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Top Agony Aunt #1/#1
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Rating: 10/10
For 1-day I was the #1 agony aunt as rated by the community and #1 as rated by the question asker. Suddenly, a mass of community members gave my answers 1-star... (Notice I have no average votes.) I've tried to give helpful advice, to everyone who asked, most of my life. It's part of my nature. Not everyone agrees with my input in all circumstances. But no one, has ever accused me of giving worthless or harmful advice. |
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I met my girlfriend's ex and am still kind of freaked out about it
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 and a half years. She is 3 years younger than me and is my second girlfriend but only one where it was serious (1st relationship lasted 2 months). I mentioned this to her and she didn't see it as a ...
A. 17 September 2016: This is a good example of why knowing anything about ex's is usually a terrible idea. In your case, it couldn't be helped, but really the best silver lining here is this: now you know without doubt that handling information about ex BF's is not for ... (read in full...)
What are some tips to keeping a LDR positive and satisfying, considering that he will be moving to a remote area without reliable wi-fi?
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to be long distance for the next couple of months. We will both be in farely remote areas without regular wifi. A lot of tips I've read are based around the fact that you can message or call that person at all hours. H...
A. 15 September 2016: Having great "phone dates" is better than constant contact. I found it helpful to have TV shows and movies to watch together over the phone.
LDR get tougher to handle emotionally each week in subtle ways. For that reason, and since you have dec... (read in full...)
How much is too much in a relationship?
Q. Hi all, I've been in a relationship for about 8 years, and it's had a lot of ups and downs. For a while now, more downs than ups, I think he and I would both agree. We had been long distance for a while, came together for graduate school which wa...
A. 12 February 2014: There is a lot of excellent advice already, especially by the anonymous female who wrote the "You're in a trap" post.
Having said that, weekly fighting is a deal breaker. At one point in my life I thought it was tolerable. Or even somewhat... (read in full...)
Co-worker will not stop asking me out even after saying no several times... what should I do?
Q. There is this guy I work with who has been showing interest in me for over a year. He is older than me by 10 or so years, but he is in a position below me. Several times he has told me that he is attracted to me, that he cares for me, and that he ...
A. 3 May 2013: First of all, you should not feel horrible at all. You have been straight forward, and very patient with a year long crush that includes workplace advances.
This is stepping into the human resources zone now. If you want to be very kind, and this... (read in full...)
Long Term Relationship Transitioning out of the honeymoon phase
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We have lived together before and currently live together again. I believe that I am transitioning out of the honeymoon phase (he did a lot earlier than i did) and I don't know how to handle ...
A. 26 April 2013: You are asking one of the most important questions of all relationships.
If you survive the initial loss of your love high, you are in a long-term relationship. It's a mysterious stage... I've seen a great couple together for years --sudden... (read in full...)
We don't have any kids and I even hate to mention this, but should I run before it's too late?
Q. My husband is a jerk and very careless with money! I don't even know where to start!!! Ok, I've taken a few deep breaths and I think I'm ready to explain. My husband is very naïve when it comes to all things money. For example, he wants to tak...
A. 25 April 2013: A few issues core issues for long term couples: Sex, money, and energy level. There are more, but these three are critical. When you have agreement in one of these areas, you have an asset. Where you strongly disagree, you carry a real burden.
... (read in full...)
I just want to be friends! Guys how do I turn you off FOREVER!; without gaining 100lb, sacrificing looks, nor getting really hairy?
Q. I'm studying computer engineering so it's ALL GUYS and I'm not a hermit or anything, so I try to make friends. And I LIKE having friends I can talk to about nerdy things like Linux and UNIX, I mean, most other people don't get it. But the guys A...
A. 13 April 2013: I'm in favor of mentioning your boyfriend, whether you have one or not. It's a good general way of saying: "We can only ever be buddies." If you want to step things up a notch, avoid highlighting your feminine charms. Also, make remarks like: "Dude" ... (read in full...)
