A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my family doesn’t love me. My parents Love their two older children. Yet me? But not when it comes to me as well. When I'm myself they seem so disappointed and I don't know what to do. They say I act Like a 5 year old having a tantrum. I just want them to be there for me and Love me for who I am. They don’t love me for who I am, only when I pretend to be someone I'm not . Only then do they seem to love me and it’s getting tiring. When I'm myself near them they hate me and it makes me so nervous and scaredSometimes I cry myself to sleep and at school I'll Excuse myself and go to the bathroom just to cry. I know I have Loving friends who like me for who I am and appreciate meBut I don't want to tell my friends about my problems because I don't want to be a bother but at the same time I do, because I know they'll help me through it I'm just confused. I want to know what I should do about my family stuff, and if it’s okay to tell one of my friends. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): Hi All,my name is Robin, im 28 yrs old. i have been going through something similar all my life. my mom and dad have always loved my elder brother and infact they have always neglected me, my brother has always been wicked to me. when i was a kid he used to get his friends and beat me up, there are several marks on my chest, once he hit me with a baseball bat and broke my head, when i complained to my mom and dad, they dint bother to ask him anything. They have always been happy about him and just him and only him. They never paid for my school or college, i used to work in a local bar to make enough money to pay my tution fees, all that they gave me was food and shelter, no love....NO LOVE!!!! i have struggled all my life with this, when i was in my teens i even tried to commit suicide, i dint have the guts to pull the trigger, even today the scene has not changed a lot, my brother has hated me since my birth, he even slept with the only girl i loved truly, he used to tare all my notes and books so that i dont study and graduate, every time i opened up with my dad or mom, they used to tell me that i am jealous of him, i have craved for love from my parents all my life, but i have never got it, all i have got is god's love, even though i lived with them i used to feel like an orphan, at times my brother used to do things infront of my parents but my mom or dad never used to stop him, i guess its that first kid best kid fantacy in their minds........it has not changed at all, whenever they used to take us out, my parents never used to introduce me to others , they would just introduce my elder brother. i used to stand like one of the dogs on the street. i have gone through so many situations that i am scared where u all will feel sad if i share it with you guys...since my childhood all that they used to give me was what was left out by my brother, used cycle, used books, used clothes, with all this in my mind i used to pray to god, cry to him and i somehow managed to graduate from college, today i am a successful software engineer, i even topped the college...on the graduation day when i called my parents to be there , they refused....i was the only kid in college standing alone without parents presence....i have had worse... Not many people would believe u if u share ur thoughts because most of the people out there think that its ur fault and its ur mind giving the wrong thoughts...but i have faced it....so both u and i know that its happening......when i googled why parents dont love their children equally i got this blog........ i have spent years trying to figure out why my parents dont love me but i dint find answers.....im quite matured to understand that all five fingers aren't the same, so what i would say to u is this....there are good parents and there are bad parents....there are worse as well.......now that we are going through this, u gotta be a strong person and u have to grow up as an independent individual....and make sure u dont do the same to your kids someday.......it was so hard for me to digest the way my parents and my brother treated me. because mother's love is un-conditional.....i used to wonder if mother's love is un-conditional then why is my mom doing this to me, why doesn't my dad love me for what i am....they never loved me, and im sure they never would, i used to talk out my pain to my friends and my best friends couldn't believe me untill they saw it themselves....some parents are partial towards their kids, i know that...some parents really are partial.....we cant do anything about that untill they realize it themselves....the only person who loves u un-conditionally is "GOD"......just GOD and no one else..... people like us who are going through this have to just keep faith in god and in ourselves and keep moving forward, everytime i felt neglected and hated by my family i used to step out of the house, take a walk or go to the chruch or meet a friend just to freshen up my mind. i even started teaching at an orphanage, that way i felt loved by those homeless kids, and i could get over with these painful thoughts from my head.....and guess what it still hasn't changed, my parents still treat me the same way, i now live alone, my parents dont call me they dont wish me on christmas, nothing.....at times i feel bad for myself, but i have always been there for them, my brother met with an accident and when my parents couldn't pay the insurance company, i gave all my savings to them, i have helped them in every way possible, but still no difference, i have stopped expecting them to love me. i just dont believe in it anymore, i talk to my friends and i talk a lot to god, i thought i was the only guy who googled this topic and i was wrong, there are many out there who are going through the same stuffs like me so i thought of sharing my story just to make u guys feel better. lets just be strong, be a better, loving, person!!! the more u dont get love from ur family try loving them more, make others around u feel better and happy when u are around. give love to those who are not being loved.when "platinum" is dug out from the earth below its not platinum but it had to go through several tough stages of melting, beating it up, shaping etc.....and finally we have PLATINUM!!! so in the same way everytime u go through a bad situation, get strong, stronger........and some day u will be so strong that nothing on earth can shatter you......NOTHING.... Love yourself the way life loves you, always remember......there is no one who can take care of urself better than yourself.......good luck.....and have a great life ahead.......let this day be a new beginning in your life.....regards,Robin.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): You really need to give a bit more information than saying they don't love you for 'being you'. In what way? If you mean they don't like you because you are interested in different things then fair enough that's unfair, but if you mean that it isn't 'you' to go to school and you'd much rather have sex and drink then I could see where they are coming from. Btw I don't think you do those things, but it will help us to know to see if their issues are coming from a place of worry or if it's something deeper than that.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 April 2013):
 secondly: you asked if you should talk these things out with your friends? At this point you are 13 and I think it burdens your friends, some of whom may be ill-equipped to provide you with the level of wisdom and emotional support that you really do need.
