both knew. I feel in ...
A. 26 May 2017: Love is a feeling, yes. One brought about by a *conscious* action... which is, making the _choice_ *to* love someone. "In the end I decided to stop going to see him,and stayed with my lovely husband which I still don't love even though he treats... (read in full...)
I fell in love with a part-time escort and not sure what to do now
Q. Long read, please be patient. I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it diffic...
A. 26 May 2017: Hello Brother, I'll be forever grateful for your country's "satay". Thank you S.E. Asia :) Rather than looking at what has happened so far and trying to guess what is truly on her heart and mind, let's focus on making you 'future-proof'. Wh... (read in full...)
I fell in love with a part-time escort and not sure what to do now
Q. Long read, please be patient. I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it diffic...
A. 26 May 2017: Rather than looking at what has happened so far and trying to guess what is truly on her heart and mind, let's focus on making you 'future-proof'. When you embark on any endeavour, you ought to prepare yourself like so: Let's suppose that y... (read in full...)
Why is it I feel I lost my soulmate? And could he really have moved on so fast?
Q. Hello again DearCupid. As I look back, I realized I have been posting on here on and off for about 7 years! This has significance because I was just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years over the phone, and the majority of my posts wer...
A. 26 May 2017: Hello OP, Suffice it to say, in way of anecdote, that at 23 years old, I was there. i) Your pain is real; You have every right to feel the way you do. ii) I find it admirably commendable on your part, given the circumstances, that you've ... (read in full...)
My married lover seems to have lost interest in me. Why is this?
Q. Dear aunts, I met a wonderful man through work and the chemistry between us was unbelievable. We had few business meetings with other people and he finally told me that he's very much attracted to me but never contacted me. I found out he was ...
A. 25 May 2017: "At some point he said let's not meet before 6 months because I never cheated on my wife" ohhh... OP... have you ever come across the term 'Reverse Psychology' ? because... "Long story short I got back to town and we met" oh, really? what ... (read in full...)
I know my friend's boyfriend is cheating on her but my boyfriend says I can't tell her
Q. Hi; I have a boyfriend who I love dearly and me and him are good friends with another couple who we go out with and see a lot. I am very good friends with the girl of the couple and he is very good friends with the boy of the couple although...
A. 25 May 2017: With people's characters being not all Black or all White, and there existing shades of grey, what you'll want to consider is "Does she want to be told?" or will her ego be bruised that you came 'saving' her?
It is a delicate matter and a fine l... (read in full...)
She's broken up with her boyfriend, is it too early to ask her out?
Q. Hey there everyone! Hope you all are well! I'd like some advice of you could. So I'm a 30/male this girl I need advice about is 25 I believe. She moved in to the apartment next door to me about 6 months ago. I instantly thought she was one of the ...
A. 23 May 2017: You've already put that woman on a pedestal. Has she given you anything to warrant your considering that the sun shines out of her... you know what?
Have you already conditioned yourself to think that if
i) you ask her too soon, or,
ii) y... (read in full...)
I'm trying hard for us to be intimate but he is just not interested and won't give a straight answer as to why!
Q. Hello all! I was hoping I could get some other input with my problem. I don't really need to get into the past cause that's what it is. So I'll ask now (: I've been married for 4 years in August. We have 3 daughters together. 9,1 and 4 ...
A. 23 May 2017: Here's what stands out to me from your post: I was looking forward to reading bits of data about your husband that would help yield information about what is on his mind or how he is experiencing the present situation. I did not get nearly as mu... (read in full...)
Are there any ways of telling for certain whether he's into me or not?
Q. There's this boy that I really like from college, and I'm a bit confused because he exhibits ALL the signs of being into me in person but doesn't message me that often. I can't tell if it's because exams are coming up and he needs A*s for uni, ...
A. 13 May 2017: "I also really value him as a friend and don't want to mess that up" From your standpoint, you're putting whatever it is of your personality into this interaction, that makes the friendship "valuable", because in reality you are hoping for more,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend needs time to figure his life out!
Q. I've written on here before about concerns with my boyfriend not saying I love you after about 5 months. However, we split up/decided to take a break yesterday although I'm unsure exactly which it was. Our relationship has been very happy...
A. 13 May 2017: "I can't look you in the eyes and say that I don't love you. I just can't say it"
Are you hearing this as 'I am not yet ready to say that I love you'? Is that what you're hearing?
Well, it is *not* what I am reading. It reads more like
'I do... (read in full...)
If a guy is happy with his Gf then why does he act uncomfortable and angry towards his ex-crush?
Q. This guy, his girlfriend, and the girl he use to has a crush on, work at the same place. The "ex crush" is still friends with the guy's girlfriend and he doesn't reallly care for them to still be friends. He use to profess his love to the "ex ...
A. 12 May 2017: It sounds like the person most likely to need an answer to... lingering questions would be the 'ex-crush'. Quite simply put, "Why" the guy is behaving the way he is, that's not nearly as relevant to the 'ex-crush' as "What do I do about it?" Th... (read in full...)
What can I do? My Gf of 5 years says she wants to have sex with another guy.
Q. Okay so I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. Recently I started noticing a big change in our sex life like she was losing interest. After a few months and started asking her what changed and all she would say was I don't know. After it e...
A. 12 May 2017: Is there any chance that she's like everybody else in their right mind and is not seriously considering doing those things? Is there any chance that after 5 years what she's opening up is a new level of [talking dirty]? Things that would turn... (read in full...)
Am I being a drama queen? How can I deal with this?
Q. I know that to other people this is going to sound ridiculous, but this is a huge dilemma for me because I can't help how I feel. Maybe I'm really upset about something else and this is the tip of the iceberg. I am very uncomfortable wh...
