A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again.Another guy brought 3 condoms to first date - and gave them to me as a "present".Another guy was so cynical he was condescending all night.Another guy was at that "bitter" stage and moaned all night about his ex-wife.Another guy I met for coffee and he told me he had to go as "he had 3 more to see yet". Sounded like he was buying a car.Do I carry on looking for love, I am intelligent, attractive and am extremely happy with my life, friends and job.Anyone any ideas, is it me not being good at weeding the bad ones out or are there genuine ones out there.Would love to hear a man's point of view on this
View related questions:
condom, ex-wife, his ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Yes there is ofcourse, but the chance that you will find one among them is difficult and will take some effort, time and luck.
You see, the internet world has made everyone believe that everyone on the net is not trustworthy, deceitful and fake. Why, on dearcupid we do not put our real name too right? Therefore, how sure are you that the guy you are talking to online does not doubt your identity and personality? I am sure the same as you, he might think you are after money or sex or are just depressed or even desperate.
That is why, it is difficult to rely on the internet because all people have the same negative thinking of all the rest of the people on the net. If you may be willing, just try to talk to someone and not focus first on meeting them. Just chatting that could even take you months or years to get to know that person. It's risky but that's why you should not rely on the internet to find a partner but do not also rule our the possibility that you can meet him there.
I'll take me as an example. I have met guys on the net. But only few I have chosen to meet, these few guys when I met them I found out had their own goals about me. One for money, 2 for sex and one other just to have some company while coping up from a bad break-up. Needless to say, only one of them became my bf and none I had given the chance to even touch my hair. Another has become my friend.The other two I just simply blocked/deleted. However, my ex bf ended up cheating on me for someone he also met from the net and we were together for a year.
Anyway, here is the funny part. There is this guy I just chat on with for nothing, just chatting. We have fought all the time, I used a fake name with him, given fake information. He is handsome but I know if he will ever like me it will be because of sex nothing more. So I always turn down his proposal to meet. It went on for a year, we had a big fight about a topic and we said our goodbyes. Then he apologized after 3 months and he said I was a great chatmate and he liked talking to me regardless if I can't offer him anything. He wont lose anything anyway.
I never ever imagined we will meet, but when we did, and it was his choice, he never left my side. And I was the bad guy coz all the details he said about himself are true and he found out I was the the one who faked my name etc. To cut the story short, he moved to my city to be with me and found a job here. He is my bf now for more than a year.
I don't despise the internet coz that's how I met him. But him? He had deactivated his accounts on dating sites and when I asked him why, he said, what's the need? He has me already. He has graduated with that stuff now that I am here. He is suggesting that I should do it too actually.
Nowadays, if he is in the mood for a laugh, he always reminds me of my fake name.
Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 My cousin met his wife on an internet dating site. They're been married for five years and have two very cute kids and seem very happy together.
I've never personally met anyone, but you just have to keep persevering. Also maybe have a friend look over your profile to check there's no "creeper" attracting code words.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 August 2011):
 After I divorced, I internet dated for a while and met some very odd people. I discovered I am more an 'eyes across a crowded room' kinda person and that men prefer to do the hunting and pursuing. People have a tendency to be more dishonest and photos can be deceiving.
I know lots of people who have met other halves on the net, most didn't work out, but some did.
I prefer to meet people whilst following my interests these days and when I do feel ready to settle down again I am sure that is where I will find my perfect match :-)
Good luck to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): I have found that some guys online are complete jerks, but on the same note I have met the same type of jerks when out in the real world. That being said, I met my man online and have never been happier with anyone. There are some great people both on the net and in the real world, it just takes a lot of time and patience to find them through the forest of jerks. I am sure that you will find someone when you least expect it. I found my man when I was about to give up on dating altogether. I wish you the best though.
...............................
A
female
reader, InvisibleMe +, writes (21 August 2011):
 I met my boyfriend of 5 years on the net (although he did go to my school and added me because he knew my sister) but i think its the best way to get to know someone! its like a blind date but your blind the whole way through and really get to know someone on the inside where it counts first! maybe you just need to speak to these guys online for a bit longer than you are!
