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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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After my past experiences now I hate women!

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New baby, but an unsupportive abusive husband. No wonder I'm depressed. What should I do to cope with all this pressure?

Q.   I've been feeling very unhappy after I got married.. been feeling depressed..I had a baby 7 months ago; I have been staying at home watching the baby and my husband has been complaining about expenses. He 's been telling me I wish That he could be...

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My wife was sexually abused. No one else knows. Is it wrong to spill the beans?

Q.   As the subject says, my wife was sexually abused as a child. She was also raped as an adult - possibly more than once. She just confided this in me, although I have suspected as much for a long time now. As a result, she is an alcoholic. She...

A.   16 November 2011: Explanation to this unfinished sentence: "you also cannot make her get support" meaning: = "that you cannot force nor make an alcoholic seek support to get sober. You can only encourage, when the time is right" and meaning that "an alcoh... (read in full...)

My wife was sexually abused. No one else knows. Is it wrong to spill the beans?

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A.   16 November 2011: Hi OP I look forward to your follow up where you will be able demonstrate the courage and real empathy and understanding you have for your wife. I am sure you want the best for your wife. And only the frustration and anger you have for the peo... (read in full...)

Why did my girl friend not try harder to talk this through? She wants space. And different things. But could more discussion help?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been together for a little more than a year and a half. We do everything together, We are both living at my parents house, we work together (because my family has been friends with the GM of a company, so it was a easy job)...

A.   14 November 2011: you are responding in all the nicest most empathic ways. Most people would be able to see that. And nothing you have written here has suggested that you have done anything abusive. Quite the opposite, So I asked myself why would she not respond ... (read in full...)

Why did my girl friend not try harder to talk this through? She wants space. And different things. But could more discussion help?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been together for a little more than a year and a half. We do everything together, We are both living at my parents house, we work together (because my family has been friends with the GM of a company, so it was a easy job)...

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Why did my girl friend not try harder to talk this through? She wants space. And different things. But could more discussion help?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been together for a little more than a year and a half. We do everything together, We are both living at my parents house, we work together (because my family has been friends with the GM of a company, so it was a easy job)...

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Q.   This mostly applies to people who came out to their families....i need help trying to have a bond with my mother recently i brought my boyfriend over to my house told my parents he was just a friend who was going to sleepover.. well in the middle o...

A.   13 November 2011: I am so sorry that your mother reacted in that way. It would have distressed you very much. It is my belief that people are born gay or straight. It is part of who the person is and should be accepted for what it is. In the past men went through ... (read in full...)

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He'll help his ex who is ill. He chooses to encourage me to pay off my debts. Is he just being kind? Am I making things out of stuff that isnt there?

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I would hate to fall for her and find out she's playing me.Am I a convenient fantasy or a genuine love interest?

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A.   11 November 2011: correction: "suckered in BY a confidence trickster" sorry about the typo error on my part.... (read in full...)

I would hate to fall for her and find out she's playing me.Am I a convenient fantasy or a genuine love interest?

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A.   11 November 2011: First I do not believe she is a Med student. No Med student can attend to all their study and talk 4-6 hours for 3-4 times a week. And I hate to be the bearer of negative tidings but I just hate seeing a man suckered in my confidence tric... (read in full...)

I can't tel my boyfriend about my emotional problems

Q.   I feel like I can't tell my boyfriend about any of my emotional problems because I don't want to worry him or because I know he won't be able to help but I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. When I tell him I feel down or depressed he just ...

A.   10 November 2011: You can try some things that may make you feel better like getting outside, going for a walk, being kind to you, some positive affirmations, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, allowing yourself a little slack to sleep in and do something nice for ... (read in full...)

Why did he throw everything away by cheating?

Q.   Its been a few days since my bf of three years confessed that he cheated on me. I still find it extremely difficult to get through my day, I hardly eat and if it wasn't for my prescription sleeping pills I probably wouldn't get any sleep. It is ...

A.   9 November 2011: I am so sorry for the immense hurt you feel. This is going to be tough. But it is also true that, 'as one door closes, it allow the opportunity for another door to open.' I would never put up with a cheating partner either. Wishing you much hap... (read in full...)

Why did he throw everything away by cheating?

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A.   9 November 2011: He confessed that he cheated, that tells me that he is feeling so guilty that he wanted to share the guilt a little to make him feel better. So he told you, knowing it made him feel better to finally reveal his guilt. But knowing too that it would ... (read in full...)

Episodes of My childhood – Unloved & Abused By My Mother

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A.   8 November 2011: To Amethyst, BlueGem and WhiteOpal You all have my total support. I will look forward to the books when it comes out Some women are just not cut out to make good Moms. I am so glad the three of you have found DearCupid and are able to support e... (read in full...)

He promised he'd divorce, but never intended to! How do I show him my life is better without him?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a married guy for two years.His wife of 10 years could not conceive due to some health problems.So he approached and told me he would leave his wife for me.he caimed they had discussed about it and he was ready for ...