A. 11 May 2017: It does not at all sound ridiculous. Because I'm aware we're only hearing one side's point of view, I usually avoid dispensing this kind of black and white advice: Run. Put as much distance as you can between that 'friend' and you.
Somet... (read in full...)
I'm fixated on having a boyfriend
Q. I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know ...
A. 10 May 2017: Young Lady, just because I'm 37 doesn't mean I'm about to tell you you're too young to "be in a relationship".
You're the only one who can figure out what this means for you. Whatever "desperation" that you feel is there, the most importan... (read in full...)
I've had bad luck with women in the past, and now I'm wondering if this new girl is testing me or just playing games
Q. I would like some advice on what to do with a female I'm currently talking to. Ive had no luck in the past when it comes to relationships and have always ended up getting hurt, no fault of my own. I'm not a bad looking guy and can get dates, I deci...
A. 26 February 2017: I don't get it... It's barely a week you've been speaking to that person.
My impression is that you are taking things too seriously. She's, at this point, just pixels on your screen, or electromagnetic waves reaching your phone, and so are you ... (read in full...)
Do I ask her out online or in person? She is shy.
Q. I don't know if I should ask her out in person or online? We talk often, and get along well. In fact I often see her staring, and all of the signs that tell me she likes me are clear now. She's shy, and probably won't ask me out herself, so I thin...
A. 25 February 2017: To keep this simple, in order of preference:
i) in person
ii) on the phone
iii) online
A relevant question you might want to consider when asking her out:
What are you asking her out for? *Whom* should you make it about when you go out?
... (read in full...)
Should I message her on facebook, or should I just leave it?
Q. I went out on monday night for a student night and I met this really nice girl where we danced. I bought her a drink. She had a friend who was dancing with my friend but he left somewhere and I ended up going to see one of my other friends, but I sa...
A. 25 February 2017: Nothing to lose, go ahead and do it. It can only be a learning experience. Things to consider: i) For all the talk of 'men can just have fun and leave it at that; women have emotions bla bla bla...' , many women can very well see last night was... (read in full...)
If he wants to remain friends, I'm going to need a sincere apology!
Q. I recently broke it off with a guy I was dating because he wasn't ready for commitment. It hurt a lot but I'm mostly over it now. There was a deep connection and we could potentially be really good friends if the bad feelings can be resolved....
A. 24 February 2017: "because of his poor decisions..." Which poor decisions are you referring to? dating, but not being ready for commitment? making it seem like he was interested in more when he wasn't? I'm sure this happens millions of times a day througho... (read in full...)
He looks at naked women online but said he'd leave if I posted nudes of myself!
Q. I want to post nude pics of myself on an amateur site . It excites me to imagine men getting off to pictures of my naked body . My husband is against it and says he will leave . He looks at other men's wives naked and at porn . Why is it ok for him ...
A. 24 February 2017: The logic goes: somebody's wife has uploaded pictures of herself on an amateur site. OP's husband enjoys looking at those images.
If OP's husband is disgusted by the idea of his wife posting nudes of herself, how come he's not disgusted by the i... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my bf will randomly break up with me. How can face my insecurity and fear of this happening to me?
Q. I have a sort of silly worry to ask advice about. One of my good friends recently got broken up with. She met her BF in July and everything seemed to be going pretty well for them. I didn't think he was super considerate of her and she went out...
A. 23 February 2017: Very well... let's try that again (without the part where I "think" out loud some stuff that only makes sense to me) "I'm worried that my bf will *randomly* break up with me." How about this... try to picture, what would a *non-random* break ... (read in full...)
Is my wife secretly interested in a threesome?
Q. So we've been married now for 3 years. And we have 2 beautiful boys. Our romantic relationship is starting to get better than it ever has been in the past and my wife(Bev) and I are really enjoying ourselves and each other. Bev only has a couple ...
A. 19 February 2017: I envy you for having a wife who knows how to feed fantasies through text messages. Enjoy it if that's your kind of thing too.
Don't get yourself worked into any kind of self-imagined pressure to make 'something' out of it.
@Anonymous fe... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex-best friend I have feelings for him ?
Q. I have a best guy friend. For about 2 years we were always together , flirting, deep connection . I can't explain it was more love . Everyone used to think we was a couple I'm 99% sure he liked me but neither of us pushed for it .I wasn't sure whe...
A. 19 February 2017: Maybe this is a great learning opportunity to make up your mind what kind of girl you want to be here: i) will you be the girl who does the 'tackling' , as my ex-gf called her approach with me, or ii) will you be the girl who figures she'... (read in full...)
How can I figure out what job suits me? Any tips on finding the perfect job?
Q. I work in a prestigious corporate role and I absolutely hate it. I feel like my life revolves around my job and I'm so dependent on it (money) that everyday just feels robotic. I went to school undergrad and grad and now I have a corporate role as ...
A. 19 February 2017: Go on youtube and look for videos about rain and thunder storm on a tin roof. Check out the number of comments that thank the uploader for how soothing their upload is, and how uplifting and how much better they feel.
So, I've considered the ques... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my bf will randomly break up with me. How can face my insecurity and fear of this happening to me?
Q. I have a sort of silly worry to ask advice about. One of my good friends recently got broken up with. She met her BF in July and everything seemed to be going pretty well for them. I didn't think he was super considerate of her and she went out...
A. 19 February 2017: "I'm worried that my bf will *randomly* break up with me."
How about this... try to picture, what would a *non-random* break up be like, one that would work for you, and have you easily be like,
"ok. we've given it a shot, it didn't work out. I'... (read in full...)
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