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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: Sadly I think you'll have to be guarded about what you tell anyone in her son's family. They seem to be tolerating her continuing reign of harassment.
That they tolerate it, does NOT mean that you have to put up with her continuing harassment.
Wh... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: Hi
I used the term Judge. But it seems in your country you have another role which is less than a Judge but where the person has plenty of Power in the Courts at a lower level than a Judge. In your country it is called a Magistrate.
I don't k... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: A threat to your business?
That is a serious threat to your livelihood.
Get a lawyer to handle this. She needs to hear a Judge warn her off.
She will not listen to you and you are wasting your time trying to appeal to her.
Her aims towards you... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 13 July 2014: No I don't think it will help at all. She will no doubt be contemptuous about the letter.
By writing to her you are giving her the attention and drama that she craves. You will be giving her the Power over you that she thinks she is entitled to y... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 5 July 2014: hi
you really must get over this guilt, it is unproductive.
Get some counselling if you start to want to go back to being humiliated and abused and manipulated.
Doing the same thing again will get you into an unhealthy situation and you will not... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 5 July 2014: Well done that you managed for TWO YEARS without them. The world did not stop while you left did it?
They managed without you while you were away?
You have been there and done that in the past and you know how toxic they are towards you.
Cont... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 25 March 2013: you will need to be more guarded in what you say. While your siblings are still ''under the thumb'' they should be give limited information. When they are mature enough to respect your privacy and you can trust them to keep a confidence then they ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 25 March 2013: Hi
Yes I think the letter will add fuel to the fire. And I don't think you have to physically move again to get some distance.
They still make you feel hurt even though you distanced yourself from them. Part of the problem being that you still al... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 1 February 2013: Hi you are under no obligation to provide a valentine gift.
You might even prefer to be indisposed such that you can't see him for sex. It is a bit of a worry that you have to still work through for another three weeks. Hope the office grap... (read in full...)
My ex is threatening me by saying that unless I get back with him, he will assassinate my character and ruin me!
Q. i am from India..i am in a major trouble. i broke up with my boyfriend because he was so manipulative and controlling. he made my life like hell.In the initial days of our relationship i gave him my gmail and facebook password.Not even in my dr...
A. 29 January 2013: And CMMP has also made some very valid suggestions about addressing the security of your facebook and your email. If he has added any additional email accounts (to recover a password) then delete the ones he has added. Changing all your passwords to ... (read in full...)
My ex is threatening me by saying that unless I get back with him, he will assassinate my character and ruin me!
Q. i am from India..i am in a major trouble. i broke up with my boyfriend because he was so manipulative and controlling. he made my life like hell.In the initial days of our relationship i gave him my gmail and facebook password.Not even in my dr...
A. 29 January 2013: Blackmail is illegal in your country. Tisha-1 has given you excellent advice below. First I am going to give you the resources to help you deal with this low life who is threatening you. Give in to his threats and your situation will not be good.... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting? Should he have left me alone? Was I right to refuse to go to a place where I'd be the only woman?
Q. So here's my story. I'm visiting my fiance where he stays due to work. Yesterday he wanted us to go watch soccer at his friend's place (actually home boy), I refused to go because I don't know his friend's friends and I was going to be the ...
A. 29 January 2013: I suggest that your womanly instinct was right to refuse to go visit a group of men you had never met and did not know. I don't think it was even right for your guy to even consider that was ok.
And I agree with the other poster. your fiance w... (read in full...)
Any tips to help me get over this and move on? I am about to break up with him. He's happy I'm leaving. His teenage children rule the house. He refuses to back me.
Q. Hi, I won't make this too long but would really appreciate some of your views. My partner has asked me to move out of his house. We have been together 5 years and i moved in 3 1/2 years ago away from all my family and friends. He has 2 kids tha...
A. 29 January 2013: first you need to get out, and safely.
when bad situations occur like this then I think sooner, not later, is the time to leave.
