A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I made really good friends with a women last year frew facebook. We went to school together but were not close friends or anything. We met up in town and hit it off straight away and became the best of friends in no time.Anyway, last year I was going frew a rough patch and was liveing out of area, in various hostels, constantly being on the go, so my life was very hectic and, id just become a new mom for the first time in november 2009.Me and my "beloved friend" started to lose contact. I felt like she was trying to phase me out of her life, but it turns out that she thought i was doing the same thing to her. We both got are wires crossed and i couldn't appologise enough for the misunderstanding. She also appologised aswell and said it was also her. I am in agreance that, it's both of us that lost contact with one another, because it takes two people to make or brake a friendship.However, since we got back in touch with one another, things have never been the same since. When ever she txt's me now she puts hi without putting my name and she always did before the incident. She keeps the txt's messages short and breife. She's not really like me in the sence that she will open up so much and talk lot's wich is fine, but she doesn't really seem, that intrestied in haveing a conversation with me. She doesn't really take much intrest in what i have to say. I never felt this way before the incident and even though we are diffrent, we would still have a conversation, even if it was just short.I started doing college, last year and she never takes any intrest in it as a friend would, like asking me how i'm getting on with or what kind of things i'm doing. Aswell i'm planning a big makeover for next year were i'm buying all new clothes, makeup, shoes, ect, this year and next and putting them to one side, so i can throw all my scruffy old clothes away and transform myself. Some of my other friends are really happy for me saying all encouraging stuff, but when i mentioned it to this friend, she hasn't ackowledged it. This is a really big thing in my life, but like pretty much everything else in my life, she doesn't to take any intrest in. Do you think i'm thinking to deep?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your reply.
I think you are right in what you say. I felt like I was putting 75% effort in and she 25%. I haven't heard off her for a while now so I think she has stopped putting the effort in.
I don't know maybe I did something to piss her off or upset but obviously she's not much of a true friend if she's going to dump me just like that. I'm not a mind reader and I certainly would not intentionly upset someone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Your friend doesn't sound very supportive.
Thankyou also, I only have to wait until march/april for my big makeover. Thanks for the message
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Sadly I think this friend has emotionally moved on but prefers not to come out and say it. Your first analysis was probably correct. That she was distancing herself from you. When you called her on it she re-grouped and said she thought that is what you were doing.
Also there may be other things going on in her life that she does not feel able to tell you. When she has dealt with this things she may come back into your life.
Keep trying to widen your circle of friends, and recognise that your friendship with her has met a bump in the road.
Make sure that you are not sending her more messages than she is sending you. Wait to respond to her. If you do all the initiating of conversations wait to see if she initiates some and then respond.
Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason. And leave for their own reasons. I had a friend I thought was really special. But she disagreed with me not trying to start dating within three months after my first husband died. She would call me to go out with her and I would remind her that I was in bed already and my baby was asleep and I was going no where, and had work in the morning. She was newly divorced at the time with no children and just did not accept my situation. She resented that I "stopped being her friend". But I did not, I just had my life to lead according to my rules.
We don't see each other now as our life paths diverged. It made me sad. As we had been very close.
But in real life Change is the most reliable Constant that will always exist in our lives. And the Change is not the problem, the real issue is how well we address the issue and come up with good solutions that are in our own best interests to deal with the changes.
And Congratulations by the way with your Makeover plans. Sounds a Great idea.
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