A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.So I had broken up with my girlfriend last thanksgiving because she just didnt really respect me. After a party one night i was a bit sideways and she was and somehow post break up emotions led one thing led to another and yeah. Needless to say is that At that point it was less stressful to keep the peace with her and go along with it to keep from getting peeved or unset with me. So I found myself in a FWB relationship with her. The school year finally ended and she kept bugging me to come visit her at our school where she had an internship. She got pissed because I was stalling because I didnt want to and I wanted to meet someone who I could have a real relationship with. I finally caved and came to visit after her getting really mad. We proceeded to do FWB things one night but it whent like it always did. I finished her with a vibrating massager and then she asked me to do her so i put on a rubber and 1.5 minutes later she tells me it hurts so we stop. And thats that. I never have a chance to get all hot and bothered let alone finish. After i came home I started having terrible headaches and got worried that I was haveing a sever issue. My doc gave me some heavy meds and told me to rest. She started calling and bugging me and trying to talk but I said i had taken some pills and was trying to passout. She got really mad and just stopped talking to me. Now I just moved back into school and she comes and tells me that she was pregnant and that she didnt know what to do and she eventually just went and got an abortion. I knew nothing about this. This was private information my girl friend gave me. Who should i tell now? What should I do? She is on my crew team with me and is on the Executive board for crew with me. We share all the same friends. Will my friends find out?I already met a girl over the summer who is amazing and is so kind repectful to me. She means the world to me and I fel like all this will destroy it. I need help. What do I do about the news I just received? Should I tell my new girl friend about this private information my ex has shared with me. What do I do about my new gal?please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I carpool a few people to practice because we all live in a similar area on campus, so i cant really speed off without everyone asking me whats up.
I am going to tell my GF, I know its not fair to her. Im just mad because I really like her and its going to break her heart. Also I am not trying to play the victim, I know im and just as responsible as she is. I just hate myself for being another damn statistic and possibly being in a situation where I end up with a woman I cant love and a that my family hates.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 It could be the tests show up as pregnant because she never had an abortion in the first place?
I think... you need to take a step away from this girl. You allow her to get into your car, you could just drive off without her. Or at least have a talk with her about it. She clearly thinks you and her are still an item. She wants to have you back.
You need to step up and take charge and stop being bullied around and play the victim. You got yourself into this mess by cheating and having unprotected sex.
Here's what you do: limit the contact with this girl to the bare minimum. If there's talk about the possible pregnancy etc, then talk about it. If she is pregnant with your child, of course you need to be there for the child. So for now, play the part of being interested so she doesn't wind up taking the kid with her somewhere after it's born and never let you see it (if that happens come back here for further advice).
For now, stop treating her like she is your girlfriend. And, I would encourage you to tell your real girlfriend about what is going on. It's not fair on your girlfriend to keep her in the shadows with all this going on.
Then what you need to do is don't over-react. Wait and see what happens. I wouldn't be so sure she is pregnant still. You didn't see the test. If she was pregnant recently it's likely the test are false positive. She could also have been having sex with other men that you do not know of, and they could be the father. So sit tight. Wait for confirmation that she is pregnant, and by confirmation I do not mean a test. I mean that two months from now, if her tests still are positive, and then when she goes to the doctor you can join for ultra sound and can actually SEE the baby inside her belly, that's when you can be certain she is pregnant. So far I wouldn't jump on her bait, she could be making it up, and her track record with you is bad.
Also, when the baby is born (if she is pregnant) I would advice you to get a DNA test to confirm you are the father. Because you used protection the first time she claimed pregnancy, and she took the plan B pill the second time. It is unlikely that she is pregnant by you. So be sure it's your kid before you get too emotionally attached to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing. Aside from not talking to me about it til I basically spill my guts to my GF and probably end it with her, she still expects rides to practice every morning. She just waits in the parking lot till I come down to my car, but doesn't say anything to me, just gets in my car. She also wants me to come spend the weekend with her in Syracuse as 'moral' support while she takes her MCAT's. WTF is wrong with her reasoning skills?!?! I known mine have failed me recently, but she is living in a strange world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I know you are all prob sick of my 'f' ups story, but I got an update. Supposedly she went to the school health center and they gave her the same thing she already took, a take home urine test. It came back positive. I told her I thought she should get a blood test because the urine tests are made for after you have missed a cycle or a minimum of 2 weeks after sex. She said she trusts the health center and they are encouraging her to consider her options. I don't know how to take that because she seemed pretty set on not keeping it. Do you think she is reconsidering? If she keeps it she is probably gonna want me to stick around for it, and i would feel irresponsible if I didn't. But we would never be happy. There is too much between us know and I already told her back when we did the FWB thing that I did love her at one point, but not anymore and that we where never 'in'love. I really hate myself. I was so hopeful of everything near the end of the summer when I met someone new. But I had this terrible feeling that going back to school and and being stuck in a situation where my ex was always around because of our sport and whatnot was a bad idea..I could never have imagined that it would end like this. I guess I just have to do what has to be done and what is right, eh? Guess this is one reason they say its impossible to 'just be friends'
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 September 2011):
She didn't tell you she was pregnant then. Her answer is mysterious and weird. 5 days is too soon to get a result. The test can not be taken sooner than (depending on the test, but in general) the day you expect your period.
