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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?
Q. Hello, friends, aunts, uncles etc I have a question again.... I am pregnant thanks to the advice I got I'm keeping my baby God will provide something for us. My question is do these men who abandon they children really move on or they do sit d...
A. 12 May 2013: Thank for your very informative followup.
Work on your own self esteem. And on how to be assertive. This will build strength within you, to help you become a strong role model for your child. And an assertive woman respects herself.
It will mea... (read in full...)
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A. 11 May 2013: Many don't like bad boys.
But those who do like Bad boys often have low self-esteem.
Bad Boys keep a look out for vulnerable and naive girls who the Bad Boy can manipulate.
And I totally agree with Maisy1.
Bad boys are, to me, the ones wh... (read in full...)
Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?
Q. Hello, friends, aunts, uncles etc I have a question again.... I am pregnant thanks to the advice I got I'm keeping my baby God will provide something for us. My question is do these men who abandon they children really move on or they do sit d...
A. 11 May 2013: Hate and lack of trust will create a roadblock for you. It will show in your face and your actions. It will age you and furrow your brow with lines.
Better to work on healing and learning to attract healthier relationships in the future.
You... (read in full...)
Why? Every time my Gf ask me for help I usually agree. But then she changes her mind at the last minute. How can I deal with my confused feelings about her rescinding the request?
Q. so i'm pretty sure i'm doing something wrong but i need some advice... so the thing is, both my girlfriend and i have a disability, and neither of us is able to drive a car. suppose my gf needs something. like, she's busy and doesn't have time...
A. 11 May 2013: This sounds a little manipulative to me. As if she is trying to pick a fight. Does she change her mind about a lot of things? Or is she hoping you will get sick of her doing this and thus so sick of it that you will stop offering to help her? Then ... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 11 May 2013: Sounds like your loyalty indicates that you like him a lot more than you realized. That's not such a bad thing if you can address the slapping. My good wishes to you.... (read in full...)
My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...
A. 10 May 2013: Your sister in indeed blessed with a caring sister who looks out for her. You did well... (read in full...)
Is it really just that I have terrible luck and that every time we make major plans she has some other important thing come up in her life?
Q. am I overreacting and being unnecessarily suspicious or do I have actual reason to worry here? my gf and I have gone out for 3 years. we're in college together. over the time we've been together, things have been great. we have minor arguments ...
A. 8 May 2013: Once, twice maybe ? Three times starting to look like it's excuses. And friends have (usually) mothers, fathers, siblings, other friends who can be there, (sometimes). So while it seems that she is the self appointed 'most significant support ... (read in full...)
Why now? Why did he tell me he likes me, now when he's going away? Does he really like me?
Q. I have been friends with this guy since high school and we used to live in the same neighborhood. Four months ago he moved away and since then we had stopped talking, about a week ago he texted me and he told me that's he's going to the army for...
A. 8 May 2013: He wants to have a friend who he trusts and who he can write to while he is away.
Yes he's been thinking he likes you and he is interested to get to know you slowly the old-fashioned way.
He feels comfortable with you. If you are happy to be his p... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 8 May 2013: If you really think that you don't love him then it is time to reconsider this relationship. Breaking up can be difficult but I honestly don't think the two of your are really good for each other.
He is not treating you right and he is not cher... (read in full...)
Husband calls me names and is sarcastic. Then calls it a joke. Is this OK? Will it hurt our relationship?
Q. My husband of 27 years admits he is sarcastic and is a name caller. He says the opposite of what is meant and then say "I was joking" This happens is front of your children and he thinks is ok and I am overly sensitive. Is this ok in a marriage ...
A. 7 May 2013: Sarcasm is usually described as the LOWEST form of wit because in many many cases it is NOT funny and is a thinly veiled attempt to denigrate another party. That's not humor. That's abuse if the joke is not a shared one.
Sarcasm is making fun (oft... (read in full...)
Why is it that he can afford this rent and living expenses now, when he said he couldn't when we moved in together?
Q. my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He has been living with me for over 2 but he has always called it my place. He claimed he couldn't afford to split the rent ($1200/month) so instead contributed $300 a month plus we take turns ...
