A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He has been living with me for over 2 but he has always called it my place. He claimed he couldn't afford to split the rent ($1200/month) so instead contributed $300 a month plus we take turns with grocercies. Now he has found a new job, next state over and has rented himself an apartment for 1200/month. He knows I can't move because my son has a year left of school but said it's not personal, it's because it's a great opportunity for a job, which I get. What I dont' understand, is how he can now affored full rent and utilities when he said he couldnt' even afford to split it with me before. I did support him when he said he was looking for a new job because he was unhappy but he never once mentioned me ever moving there. I asked him if he has any anxiety whether it will work out for us now that he's moving out and he said he assumes it will, its just a professional decision. Should I feel used? I know he loves me but I also know he wasn't happy at his old job which was affecting us. when I asked how he can afford it when he couldnt' before, he just replied "i'll have to make it work". I'm afraid it won't work out. I'm not sure how to take this?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Hi
Will his salary be more when he starts his new job? If not then he has definitely taken advantage of your home and the fact you didn't demand more money off him. He saw it that he was a lodger in your house and paid 'dig' money rather than sharing everything as your partner.
Now he has a new job,is getting a new home and he has told you he assumes you two will still work as a couple.Only time will tell, it will mean commuting, maybe only seeing each other at the weekend, maybe less, you don't say the actual distance.
If you have doubts about him being sincere then now would be a good time for you to make the break,he knows you can't move because of your son but has put his needs first and you supported that. He is distancing himself from the relationship. You can see how it works out after he moves or cut your losses now.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Sadly he is just plain selfish. Now he's distancing himself from you.
He's been able to squirrel away extra savings and yes, that was at your expense. What a cad he's been.
I don't think he's been entirely honest. And I think he sought a way to split with you over stages. Slowly making himself less available with his new move.
It's your choice if you want to continue to put up with this. I know I wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 April 2013):
 He couldn't afford it when you lived together because you allowed him to not afford it.
My now ex husband could not cook or clean or give me more than half his paycheck when married to me. I allowed it because I could afford it and handle the cooking and cleaning.
Now married to a woman that won't tolerate it, apparently he cooks dinner, helps with chores and gives her his entire paycheck because she makes much less than I did and she insisted. He wanted her enough that he was willing to do it.
so if you asked and he said he'll make it work... that's your answer
should you feel used? I don't know how you should feel. I know I would be angry at myself for not demanding more income from him.
You say he's one state over. Well that could mean a million things... my husband now was two states away but it was still about a 2 hour drive. So is he more than 3 hours away? when will you two be together? On weekends? who goes to who?
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