Your welfare is more important than money. Is there anywhere else you can stay? Can you get your furniture out and into... (read in full...)
Your thoughts on this? He's verbally abusive, spends time online gaming and watching porn. Have to ask him for his % share of bills. Is this relationship working or is there an answer?
Q. hey guys i am writing this because i am at the end of tether with this man who is supposed to be my husband. We have been married for 4 years and it was long distance. I moved to the US about a year ago and since coming here my relations...
A. 29 January 2013: File for divorce in US. It will be the best thing you've done so far. He is a loser. His true colors are being revealed. He's not stepped up to being your husband. He has gaming issues, pornography issues, he's still a little boy wanting his Mom to ... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 29 January 2013: He's snared you in his web and you can't see a way to extricate yourself from his poisoned trap. But you're feeling uneasy. His pleading, presents and play-acting is very dramatic. It's a well-practised game. He's loves all the drama. He plays up... (read in full...)
Help! Priorities? My health? What the NHS demands? Attend the 8 year paediatrics programme and lose contact with friends? Find time to do things I enjoy? Which should I choose?
Q. This is about my life. I gave up teaching English as a foreign language to go to medical school aged 30. I knew it would be tough. No money, starting at the bottom, my peer group all being 10-12 years younger. I went from having classes of mainly ...
A. 28 January 2013: I thought this very important life/balance and health question would get some inspiring answers and I was not wrong.
It does sound as if you do need some 'me' time to clarify your future directions in life.
When you are too stressed you can... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got his ex pregnant. How can I live with this?
Q. I have boyfriend dat we have 5year inrelationship ilove him very much n i knw he realy love me too ,idnt knw hw to trust him again n forgving him after finding out that he impregnant one of his ex-gf dat they date 6year ago ,he said it was mistake ...
A. 28 January 2013: This was before he met you. He had a relationship with a girl before he met you. He was 19, a teenager.
You were 17 and he 20 when you got together.
Did you know he had a Gf before you started as a couple? Not many boys aged 20 who have not slep... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no endurance to be on top during sex
Q. My boyfriend can't be on top during sex. He's about 220 lbs and he's around 6 feet tall, so he's a little overweight but not obese or anything, anyways he gets tired really easily and can't last on top at all. Like 5 to 10 minutes and he either has ...
A. 23 January 2013: Your boyfriend has a BMI of 29.8
You can calculate it here: http://nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
This is the upper level just before he tips into obese.
He is so close to tipping into obese. Because obese is after a BMI of 29.90
He should not be ge... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 21 January 2013: Hi,
Good to hear from you again.
Your selfish parents are never going to change, you know that. So don't allow this crisis with your brother to draw you back into the family and then see yourself back into the abusive cycles you suffered when you... (read in full...)
How do I live the rest of my life married to someone I don't love and I can't marry again?
Q. Dear Cupid I am 30+ years old Indian (Asian) women with a great career. Married but not living with my husband (no kids, he is impotent), it was arranged marriage we never got along well. Trying for divorce, but my husband wants to give this ano...
A. 20 January 2013: File for an ANNULMENT of the marriage now and do this in the USA. I do not know if impotence is grounds for an ANNULMENT in India but it is grounds for divorce in USA
Since your husband is impotent and you would like (one presumes) to have chil... (read in full...)
How do I live the rest of my life married to someone I don't love and I can't marry again?
Q. Dear Cupid I am 30+ years old Indian (Asian) women with a great career. Married but not living with my husband (no kids, he is impotent), it was arranged marriage we never got along well. Trying for divorce, but my husband wants to give this ano...
A. 20 January 2013: Hi
Your flag show a USA flag, is that a mistake?
Or were you born a USA citizen, or do you now live in USA, or have you and/or your husband moved to to USA. Perhaps you have a wonderful career where you spend part of your time in the USA?
Or... (read in full...)
