A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27, dating a single mum, who's 28, with a young son.She's not seen the father since she was 19 and he was 21; he left right after the baby was born (when she was 20, he 22) and disappeared out of her life, was never heard from again. Until recently.In the past few weeks, though, he's just suddenly come back into her life, ostensibly wanting to see the kids, she let him into the house, but what I heard shocked me.He was at our house ostensibly to sort out access to the kids. Fine, I thought, he's the child's biological dad.But what I heard in the background shocked me. He said:"I don't give a flying f**k about the kid. Never wanted him anyway. What a drag he is; I don't give a f**k about him. He needs to f**k off to hell. Get rid of the f**ing kid. Adopt him, shove him off to the grandparents or aunts, do what the f**k you have to do, as long as we don't have a f**king son! He's a f**ing waste of space and I hope he becomes a recovering f**king alcoholic later in life! Get back together with me, dump the boyfriend and the kid, and move back with me to Ontario!" (we live in Vancouver).She cried after hearing all this. And no, he wasn't drunk or on drugs.What I know from my partner about her ex is that he is a hockey player, who survives on a day job in a supermarket, left her right after the baby was born, after 3 years of dating her as well.My partner was upset with him for this and her son is upset, especially as he's never seen his real dad up until now.She's really upset with the whole situation, and he's come back twice, using the reason "I want to see my son", but she can't trust him, knowing that his "reason" is just really his attempt to get them back together, without the child.I feel he's being heartless. I don't mind a biological father seeing his son, but telling his partner to get rid of the child - isn't that just evil.My partner says I've helped her a lot emotionally, and been a great father to her son, who considers me a 'proper' father to him, compared to his real dad.I've tried to help her as best as I could, but I just don't know how to help her with his, especially if he comes back into her life claiming to want to see his son.We need help, and really don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): I've never heard anything so vile!
1) He is not the biological father, simply a sperm donor
2) Neither you, your partner or her son owe this lout anything
3) Get to court with a set of adoption forms
4) Tell your partner you don't want this horrible person near your son, yes YOUR son, you bought him up, you made him who he is so he is YOUR son! You have every right to stop this man coming near the child in question.
If your partner ever let's this man near your family again I would seriously have words with her! The well being of your son MUST come first! That means keeping this horrible disturbed man away!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): I just went through that about 2 months back,except my ex dumped me for the biological father.Stupid girl.Im 28,she's 26.We dated for 3 years,i know her daughter since she was born,she is now 3 & a half years old.The father wanted nothing to do with them when she fell pregnant,he just disappeared,for 4 years.I did alot to help her out with her daughter,nappies clothes etc.Just 2 weeks before we break up,he suddenly pops back into the picture,& suddenly wants a paternity test,very odd to me.2 weeks later she breaks up with me over the phone,not even giving me a proper reason.A day after we break up,she has sex with him.Its been 2 months since the break up,no paternity test has been done,he has once again disappeared,just a week after they had sex.The child has no father now.Stupid girl.
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A
female
reader, Little tiny girl  +, writes (20 August 2011):
 You should file a report on this guy if he doesn't leave you and your family alone and make him pay child support. This guy is a fucking dickless motherfucker. he don't deserve to see his child. Stay strong and keep your famliy safe from this guy who thinks he is a "man".
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 August 2011):
 Get thee to an Attorney asap and instigate steps to legally adopt your son with your girlfriend. For all intents and purposes you are the only father he has ever known. And you do have his interests in mind, something the biological sperm donor does not in this instance.
Do you see yourselves as long time partners? If yes regularise the situation. Get your affairs in Order. This ex sounds Violent and trouble.
If your relationship is likely to lead to a more permanent commitment to each other then consider getting other things in place like Wills in place. And a Care Order in the Will saying who would have Parental rights over the boy if either of you passed away.
Document the conversations you heard by the Ex and get affidavits organised with your Attorney as a prelude to legally adopting the boy with your partner
This will be a big test of your commitment to this lady.
If you do not feel a strong need to commit to this lady at least advise her to Get a Restraining Order. And get her to organise a Will naming who would look after her son if she passed away. Because without her and without you this boy would be condemned to being fostered out.
And insist that the ex not be allowed inside the home ever again. If she can get sole custody of her son then she can make other decisions, such as choosing to give permission for you to adopt the boy with her jointly. I imagine this loser ex does not pay maintenance for his son either?
Her Ex is a loser.
And she needs to stop listening to the lies of her ex
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (20 August 2011):
If it gets violent, get a restraining order. That is what we call it in the USA.
You may want to have some of these visits recorded or at the very least he is not to come over unless chaperoned.
See an attorney. If he is claiming "I want to see my son" then she can turn around and say "We need to legally work out your visitation rights, which should include you paying child support. Would you like to have my attorney meet with yours, say 10am on Wednesday?".
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