A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m male 25, single and virgin, never involved in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone ever. At the moment I’m really focused on building my budding career and personally think that involvement in any relation/flirt might divide my attention and take me away from my objectives. I already have university degree and planning to pursue further studies along with my current job. I’ve never been a fan of porn thing either, but in my teenage years when I felt horny, once in a blue moon tried to do it with hand, but problem was that I never never used to come, meanwhile in the process I got exhausted completely and sensitive parts of my ‘most sensitive’ part of the body used to bruise; so I just stopped with doing it. I want to know is it normal and happens with other men as well? My friend once said I should do ‘something’ to keep me going, but I’m such a cool and calm personality that I never bothered about it because I think I’m having happy and healthy life. (It doesn’t mean that I’m dysfunctional etc. At times frustration does take, but I just hang on and after some time all goes well).So I just need some feedback that should I continue with the same or start considering some drastic behavioural changes? Thank you all. Regards.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I liked your follow up too. Thank you. I can see that you already have many skills and some experience and motivation to reach out to others. The ability is within you to go on to find opportunities to start dating. You just needed the catalyst (DearCupid site) to start things happeningGood Luck in the future. Try to allocate time to start reaching out to girls, even if it's just to chat in the lift. If there is a girl you like then take note which floor she works on.When you see her next you can press her floor and smile and say 'the fifth floor again?'Try to find out a girl's name, even if you have to ask someone else first. Next time you see her again say her name, maybe comment on the weather, then say goodbye when you leave the lift, again using her name as you do..Don't be in a hurry to tell her your name.It will help you determine how interested she is in you if she goes to the effort to find out your name.Step by step, inch along, be subtle and not pushy.Eventually you will get the courage to ask her out for a coffee. You can move forward.Soon you may be dating. You are meant to be dating. It will happen eventually. Starting with a smile. A little flirting. Then some time getting to know her.My Good Wishes to youAbella
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): Thank you for taking the time to answer my query and you both really helped.
@Abella: Really appreciated the way you closely analyzed the situation and gave impressive suggestions. I’ll soon devise a plan to actually work on them. As far as volunteering is concerned, I’ve been involved in some activities like teaching to schools kids in the past, for the purpose of not only socializing, but due to the fact that I do care. Now am considering to offer my weekends to organization working for the betterment of orphans.
Further, am not the one to stick around with my parents all the time. Am living away from my home town since last seven and half years due to studies and now for job. I get to see my parents usually once in a month, for a night or two.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 April 2013):
Dear OP,
Do what feels right for you. If YOU feel happy and healthy the way it is, you don't need to change.
If YOU feel like you want to have a relationship and/or a sex life someday, I don't necessarily think you need to compromise your career. I know enough people who are doctors and professors that have lovers, wifes, children and an existing sex life.
I would keep in mind, though, that any career will end some day. And if this is the ONLY thing you care for in life, you might end up lonely or without any idea of how to spend your time.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 April 2013):
Of course you are a normal man. It is just that you have been so busy with you studies, that some areas of your development as a man have been delayed. There may even be some girls who will regard you as highly impressive that you are still a virgin. Being a Virgin certainly does not lessen your standing in the eyes of the girls who will truly be a great match for you. Intelligent interesting very nice discerning girls who are not interested in a "player". I have some suggestions for you. That you are highly intelligent and highly qualified means that girls should be tripping over themselves to meet you. So I suggest that your own self esteem needs some tender loving care from you.Since you have been able to fund extended study I hope you have something in reserve to do some travelling. Too much time with your head buried in books. I bet you know so much and would be a great conversationalist (you write well) and that skill too will be appreciated by similarly intelligent nice girls.So to get you out of your comfort zone I am going to suggest that you make some time for some travel outside your country. Meet new people, visit new places. Perhaps you are a son who is just TOO dutiful. You are older than 25. Did you know in the 1700s the most powerful families in the west sent their sons on overseas or continental tours to discover more about the world and improve their confidence in themselves. Sounds like you need to try something similar.Visit places that are interesting and not like places you are familiar with. Separately I suggest you purchase yourself one or two different fleshlights and discover a better version of what you tried to provide for yourself. See fleshlight.comIt might give you some idea of what you have been missing. millions of other men in every country of the world you care to mention have already purchased one or two of these. The cannot all be wrong about the benefits.How close are you to your parents and your mother in particular? There is nothing wrong with Honoring parents at all times. But some parents and especially some mothers are too determined to keep the ADULT MAN who is their son as still their "little boy" who has to obey their parents at all times. If you still live at home with your parents it is time you did some overseas travel without family and spread your wings and improved your belief in YOU as a person in your own right. Another way to help you develop more confidence to talk to girls and be around girls might be to volunteer to assist a Charity (where the volunteers include females). Find such as a Charity where they help poorer people. Volunteers are good people. Find a way to sit down with the other volunteers and find out more about your fellow volunteers.
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