How can I stop caring for this guy who obviously doesn't care for
Q. I started dating this guy 3 years ago. At first he seemed so sweet and trustworthy. After a few months we started to fight over the fact that I was still friends with my ex boyfriend. We would fight a lot because I could tell he didn't trust me...
A. 20 January 2013: Don't allow this man to bring you to your knees emotionally. Any relationship that causes you to sink so low emotionally is in danger of over-whelming you.
Seek help before it gets to that stage.
No partner is worth suffering so bad that you fee... (read in full...)
Should I try to discourage him from wanting to be married to me? Or end the marriage? Could I get transitional housing to leave?
Q. Married for over 11-12 years with passive aggressive husband who constantly diminishes my every move. I have 2 sons who are 8 and 10, and a daughter who just turned 1. Scared that no one will take care of me when I get old. I'm always good at my o...
A. 20 January 2013: You need some urgent advice on how to safely get out of this relationship.
There is also more support out there to help a person leave an abusive relationship.
If you contact the abuse lines below they can put you in touch with more support ... (read in full...)
Do I get out of my troubled relationship now or stick it out till August?
Q. Hello, I've been dealing with some issues lately and I've decided to turn to the internet for help. I've been dating this guy for nine months as of the 17th of January. Let's call him Ted (that's not his real name). Ted and I have known each ot...
A. 19 January 2013: This is way too much for a vulnerable young woman to be facing.
And couples (happy ones) do not fight in the ways you describe.
Only a dysfunctional abusive relationship operates the way you describe your relationship as it is right now. If the P... (read in full...)
What are the right and wrong things to say to a friend who is depressed?
Q. I live in a place where there are some small private hospitals and that is where my friend is now. My friend is getting wonderful support from her Doctor so I know she is in good hands. We have been friends since school and I have supported her many ...
A. 18 January 2013: You are there for your friend and you are showing in practical ways that you care.
By your presence, by taking some of the load, by just turning up and showing her that she is not alone.
Depression is very common but the severely depressed person i... (read in full...)
Cheating lying ex still calls me up - why???
Q. So i'll start from the beginning. we met through the internet... sounds dubious. i wasn't sure about it myself either... but we did have mutual friends in the real world so it made it a little easier to connect with each other. we hadn't met but ...
A. 18 January 2013: his EGO still wants to check if you miss him, feel jealousy about him and still want him back. He still thinks he could get you back, but only to toy with you.
What a deluded immature shallow man. Who would want him?
He's hardly a prize.
Y... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 18 January 2013: So all you have seen so far is a psychologist who perhaps you did not connect with?
You may have depression. Perhaps the psychologist you saw thought she needed a second opinion.
But as you have not yet seen any more than a licensed psycholo... (read in full...)
I don't have the strength anymore - should I end this relationship???
Q. Hi, I am in a relationship with a guy for more than five yrs now I am not married yet.... We fight often now he gets angry on me for silly reasons shouts at me in vulgar language calls me slut ...he has even beaten me several times and I have...
A. 18 January 2013: I think you should most definitely finish this relationship.
Without even discussing it with him.
He is abusive and he has gone too far and you can do far better than him.
Remove all your things when he is at work.
BUT before you leave talk t... (read in full...)
My parents are going to push me to have an arranged marriage and after seeing how theirs turned out, I don't want this!
Q. Hey everyone, My parents have completed 23 years of marriage and. U may think 'wow' but noo,never once in my life I'v seen the love,I think they were together for me,it was an arranged marriage,they weren't in love,they were supposed to fall in ...
A. 18 January 2013: First off you are an adult. That is good.
Secondly your parents have chosen a country that views forced marriages as illegal.
And thirdly as an adult you can say no.
Your flag indicates that you are from Australia. Another plus for you.
what I... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 16 January 2013: It is early days, though you do need to recognise that Depression is a really serious illness. One you must not ignore.
If you want to try additional therapy that might make a real difference then consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
I... (read in full...)
How does a man know what "type" of girls is he interested in?
