A
female
age
30-35,
*ikeAStar2013
writes:Dear All So here it goes, I have a colleague at my work place that I truly am attracted to him and wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. He lately been flirting with me sexually, his been touching my waist when he has the opportunity and always tries to get in my way at work to touch my waist, he always seems to touch the same spot all the time, knows every movements of mine and what I like, without me even saying anything. We in the past spoken about relationships but he isn't interested as his child is his priority at this stage, his not with his girlfriend, but says If he finds somebody if it happens it will happen. He before told me when I ask about my hair and whether I look older, he said he wouldn't say no to me, then ask me if I knew what he meant and smiled. Yesterday he thought I was getting rude, so he said to me don't be getting rude. My response was: We can take this outside, and his reply was: why don't we take this upstairs(meaning bedroom). I like him a lot but I am working late with HIM tomorrow evening at work and I feel like something may occur between us two especially the feeling I get when I am around him, I can't resist the temptation and feel I want to give in but can't as I want this to be more than just "One Night Stand". I flirted back and said to him that I will see him tonight and will dress up etc, so its going to be abit awkward. please give me suggestions what I should do today evening? thanks
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (23 April 2013):
The key to having it be more than a one night stand is not allowing it to become a one night stand.....
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 I'm glad that Chigirl brought up the subject of his intentions , and of his approach that has all the markings of a one night stand waiting to happen. I am glad because Chigirl is young,in her 20s. I wanted to say right away that , the way he is handling this, sort of spells " I am looking for some quick no strings fun " , then I did not want to sound like some grumpy old lady , I said to myself , things are changing fast in sex and romance, and mating riruals ARE getting quick and straight to the point...
But, on second thought, and seen Chigirl's comment, I believe some things never change. Sure, he is not expected to serenade you under your window and write you love letters on violet scented paper, but...touchy feely, sexual innuendos, heavy handed jokes.... I wonder what he might want from you ...oh yes I know : he wants to get laid. And without making too much effort too, he just will say some sexy banality hoping that they get you ripe for the picking ( sadly, it seems it's working ).
It's not quite clear to me if you don't want it to be just an ONS, because you'd like to have a relationship with him and you'd want to intrigue him for more than your physical attributes, or if you'd be Ok with something purely physical, as long is ongoing and not just a sexual hit-and-run.
In the first case, you are playing it all wrong now, you'd need to put back the situation on all different tracks, and the other Aunts have given you already clever and detailed suggestions. If it's the second, well, there's really not much guarantee, I mean, you can talk to him and tell him what you want ( not an ONS ) but you know so little about him, I don't really know if you could trust him enough to be sure he would not use you and discard you ,regardless of what he may say or promise. Therefore, if it will remain a one off or turn into something more regular, who knows, I guess it would depend, as brutal as it sounds, from the level of your performance would be and his appreciation of the same.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 April 2013):
 I would cut down on the flirting and sexual innuendos for the simple reason that he might think you are NOT really looking for anything more then a roll in the hay. And definitely no sex.
THIS is a co-worker. If you have sex and he wants nothing more YOU still have to look at him EVERY day.
Use your brains, girl.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 You want more than a one night stand? Okay, here's what to do, just have sex with him! Don't try to stick it out and wait, if you just give him sex he will be so happy and will love you and you will be together!
Sounds so easy, right? If only that was true! In reality, if you do sleep with him, or make out for that matter.. then he will see you only as a booty call, and will lose respect for you. He won't see you as girlfriend material. He probably doesn't see you as girlfriend material even now, if you look back at the conversation you and him had before. And then his little comments referring to bedroom activities...
He wants a one night stand, and if you have sex with him that is what it will be. Followed by some awkward months at work.
Do you REALLY want this man? He's not just some older bloke who has you wrapped around his little finger? You actually want him? Then here is the real plan:
Stop letting him touch you. When you meet, look into his eyes. If he touches you, put your hand over his and move his hand away. Just gently. Then look at him. If he looks you in the eyes, smile a little, but say nothing.
