A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when having sex?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 If a 5’2” 300 pound woman can manage to have sex with a guy who weighs over 400 pounds anyone can manage to have sex.
Is she saying “your too ‘heavy” for me as a euphemism for “you are so overweight I don’t find you attractive anymore and don’t’ WANT to have sex with you” or is she saying that your weight makes the logistics difficult. They are two different things and require two different answers.
IF it’s the latter there are rear entry positions or scissors or dovetail that work great. If you are too heavy due to mostly belly fat, that will shorten the length of your penis.
IF however, she’s saying “no sex you are too heavy for me” and she means you are no longer attractive to her sexually, well you have a bigger problem. Yes taking off the weight will help… but if it’s that significant you will have hanging skin at your age that will not be attractive either. Now if it’s just 20-30 pounds it may be that your lady friend is shallow and using your weight as an excuse.
IF YOU want to lose weight for you, it has to be a two pronged approach. I strongly suggest, if you have never looked into healthy eating and exercise that you
a. Get doctor’s approval and health clearance to embark on such a life changing move. Make sure your heart and cardio vascular system can handle what you need to do.
b. ONCE you get medical clearance you can join something like Weight Watchers. I think in the UK it’s called Slimming World. Basically it’s a very good program that gives you the idea of what you should be eating and drinking and also exercising.
My doctor tells me that I need to get cardio vascular exercise 6 hours a week. So here’s my take for you
Make sure you are eating as well as you can possibly be eating (whole grains, fruits, veggies, low fat dairy and good fats such as nuts, avocados and such… avoid sugar and fried foods as much as possible)
WALK… WALK WALK WALK… if your knees and back can take it and you work in a building with stairs.. walk the stairs at lunch time. Start with one flight if you are out of shape… work up to as many as you can.
IF you are interested in weight lifting (to supplement your cardio which is really the most important) then yes a gym with a temporary trainer might work.
Now keep in mind OP, if your gf is using your weight as an excuse, getting fit and losing weight may or may not fix your problem with her but it will go wonders for your self-esteem and if you find she’s using it as an excuse, the you will have the sense of self to cope with the difficult choices you have to make later on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): I'm sorry but it seems that your gf is a bit shallow to me. I have lost weight and gained it so many times I've lost count. My husband NEVER treated me any different. He loves me for me! I'm still me regardless to what size I am. If you want to lose weight do it for you. I've lost almost 40lbs by eating right and doing zumba. Again my husband looks at me the same. His theory is I don't let good pu**y go to waste! Best wishes on you're journey.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Hah! TrancedRhythmEar is not telling the full story. TrancedRhythmEar is charming and delightful and flirty and that is why women are attracted to him.I would like TrancedRhythmEar to write the definitive article for men on flirting with women. He has perfected flirting down to a fine art form.I do agree though that your girlfriend is not telling you the whole story. And I also agree with TrancedRhythmEar that you need to get yourself along to a gym or at least start a weight lifting program going at home. And perhaps do some Circuit training or Pilates to improve your core Stability.How do you work on making your Gf feel attractive? What has happened besides your increase in weight that might have affected her attraction towards you?Your relationship should include lovemaking that is fun and enjoyable and not a chore.And how often are you eating salads and fruit and vegetables? And what sort of food are you eating at home or as fast food that you purchase?Can you honestly say that you manage one hour of intensive exercise (minimum) seven days of every week? If not then you need to start that regime as a minimum.Get a pedometer and wear it on your wrist. Or your waistband. Aim for a minimim of 10,000 steps every day SEVEN days a week even if you have to break it up into 30 minutes before work, 30 minutes at lunch time and 30 minutes after work, plus any walking you manage during the way.Is there an indoor heated pool nearby that you could visit a couple of times a week? By the time you complete six to 12 months of this exercise your body will be smoking hot. And it is very likely that your Gf will face some competition.If, after losing some of the weight, it comes to pass that your Gf definitely does not find you attractive then maybe it is time to reassess if she belongs in your life? And if this is the right relationship for you?
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I'm huge and women never complain. I don't think shes being entirely honest with you mate. My guess she says she can't have sex with you as an excuse for her really saying, "I'm not attracted to you physically". Diets fail because people can't eat what they want. Find a proper nutrition program and get lifting weights man.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Does your partner only believe in the missionary position?? Sorry, but her telling you you're too heavy so all sex is out is cruel. I think it's more to it than that.
I applaud you for going to the gym, but do it for yourself and not just to get sex from her, because I think she's not being completely honest with you.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I would recommend a combination of diet and exercise. The diet is the most important part of losing weight, but if you lift weights (anaerobic exercise), this helps to build muscle and muscle burns fat faster.
When you lose that weight, your partner won't be able to keep her hands off of you:) Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (31 March 2013):
 "Is it a good idea to go to the gym?"
Is there any reason an advisor would say to no that? Are you prone to injury or something?
Eat right and exercise. Try to make it into a couple activity to add a little together-time, if you'd like. Otherwise do it on your own. It's always nice as a partner to see your loved one commit to a healthy lifestyle.
Also, I personally don't recommend any drastic diets because they are much harder to maintain. Eating moderately (read articles about nutrition or talk to a nutritionist, if you don't already have the knowledge) and getting in at least two hours of exercise a week is really the only way to create and maintain a healthy body.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 March 2013):
 You will lose more weight by eating right than you will by working out, though working out is good for you.
I recommend you try the South Beach Diet (assuming you can buy the book in any British bookstore and I don't see why you can't) or some other low carbohydrate diet.
Besides the cost of the book, there are no membership fees or any other additional costs. The food can be purchased at any grocer. There is no counting calories or measuring portions. You can eat as much of the recommended foods as you like.
The diet was created by a cardiologist and a dietician who noticed a correlation between diabetes and heart disease. The first half of the book is an explanation of how certain food affect the body. The second half is recommended recipes.
Everyone I know who has used this diet, including myself, has successfully lost weight.
Best of luck.
(I think they should pay me for this testamonial)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Getting healthy is always a good thing, for anyone. I learned the hard way just how much 'weight' can affect a marriage. He didn't want to be intimate with me due to the fact I was overweight. People tried to give me 2 theories to this: 'oh, there must be another reason he's acting this way, it isn't your weight!' and the 'maybe he is sleeping with someone else?' theory. As far as theory 1, I doubt it. Theory 2, maybe, but we are divorced now so I will never know. I DO KNOW that weight can be a contributing factor to marriage issues and how your spouse responds to you. As far as your weight being a reason that she "can't" make love to you is a bit off. There are MANY ways to make love and your weight wouldn't be an issue in some of those 'ways'. Best of luck to you, I have been there and I know how difficult it is to be denied intimacy by a spouse. Get fit and work on your marriage, it will be worth it. No matter what the outcome, you can say you have tried everything on your part to fix the issues.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Try a slimming club like weight watchers or slimming world. I am sure your wife would be happy to help you out preparing healthy weight reducing meals and maybe motivating you to take more exercise.
Men at slimming clubs are a bit of a novelty and often get the star treatment, so give it a go and see how you get on.
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