A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone. I have been with my husband for 8 years,he is emotionally and financially abusive and I want him to leave my home but he won't. I want to get him out but I do not want to get police involved because I have children and it will affect them. The place where I live is in my name and he refuses to get out. What could I do to make him leave? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Sadly emotional abuse and financial abuse are difficult for the police to deal with... they deal with violence.
I understand the dilemma you face. It's your home so you can't leave. He lives there to so probably if Canada is like the USA you probably can't just toss him out...
Best advice I can give you to START is contact a good divorce attorney (most will give a consult for free) about how to proceed.
If the law says you can change the locks when he's at work.. do it. And put his stuff in plastic bags out on the lawn for him to retrieve when he gets home. Also before you do this... move what money you can out of his reach.
but like I said check with an attorney first.
the problem is that NO matter how you handle this it will be painful and ugly and you just have to choose which painful and ugly is better for your kids to see... mommy accepting abuse (and teaching them that it's ok) or mommy putting the hubby out with police help and learning that taking control of your life even when it's hard and painful is a strong healthy thing to do.
I also strongly suggest counseling for yourself and your kids.
The truth is
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): "I do not want to get police involved because I have children and it will affect them."Not as much as their continuing to witness their father abusing their mother will affect them, and not as much as their continuing to witness their mother allowing their father to abuse her will affect them.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Hi
For the sake of your children you need to get him out and end the marriage. Them witnessing emotional abuse is going to do them far more damage over the years than the Police turfing him out once.
Or get legal advice - to start divorce and eviction proceedings.
The house may be in your name but you have been married 8 years so I don't know if this changes things, he's not just a lodger,hes your husband and father to your children
Or can you sell or rent out the house ?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Allowing your children to hear, experience and see domestic violence is domestic abuse. Your children will be affected for the worse the longer they continue to be subject to hearing, seeing, and being subjected to the toxic atmosphere of a home where domestic abuse is the norm.
The longer you stay in this abusive relationship the more you put yourself and your children in a situation of potential danger.
You will, over time, also lose confidence in yourself. Do not lie to yourself. He does not respect you, because he feels he has a right to abuse you.
You need to put yourself and your children FIRST and look after your interests and the interests of your children.
The following may help you develop some courage to TALK TO THE POLICE. You are living with a dangerous nasty man.
An Abuser is a dangerous destructive LOSER.
Please reach out and seek help.
Call the hotline for advice.
The Police can help you to stay in your home while he will have to leave.
Can you imagine how wonderful it will feel to live in a home where you do not have to be onguard all the time? Where you do not need to walk on eggshells?
You know you deserve a more peaceful life than this.
Canada: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/12/23/justice-canada-study-says-spousal-abuse-costs-country-at-least-7-4-billion-a-year/ and the following quotes from the above article:
“The Justice Canada study examined a broad range of economic impacts, from policing and health-care to funerals and lost wages, for every incident of spousal violence in 2009.
Drawing on a Canada-wide police database, researchers found almost 50,000 cases of spousal violence reported to police that year, more than 80% of them involving female victims. The cases included 65 spousal homicides, 49 of them women.”
http://www.canadiandivorcelaws.com/domestic-violence/
Do not delay seeking help as his abuse will only get worse.
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