A
female
age
30-35,
*x__confused__xx
writes:About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me.my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i really dont want to lose him again? How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help. I really need to know. I can't tell if this relationship is real or not....... help me plz............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xx__confused__xx +, writes (21 August 2011):
xx__confused__xx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for the advice guys,feedback was good to here....
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 August 2011):
That's a nice story Abella. OP, that's pretty much the thing here.
Trust.
You cheated and blew that trust. Since then you've worked hard and he's come back. He would never have come back if he didn't love you. He obviously took real time to think about whether he wanted to be with you.
So, what do you now have to do? You have to trust him. You have to trust that he loves you and that this means something. If you can't trust him now, then you may well lose him because you'll send the wrong signals to him.
Trust him.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Trust is very important. Trust is earned. Often easily. But Trust lost needs a lot more work.
If you cheated, then he dumped you, then he took you back then that tells me he is a forgiving guy who is willing to trust you again.
But he will not give you a second chance.
So do your best not to give him further concern about infidelity and trust issues as these things can damage a relationship a lot.
I will tell you about something that once happened. Unbeknown to me a husband of a friend of mine thought it would be funny to try to kiss me just as my husband returned to the group from speaking to someone. I was not expecting the man to try to kiss me. The man seemed to think it a huge joke. But I flinched and ducked away from the kiss. My husband sidled up to me, gave me a hug and a quick kiss. And said, for all to hear, "The one thing I never have to worry about is my wife being unfaithful".
I recall feeling very heartened that he would say that for all to hear. Why? Because first it was true. But secondly we had never ever discussed the issue. It had never been on our radar. My husband had come to his own conclusion. And I felt very cherished that he would speak about me like that. He did not even bother to say a word to the other guy and neither did I. We did not need to. We both knew that trust existed. That is trust.
Imagine how an insecure jealous husband who did not trust his wife would have reacted? With suspicion and a lack of trust.
So now that your guy trusts you cherish that wonderful feeling. Because it feels so good to be fully trusted like that.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 August 2011):
Always look at his actions and do not just look at his words.
The same applies to you.
Listening. Real genuine, taking notice of what you say. Replying to what you said in a way that demonstrates that he understands you and values what you have to say to him.
How does he treat you in public and in private. It should be respectful in both instances. Bad sign if he ignores you or is dismissive to you ever in any situation. He shoudl speak to you in a respectful manner. Not do actions that would cause you embarassment in public or in private.
He is never abusive. Not controlling. He does not try to manipulate you or hurt you verbally physically or emotionally
He is interested in you and the things that are important to you. He finds the time to show interest in things that interest you.
He is not smothering you with excessive attention. You both need a life and interests and friends. It is a bad sign if he wants you to drop all your friends and avoid family and solely wants you to focus.
A guy who likes you will interested in finding out about everything about you. Will not denigrate you. Will support you. And do things to show they care.
You will feel so at peace in his company and he in yours, as one hour will feel like a minute and you never run out of things to say to each other.. The trust is there.
Whereas when you are not in love with someone an hour feels like a week and you are bored.
Hope it works out
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