A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:heyMy Bf is 18 and we are in serious about our relationship....... We have ups and downs. We love each other..... Still virginsNow the problem is1) He asked me to join in his college. Then I joined in another college of my parents’ choicePS: - the college I have joined is huge and it is not conservative (people hug and kiss in public......) 2) He is dull in academics and secured f grade in 5 subjects ....so he is asking me to quit my college.He is blaming me for his grades3) He says he will marry me when I quit my college....he calls me whore bitch slut etc.........Still he is charming and caring ......if he picks up any of these topics he turns wild. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinkmooxx  +, writes (13 April 2013):
Please Google "Lundy Bancroft".
You deserve a much better husband than that sweetie.
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): He is psychologically abusive. Look this up on the internet and he will tick every box. Get out of this relationship now. You are showing yourself no self-worth whatsoever by continuing to be taken in by it all. If you do as he demands now the only person you are letting down is yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Very disingenuous of him. Do not let him make you feel guilty for his failures.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): That is how abusers work, first they beat you, then they charm you, then they beat you again. And the charming will get less and less, and the beatings worse and worse.You are seeing the classic early warning signs of an abusive control freak. A real charming caring person is that way ALL the time to everyone. A person that goes from charming/caring to aggressive mean at a whim is called a psychopath. They do not make good husbands.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 April 2013):
Dear OP,
I agree 100% with the other agony aunts. Every a**hole can be charming and caring sometimes, as long as everything goes the way they want.. true character shows when there are conflicts and problems. A really good man will accept a different point of view, a choice not solely based on his preferences, he will face his failures and challenges without blaming others.
He is trying to manipulate you into risking your education by making foolish promises.
If he wants to marry someone, he should do it out of love, NOT in exchange of a favour, NOT as part of a deal. People ask for marriage to show appreciation and that they love someone the way he or she is. This is not romantic, this is wrong and selfish!!!
Imagine to tell the story of how you two got married, some day.. "He asked me to quit my college and I did, so he married me?"
I bet you can find a more romantic story.. with another man in it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Are you crazy???? I can't think of even ONE reason how you could justify spending even three minutes with this creature....
You write: "Still he is charming and caring...." but that, at the end of a submittal that describes a despicable character who exhibits not a whit of care and/or concern about YOU!!!!
Wake up!!!! ... Get away from this guy and get on with your life...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 How in the world can a man who BLAMES YOU for HIS failures, calls you nasty names, and wants you to give up your life to please him be charming and caring?
He can’t.
You do not need him
Do not change colleges
Do not do as he asks
In fact, tell him to fix his own grades and own his own problems.
And if he calls you names walk away.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Please break up with this slime. he is abusive and inadequate and he blames you for his inability to do well. He seeks to bring you to his University so that you are available 24/7 to abuse.
he is not worthy of you. and you are recognizing that something feels wrong.
His abuse will escalate over the years. Next he will want you to drop your studies and then he will continue to belittle you until you lose faith in yourself.
You are not responsible for his poor grades. He is.
He is not "marriage material" as he is full of inadequacies.
Verbal abuse is psychologically damaging for you.
Concentrate on your studies. At your age your studies are more important than anything. Speak to your parents about how he is saying nasty to things to you. They may already know of him and may already want you to distance yourself from him.
He is not 100% charming and caring. In fact the times he is charming and caring are only the calm before the storm he unleashes on you.
Tell him to find another gf because your studies have to come first. Then block him from making contact with you.
You are NONE of the nasty things he calls you. You do not deserve such verbal abuse. Talking like that does not represent a loving caring man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): Run away as far as possible from such people, they only like to have everything their way.....Hi is controlling and do not stand to any abuse what so ever.....Run baba Run....i am from Delhi and i see this every day...FYI my son is 17 and i would not put up with him if he behaved like this ,,,nor should you, you will only get hurt
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