A. 29 April 2013: Sadly he is just plain selfish. Now he's distancing himself from you.
He's been able to squirrel away extra savings and yes, that was at your expense. What a cad he's been.
I don't think he's been entirely honest. And I think he sought a way... (read in full...)
Important interview tomorrow. Help! How do I create a good impression? What are the points to take into account when being interviewed?
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A. 29 April 2013: Be prepared by working out some key answers now. You should not try to parrot those answers verbatim at an interview, but some key points should be part of your answer. Stand in front of the mirror and practice introducing yourself confide... (read in full...)
Does a broken hymen grow back if you don't have sex for a long time?
Q. Is it true that a broken hymen heals back into place after a long abstinence?...
A. 29 April 2013: As Cerberus says, it is definitely Not true.
What you can do is the kegel exercises to tighten your vagina.
Here is more on Kegel exercises:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kegel-exercises/WO00119
You can also try doing Yoga exerciises
... (read in full...)
Not attracted to my own race... am I shallow for this?
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Why would he call me a Princess and then tell me that I like to get my own way and I sulk? Is that a compliment or is he flirting with me?
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A. 27 April 2013: It's not even Feint Praise.
He thinks you are high maintenance as, in his opinion, you sulk and act petulant when you cannot get your own way.
No one likes to see a person who acts as if they are entitled to special consideration and special ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I want to feel as if my efforts are appreciated ?
Q. I'm looking for some feedback\insight to my issues! I've always been 'the one' lending a helping hand,be it a friend,be it someone less fortunate.. I work for a charity and make donations..but I think 'when you do good you should never accept ...
A. 27 April 2013: Helping others is a great way to build your empathy and gain the satisfaction of helping others. But if it draws more from you emotionally than it gives back to you then it can be counter-productive.
Normally we give to others because we feel we h... (read in full...)
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A. 25 April 2013: There is a huge amount of work being done to try to combat bullying. But perhaps it is not yet filtering down to the school level. Bullying is terrible. But there are many people in many countries who do want to combat bullying. Perhaps som... (read in full...)
Life Balance. May I have some tips on how to prioritize between my school life and find time to enjoy my passion of helping others?
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A. 23 April 2013: Hi
you do need to Prioritize and it really is OK to say no.
Your first priority is you and your health. If your health suffers then you can't support anyone. So please make sure that you get enough rest and eat healthy and live healthily.
... (read in full...)
Should I give up everything, and move interstate to be with my boyfriend? It would mean giving up my own home, which I purchased before I met him.
Q. I have been with my BF for 4 years. We are each in our late 20's/early 30s. I have my own house. He still lives at home. He was studying which is why he stayed there, but he could have moved out by now! (has it too good!). A big concern for me ...
A. 21 April 2013: Never give up your home and the equity you have built up in your home. His attitude bothers me. I have seen similar situations where the girl has sold her home. Then they have bought a joint property. Things have not gone well. And the girl has ... (read in full...)
I want this to be more than just "One Night Stand". What should I do guys to make this work?
Q. Dear All So here it goes, I have a colleague at my work place that I truly am attracted to him and wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. He lately been flirting with me sexually, his been touching my waist when he has the ...
A. 21 April 2013: Please consider an entirely different solution. If he is someone who you feel a strong attraction and he feels the same then back off. If it is meant to be then that will put the ball in his court. Men are like books. you can read them if you are... (read in full...)
A 22 year old marriage over due to my disabilies?
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40 something year old girlfriend embarrassed by 24 year old boyfriend- How do I fix this?
Q. My girlfriend and I have a bit of an age gap. I'm 24. She just turned 40. I went to hang out with some of her grad student friends (we're both in grad school) and she introduced me as her roommate. We do live with each other; but, we're ...
A. 20 April 2013: Oh Dear Pclaw, this is a mean situation. You are infatuated with her. And she's controlling the situation and pulling all the strings. This emasculates you.
Worse, she plays up for the audience with the other man because basically she is unco... (read in full...)
Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.
Q. I’m male 25, single and virgin, never involved in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone ever. At the moment I’m really focused on building my budding career and personally think that involvement in any relation/flirt might divide my attentio...