And teens often don't realize how impotant confidentiality is. Thus they are very very likely to talk among themselves about your issues and very soon everyone at school will know all your issues. I doubt that that would help.
That's why I suggested the anonymous talk line. I have another teen link but could not locate it when I looked. Maybe another poster will add it to their post.
Can you speak to a school counsellor?
Some issues seem so big that they look unsolvable.
Yet every adult you see has been a teenager.
Some have faced BIG challenges and have worked through the issues. Some get good support, and in time the issues are overcome.
You Deserve good support.
Do you have an older relative who you trust? Who you could ask for help to talk to your parents?.
Another site with a lot of good advice is drphil.com - then search for advice there on teenagers or parents. Or something more specific. It's free and anonymous advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): look love I am probably old enough to be your grandfather and have raised 3 kids myself so I know quite a few things about parents so let me asure you that parents never discriminate in their love between their kids because simply that is against human or even animal nature.Humans or animals love their kids equally by nature. Ok they might get angery at you when they see you doing something wrong but that is only because basicly they love you and they don't want you doing something which could harm you. So I am sure that your parents love you unconditionaly equally as much as they do your other siblings.Remember between the age 12 - 18 we pass through adolescence which is a very critical period in our lives as we pass from childhood to adulthood and the hormons in our body go haywire during this period making us feel moody and prescuted but that is only in our mind.It is not real. I am sure you are feeling the same now but this is natural and you shall pass it.It is a sad period but also a very delicious period in your life. If you want to make your parents really happy and proud of you cocentrate on your studies and get good marks and put a goal for your self to acheive in your life like becoming a doctor and try to attain it . Good luck and keep smiling.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 April 2013):
I am not going to insult your intelligence by telling you that , "Hey sure your parents love you," because I don't know your parents. I can only go my what you have written. And I hear the pain in your voice.
But right now you DO need more support.
At this point you did not reveal any other issue that is making your parents concerned. So I will respect your right to privacy on this. Though some posters will want to know. If the issue is too sensitive to talk about (yet) then do not feel embarrassed if you choose to not reveal the issues of concern.
One thing you could try is the following talk line.
1-800-273-8255 – talk
And this article might help too:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm
I can tell you that my family were so mean to me that I eventually decided that surely I was not related to them and I wondered why they ever adopted me. They had NOT adopted me, but it felt like it. I was constantly the one who had to be the "responsible one" since I was constantly told that I was the one with the "nice nature" on the basis that I was the only one with a "nice nature" and since the rest were not blessed with a "nice nature" it was no good asking them to do whatever I was being asked to do.
Never can anyone tell me that 100% of parents treat all their children with complete EQUITY. That means with absolute FAIRNESS. And it is no good telling parents to treat all their children EQUALLY as often doing that results UN-FAIRNESS. Since everyone of us is unique and has special good points and some points of difference or evena need for more support.
Needless to say I was not the one in the family to slam doors and scream obsenities and get drunk. For that I was often criticized. They thought that meant I was weak and that they were the strong ones.
Maybe it is your parents who do need a tutorial on how to better support you. Considering how unloved you feel.
You are still developing as an adult and often it seems as it everyone else is changing when in reality it is you who is changing internally and is being affected by hormones.
Sometimes it is the parents who seem “dumb” when the teen is not communicating and neither are the parents.
At your age it is easy to feel insecure. That is very normal. So you need empathy and good listening skills from your parents. As a child (yes at 13 you are legally still a child) you should not have to listen to your parents arguing. Nor should you be blamed for their financial issues. You need to be told (and not just once) that they love you, no matter what. That they will support you, emotionally.
You need a balance - so from time to time you DO deserve IMMEDIATE praise in public and in private.
Whereas if they are unhappy about something associated with you, then they should explain why to your face, and in private. Without raised voices.
You are not always right and nor are your parents always right.
Learn to fight fair or walk out of the room if they are verbally abusive. Tell them you will come back when they can talk to you in a civil manner. Stay calm.
Help them to learn to trust you by honouring agreements. If they say be on time then do it and watch how this will slowly build more trust with you.
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