A
female
age
26-29,
*TheAlmightyDuckx
writes:Okay. Well I have been off this site for a while, and I am coming back for a little while as I have been overloaded with work! Basically, I am 16, and I have a little bit of a problem. My GCSE's are coming up, and as any one can imagine, i'm extremely nervous about them. I have a lesser chance compared to everyone else, due to the fact I have missed alot of school. I have always found attending school very hard, its partly down to the fact I have a couple of mental health disorders, that make even going outside very hard. I've also always hated the enviroment in school, I feel like my idenity gets taking away and I don't have many friends at all. So school has been a challange for me, and now its the final push before I get to leave, so as you can imagine, i'm putting everything I have into getting my grades so I can get into college. However I have another life outside of school which is just as demanding as the one inside of school. Like on this website, my main purpose in life is to help people in anyway possible, also I have a talent for it, and when I leave school I am going to college to hopefully get a career in helping people. I have already started however, and now i'm finding keeping up with my two lives, so to speak, very hard. I have an awful lot of friends outside of school, and I love to help them as I know they would do the same for me. Recently i've had to put all my efforts together, as my main circle of friends have needed more help than ever. I have a friend, who has dealt with depression and anxiety for about 3 years now, she hasn't received much help from any mental health units, as none of them have understood her. As I suffer with depression and anxiety myself, I understand her completely. Recently she had a very bad turn, and as a result she has been put in a young adolestant's ayslum. I've been to visit her and she's getting on well, but still every day she has problems with things to do with the outside world. Due to her being put in this ayslum, its affected my whole circle of friends, as they are now finding it hard to deal with as you can imagine. To her, i'm like a guardian angel, I'm always there if she needs a chat, and i'm always there to help un-muddle her problems when she gets into one, a bit like a counsellor. Lately i've had to help her with her problems and help other people with there problems too, also on top of this i've had to deal with my problems, and school on top of that. This is my passion, and I love it, but now its affecting my school life, which I need to concentrate on, I know I can't take her problems away, and not everything I can help with, but I like to help when I can. You see the difficult thing is, I can't just stop helping people as i've already started and I know that some people, without me, would be utterly lost. Then again I can't just stop with my school work and stick to helping everyone, as then I won't get anywhere. So I need to find and establish a balance, any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Hi
you do need to Prioritize and it really is OK to say no.
Your first priority is you and your health. If your health suffers then you can't support anyone. So please make sure that you get enough rest and eat healthy and live healthily.
Your next priority is your School work.
Your GCSE's are very important. Even some leisure activities have to be rationed at this time.
Create a realistic time-table of study time versus scheduled relaxation time.
I was always a great believer in taking a half hour break after two hours of study.
And you do need some occasional distractions as believe it or not they relax you and give you the energy to return to study with your inner batteries re-charged.
Set aside time for one relaxing outing each week, even if that means a cycle afternoon with friends. or a swim in a nearby indoor pool. Or ask some friends to come over to your home for a pizza night.
When you are studying for some important things like your GCSE's then there often needs to be some rationalizing of priorities. Even if the changes are temporary.
For instance it is perfectly acceptable to provide your friends with something to read and suggest that they contact www.samaritans.org instead. Or suggest they contact TalktoFrank. Or try Befrienders.org. Because these sites rely on a huge pool of people who coome in to help. It is unfair if your good nature is burdened with more pressure when you have already proved how generous you can be. That is no reason why people should lean on you when you have your studies and your health to consider. or if things are really bad for them suggest that they read the following: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/original.htm
or suggest that they contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau.
Once you start saying NO you will start to feel a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
I have no doubt that your own life experiences and your obvious skill in this area will allow you to go on to a role that makes good use of your counselling skills. You are kind and considerate and have great empathy for others.
There is no need to rush. There will be many times you can help others in the future.
Right now your own studies for the GCSEs must take precedence.
Which brings me to DearCupid. You are undoubtably loved on this site and you have achieved some great things. If you need to ration how often you visit this site while you concentrate on your studies then people will understand.
You will recall that you took a break earlier, when you neded to, and you were welcomed back with open arms when you did return.
DearCupid has many people who take a break occasionally and that is OK.
And sometimes people choose to step back a little and answer fewer questions for a time period and that is OK.
If you need to take a short break to give your studies the attention your studies deserve then everyone will understand.