A. 15 April 2013: I liked your follow up too. Thank you. I can see that you already have many skills and some experience and motivation to reach out to others. The ability is within you to go on to find opportunities to start dating. You just needed the catalyst ... (read in full...)
It's my wedding. I've been polite to her and it didn't work. How should I deal with this very demanding clingy wedding guest?
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A. 14 April 2013: She is completely unreasonable and it is time you put your foot down. This is YOUR special day. She cannot stay at your home. She will need to book a hairdresser herself. In the two weeks before the wedding you will be utterly busy. You do not and ... (read in full...)
I am his first girlfriend and he isn't sure that I am the one. Should I let him go?
Q. I'm really confused right now. My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 6 months. He's 31 and i am his first gf. So he has nothing to compare to when something doesn't feel right in the relationship. He told me he had this feeling that he ...
A. 13 April 2013: He's 31 and finally he's landed a nice Gf who loves him.
Yet already after just six months he's indecisive and vacillating and thinking the grass is greener on the other side. He certainly does need to learn a whole lot more about women.
Maybe... (read in full...)
Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.
Q. I’m male 25, single and virgin, never involved in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone ever. At the moment I’m really focused on building my budding career and personally think that involvement in any relation/flirt might divide my attentio...
A. 12 April 2013: Of course you are a normal man. It is just that you have been so busy with you studies, that some areas of your development as a man have been delayed. There may even be some girls who will regard you as highly impressive that you are still a vi... (read in full...)
Are the people around me just forgetful? Or am I too brash and lacking empathy with people? I have a habit of putting people down when I reply to them if I think they've told me something before..
Q. I was in trouble yesterday with my husband. He told me my behaviour was too much. We have gatherings of my club, that basically is for Italians. I’m not Italian but speak the language. One guy there asked at least 5 times if I'm Italian. I ...
A. 11 April 2013: My father in law had early onset Alzheimer’s. It was very sad as he would ask me the same question sometimes eight times during the same evening. He seemed perfectly normal until he started talking. At first when talking he seemed to just be a ... (read in full...)
He calls me whore bitch slut. Blames me for his poor grades at college. Says he'll marry me if I change college to his. What should I do?
Q. hey My Bf is 18 and we are in serious about our relationship....... We have ups and downs. We love each other..... Still virgins Now the problem is 1) He asked me to join in his college. Then I joined in another college of my parents’ choice...
A. 11 April 2013: Please break up with this slime. he is abusive and inadequate and he blames you for his inability to do well. He seeks to bring you to his University so that you are available 24/7 to abuse.
he is not worthy of you. and you are recognizing that some... (read in full...)
I give expensive gifts because I think it'll keep them interested in me for longer!
Q. Hey everyone, Background: I never really had a father -daughter relationship with my dad,we never were really close,but he would always give me the pocket money as a child and give me anything I would point on! Fast forward to now, This has b...
A. 11 April 2013: Stop, Stop, Stop. You are sending out all the wrong messages. And even worse you are likely to attract a guy who will just lean on you and try to milk you for even more extravagant presents for them. You have a music track playing in your ... (read in full...)
How to get my abusive husband to leave?
Q. Hi, everyone. I have been with my husband for 8 years,he is emotionally and financially abusive and I want him to leave my home but he won't. I want to get him out but I do not want to get police involved because I have children and it will affect ...
A. 11 April 2013: Allowing your children to hear, experience and see domestic violence is domestic abuse. Your children will be affected for the worse the longer they continue to be subject to hearing, seeing, and being subjected to the toxic atmosphere of a home ... (read in full...)
What can or should I do? I am in love with my best friend. BUT she has a boyfriend. Should I just move on?
Q. i am in love with my bestfriend but she has a boyfriend we had been close friends since we were in college when we are in our first yr she said to me that she loved me but at that time i cant love her back because i have already have a girlfrien...
A. 7 April 2013: She can remain your platonic friend. But try not to be too familiar with her.
Separately look around further away for your friend for a new girl who can be your own girlfriend.
While this girl you like has a boyfriend she is off-limits a... (read in full...)
My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...
A. 7 April 2013: And for your sister:
I have lost a loved one through suicide. So I am going to share the following article with you. Because you also lost a relative to suicide. Perhaps there is something in the article that might resonate with you?
regar... (read in full...)
