A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for some feedback\insight to my issues!I've always been 'the one' lending a helping hand,be it a friend,be it someone less fortunate..I work for a charity and make donations..but I think 'when you do good you should never accept anything or want anything'..but I do..I want to be appreciated..and I think its totally wrong..I love doing charity work and I'm not forced to,I generously want to help people but then why do I want people to know that I do, why do I want to be appreciated!!I feel like it makes me a bad person and steals the 'significance' of doing charity in the first place!What I'm trying to ask you all, is it wrong for me to want to be appreciated for the charity I do?Although I do it from the bottom of my heart..what's your input? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Have you heard the words 'a good deed, never goes unpunished' :)
There are a lot of ungrateful people on this planet and no matter what you do for them, they slap you in the face. A lot of selfish people who will take the credit for your good work and some who will even try and discredit your good character, after they have squeezed the last bit of goodness out of your soul. It's nice to be acknowledged for our efforts but make sure there is no 'self martyrdom' going on.
Take care of your self first and don't make the mistakes that I have made in the past, putting yourself last, always saying yes! working twice as hard, waiting for a little thankyou that never arrives.
You will never get your earth wings, we are not qualified to give them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): OP no one gives to charity or does good things 100% selflessly. People are only selfless if it benefits them in some way. Whether that's to look good to others, to appease a god they think is watching them or just for a warm fuzzy feeling.
There are no truly selfless people, people give because it makes them feel good if it didn't they wouldn't do it.
OP it's not wrong to feel that way, it's normal.
The only difference between you and the "giving is its own reward" people is that you'd like acknowledgement of it so you don't feel as if you're just knocking your head against the wall for people who take you for granted.
There's nothing wrong with feeling that way OP, it's nice to be appreciated. Don't feel bad OP, you don't do what you do for that reason alone, you just want someone to say a simple "good job, what you do is great". That's it.
My only advice to you is patience OP, someone will say that to you some day, sometime in your work someone will do some tiny little gesture like remembering it was your birthday when they don't even know you, coming and thanking you when they didn't have to, or just telling you how much what you've done means to them.
Patience is key OP, because the longer you wait the more special that moment will be and it will happen.
It may already have and you just haven't noticed but in the years to come will look back and think "wow, I really made a difference to that one person. Or remember that look of deep gratitude someone once gave you and realize that's exactly what you were seeking but already had.
Just keep doing what you do, but remember not to sacrifice too much of yourself either, you're your number one priority and there is such thing as giving too much and losing some of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Helping others is a great way to build your empathy and gain the satisfaction of helping others. But if it draws more from you emotionally than it gives back to you then it can be counter-productive.
Normally we give to others because we feel we have an excess of love to give. When people are hurting inside themselves it is harder to do that giving.
Check out Maslow's pyramid:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
If your needs are not been met at any of the lower levels then life is a struggle. When that happens then you need to "put back" some things to re-build you.
In what ways do you do some positive supportive things for you every day? What things are giving you the message that you value and appreciate and love you? Because first and foremost you need to be good to you. love you. You are deserving a very good things in your life. What are some goals you need and places you would like to visit. Never skimp on being nice to you.
You must come first otherwise it is you who will need others to support you in the future if you start to feel down.
Sometimes people can be too giving. If you are giving more than you are receiving it is time to step back. Giving even more in these circumstances will make it worse, not better, for you.
All the needs of the world are not on your shoulders. When a job needs doing others will fill the void if you need to step back or takea break for a while.
No one can ever tell you that you HAVE TO DO THIS. You volunteer. You can take step back and wait for someone else tovolunteer instead. They may not do the job as well as you can or would do it. But they can learn. It is OK to focus on you sometimes. And be extra kind to you.
Try some affirmations each day, when you wake up and just before you go to sleep.
eg:
(your name).... ... you are a wonderful and kind person and you deserve good things to happen in your life.
(your name) ... .... you achieve good things in your life and you are a kind person and you deserve to be happy with the things you do each day.
It is a very normal thing to want to be appreciated but many people are not giving. you are a kind giving person but there are many more people whose nature is to TAKE TAKE TAKE and COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN. Try to avoid the takers and the complainers. Or try to get a Teflon exterior so that you can face them with a smile and let their negativity slide off you like water off a duck's back. Do not let their TOXIC people poisoner's venom into your system.
choose to start an exercise program for you so that you know you are puting back into improving your health.
Consider saving up for a nice holiday where you are the special guest and the staff want to reach out and give good service to you.
Redecorate a room you spend a lot of time in at home and ensure that you do get exactly what you want and need to feel even more relaxed and happy in that room.
In a word "Charity begins at Home" with you. Give to you to make you stronger emotionally.
Your need to be appreciated tells me that you are not giving enough to you in other areas of your life.
You DO have a right to want to be appreciated. But that appreciation will never come from others who emotionally mean or toxic or are takers.
You KNOW you are a good person. Hold on to that thought.
You are not wrong to want appreciation. But you may be looking for it in the wrong places
The charity work you DO DO remains significant and does no doubt make life better for others. People send out thank you letters and yet may still never get acknowlegement back.
That is why we need to value ourselves. Celebrate what we have done in our lives.
Occasionally along the way you will meet outstanding and kind people like yourself. Cherish them. Study them. Learn from them. They are your role models. They are the people to emulate. And when faced with a situation think about how you have seen your role models behave or manage a situaton. Accumulate friendships with such people as they can mentor you (if they are willing) to rise face the world with your new tactics to avoid feeling so undervalued.
My Best wishes to you
Regards
Abella
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