I think you need to CALM DOWN. You are freaking out over hints and drama she creates here. You do not know if she is pregnant. I highly doubt she is. The test she took was taken too soon. Her unwillingness to give you a straight forward answers also tells me she doesn't want to give you the answer because she enjoys to watch you squirm. Now don't giver her the pleasure. Keep your cool. Wait for a confirmatory test to be taken, before you assume she is pregnant.
And stay in school for your own sake. Ignore this girl from now on (after you have disclosed all information in this case that is).
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Why would you want to leave school?
As for you GF, the sooner you tell her, the sooner she can decide what SHE wants to do. As far as the ex.. I would completely cut the contact. Erase her from your life. She sounds like a bunny-boiler.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. It was about 5 days after the sex and pill that she took the test. I did not see the test myself. In fact Im not sure if she actually took it. When I got it at the store the day I bought her plan b she looked at it an said "this is one test i will never fail" then when i asked her if she took the test via text because I was in class she said " I told you it was a test I cant fail" I never actually got a yes or no. She isnt going to keep the child if she is actually pregnant. Her goals for school and work are too large for her to let a child get in the way right now, or so she says. And she wont respect my input on it either.Im am so done with her now. I tried to be sympathetic and understanding when she came to me the first time, but now this is ridiculous. She said that if I dont talk to my GF like today she is going to go ahead and contact her herself. I told her I would take care of it. I know that she wants me still, I dont know why, there are plenty of other guys out there and she could defiantly find one to be her pet and safety blanket easy. She plays the cute innocent, silly girl card really well.I think I might just leave school, I wasn't going to come back to begin with anyways :/
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 September 2011):
There is a chance of a false positive yes. It could be your ex isn't pregnant. But the time line in your story was confusing. How soon after the unprotected sex did she take the pregnancy test? Did you yourself SEE the result of this test, or did she merely call you to tell you? Don't trust her. This woman does whatever it takes you get you back as her lap dog to take her commands.
However, you cheated, and now you have this crazy ex of yours back on the plate. Excuse me for calling her crazy. But she sure is stirring up a lot of drama whenever she comes around. You need to get her out of your life and not be so weak to have UNPROTECTED sex with her when she claims pregnancy even after using condoms!
Tell your girlfriend if you wish, better to get everything out in the open me thinks, but that's your call. Your ex only wants you to tell your gf so that your gf will break up with you, then your ex can have you all to herself. That one isn't hard to understand. That's the relevance of it.
In the leaflet of the pregnancy test you can read about false positives etc. You should read the information that comes with the pregnancy test/read information about these tests online, so that you understand how they work and what could result in a false positive.
If your ex refuses to speak to you... all the better for the time being I think. By her level of desperateness when it comes to you I don't think she'll last for long without talking to you. And you need this time to think about what to do. I also think she isn't pregnant, and I think she'll do whatever it takes to get you trapped with her. BE CAREFUL when it comes to her. She'll try to pull this "pregnancy" scheme on you over and over. You have to stop sleeping with her, you're playing with your life. Women like her are the ones who stick holes in the condoms etc, and lie about being on birth control.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I tried to keep away but she came to me saying that she had more to tell me and she started talking everything through and about our old relationship and we talked about why we split and why i felt unappreciated by her and then she started to cry a bit and wanted a hug so i figured a hug would be ok. She then started talking about how she knows that I still lover her and that we are meant for each other and started hugging and kissing me and I try to pull away and ask her what is she doing. She seemed to be in a trance.
Before I continue I have to say I have a terrible character flaw that I will do anything to try to make other people happy or to feel better even at my own expense.
