A
female
age
41-50,
*izza.1
writes:My husband works late every night (like 10pm ish-he is supposed to finish at 7pm). We have a 1 year old and I have been on maternity leave then made redundant so I am now a full time mum. My problem is the fact that I get no help from my husband when it comes to the baby or housework. He gets mad if he can't find any clean clothes and criticise my parenting skills yet does little parenting himself; if he has to help it results in him being in a mood. He has the monopoly on sleep so I have to do the morning feed every morning (I've had 6 lie-ins since the baby was born).when I do get a lie in he'll bring the baby up to me when he thinks I've had enough sleep (usually around 9.30-10am). When he does get in from work he sits on the laptop and zones me out - i actually said "pink fluffy bunny and green giraffe" yesterday and he didn't notice! He shows me no affection except for the odd slap on the behind as he walks past and in the bedroom where he is all over me. I feel like his babysitter and whore. I'm getting to the point where I want to leave as I feel totally alone and like I'm wasting my life away waiting for him to get home only to be ignored and criticised. I never thought he'd be like this when we had kids. Any advice how I can get him to come home earlier and actually notice I exist! Many thanks xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 hi Pizza1,
Lovely follow up, and thank you
Abella
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 August 2011):
Also, I am very sorry you are suffering this lack of support. You sound like an excellent Mom.
Besides finding ways to get more support from him - which you Do Need and which he should be giving you - I think you need more external support.
Find out if there are any supportive young Mom's group or a social activity for babies where the Moms can talk and
watch baby play would be a good group
to 'check out'.
He is being particularly selfish and rude.
And if you strengthen your Social Support around you, then you will be better able to deal with the unreasonable pressures he is imposing on you.
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A
female
reader, Pizza.1 +, writes (12 August 2011):
Pizza.1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for the replies! He is actually working till that time, he's kinda renown as a workoholic!
I have actually asked my lovely dad to have my little one tonight & I plan to relax & recharge. I'm not too fussed if hubby is late tonight, I'm gonna use this time to calm down, sit back & look at the situation, get a good nights sleep & confront him about my feelings tomorrow calmly & rationally when I'm well rested & its less likely to turn into an argument due to stress or tiredness. I think something needs saying as we've been together since our teens & I don't want to resent him & this is slowly starting to creep in.
The falling asleep idea is a good one though as it is the brain in his trousers that is usually running things lol, I'll have to try that if talking to him doesn't work!
Thank you all xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): its a hard one maybe he feels isolated now that you have a bay and the baby takes up all your time? as for making you get up with the baby and him not doing his bit thats not fair its just being selfish, has he given you an explanation of why he comes home too late? maybe you need to disconnect the computer wait til the baby is in bed sit him down and talk about this you sound like your really stressed out you deserve better than this good luck x
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (12 August 2011):
do you know what he is going till 10pm if he is supposed to finish at 7 i would ask him about that if you do not know why don,t you get a babysitter for the night do a nice meal call him at 7 when he finishes work and tell him to come home you,ve got a surprise for him then while you to are having a nice evening alone talk to him about how you feel and see if you can work things out good luck
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I'm curious as to why he comes home so late when he is supposed to finish at 7pm. I'm suspicious. Do know any reasons why he keeps coming home so late?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 August 2011):
Hi, do you have a Totally Utterly reliable loving kind willing family member who would be willing to care for Baby? Preferable someone who can care for baby Over-night. Baby not to return home before 10:30am the next day. Choose a day when your guy will be off work the next day.
If you do not have access to a baby sitter of this Calibre then post that as a follow up and I will work out an alternatine
You are planning a happy 'surprise' for him. So 'Mum's the word' on this babysitting.
Get a nice book from the Library.
Ask the baby sitter to collect baby at around 6pm.
Change the bed sheets
Prepare a small platter of some snacks.
Have a long relaxing bath. Put on some nice smelling lotion. Make yourself feel good. Leave the some of the snacks on the kitchen table.
Read the book for an hour. Try some of the snacks yourself.
Go to bed early. If he comes home wanting home comforts tell him you need your sleep, you waited too long for him to come home, and now you are exhaused. Get a good night's sleep.
Sleep in the next morning.
He will eventually realise baby is not there.
Keep calm.
If he carries on remind him that you organised a romantic night with him, and had the baby looked after, but you fell asleep waiting for him. And now you don't feel like it.
Tell him, in a very sleepy, very tired voice, that if he would like to get home earlier
You might be able to surprise him more often.
No complaining, no nagging, no yelling. Your heart was in the right place, he just took too long to get home. Tell him 'next time'
If he still stays selfish and not thoughtful then repeat the exercise again and get another good night's sleep - it sounds like you really need that extra sleep now
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