My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...
A. 7 April 2013: Bullying is always unacceptable. This site will give you some support links: http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html That your mother died of an overdose suggests that your sister may still be suffering some delayed grief as ... (read in full...)
My family do not love me for who I am. Should I talk this over with my friends? How can I get my family to love me for being me?
Q. I feel like my family doesn’t love me. My parents Love their two older children. Yet me? But not when it comes to me as well. When I'm myself they seem so disappointed and I don't know what to do. They say I act Like a 5 year old having a tan...
A. 6 April 2013: secondly: you asked if you should talk these things out with your friends? At this point you are 13 and I think it burdens your friends, some of whom may be ill-equipped to provide you with the level of wisdom and emotional support that you really ... (read in full...)
My family do not love me for who I am. Should I talk this over with my friends? How can I get my family to love me for being me?
Q. I feel like my family doesn’t love me. My parents Love their two older children. Yet me? But not when it comes to me as well. When I'm myself they seem so disappointed and I don't know what to do. They say I act Like a 5 year old having a tan...
A. 6 April 2013:
I am not going to insult your intelligence by telling you that , "Hey sure your parents love you," because I don't know your parents. I can only go my what you have written. And I hear the pain in your voice.
But right now you DO need more su... (read in full...)
Grief: Have you suffered loss of a pet animal or something very important to you, where the loss has hurt you deeply? If yes, then please advise me how I can overcome MY grief?
Q. I want you to think back to a time in your life where you felt there was something missing. Maybe you missed your friends or family while away from home, or even on a lonely night when everyone was too busy. Maybe you missed your pet, or wished y...
A. 6 April 2013: I can still remember when our beloved cat died. The week before the vet had told me I was worrying about the cat too much and that she would be fine. But we all knew and loved that cat in the household.
She was like an extra family member.
And... (read in full...)
My man's mega spend on liquor. How can I address this casually while still voicing my concerns?
Q. My husband enjoys drinking beer and will have 3 cans most nights and more on the weekend. I have just discovered the supermarket has an offer on and he has went and bulk bought spending almost £350 on beer. I'm quite alarmed to the point of sic...
A. 31 March 2013: If he just sticks to 3 cans then the beer will last for ages. But I thought beer had a shelf life?
Maybe ask him, with a nonchalant sort of disinterested voice, ''what is the shelf life of stored beer?'' if he does not know then suggest he googl... (read in full...)
When should I tell my therapist of my feelings?
Q. I have been to my college's counseling services for about 2 and 1/2 years now, and have developed a strong attachment to my therapist. It took a long time for me to trust her, but now I know that she truly cares and won't judge me. Part of the ...
A. 31 March 2013: I think you should wait.
Her reaction may be to immediately transfer you to another therapist to protect her professional standing, in the circumstances.... (read in full...)
My partner says I'm too heavy for sex!
Q. We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when hav...
A. 31 March 2013: Hah! TrancedRhythmEar is not telling the full story. TrancedRhythmEar is charming and delightful and flirty and that is why women are attracted to him. I would like TrancedRhythmEar to write the definitive article for men on flirting with wo... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this rut? And How can you like someone when you don't really know him, and when you can't speak to him?
Q. Hiya Im not really sure what answers Im looking for but Ill try and make some sense! Im nearly 21 and Ive never had a boyfriend, kissed a boy etc. I'm also overweight but am in the progress of losing weight :) I feel constantly like I'm...
A. 31 March 2013: You lack of confidence in yourself is a major problem.
You can try to address this with a great article by Code Warrior:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
a step by step process to self Confidence
... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this rut? And How can you like someone when you don't really know him, and when you can't speak to him?
Q. Hiya Im not really sure what answers Im looking for but Ill try and make some sense! Im nearly 21 and Ive never had a boyfriend, kissed a boy etc. I'm also overweight but am in the progress of losing weight :) I feel constantly like I'm...
A. 31 March 2013: Hi Flowerfairy
There are many instances where plus size girls do find love. And I think that is wonderful.
But you are narrowing the pool of guys available to you while you remain plus size.
Maybe you are hopeful that you will find the perfect... (read in full...)
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