SO she keeps getting frisky and she is on top of my and I keep trying to get her to stop but then she starts taking my shirt off and figure maybe if she feels she can have me just one more time she will chill out (I had no intention of letting it go anywhere). Needless to say I was weak and it did go somewhere and we ended up having unprotected sex. (I am such a moron, I know) I guess it was pity sex. She fell asleep and when I cooled off I started to freak out. I left her room and just everything came flooding to me. I am now a cheater, I just betrayed everything I believed in, I just became my father. I hated myself. The next morning I took her to store and bought her plan b and watched her take it. the next day she came to me and told me she had been vomiting and feeling terrible and that this all happened when she was pregnant over the summer I went and got her a home urine test and it came back positive. She freaked out and told me that she needs to deal with this and that she wont talk to me about it till I tell my current GF about everything. I told her I have every intention of being honest with my GF but that is irrelevant to me helping her deal with this possible pregnancy again. She said no, that she wont speak to me till I tell my GF. She has no intention of keeping the child and I have no say, all i wanted to do was help her through it because I am 50% responsible. I just dont think its right of her to push me away like that when all I wanted to do was help her. How is telling my current GF related to my ex aborting another baby? I have every intention of telling her. Also I read that HCG levels can still be high after an abortion for up to 8 weeks causing tests to be positive. My ex supposedly had an abortion a month ago. Any chance this is a false positive?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2011):
Is it possible that she is telling you this to make you feel bad about moving on? If you are pretty sure you never got her pregnant? She wouldn't be the first girl to lie about stuff like that. Though condoms is a pretty good way to avoid pregnacies they aren't 100% safe.
I do think if it's something you need to talk about, you need to find someone you can trust to keep quiet.
It is a lot to get thrown in your face.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 August 2011):
 hi, i am sorry if you did not feel you got your message across as you wanted. If you did not provide a title then perhaps the moderator picked a title. I found it more useful to state my own title when I put up a question. It is not guaranteed it will be accepted but it is a thought.
Also in the past I have had parts of a post edited and when I read the edited version it made more sense.
Some things that look obvious to us, as we write, may not be as obvious to
others as they read. People judge a person's actions by seeing or hearing or being told about those actions. People completely in the dark about actions? How are people completely in the dark about actions supposed to tell.
I put your question on my watch list as i had posted an answer that did not even get put through.
That is fine, i learnt something from that exercise of what gets through and what does not. My answer was factual and polite but a moderator may have decided that is did not suit the question. It is not the first time I have had an answer rejected. And I have learnt a little more when it has happened about what best suits the needs of the OP and what does not. .
So I guess it is a tough job being a moderator deciding these things and making split second decisions about thousands of questions daily. And doing it all voluntarily in their own time.
I felt i did understand your question.
And there is an important lesson too nd that is that a condom is not 100 per cent foolproof. They can fail.
Hope your new relationship goes very well
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 August 2011):
Im thinking it was someone else's baby she aborted. But, it doesn't matter now, as there is no pregnancy any longer and you got away cheap. Imagine the mess if she went ahead with the pregnancy and you had to deal with DNA tests to see if the baby is actually yours, while preparing for possibly being a father, your new relationship could be going down hill... you got away lucky!
Don't have sex with girls you can't trust again. Your ex FWB sounds suspicious. It could be one of those cases where she faked a pregnancy as well just to get your attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why my post got edited that way. I have no intention of telling anyone minus maybe a counselor. I always used a condom. And never got close to finishing because she would stop me because she would start to hurt. I am no longer in a FWB with her. I just feel terrible because I don't know how this happend. If the clothes came off then a rubber whent on. It was always one way too. Usually me finishing her with my clothes in then 2 minutes of sex before she starts hurting.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2011):
Tell your ex how you feel about it all, the pregnacy, the abortion, but most of all be honest with her. And last but not least... tell her that you don't want a FWB and that you have meet someone new.
As for your new GF, no. Don't tell her anything about this for now. But please please, start to use condoms as intended.
Why would something that went on between you and your ex destroy this relationship btw? I can't see why it would.
Also, get checked out for STD's.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): You had a FWB relationship. but were you the only one?
You said you were protected, so the baby may not have been yours... that is, if there ever really was a baby to start with.
You broke up with her for a reason, so now it's best to keep your distance and not get into that position again.
In relation to telling others - that's a no go. she told you in confidence, and it should stay that way. It's not your business to tell others, neither is it their business to know. I wouldn't think it would affect future relationships anyway!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): You felt your ex-girlfriend did not respect you. Your ex-girl friend felt unsupported.The two of you broke up. You were not interested in more than FWB. And both of you did not use effective contraception. Result a pregnancy.She tried to contact you. But then she got the strong impression that you were not interested.She felt so unsupported and wanted to get one with her life. But once she had dealt with the grief of going through with this she chose to tell you this very private information.It is private information. Respect it for what it is.Don't go down the vindictive revenge route to embarrass your ex girl friend. It is no one else's business. Perhaps she should have told you earlier. But then again perhaps you both should have used effective contraception during your interaction with each other?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 August 2011):
How does this affect your situation? Your ex had an abortion she said. Well, then there is nothing for you to do about it, you didn't have a say in it and now it's not a problem any more, because she went and had an abortion. If you always used protection then you can't even be sure it was yours, nor can you be sure she isn't making it all up.
But how does this affect you now, and the other relationships you have? I don't think it will matter at all.
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