A.   8 November 2011: You are being so very very unkind to you. Please try to Value you. If you are beating yourself up with pain over this failed relationship then please be much much kinder to you. While you continue to focus on him you will not heal. And heal y... (read in full...)

How can I improve my self esteem?

Q.   I have very low self esteem now. I've never had much self esteem anyway, but now that I'm newly single, it's plunging down to a whole new level! I feel ugly, especially. I can't help comparing myself to other women, even to my own friends, and ...

A.   8 November 2011: There was a time when I needed to do this for me. In my case I was lucky, in that I was able to negotiate some extra time off work and add it to my vacation time. Though if you are still studying then there are vacation times. But I chose no... (read in full...)

16 year old in love with an attached 23 year old

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A.   8 November 2011: It can be hard and feel you are in love when in reality it may be a strong teenage crush that could really hurt your reputation at work. Do you need that to happen? Certainly not. You need to keeep your job and work hard to impress your colleagues ... (read in full...)

What will make things better? I am struggling with my pregnancy and non-existent social life!

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A.   7 November 2011: This is hormones kicking in. If you can reduce your work hours to four days instead of five days a week. The first three months are tough. Then it settles down. The last three months are very tiring. But the tiredness straight after the birth, for ... (read in full...)

I fall too fast

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A.   7 November 2011: You are in love with love rather than stepping back and looking and listening and getting to know the real girl in front of you. It's romantic and beautiful that you put these girls on a pedestal and romanticize everything about them. But is is not ... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is becoming a mysognist (hate women).Any ideas why he has suddenly become like this? Can I change his mind?

Q.   Ok, some advice please. My boyfriend has always been slightly sexist- men do this better, women shouldn't do that job, etc. It never caused a problem between us, and sometimes was rather sweet when he would act really chivalrous. However this s...

A.   6 November 2011: It is Very unlikely that you can change his mind. In fact he hinted at this side of his character in the relationship. You were aware that he was "slightly sexist" at the outset. He is showing you who he really is, now that he feels relaxed ... (read in full...)

Has this run it's course? Lately, it's almost like we can't be in the same room without fighting.

Q.   Hey guys. First of all, I'm gay and I've been in a relationship with a really great guy for 8 months. Unfortunately, he and I have been fighting a lot lately and I don't know what to do to bring us back to normal. Even though I'm gay, I'm a pret...

A.   6 November 2011: Some Guys do this. (some hetrosexual and some gay guys - but not all) It is not very brave nor honorable. Much nicer if they courage to sit you down and tell you how they are really feeling. And why they want to break up. So instead they pick a f... (read in full...)

What does he really think and want and why with me?

Q.   So there's this guy, we'll call him D, he always flirts with everyone but he is always doin' sexual stuff to me in class, such as stuff like grabbin' my butt, pokin' me in my boob, runnin' his finger up across my butt, or vibrating it, all in a ...

A.   5 November 2011: you have identified yourself as smarter than the average. Something has driven you to write and ask a question about this guy. And well should ant nice girl ASK WHY this silly guy behaves this way. This disrespectful little twerp has no idea of b... (read in full...)

Should I cut communication? Why would he be talking to me more often all of a sudden, saying that he misses me and loves me? He has a Girlfriend

Q.   I'm in this really complicated situation with a long term friend of mine. Me and this guy have been very close friends and at one point things escalated. We got involved with each other even though he had a girlfriend. We have been involved for a ...

A.   5 November 2011: he senses an opportunity. When you moved away you were 'out of range' for him to bother much, hence his 'too busy' signals. Because using his reasoning, he no longer had to talk to you and tell you sweet lies, because now that you were so far away ... (read in full...)

I wonder if family stress should be blamed for the loss of my cat to kidney disease? Or are there other factors that cause kidney failure ?

Q.   Hi Readers, I lost my Cornish Rex Male cat in April of this year. He was like a friend to me and I am still very distressed about it despite having counselling and being on anti depressants. If there are any other cat lovers out there I was just w...

A.   5 November 2011: One of the factors in kidney disease in cats is thought to be (according to my vet) too much dry food. Our cat loved her fresh meat, her prepared "wet" food. And she loved yoghurt. But she also loved dry food from time to time. Now I wish that she ... (read in full...)

Solutions please to reduce panic attacks? old school? New school? Or other options?

Q.   Hey, yep its me again so thanks for taking the time to read my question. I haven't been at school for about a year now and now and my family and I are making the necessary changes for me to go back to school. Only problem is many schools round my...

A.   31 October 2011: If you want to transition into going back to school ask if you can continue your lessons by correspondence for the first three months. It will take discipline on your part, though you sound responsible enough to handle it. Do not let these mo... (read in full...)

Solutions please to reduce panic attacks? old school? New school? Or other options?

Q.   Hey, yep its me again so thanks for taking the time to read my question. I haven't been at school for about a year now and now and my family and I are making the necessary changes for me to go back to school. Only problem is many schools round my...

A.   31 October 2011: Well done that you have done all that your Doctors asked and that your situation is improving enough to get you back to school. It has not been easy for you, I realise. But you want to go forward and you are motivated to make this work. Well done... (read in full...)

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