If its meant to be it will be C: good luck! x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): I tried internet dating a few years ago, it was winter and I was in alot at night - boredom and curiosity.Never againI met a few. One who was charming etc I left sitting in the pub cos he told me he split with his ex cos she was sick of Swingers Clubs every weekend. He then said I was fit and he could 'barter' me at the clubs no probs. I went to the loo and didnt come back.Another met me for a lunch date with a bottle of wine, he said lets grab some squirty cream and head for yours, apparently I was lunch.I think the majority let down the minority, of all I met not one wanted a relationship - but they all had said they did. I suspect more than one was married.I think the men see it as practice while they get over somebody or are newly divorced.Give me the real world, genuine people and nothing set-up. Maybe he's already listed in your mobile..
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Have I met someone genuine on the internet? Yes. Sorry I'm not a male, but I just wanted to say that you will usually find someone when you least expect it. I met my significant other online (not on a dating website, however.) We developed a strong friendship over time, and he flew 17 hours to stay with me for 3 months. He's sitting right next to me as I type this. He's my best friend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 The age old question: How to only meet the good ones?Sadly I dont think the internet is going to help. Although I havent used a dating site, I do play a few online games (evony and wow, youd be amazed at how many LDRs are on evony), the people I tend to meet while playing are rather rude, or pretending to be something they arnt.The way I see it is that these people are pretending to be what they arnt. So your getting the opposite of what you are looking for (guys saying they like going out, when they'd rather stay home).I personally am a fan of getting out there and doing something new, eg instead of playing wow at home, I went to a cafe, met quite a few interesting people :)ps, I as a guy, hope you slapped they guy who brought the condoms.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): I got a divorce at 46, and turned to internet dating as I could not consider going out and leave my kids at home.
I talked with lots of men, and some of the conversations online were not particularly pleasant. I met some of the nice ones. Some were ok, others were uninteresting. I met my partner of seven years on the net, and I know we would never have met otherwise, as we are from different countries.
Internet dating is a bit like buying a house. Before going to view it, ask lots of questions!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 August 2011):
I've never done internet dating. I think that the general idea is one that could work. But I also think that it attracts a lot of people who are entirely unsuitable - men and woman from what I've heard.
My girlfriend actually tried internet dating at around the same time she met me, and she said the same things you did. There are a lot of people there who aren't great. We actually met in a cafe, and have been together for 2 and half years, so I know that the old way of dating still works. If I was single, I wouldn't do internet dating at this time, because I am not yet convinced that the good people outweigh the bad.
The internet is not the best place to meet people who a real and actually good at this time. Most real, down to earth people are out there in the real world, in cafe's, classes, work departments etc. I know one woman who actually met a man on a singles holiday, rather than a website - they've been together for 6 years now.
You're a good, intelligent person. You know that. But you will become more disheartened the longer you stay on the internet. I'd say come off that and try a class, singles holiday or something like that where you can meet a real person.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 August 2011):
 I'm not a guy but I've had some experience with internet dating, so perhaps that will do? I got divorced in my early 40's and have been dating since then. For me, I wanted to date a very specific type of man, (I only date Asian men) so I had no choice really but to turn to the internet. In many ways, internet dating is just like normal dating in the aspect that you're going to meet some good guys, some really weird guys, alot of guys inbetween. Same as in real life, right? That's what dating is all about, weeding them out. Real life or the internet, there's the "good, the bad, and the ugly" as I like to call it. You just have to be smart, be careful (especially on the internet because people can lie and say almost anything), but trust me, there are nice genuine men out there. I promise! You may not find them the 1st, second or even 10th time, but if you keep trying eventually I am sure that you can and will find someone. It might be very advantageous to go to websites that you have to pay because they do tend to weed out undesirables right off the bat. I wish I could tell you that your "prince" will just magically show up, but that's not how it works. But there really are some very nice men out there, I've met them as picky as I am. I even found my prince, but I sure had to kiss alot of frogs to find him. Good luck.!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Abella, nice feedback and am still optimistic x
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 August 2011):
 I am sorry you have had such a bad run. Perhaps consider a holiday to an entirely different destination. These guys sound like that they are in a complete rut of ordinariness and I am sure you deserve better than that. Angry disgruntled men too hurt to really contemplate a relationship
Try joining some groups doing some good things in the community and get to know fellow volunteers in a community program then you might a more decent sort of guy.
Attempting to give a gift of condoms is just disrespectful.
And keep on developing your own interests and love may come along when you least expect it.
Near me is a thriving painting class. Some of the works are very ordinary. Some are better. But they all have fun together and put on exhibitions and assist each other. And I know two marriages have occurred in the group.
Best of Luck to you
...............................
|
