A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been to my college's counseling services for about 2 and 1/2 years now, and have developed a strong attachment to my therapist. It took a long time for me to trust her, but now I know that she truly cares and won't judge me. Part of the reason that I started seeing her was because of family issues; my father was a constant criticizer and my mother was very emotionally distant. A few times in my life, I have developed strong attachments (in the psychology world, they call it "transference") toward teachers because of this, seeing them as parental figures. Now the pattern has repeated again with my therapist. Recently I talked to my therapist about wanting to tell her something big (my feelings for her), but being afraid that she wouldn't want me to or that it would affect our relationship. Because of the way that she responded, I am almost certain that she knows that I want to talk about my feelings toward her. She told me that she is prepared to hear anything that I want to talk about, and that if it's important to me, it's important to her. But she also said that we don't have to rush it. Because this is my college's counseling center, I cannot see my therapist over the summer. I may only have about 5-6 meetings left with her this year. I am trying to decide whether I should tell her this year, or if I should wait until next year (my senior year). I am a little afraid that if I told her now, our relationship would be different when I got back to school next year. However, I do feel ready to tell her and think that we would have a lot of meaningful and helpful work come out of it relating to my past. And I have been waiting to discuss a lot of this for so long. Do you think I should go ahead and tell her now or wait until next year? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Hi
You've been seeing this therapist for 2.5 years, you've built up a good relationship with her. With your background of an emotionally distant mother, it's no wonder you've developed an attachment to the therapist. It's normal in the circumstances.
I think you should talk to her openly, and do it before the end of term. I don't think she's going to be shocked or push you away/ treat you very differently. She should be trained in dealing with this. I hope you continue to make good progress with the therapy :)
Good luck, OP.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 You can tell her when you want, if she is a therapist worth her salt , and her psychology degree, she will know everything about transference and she will be equipped to handle it with no shock , surprise or judgement, as a normal, natural passage in your therapeutic path.
Your relationship will not be different, unless therapeutic purposes dictate so, because she will deal with the expressions of your transference at a PROFESSIONAL, not a personal/emotional level.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I think you should wait.
Her reaction may be to immediately transfer you to another therapist to protect her professional standing, in the circumstances.
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