Q. Dear readers I'm am 19 years of age And I was just wondering how a man knows when he discovers the "type" of girls he is interested in. A lot of friends say that I like blondes and sure I have dated a few blonde girls but the only proper rela...
A. 15 January 2013: Hi
If you possibly can, try not to limit yourself to physical attributes like hair color. Most girls like to ring the changes, when it suits them.
Sure you will be physically attracted to girls who push all your buttons. That's physical attracti... (read in full...)
Why does he only phone me from work? Why doesn't he answer when I call him? Could he be playing me?
Q. Okay PLEASE HELP. So I am 19. Keep in mind I have always had a very old soul and countless people have told me this. I am not your average teenager I should probably be older I act like it... Anyways. I have always liked older guys. Recently, ...
A. 13 January 2013: He is married.
And eventually he'll probably tell you that his wife doesn't "understand him" and that his wife is "frigid" r even "doesn't like sex" and so on.
When you phone him, when he is with his wife, he probably looks at the phone and te... (read in full...)
I'm meeting her tommorow but not sure how to act?
Q. Yesterday, I've hooked up with a girl . I liked her for several months and even thought, she had rejected me once before now she finally said Yes. I couldn't believe and after she said Yes I kept staring at her with my mouth open. After that I ...
A. 11 January 2013: and gee I really miss Bernard's very cool answers. Bernard was a really prolific contributor on this site. Wish I could see Bernard back here! ... (read in full...)
Can short guys have success with women? And if so how? I need advice on how to cope better with my height.
Q. I am a 5'4" male and i am very insecure about my height. I know that women love tall guys and that most of them turn their noses at the thought of dating a guy as short as me. However, I also know that some guys my height and shorter do have suc...
A. 11 January 2013: You think you need to be taller. But many men, your height or shorter, have great success with women. The greatest predictor of success with women is your own CONFIDENCE in you. Everything else follows after that. If you lined up one hundred men ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to dislike the fact that my B/f' 5 year old son crawls into bed with us every morning, then fidgets, talks, crawls all over us?
Q. A brief question to all you helpful people... I'm in a great new(er) relationship that is fairly serious, and I have just moved in with my boyfriend, although I've been unofficially living with him for three months. My lease just expired, my thin...
A. 10 January 2013: what a very normal little boy. Full marks that he waits until 5am.
But if you are not used to this very normal behavior of a loved son then I can imagine it has been a shock. And has meant a change in a routine you previously enjoyed. Mornings... (read in full...)
It's complicated. He will visit me. But often pushes for more physical content than I want. But he discourages me visiting him. Why?
Q. Have been into a relationship with a guy for more than 4 years now we both love each other. He calls me and he pays me a visit. I need a new jobc so that occupies my time, but I'm less busy in weekends. Each time i pay him visit he kisses me on...
A. 9 January 2013: You are not his only girl friend. Sadly, while you may be exclusive, he is not exclusive, it would appear.
And he is not as respectful as he should be. Pushing for more sexual contact, before you are ready, is a Red Flag that he is not resp... (read in full...)
She totally destroyed my confidence. How to get her out of my head? How to move on from the hurt?
Q. Hi my girlfriend I had for two years was paranoid about me thinking I was looking at other girls eying them up and kept on saying that someone else comes along I would be off ,I kept on reassuring her and telling her I loved her ,she turned her ...
A. 6 January 2013: what a disagreeable girl.
Clearly she has Issues of her own. She's not worth another minute of your time.
I wish you well in the future.... (read in full...)
She totally destroyed my confidence. How to get her out of my head? How to move on from the hurt?
Q. Hi my girlfriend I had for two years was paranoid about me thinking I was looking at other girls eying them up and kept on saying that someone else comes along I would be off ,I kept on reassuring her and telling her I loved her ,she turned her ...
A. 6 January 2013: You may think you still are in love with her. But reading how diabolically twisted this girl is and the lies, manipulation and nastiness of this girls is an eyeopener. I think there is something wrong with her, to the extent that she can tell a lie ... (read in full...)