My away from home soldier boyfriend gets upset about everything! What can I do?
Q. I am in a relationship with a currently deployed soldier. We love and respect each other very much. But the fact is, he tend to get mad for every single reason. For example, today he got mad over the fact that I want to go to the gym (because he ...
A. 18 February 2013: Anger is probably an important emotion for him right now. Clearly, deployment is a dire emotional situation that is not easy to address. Still, many, many guys act this way who aren't deployed. Growing up means at some point (or another) dealing ... (read in full...)
After my verbal outburst? Am I reading too much into things? Am I just hearing what I want to hear?
Q. Really need help here Dear Cupid! When I was in my early 20's I met a girl. We got together. Got a place together. All the usual relationship stuff. Anyway, she had several affairs. I'd always take her back. And she'd do the same again. Two...
A. 24 December 2012: I've had a few GF's pull irrationally jealous outbursts on me. It does serious damage to relationships, but, I usually got over it in a week or so. (Still, if my sister told me a guy did that to her, I would advise her to dump him on the spot.) ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to trust my boyfriend again?
Q. Is there any way to trust my boyfriend again? After a gut feeling that something wasn't right, I have found on two separate occasions that he has been messaging other girls inappropriately. the messages were SO hurtful. I confronted him and he wants ...
A. 5 October 2012: I repeat this a lot: Trust should not be given away on a silver platter. Normally, we do trust people to a reasonable extent --until given a reason not to.
Is there anyway to regain your trust? Yes. But it takes time and consistent behavior... (read in full...)
Will I always be crushing on someone no matter how much I love my boyfriend?
Q. Hey peoples. So I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, I love him to bits. However, I find myself attracted to my other guy friends and I think I'm developing crushes. Just out of curiosity does this happen to anyone else besides me? Will ...
A. 10 July 2012: The good news is: you are aware of what's going on with your feelings. It's fairly normal to have warm and fuzzy feelings for more than one person at your age. (Especially if you are around a lot of attractive people.) -As long as you don't let the ... (read in full...)
I was afraid my boyfriend was going to hit me last night. What do I do?
Q. Im still in my 8 year relationship and have hit a wall. i went to bed the other night quite late and because the cat normally sleeps at the foot of my side of the bed. i paid the cat some attention and laid down. normally when i do this he comes up ...
A. 10 April 2012: People snap much more easily when:
1) They are hungry.
2) They are sleepy.
3) They are sick.
4) They are horny.
5) They are jealous.
Any person, including women and children, can eventually lash out if they feel trapped or starved. This do... (read in full...)
Is it naive to think your relationship with your spouse is special or unique?
Q. I was working on my wife's computer recently, and I found some old emails from about 3 and 4 years ago between my wife and a couple of her exes. I couldn't resist the temptation to read them. I don't know that I really feel jealous (at leas...
A. 13 March 2012: First let me say: I don't recommend anyone read significant others old love letters, old emails, or journals. The main thing that comes out of it is: heartache and disillusion.
Having said that, generally in writing people can be very differen... (read in full...)
What is a guy's definition of 'soon'?
Q. What does a guy mean by saying 'can I see you soon?' whats a guys definition of soon? Thanks...
A. 13 March 2012: No further away then next weekend.... (read in full...)
Should a person confess to cheating if it was a one time thing?
Q. I'm just curious for your opinions. It certainly is the moral thing to do. But I recall reading once that if it was a one time thing that would never happen again, it's better not to admit to cheating. Seek to fix whatever it was that led you to ...
A. 7 March 2012: "No matter what anyone tries to say to the contrary, once you've gotten away with an affair you will never respect your spouse like you once did."
--The anonymous poster below should create an account asap.... (read in full...)
Should a person confess to cheating if it was a one time thing?
Q. I'm just curious for your opinions. It certainly is the moral thing to do. But I recall reading once that if it was a one time thing that would never happen again, it's better not to admit to cheating. Seek to fix whatever it was that led you to ...
