A
female
age
30-35,
*argentsgirl89
writes:This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol.I don't know the exact details, but I know they are making fun of her. Some call her slut, whore, bitch, the c word. Some people have even shoved her.I don't know what to do here? Short of marching down to the school and calling all of the kids into the principal's office, I'm unsure of what to do. If anyone could help that would be much appreciated.She is only twelve.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Your sister in indeed blessed with a caring sister who looks out for her. You did well
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (9 May 2013):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks you all so much for your responses, warm and heartfelt and very insightful.
I called the school and told them what was going on and that I expected something to be done about it. They actually just had anti-bully week a week before the incident.
They called my sister to the office and got the names of the perps and then called them into the office. They admitted it and were sentenced to detention and a review of anti-bully week.
Thank you all again, so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): I'm quite sorry for your loss. It's important that your father notifies the principal and each of your sister's teachers of the culprits names. If no one of authority is made aware, nothing can be done about it.Your sister should also be offered some type of school-sponsored grief counseling. She is highly vulnerable ather age. She has experienced a very serious loss. This type of psychological trauma can have a serious impact on her mental health.The principal has a responsibility for notifying the parents of students that create problems, and implementing the appropriate discipline. You and your father should be active in pursuing some form of action against those responsible.Unfortunately, they may not act until a law-suit is hanging over their heads. Your father should contact the district superintendent and your school board, to determine why there isn't a no-bullying policy at the school.If there is,why it isn't being enforced to protect your sister?They are fully aware of recent and past tragedies resulting from students tormenting other students.We can't stop bullying, but it can be curtailed. If there is an active policy in place to let victims of bullying know they have protection. These young trouble-makers know what they're doing is wrong, and there should be consequences. There should also be consequences reaching out to their poor excuses for parents.The action to protect your sister starts from home.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I really think that the only thing you can do is notify the school or the perpetrators' guardians about the situation, supposing that pulling your sister out of that school isn't an option. In the meantime, closely follow Abella's tips.
Sounds like the kids in your sister's school could seriously use some sensitivity training!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 April 2013):
And for your sister:
I have lost a loved one through suicide. So I am going to share the following article with you. Because you also lost a relative to suicide. Perhaps there is something in the article that might resonate with you?
regards
Abella
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/coping-with-bereavement-of-losing-your-love-to.html
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 April 2013):
Bullying is always unacceptable.This site will give you some support links:http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.htmlThat your mother died of an overdose suggests that your sister may still be suffering some delayed grief as a result of the death. If you can afford a short period of counselling for your sister that would be useful as she is vulnerable.How empathic are the school authorities. I know schools are busy places but they do have a duty of care to deal effectively with bullying. Perhaps book an appointment with the school and ask to see a copy of their policy on bullying. If they have no policy then go higher to pressure for a policy to be instigated.Also google the following: wilkie bullying backyard boardroom - this will download a pdf of the actual book and you can read it and find chapter 7 from the download. It is free.Thus you will find a FREE printable copy of the book called "Bullying from backyard to boardroom" It is on the site for a psychiatrist called William Wilkie. It is a wonderful book. The part I recommend is Chapter 7. And within that Chapter seven please read the Biderman's Chart of Coercion. Chapter 7 is small enough to just print that chapter. The Biderman's Chart of Coercion shows the behaviour the Bully wants to see from the Victim. The important thing is to NOT react/behave in that way. Because the bully aims to demoralise the victim until the victim is completely broken. You do not want to see that happen to your vulnerable sister.Sometimes the parents of a bully are also a problem as a bully originally learns to replicate bullying behaviour they have seen acted out in front of them.Give your sister the support you can. She is NOT to blame for the nasty actions of the bully. Give her support so that she can work on her self esteem as at school the bullies are constantly undermining her confidence in herself. At the weekend do some things together. Perhaps cook a meal together. Give her praise when she does well.Remind her that bullies are insecure losers who bluster and try to intimidate others. They are to be pitied and regarded with contempt. But remind her to be the well mannered positive polite one. It infuriates bullies when their victim always has a smile and is positive. Bullies look for people who they think they can intimidate. They do not choose people who they think they could not intimidate. Bullies are beyond contempt. And the sad thing is that they think they have the right to bully but bullies Never have the right to bully anyone
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