I have no motivation. How can I stop procrastinating and enjoy life?
Q. Not sure what is wrong... I have been feeling sad, lack motivation, and interest. I just want to watch tv all day except when I have to go to work. I have tons of things I need to get done in life, but I just sit on my couch and put it off. What c...
A. 6 January 2013: Procrastination can go hand in hand with some anxiety.
So this can be anxiety or even depression even if you think there is nothing in your life that could cause you to be anxious or depressed.
Visit your doctor and explain your symptoms. i... (read in full...)
What can I do about my friends rude boyfriend?
Q. I've known my friend for years longer than his boyfriend. I can't stand my friends boyfriend because he is so rude. He always answers for my friend and butts in. My friend can answer for himself. The boyfriend also answers everything with " if you...
A. 6 January 2013: What a bore he sounds. First deal with your boyfriend and arrange some outings where the other guy is not advised and is not invited.
Then ask your Bf to deal with the rudness and that may be all you need to do.
But if it is not enough..... ... (read in full...)
Are public displays of affection at work OK or not? In disagreement with my BF over this.
Q. Hello! Hope you can help with some advice on this small issue. How much physical contact is OK/to be expected from your partner when at work? We work in different departments and when we met up for lunch he wanted to walk with his arm arou...
A. 6 January 2013: if you are still in the serious crush zone in the first three months I can understand people being indiscreet at work and stealing a kiss here and there. People tolerate that as they know the couple are temprarily deranged with the feelings they are ... (read in full...)
Can a drunken kiss ever be a sincere kiss?
Q. So I've known this guy for 15 years, but we've never really talked. Over the years we've seen each other at parties, sometimes drunk and other times not, and we talk at all of the parties. Before Christmas, we talked while I was drunk and he was s...
A. 6 January 2013: Some men need a few drinks to get the courage to do what they want to do anyway.
But are too scared to do it when sober.
That said I would trust a sober kiss more than a kiss when a person has medicated themselves with alcohol in order to los... (read in full...)
No GF, I am a virgin and I failed college. My self esteem is at an all time low. How can I gain confidence?
Q. I am finding it very hard to like myself right now. I flunked out at college, I am a virgin and I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I have accomplished nothing and feel that I never will. I will be turning 22 in a few days and I don't ...
A. 5 January 2013: At your age it can be very easy to think that you have not yet achieved your dreams and it all looks too hard. You are not alone. Some very very successful people have faced a situation just like you. In fact wanting to be successful can often be ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: Should you stay? No. He my have seemed too good to be true, but that was only one side of him. His other side may not have emerged until you'd been married 5 weeks, or 5 months or 5 years. But eventually his nasty side would have surfaced.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend arranged for his 4 year old daughter to live with us without talking to me first
Q. I am a 24 year old dating a wonderful 32 year old man. I've known from the beginning that he has a 4 year old daughter from an ex- girlfriend. We live in Colorado, and the daughter lives with her mother in Florida. My borfriend visits his daughter ...
A. 4 January 2013: You are not being unreasonable at all. You will have to arrange child care and that will impact on your household budget.
If you already had a child and you were spending some extended time home then the stress on your relationship would still be t... (read in full...)
I'm interested in hearing from aunts with counseling, psychology, social work studies or careers.
Q. Howdy aunts and uncles, love your work by the way :) So basically I've lost my job a couple of weeks ago, wasn't an enjoyable job, just something to pay the bills and now I'm ready to pursue a career in something I'm interested in. Which has l...
A. 4 January 2013: One important thing to consider is that with the ageing population in the West that any careers that focus on meeting the needs of the aged population will be a money spinner for the next thirty years.
Demographically in the west the aged popu... (read in full...)
Why did my husband not include me on the pregnancy email?
Q. I recently entered my second trimester in my pregnancy. My husband and I are both very excited about having a baby. He recently sent a mass email to his co-workers and our friends announcing our pregnancy, but he didn't include me on the email. I ...