You are a great great contributer on this site. I love your posts. And I doubt I am alone in thinking that you will go on to greater things. In the field of counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy or where ever you think you can make a great difference. Head of a NHS Trust might be nice in the future so that you can oversee a trust that gives respect and consideration to the teenage clients!!!
I for one would be extra sad if you decided to stop using the DearCupid site completely. But I feel I am not alone in hoping that you will put your most zeal into your studies right now with exams looming later. THAT is important right now.
Then just think of the wonderful summer holidays. More time for you to relax to the max.
Give yourself time to be extra extra nice to you.
And as soon as I see you back answering, when you decide it is the right time for you, then I will be extra happy to welcome you back to DearCupid.
Good luck with your studies.
Regards
Abella
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): You MUST come first.
You need to find a sensitive way to convey this to your friends. Explain to them that you need to put studies before everything else right now. Explain that your friendships are incredibly important to you. Explain that your studies have to come first for a little while so that you can get into college and continue on your path of helping people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): You are very sweet and a jewel of a person. However; you are much too young to bear the weight of the world on your tiny shoulders. Depression is a serious mental-health disorder for some people. That's why patients suffering depression have specialized doctors, therapists, medication, and their own family support. You can be a supportive friend, but you must learn to limit it to visits to uplift your friends morale and let them know they have a true friend who cares. You're not a trained professional; so you know little that helps them really. You mean well, but it's taking a toll on you.Your school work comes first, and it is already a burden on you. Text your friends and let them know when you are busy.If it is your calling to help others, then you must learn there is a limit in how much of your time you can devote to the lives of others. You have a life of your own, and you are responsible for your own happiness as well.I know what it's like being different. However; you can have as many, or few, friends as you want. Too many young people look upon popularity and looks to be a measure of self-worth. If you have a few good friends, that's all that counts. It's not the quantity of friends, it's the quality of good people in your life who care for you.Develop the courage to ignore ridicule from mean-spiritedbullies. Being proud of being yourself gets you through high school. It's part of growing up and preparing yourself for the future. High school molds you as a person. Read books about building self-confidence and self-esteem for young people, during your spare time. You make spare time by purposely setting it aside. You don't give away all your time to your needy friends. They shouldn't always dump on you. They have to add something positive to your life to be considered friends. Not just bring you their problems.Stop mothering your friends, they require more attention than you can offer. Build a circle of happier people. Sharing stories about your sadness and weaknesses isn't what friendship is all about. You're supposed to have fun at your age! Not drag around everyone's baggage.You will encounter all sorts of personalities in your journey through life. High school is a dose of reality. However; you should report all incidents that cause you physical or emotional harm. I mean all of them. Also inform your parents. Don't block them from your life. They're not just your grownup roommates.When I read the posts from teens like yourself on this site, it saddens me that so many young people talk as though they live alone, and have no parents or family support. They claim they're mean or abusive. Not always true.Most of the time, it is because they shut them out; because they think parents are lame and have no clue. They are more than the people who feed and cloth you. They love you and you should ask them the same questions you bring to this site. Parents are your guidance system and your built-in homeland security staff. Have you discussed your feelings with them too? Even if they can't help, they need to know what you're feeling. That opens up communication and you actually feel stronger.You create balance between friends and schoolwork, by coming straight home from school and studying. You set a scheduled time for school work. A time to chat or see your friends, and a time to be alone to do what you like to do.You are only 16-17, and there is a long journey ahead. In order to help others, you must find your own inner-peace and happiness first. Then share that special light you carry inside. You have plenty of time to save the world.Go study, and good luck with your exams!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I suggest striking up an agreement with your friends where you have agreed time slots to fit in friends and school work. The important thing with exam revision is to take regular breaks so as not to overload yourself (I'm preparing for university exams right now, and regular breaks have been helping alot with regards to retaining information)
So allocated 3 to 4 days to focus on studies, with 2 hour slots for each subject. factor in a 30 min break inbetween where you can sit in the garden (weather depending) and get some air, or watch an episode of something or relax with iPod and get something to eat. 3 days can be spent doing either extra revision and seeing your friends.
Please stress to them how important it is to you that you do well in your exams so you will not always be available to help them with their problems, empower them to confide in each other maybe if they are going through similar processes.
There are plenty of tips online on how to most effectively organise your revision timetable. I forget when exams actually take place (May - June time?) but setting up a solid plan and getting into a routine will benefit you greatly. Remember there is a wealth of knowledge online to help you cope with revision strategies.
All the best and good luck with your GCSEs. I'm sure you'll do great! Fi x
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