A
male
age
36-40,
wishesforfishes
writes:I want you to think back to a time in your life where you felt there was something missing. Maybe you missed your friends or family while away from home, or even on a lonely night when everyone was too busy. Maybe you missed your pet, or wished you could hear those pet tags on the collar jingle one more time cause you knew you would be greeted by a loved one. Now you feel sad and post online about how much you miss your pet or loved ones so others can console you and say they've been there and don't worry. But you can't. You can't post online to a group of people that can answer your questions or relate to you. You can't be consoled and told from other's first hand experience they've made it and you can to. If a person never owned a pet and they try to empathize with the loss it just seems empty. I don't need therapy from a counselor to tell me what I already know. I need perspective from others who have lived through this and can answer my questions, not tell me "there might be intimate issues with your significant other", "I can't tell you how she'd react," "she might see it as an issue and she might not," I've heard this before and it gives me no answers and only leaves me feeling worse with no peace of mind. Reply to this Article
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (21 April 2013):
I’ve had 2 beloved beautiful dogs die. The first one was when I was 12, he’d been ill for a long time and we came home from school to find him gone and our mother devastated as she had taken him to be put to sleep-we’d all known it was coming and said our good-byes with each trip to the vet, but it was still terrible when it actually happened. Last year, our second dog died. Again it was heartbreaking but I was comforted by the fact that this time we were all with him as he was put to sleep. What struck me was how profoundly undramatic his death was, I hardly noticed he had stopped breathing. I suppose that being older and wiser, this time I’d done a lot of my grieving as I saw him age and knew his time would probably be up fairly soon. We concentrated on looking after our surviving dog who took the loss of her friend very badly.
I don’t know what it is you want to hear though. Grief, whatever you grieve for, is such an individual thing that it can be hard to find relevance in some-one else’s stories. We’re all very good at making ours unique in our own heads. For me, strong faith helps. Growing older, we learn that death and loss, are a part of life and it gets easier to cope with. The outcome of grief is acceptance. That doesn’t mean you won’t miss what you lost, whether a beloved pet or a special person. It does mean that the sadness dies away and is replaced by enjoyment of the memories, or at least an ability to accept that who’s gone are gone and so you don’t dwell on the desire for them back that won’t be fulfilled.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 April 2013):
 I can still remember when our beloved cat died. The week before the vet had told me I was worrying about the cat too much and that she would be fine. But we all knew and loved that cat in the household.
She was like an extra family member.
And in that last week her behaviour changed. I could tell something was different even after the vet checked her out and sent her home. I rang again on the Saturday again and was told again that I was worrying too much but that the cat could be brought in first thing on Monday morning. It was still a long drive to get to the vet and I did not want the cat stressed.
But that weekend the cat did something very different. She stayed close by me and when I went to sleep she insisted on sleeping on my outside side of my pillow. My guy was not too impressed but I allowed it as I felt the cat needed it. I could hear her breathing and she was there when I woke up. Somehow she was like an insecure child when ill.
The vet changed his mind as soon as he examined her monday morning and explained the problem. I knew it meant she was in great pain. I reluctantly agreed with his diagnosis. She passed away that morning at the vets.
We brought her home. So sad, but pleased that we had many photos. We held a little ceremony at home. We all put some flowers on her grave after we buried her in the garden in a spot she loved.
Your grief can only be overcome slowly.
By looking after you.
By being very kind to you.
You do not need to forget your pet to get over them. You can still honor them. We still have a large studio portrait of the cat on the wall, because she was so special to us.
The following article helped me.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grieving_pets.htm
We have never replaced her with another cat as we thought she was irreplaceable in our hearts.
Distracting yourself with other activities can help. But first your own stress and your own health do need some temporary support. Because you don’t help yourself, if you get so sad, that it allows your grief to slip into deep depression. Getting out of the ravine of depression can be harder every day the longer you delay seeking the support you need.
You can’t even consider some of the (very useful) distracting activities while your own outlook is completely dulled with depression. Yet depression is very treatable.
Some people fail to understand why people can be so sad after the death of a pet. Perhaps those others are people who are colder and have less empathy and don’t feel the way others feel. But the grief at losing a pet is very real and you do need some support to face this issue.
I know my children were very upset about the loss so we made a special effort to give them a lot of extra support and we scheduled a short holiday and filled their days with some good memories to help them get over the initial tough period.
My good wishes to you.
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