A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm interested to know-do you think people who look at porn are more likely to actually cheat on their partner? I'm asking because I know my bf of 1 yr watches porn videos online every 3-4 days. It used to get me down, but so many people have told me all men do it, so you have to accept it and not take it personally. So, it doesn't get me down anymore, but it kinda makes me wonder if I need to keep a closer eye on him in terms of him cheating...I wonder if people who watch porn see others in a more sexual way than those of us who don't watch porn, and whether that might make them more likely to cheat, also, 'cos perhaps it devalues sex as an expression of love within a relationship...what do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Porn is porn.
Cheating is cheating.
Are they related, no, but a cheater may watch porn for the same reasons he/she cheats. That is an individual thing.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (14 August 2011):
NO,Watching porn has no connection with cheating and it doesn't mean that he doesn't like your appearance but men are visual creatures and watching porn to them is like watching romantic movies to women
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): I watch porn every day. And I would NEVER cheat.
My father cheated on my mother and destroyed the marriage.
My ex-girlfriend also cheated on me and destroyed our 1 year relationship.
Porn is just escapist entertainment, don't look into it that much. What matter is the person who is watching it.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 Porn will dull his sensibilities toward realistic sex. There is not a woman alive who does those sorts of things on a regular basis - and this is part of the reason why pornography is so alluring.
What is likely to happen is that someone who watches porn regularly will start to objectify the person whom he or she is with. The connection to the person will fade in favor of what the person looks like and feels like.
Cheating is one of many outcomes of porn addiction but not the most likely among them. Most common among them (at least from what I have been reading) is a general impatience with a partnerand gradual withdraw from and discomfort with intimacy.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (14 August 2011):
its doesnt matter, but what does is communicating to each other your desires. There is a reason why he doing it. 3 to 4 times a week? Thats sounds more of an addiction than the average person. You to need to talk, sex means different thing to each couple and if he isnt getting what he want from you, than he's more likely to cheat.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 August 2011):
 Hi, i don't think watching porn indicates the person will cheat, any more than 'people who cheat who have never watched porn'.Sadly people, men and women, have been unfaithful for millions of years.Watching porn, or not, is not the indicator.What is, is a weakness in the person's character. Also some people don't think through the consequences of their actions. Some people have poor impulse control. Some people think that just because A likes B, even though B feels no physical attraction for A that STILL B should seize the opportunity to get with A BECAUSE A has already signalled interest in B. Noooooo!First Character. And Being Honorable.Before people make a solid solid commitment I think it is important that they really think about what makes them tick, and what is important to them. And what they want in life.Now it is true that sometimes a first love is the 'one'. It happens I know. But it is rare. So i do not see it as wrong to spend time socialising with a range of people before deciding on the 'one'.But once a public commitment is given in front of friends and family to be together as a couple then an honorable couple together will Honor that commitment if they both have a similar strength of character.There are millions of people in this world who would in every way be your 'perfect match'. One of the reasons no one should ever have to put up with a 'second-best' partner. But the important point is to choose ONE of those persons and remain true to them and vice a versa. It is a contract. An honorable person respects and honors a contract if the terms are right and if both sides continue meeting the criteria/brief (usually unwritten) of the contract.And discuss verbally and agree verbally what you expect in that contract.And discuss and re-negotiate any aspect of the contract that was unforseen and needs addressingIf two developers were going to share resources and build an enduring structure and one said he'd do the walls and the other said she'd do the windows and together they'd do the floors then imagine her reaction if she turned up one day with the windows, only to find him building walls down the road, with a different girl developer, leaving her with a whole lot of windows and only half finished walls? She'd tell the world that the guy was dishonorable and not to be trusted again. That his 'word' was easily given and easily forgotten. And so how could his 'word' ever be trusted completely ever again?But women and men often put up with unfaithful partners when they should have discussed how strong is the commitment first Next is Poor Impulse Control:Some people really mean it when they give a commitment. They give up easily when faced with difficulties. Something more exciting appears in front of them. But they get distracted easily. Something better crops up. They forget birthdays, they forget to pay bills. They are unreliable on several levels, on occasions. They get easily excited by novelty. This is a serious threat to keeping a commitment. Such people are at great risk of choosing to be unfaithful. Next - thinking through the consequences of their actions:Some people give a commitment but when faced with a cross roads they have two attractive choices in front of them, and they could make the good decision that will result in the most number of positive outcomes.VersusThey could see some advantages in choosing the other road. And not factor in 'what could this become?' and 'how will this affect A+B+C+D+E+F' and immediately the problems and potential dangers would jump out at a rational person.. But some people put their head in the sand and selfishly say, 'stuff my responsibilities to my partner, I'm going to get away with doing this. My partnerwill never find out', But they inevitably do find out. And it causes so much pain.So rather than focus on the porn - which I just see as evidence that they do not have enough hobbies, might even be stressed or depressed, or not getting healthy, or not communicating with their partner enough, or is just plain selfish.Instead I would focus on the current situation, what is it that makes him tick?Is he depressed? Does he have too much pressure on him? Should you consider delighting him with some spicing up in the bedroom? Does he get more neck and shoulder massages and good communication? Less nagging?Porn is only the second choice,A really happy loving inventive enthusiastic relationship with a real life there lover will trump porn any day.Porn is only ever second best. Or even less than that.And never neglect you.Take the time to pamper you.You deserve that nice smelling hand cream. You deserve that long relaxing bath. You deserve to be spoken to respectfully. Even if the ironing is piling up you still deserve that nice walk in the park. Or the time to read a book. Or the time to meet your girlfriends for lunch. or that gym membership. Be nice to you, because you deserve the best. Remind him of that next time the opportunity presents. you could even come in and start giving him a head and shoulders massage wearing a satin wrap, just a satin wrap. Just watch how quickly the porn is switched off when that happens!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2011):
 No, you shouldn't keep a closer eye on him. Porn won't make him cheat. But you shouldn't just accept something that makes you feel awful and insecure just because guys like it. Not all men watch porn, that's a lie designed to remove the personal responsibility of choosing to watch it.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (14 August 2011):
 Great question! That's actually somewhat debatable. In my opinion, I don't think so. Porn is more of a fantasy- and an escape from the norm or judgmental views from the real world for most guys. And yes many, many guys do watch porn. But you can't let it get you down. Instead:
- Encourage more communication with him. Find out what turns him on and what doesn't.
- Try to be his fantasy. Act out some of the scenes on him (if it's not too disturbing for you). Do things that you normally don't do when you two are intimate.
- Watch some of it with him. This alone may be enough to turn him on. Just the thought that his girlfriend is watching what he likes with him, may make him very ecstatic. You may be the coolest girlfriend ever in his eyes! :^)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2011):
 "yawn"
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