A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:HI Help please am i over reacting here?I have been in a relationship for many years and i have always been faithful. What is bothering me is my lovers remarks,i feel they are a showing a lack of belief in me and i feel like he is thinking i'm a woman who lacks integrity. I have told him many times that i only have him in my life as a lover,so why does he insist on saying things if i'm unavailable to answer the phone to him for instance,"I must have gotten a better offer". It may seen a small thing but i see it as him thinking i would go off with anyone. I am upset by his remark and i think he should apologize to me for making it.Am i right or am i wrong should i let it go or say something to him about it.We are both of a mature age and i am surprised he would even think such a thing of me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I am Sorry you are being put through this unneccesary "Trust issue".He is trying to control you by attempting to make you feel insecure. Getting you to modify your behavior to the point where you will become afraid of your own shadow, tip-toeing on cut glass if you allow him to get away with it. How dare he impose his own insecurity and his petty attitude on you. You are faithfulYou are telling the truthStand up to this man. Tell him to get some counselling for his trust issues. He doubts you are telling the truth and he casts aspersions on your integrity. This is completely unacceptable.He imagines you are unfaithful and he expects you to be at his disposal no matter when he phones. There is no reason why your phone has to be "on" all the time. If you meet your best girl friends for lunch then turn your phone off. He's an adult? Surely he can deal with some delayed gratification? His attitude IS the problem. He is not respectful. He lacks faith in you. He is insecure. It would bother me BIG time. And I would be telling him to grow up or find someone else.This is not a "small thing". This is huge thing. An Apology would not be enough for me. I would be expecting first that he get some professional help to deal with his own deeply held insecurities and his Jealously issues. I never see jealousy as meaning "but he really really loves me, look how jealous he gets ". Definitely not. I see Jealousy issues as the tip of the iceberg, heralding potential abusive attitudes later on, when he has gained even more control over you. He is attempting to CONTROLL YOU NOW. Stop him going down that nasty path.He also needs to learn how to relate to you in a respectful way. When he has demonstrated some behavioural changes, then you could consider if you would be willing to listen to an apology. But not before he did some serious work on his "issues" .
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