A
male
age
36-40,
*rb
writes:Hi.! I m 26yr old avg person in every respect. We r the family of 4, my mom, dad and a youger brother. I m doing a readymade garment business in partnership with my dad and uncle. Business is doing fine.My dad is a hard working or I could say a workholic person. He has crossed lot hurdles in his life to keep us afloat. He has high BP and diabetes now.Now problem is that my father gets angry too often. He starts shouting and goes out of control. Specially on meand about same on my mom. He didn't scold on my brother. He scolds on me heavely on even the pettiest things posiible. Me and mom tried everything to make him understand,at that time he says ok, but after sometime its back to normal (yes NORMAL or I could say better, he consider his behavaour not even normal but he's proud of it..!!). With mom he patch up after sometime but with me, never. He will scold me, abuse me and after some hours turns normal as nothing has happened. As son I also get normal coz if I won't get normal, he will scold on me again. He's a bit overprotective but he never talk with love and never praises me. I do a lot good things and in whole family if there's a problem, then I will be sought to solve the problem but even if I do good solution he will never praise me, but if I make a smallest mistake, then the whole house will be banging with him.I don't know what to do.? I mean it hurts me so much that I want to go somewhere else. But I can't do this coz my mom do love me a lot ( brother is least concerned). I repeatedly get so much to listen on petty things and these r simply acumalating within me. I feel sad alltime, I seldom feel happy.. as I can't discuss with anyone( my mom calms me down a lot but now it has stopped working). I feel of going away somewhere or simply end my life coz it has no use..?? I mean my own father is fed up with me, my mom though she loves me but also unhappy with my certain things( the most is me hanging out with my childhood friends in my free time). I don't know what should I do.?? I hv my whole life in front of me. I hv just three persons in life, of that one is fed up with me, my brother is least interested, and my mom also getting problems with me.They r planning to get me married but I m not certain should I do it or not. As I m failed in my blood relations, is I will able to make artificial relation a real one.?? Also dad scolds so much and so bad that I don't know I could tolerate it then. I don't hv other accomodation to live, no deposits, no facilities( as my whole income goes to dad). I m also afraid that in future if I demanded something like seperate place to live, he may again get angry. and discard me from his property( he can do it). My whole life is like m standing on a hot plate in a room full of crocodiles. I don't like it Please help.. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Your family sounds like anyone would be sad living in the middle of all this aggression and your father's bullying.
Go visit your Doctor and ask him to assess you to see if he can help you.
Ask the Doctor if he could refer to you a Counsellor to help you sort out some of your many distressing and pressing problems.
Certainly do tell your family that you are not ready to marry yet and may not be ready for another 4 years.
You are 26 years old. You Mom is keeping you from growing as a Man if she is encouraging you to stay home. It is OK to respect your Mom but at 26 when exactly do you intend to become more independent. Good parenting is not trying to keep one's children as dependent as possible.
Good parenting is bringing up children so well that increasingly they will choose to leave home. Choose to make their own decisions. Choose how they will live and where they will live and what work best suits them.
However Once you feel stronger, after some counselling and have sorted out your feelings about your family then please considering moving in with some friends.
At 26 you are not a child you are a grown man. What studies have you considered? Have you taken stock of what skills you already have? Are you pulling your weight in the business or wanting to spend your time with friends?
For what ever reason your father seems to think your brother is OK and he is not satisfied with your performance in the business.
Is your father being unfair in his assessment?
Or is your father refusing to allow you any responsibility? That would be enough to make most young men get disgruntled.
Do you get on well with your Uncle? Find out if you can work out with him the things you could do to get on the better side of your father.
Because your father's health may be worrying him. He also may have a feeling that the business might be better run by your brother. So he is finding fault with you all the time to agree with his existing bias against you?
If you are working for free in the business and all your hard work is being ploughed back into the business then what have you go to lose by going out to work in another garment business and learning all the things required from the ground up? It would give you and idea of what it is like to work at the lowest level and build up your skills. I bet your father learnt his way into the business in exactly that way.
As far as marriage you are definitely not ready for marriage yet.
Foisting you on any unsuspecting girl in an arranged marriage when you have not yet sorted out your own goals and strengths is just wroong. There is no urgency. It would not matter if you delayed marriage until you have worked harder, saved some money and learn more about your father's business by working in another business. And learning to budget your own money and learn to save your own money. That is being resoonsible.
Unless there are medical reasons why you need additional support and assistance I cannot see why you cannot start seeking more independence. Learning to live on your own, cook for yourself and arrange to wash your own clothing is what millions of people do all over the world. Then you will start to recognise all the things being done for you now at home.
But do not just stand on the same spot marking time as you will get no where doing that. See the Doctor first for a full medical check up. Then talk things over with a Counsellor. Identify some goals with the Counsellor.
You need these first things first. After that you will have a better idea of what you need to do next to enjoy a much better life than you have now.
Best of Luck with all this.
|