If he asks you why you take his hand away, then tell him this while looking into his eyes:
"I like the little touches, but I have a feeling you want something more from me. I like the flirting, and I do like you, but I have a feeling you aren't looking for a relationship right now. I want a relationship, with a guy I can openly call mine, hold hands with, have dates with. That is what I want and am looking for. That is why I remove your hand, because I don't want this to go further."
Then just walk away. And give it a bit of time. This is the period where you have told him what you want, and told him that you do like him. The invitation is open: if he wants a you he now has to take you on a date and actually enter a relationship with you. Continue to not let him touch you. He might start to miss it. Want it. You need to let him chase you. Give it some time, but don't expect anything to happen. If all he wanted was a one night stand then he'll probably back off. Or, try even harder to get you into bed, in which case you must NOT fall for it.
Do not fall for charming words. Enter an official relationship and be in it for two weeks BEFORE having sex. That is the way to go if you want more than a one night stand. Otherwise he'll sweet talk you one night, make big promises and promise a relationship and blah blah, and then the next morning he gives you the speech on how he changed his mind and doesn't want a relationship after all. Trust me.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 If I were you, I wouldn't do more than kiss him at this stage. Keep the tension and flirting going but also hang out and get to know him more so he knows you're interested in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Please consider an entirely different solution.If he is someone who you feel a strong attraction and he feels the same then back off. If it is meant to be then that will put the ball in his court.Men are like books. you can read them if you are astute enough. their story is often worth reading. Like a really good mystery.Women can be the same. Imagine if he really liked a mystery novel called "LikeAStar2013" where the most important aim in the book was to solve the mystery. Would be want to read that mystery called "LikeAStar2013" if he was forced to sit down and listen to the last chapter at the book store before he could take the book home to read?Of course he would not be interested in reading the book. He's already sampled the last chapter at the book store.Keep some mystery.Avoid that OneNightStand like the plague. It will ruin any chance you might ever have with him.A guy who has to wait will either give up (meaning he never cared in the first place) or he will try harder. If he is really serious he will put up with whatever trials and delays are put in front of him.Never deny a guy the chance to plot and scheme and work out strategies to interest you, IF he is really serious about the girl. Guys love a chase. Guys love to finally convince a girl to spend time with him.Really really genuine guys will even cope without immediate sex if they are genuine.Sex is just sexercise to non-genuine guys. Sex does not reel a guy in. In fact sex too early is just another notch on a shallow guy's belt. Allowing him to move on to the next girl.Value yourself much more highly. and leave the sex to the easy girls. If you want a relationship and not just a "OneNightStand" then never offer up sex so easily. It will not be appreciated, (f it is won far oo easily) in the morning, no matter what he says in the first few hours or days after the event.Techinically all he is doing is sexually harassing you to determine how easy you are. Work is not a good place to do this. A more genuine guy would have asked you out on a date rather than try to take flirty liberties with your waist etc.Management also take a very dim view of something that could become a sexual harassment claim if things do not go well.Expect better of him and watch if he can become the man you hope him to be. Honorable,Ethical and a really nice guy. Not just a guy who takes liberties.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 April 2013):
 If you can't resist temptation, then make plans so you don't end up in that situation. Arrange for a friend to pick you up from work, for example, so you aren't in a tricky situation.
If he likes you enough, he can ask you out on a date, surely? I think you're worth more than an after-work fumble.
He's said he doesn't want a relationship and he is working out what he can get from you on those terms - it's now up to you to work out what your boundaries and values really are. Nothing wrong with flirting but if you don't want a one night stand with him, tell him that and don't put yourself in any vulnerable positions with him if you don't trust yourself.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (21 April 2013):
 It will only be a one night stand if you have sex with him. It's hard to give advice on this without knowing what he is thinking! But don't do anything sexual, a kiss can't hurt though... Maybe less sexual flirting and try to initiate some deeper conversation, let him see there are more sides to you. Good luck ;)
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