A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in trouble yesterday with my husband. He told me my behaviour was too much. We have gatherings of my club, that basically is for Italians. I’m not Italian but speak the language. One guy there asked at least 5 times if I'm Italian. I patiently told him no, and then I kind of loudly and laughing told him, no, for heaven sake. Everyone had, an expression, on their faces. And my husband later told me that it was horrible how I answered to him. But really, 5 times? Was he even listening to my answers? Why to even talk to me if you are not interested in hearing the answer. I was actually meant it as a joke, because yes I was loud, but I laughed at the same time. My husband also told me that I have a habit to put people down by telling them that they already asked me this question several times. It does drives me nuts, he is correct.one lady had a long conversation about my business, and I gladly told her what we do in details, always thinking, oh, maybe it's another customer. Only two weeks later she asked me the same again having absolutely no recollection of what we talked about. I didn't want to repeat the same half an hour conversation again and simply told her that we already talked about it. My husband said that I make people upset, but what else I could do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): I think what OP was trying to tell us that she she doesn't understand why people even bother themselves to ask her personal questions without even being interested. Lask of interest and pretending to be interested , that's what bothers her. She also talks about highly unusual forgetfulness like a man in a club, who asked her several times within an extremely short period of time where she is from. It's a remarkable forgetfulness or simply complete lack of paying attention. It's not that she expects people to be incredibly interested in her and remember every word she says. I don't see this in her post. The opposite, she doesnt understand why they are being bothered asking questions if they don't listen and don't care. The conversation with a lady about business also showed that that lady was not really interested at all. OP feels like half an our of conversation was a complete waste as nothing was remembered. And now 2 weeks later by the same question from the same lady, she needs to repeat it all again.I don't think OP would get irritated if a question was asked only one or two more times. What she is describing is a quite remarkable incidents. We have to agree than when someone asks you 5 times the same question over half an hour time period is highly unussual. It could be several reasons: a person could be under drug or alcohol influence, or doesn't care to the point that he simply doesn't listen. Then if that's the case why not tell him? I don't think yelling is a proper approach, but I think you can say quite firmly that you already heard and answered this question several times
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 On one hand, I understand you. I am a good listener and I have an excellent memory, so it does bother me when other people aren't...as good as I am :).
But, I think it depends from the situation and the level of intimacy you have with the person. Like, I snap at my son the third time he asks me what are we going to have for dinner, because I know him and I know he has this bad habit of asking questions, and keeping up the conversation, while he is totally focused on his own business. We talked about it, he knows it bothers me and I want him to curb that, so if he has a relapse, I am frustrated and snap. I am his mother and I have the right both to teach him things ,and to tell him what bothers me.
But, with social acquaintances or perfect strangers, no, I think it is awfully rude. You are calling them on for not being focused enough , or not having a good memory, or not paying enough attention to you ? How presumptuous that can be. As if your place of birth or the sex of your children were such a breathtaking sensitive piece of information that people is not allowed to forget it. The fact is, that in most social occasions, people chitchat and make contact because of obligation, just to be social, you can forgive them if they don't have a riveting interest for your personal details. Plus, you have no idea, they can be on medications, they can be shy , socially awkward and intimidated, - they can be hard of hearing, they can be under a lot of pressure and have a lot of troubles in their mind. Or they can be just plain dumb and stupid, but I think it's not your job to teach them how to live and how to speak. If you don't have that minimal tolerance for all the little annoying quirks you may meet in social situations, then stay at home, where everybody will just hang from your lips and mind what you say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): When you are rude to people, you lose any potential business from them ... something to think about. And you don't know what the man who repeatedly asked you the same question is going through. Yes, it was annoying, but he could be taking medicine that affects his memory, or be really shy and not have much else to say, or he could be hard of hearing. Also, you can *act* patient with others even if you don't feel patient.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Yes, when you are in business, last female anon, that's what you do when you talk to people, when they ask about what you do, you tell them in details about business, doing some extra talk, so may be one day they will bring you business. It's not instead of socializing , it's in addition to it. You can still socialize and also think about business at the same time.I agree conversations are a chance to bond , but how I can bond with some one who doesn't remember the simplest fact about me, and within 30 minutes asking me about my country of origin 5 times. Thank you all for answering, but I probably will still get annoyed with people who do that, I just need to be more patient.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): Conversations aren't just information exchange, they're a chance to bond. I think it's interesting that you thought it was good to tell her what you do when you thought it was a business opportunity but not when it was just a social exchange.
Maybe just relax with people and enjoy the flow of conversation without worrying about who's remembering the facts most accurately.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): I understand how you feel. I sometimes wonder if people that do this to me also are on some kind of drugs that kills their memory. I was asked several times by one lady at work about my son. It all would be nice if I didn't tell her repeatedly thati have a daughter. It's been going on for six months, until one day I told her that I think she should know by now after I told her at least 50 times that my child is a girl. She turned all red and said, o, I'm sorry, that's right yu told me that already. After that she stopped. Also one guy at my GYM kept calling me wrong name for at least a year.,it was the same wrong name all the time. After reminding him several times my real name, and nothing changed, I started calling him a different name also. That helped immediately. He suddenly "remembered" my real name.Your husband is right, yelling at someone Is considered rude, but that guy obviously was ot listening to you when he asked you the same question ver and over again. To have an althheimer is one thing, but to not listen to a person is very different.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 I have ADHD I would have probably forgotten a conversation we had casually too and would have needed to be gently reminded.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2013):
 My father in law had early onset Alzheimer’s. It was very sad as he would ask me the same question sometimes eight times during the same evening. He seemed perfectly normal until he started talking. At first when talking he seemed to just be a charming man.
But once you have been asked eight times in one evening the same question it is not hard to work out that there is a problem. He was always fit as a fiddle. Physical tasks were no problem. He dressed well. He looked fine on the outside.
My mother in law took him to the doctor and my father in law just did not comprehend the problem at all.
All we could do was be very patient with him and make him feel comfortable. Little tasks became insurmountable problems and my mother in law had to help him with so much.
Some people just don't recognise when they are doing this.
Compassion and empathy will always be the better road to follow.
Humiliating people is not smart and it is not kind.
Your very direct approach may not seem, to you, to represent deliberate belittling or humiliating behavior towards others, but others observing you will judge as they see fit.
Everything we do or say reflects who we are and others will judge accordingly. You are already judging others by calling them out. Your habit of putting people down with a remarks implies that they are wasting your time by repeating themselves. It will alienate those around you who will see what they perceive to be humiliation.
It may be a habit you adopted over the years. You may have lived in a family where a way to respond was a flippant "put down". Some people in some cultures think that is "smart". However some people in other cultures see the same behavior as not smart but instead as cruel.
That may not be your intention, but perception is every thning.
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