A. 6 March 2012: There is a time when admitting to cheating becomes a way for the cheater to unburden themselves and clear their own conscious; at the expense of the other person.
But....
It's almost never the "highroad" to lie about cheating. I personally wou... (read in full...)
What is harassment?
Q. If a girl breaks up with a bloke and stops communication and does not tell him exactly why, is it harassment to continue to write to the girl over email every few days to find out why? I mean if she does not answer, when is it considered harassment?...
A. 24 February 2012: I wholeheartedly second Aunty BimBim & The Realist's excellent advice. ... (read in full...)
If I ejaculate after her menstrual cycle, can she get pregnant?
Q. if i ejaculate having unprotected sex after her menstrual cycle, will she get pregnant? ...
A. 16 February 2012: Ask yourself: am I willing to risk even a 2% chance per month of having twin babies with this girl?... (read in full...)
I've stop talking to my ex. Am I worrying too much about the whole "abandoning" my ex thing for no reason?
Q. It's been a couple months since I decided to stop talking to my ex. The months after the break up that lead to this decision were full of emotional turmoil and unresolved feelings. The no contact (and anti-depressants) has helped me a great deal ...
A. 21 January 2012: All promises are off when people break up. There are always unresolved feelings and predicaments. For the reasons you mentioned and more, and, if you 100% plan to move on: stick to zero contact for at least 90-days.
For your promise, and, onl... (read in full...)
Trust issues between bf and I, don't know why he still doesn't trust me, and don't feel I have any reason to trust him.
Q. Hi, so I'm in a going on two years relationship, we live together and we are both serious. Problem is, in the beginning of our relationship, he did some stupid things and lost my trust. He lied a lot in past relationships and is trying to stop ...
A. 30 September 2011: Dishonest people are good at rushing the trust back out of us: so they can continue lying again asap.
It's a tactic. Some people do it automatically and without being aware of their own motives. He casts suspicion onto you for needing "to know... (read in full...)
She says u can build a relationship early on(2wks in) by having sex. Is she just using me for sex? Or is that true?
Q. I'm lesbian and I recently met a bisexual woman and we connected instantly. We started hanging out, texting n calling each other. The weird thing is we went to sex store this week and she was telling me which strap on and vibrator she'll use on me. ...
A. 16 September 2011: Any person who enjoys the finer things in life, but ignores having to pay for them = red flag. There is little chance this is shaping up to a healthy long-term relationship. The attitude is all: take what you can get a.s.a.p. ... (read in full...)
He has lied so often -- how can I believe him now?
Q. Hello there! I'm having difficulty moving on with what happened late last year until April of this year. My 7years partner cheated on me during those times and even chose the other woman over me which was so hurtful. I tried to moveo on and had a ...
A. 15 September 2011: Lying can ruin an otherwise great relationship.
Adding to it cheating, and the fact that he returned seemingly because he noticed you were happy without him...
I don't like it. It seems like you were not ready to trust him again, and he wa... (read in full...)
Wife headed towards an affair. Can I confide in her sister?
Q. Over the last few months evidence has been mounting that my wife has a thing for a colleague of hers. She thinks she is keeping it very discreet and in control (I don't think she has even told him), but a man knows his wife and knows when somethin...
A. 2 June 2011: When silence hides the truth. Silence is a lie.
I don't think it right that husband and wife check each others phone every 5-minutes, but I have never had to hide my phone -even from a girlfriend. I think you are being very diplomatic, but you ... (read in full...)
My dominating boyfriend who thinks he's "Gods Gift" is making my life miserable...
Q. hey, so im about to turn 17 and my boyfriend is about to be 21. we have been together for a couple months and things are getting very complicated. im becoming scared of him. he keeps pressuring me about falling in love... he always says "i dont thi...
A. 4 March 2011: He is on the wrong track and probably has many, many, more years of this type of behavior ahead. The immaturity level is extreme and make no mistake: this absolutely is the kind of man who could physically hurt you without warning. His looks and his ... (read in full...)