A. 3 January 2013: hi
Thank you for the update.
Here's a thought - ask him for a chance to read all the responses in his account.. Forward any that you like to your email and then respond on your email.
Do you think this might help ?
Regards,
Abella
... (read in full...)
Husband went to lunch with female co worker and admitted to masturbating about her is that normal?
Q. Three days before I married my husband, he shared that he had been having lunch with a female co-worker for two-years. I asked him to stop this as he wasn't taking me to lunch and I felt it was innappropriate. He realized that he wouldn't want me ...
A. 3 January 2013: Hi most definitely was having and emotional affair with the women and he was lusting for her. But he did not see her as Wife/Mother of his children. She was just for his pleasure Poor woman might have thought she had a chance? I am wondering if she ... (read in full...)
My friend would be perfect for me but I don't love him. How can I fall in love with him?
Q. I have a really big problem. I know some will say i am a 'friendzoner' idiot, but I dont know what to do. I am in a relationship with a guy that I love. I feel I love him and I like every inch of him. I cannot really tell what is what I like. We...
A. 3 January 2013: Sometimes the Chemistry is just not there. So many variables that you cannot control. Their Pheremones. How their skin feels, looks and what reaction you get when you touch it.
If the feeling is not there you may as well be measuring a man for a su... (read in full...)
How can I reply back to bait and flirt with this possible player?
Q. How do I flirt with this guy. G and I went on a great date where we had a lot of chemistry. Since then he has had relatives in town and he's overseas at the moment and has not been msging me often. We kinda said we both wanna go on a trip togeth...
A. 3 January 2013: Maybe you just need to learn the Ground rules a Player follows and replicate the female version.
Mirroring a Players behaviour just might net you a player. But for how long? If he's a player?
here is the article from AnonymousMale1 with a bonus... (read in full...)
10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"
Q. Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn't to give up on men because by condemning all men ...
A. 3 January 2013: Two years later and I am Still recommending this Great Article. every girl dating should read it.
The detailing of a player is done so well. ... (read in full...)
Why did my husband not include me on the pregnancy email?
Q. I recently entered my second trimester in my pregnancy. My husband and I are both very excited about having a baby. He recently sent a mass email to his co-workers and our friends announcing our pregnancy, but he didn't include me on the email. I ...
A. 3 January 2013: Sometimes when people are excited they just don't think. knowing he is about to become a father is a HUGE thing for a man.
His logic was a bit twisted, especially if he did not ask first. Nor consult you in any way.
But I think it is just AlphaMal... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 16 November 2012: First Congratulations with the recognition. Sounds like you deserve such recognition.
Actions: these tell intentions.
IF your grandmother was really proud of you then she would not seek to undermine you. She would make it her mission to find out... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 18 February 2012: Thank you for your beautiful follow up. Really made me feel extra good. Much appreciated and I wish you well in the future too
Regards
Abella ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 17 February 2012: By the way if you were 15 or 20 my advice would be different. Because you would still be learning life lesson.
And there may be more lessons to learn. But you are the one who will decide which lessons you choose to learn from, for a better f... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 17 February 2012: First off Dump Any guilt about what ever you do decide to do in your life.
You are intelligent and capable and attractive, you do not need their approval nor their advice nor their endorsement about any of your life decisions nor your business deci... (read in full...)
10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"
Q. Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn't to give up on men because by condemning all men ...
A. 13 June 2011: Once again I need to refer this Great Article to an OP.
Anonymousmale1 thankfully I always remember your name - making it easier for me to find this and your other great articles.
Anonymousmale1 you contribute really great expertise to this sit... (read in full...)
10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"
Q. Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn't to give up on men because by condemning all men ...
A. 17 May 2011: I am recommending this fantastic article to an OP along with several of your other articles. You continue to provide a wonderful resource in Dear Cupid with great articles in DC like this one
Thank you for your great advice
Regards
Abella... (read in full...)
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