How do you cope after a break-up?
Q. After reading about these break-ups I can't help but wonder... What are some of your silly, interesting or odd routine ways you cope after a relationship? For me, it's kind of silly. I purge all my underwear and buy new undies. I donno, there's s...
A. 18 February 2011: I've tried different things at different ages. What worked for me recently, wouldn't have worked for me years ago...
The main thing I avoid is jumping into new romances for at least 3-6 months. I avoid checking on my ex. I don't like to lean too... (read in full...)
I am seriously in trouble and don't know what's best to do?
Q. Hello, I've been with this girl for 2 years now, for the first year and a half I was unloving and ignoring her most of the time. I was going out with her for a few times and telling her how much I love her and once I return home I would call her a...
A. 12 February 2011: Everything you were honest about in this posting is a factor.
You basically handled your relationship with her on an immature level for a long time. She did what she could to cope with it. If you want to truly love her, admit to her your own beha... (read in full...)
I've never given a gift to a guy before and I'm confused!
Q. Hi everybody...i been with my boyfriend for a month an things are good an as we all know valentines day is around the corner....an I need all of you alls help...whats a good gift to get for a guy?...HELP ME...ive never gave any guy a gift for for ...
A. 4 February 2011: If he plays video games, get him a gift certificate or find out which games he likes in a sly manner. Any GF that has given me the gift of video games instantly won 1000 points in my book! As a selfish perk (let's face it: V-day if for the ladies) ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to pull away when their wives need comfort?
Q. I have been feeling down a little these days due to family issues. I would think my husband would be a little more comforting but instead he is getting more distant. Is that normal for him to distant himself or is it me just in need of extra ...
A. 4 February 2011: If men are uncomfortable with their emotions, or they feel the issues are too complex for them to outright "fix" they sometimes withdraw. I'm not really this type of male, but I know my sister has dealt with her share of it. It's okay to tell him ... (read in full...)
My husband is hot tempered and abusive. Please give me advice!
Q. Please help me. I got married 5 months ago. My husband is easily angered, abuses me, and sometimes he physically beats me in the process. He can be happy when he is happy, but can be very very angry when he is not. During courtship, I didn't ...
A. 27 January 2011: Tell the men in your family about the beatings. Have them come have a talk with him. Warn him: you will call the police from now on if he hurts or threatens you. Warn him: you will also alert yours/his family. Advise him: he must attend anger ... (read in full...)
My fiancee wont let me leave the home unless I have a baby sitter! ! Should I cancel the wedding?
Q. Ok, here's the thing. My fiancee and I have been together on and off for 4 years. we have a 1 year old and I have a 6 year old. My fiancee has a problem with parenting. He wants to be dad when its convenient for him. dont get me wrong, he is a good ...
A. 3 January 2011: I would say it means he is extremely vexed by baby sitting longer than brief periods. That probably won't change overnight. It's worth it to ask exactly how it makes him feel, and what "might" be done to make him more at ease.
I enjoy baby sit... (read in full...)
HIs attitude has changed overnight and I don't know what I did!
Q. Hi I have been dating a man for a few months and everything was going really well. He complimented me and wanted to speak and spend time with me. We spent xmas together and I stayed at his (invited of course)Then all of a sudden on the Monday he...
A. 1 January 2011: As many people have already stated, it could be anything and there is no way to know expect to ask him. Although, I have noticed after the holidays relationships can hit a dry spell. I have felt it before too. Because the holidays are a time filled ... (read in full...)
Is texting other men and women while in a relationship acceptable?
Q. I was married for 17 years and have been divorced for 6 years. I've dated off and on in those 6 years. it seems that people think it's ok to text other girls and men while being in a relationship. I don't think that is acceptable. my ex-husband and ...
A. 28 December 2010: I'm sensitive about this issue too. I think timing of the text and the nature of the "friendship" should be noted.
If it's flirty or absorbing, that can drain the special feeling out of hanging out or texting yourself. It can turn into a competit... (read in full...)
Is it weird to not enjoy making out?
Q. Is it weird to not like making out with someone? I've only made out with less than a handful of guys, and they were all during relationships. They've all gone the similar way...it's cool at first and I don't mind making out, and then eventually it's ...
A. 28 December 2010: I had a GF who straight up told me she didn't like kissing and preferred to skip to the other stuff. At first I was baffled. I couldn't even get excited without making out. It was not a matter of technique because I asked. She told me she "never ... (read in full...)
I'm not thinking straight, so could I get a second opinion about his being on these sites?
Q. To start at the very beginning, I had a boyfriend, I slept with him and he pretty much left me straight after he got "what he wanted". I ended up heartbroken. He did it over text as well which didn't help. I'm already 'clinically' depressed accordin...
A. 24 December 2010: You guys are still getting to know each other. I think you have to allow at least three months for these kind of loose ends to get resolved. And to see if things will continue to get serious. The fact that he didn't clear his history before letting ... (read in full...)
My ex still has my heart and its so annoying!
Q. i split from my boyfriend about 3 months ago, we havent spoke or anything since coz i want to get over him. i thought i was over him, but i started talking to this lad i really like and i cant seem to fall for him, my ex still has my heart and is so ...
A. 24 December 2010: Sometimes three months isn't enough time to get over a relationship. This is something you are better off learning sooner than later. Give yourself more time. Don't get too serious too fast with anyone else until you are 100% over him. Otherwise you ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to know her past in details so that I can forget them?
Q. I'm a 28 years old man and my wife is of the same age. Well, she is from a different country and we met each other when i had been to her country for some work. Well it wasnt love at first sight but we eventually fell for each other. At that time i ...
A. 24 December 2010: I generally think it's a terrible idea to discuss sexual history in a relationship. Probably, even worse to discuss it in a marriage. What value could those mental images bring? Past knowing the risk of of S.T.D.'s, which you seem to be passed, it ... (read in full...)
Iv been cheated on numerous times but I cant seem to move on, Help!!
Q. I was with my now ex boyfriend for just over 3 years. I met him when I was 19 when we met and he was 21. I fell completely in love with him. During the 3 years I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. (I even paid his bills when we broke up) He got me ...
A. 22 December 2010: Your love is not easy to flip off like a switch. That's a good thing. You aren't going to be able to "snap out of it", don't expect yourself to. Because you're emotionally stunned right now. If you want to let go be patient with the rawness for at ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend becomes verbally abusive when he drinks
Q. When I first met my boyfriend he was always a gentleman and always made sure to say the sweetest things. As time went by we began to hang out and I began to fall for his act of kindness. Off the bat I knew this relationship was not an attraction ...
A. 20 December 2010: Drinking ruining relationships is a regular theme on dearcupid.org Everyone has to draw the line with it somewhere, sooner or later.
No matter how much love flows between you and a mean spirited drinker, that flow becomes toxic. I'm strongly... (read in full...)
Is it OK for me to tell him 'no contact' with the girl he cheated on me with?
Q. My bf cheated on me with the same girl, several times. He claims that he no longer has sexual relations with her, but they do talk in a friend basis. He thinks I should be ok with him hanging out with her, but I'm not okay with it at all! Should it ...
A. 14 December 2010: Good answers below.
One of the amazing abilities of cheaters: making others accept inappropriate behavior. This is usually after they have messed up your sense of trust and boundaries so badly you don't know which end is up. Distrust is like an ... (read in full...)
My jealousy is driving me insane
Q. I have feelings for a guy friend that i'm housemates with, we used to be really close, he would text me all the time, buy me presents, take me out and buy me drinks. But over the summer he got a girlfriend and told everyone but me. I found out ...
A. 14 December 2010: You have every reason to feel hurt and upset. Don't even try to fight that. The fact that you are housemates -is rugged! Housemates can be very intimate without quite hooking up. I have seen this heartbreak in party houses. People in pseudo-couples ... (read in full...)
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