A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi :) I'm asking this because im starting to get a bit worried. Im generally a sensible person, but I dont (in my view) have a very exciting life and sometimes I feel really trapped and I have to go out and do something that I wouldn't usually do. It used to be stuff like having my hair cut or buying a really expensive new top or making a cake and eating the raw mixture, but now im older its stuff like smoking and drugs and getting drunk. I know its bad, but I can't seem to stop. How can i feel better about my life before I do something to ruin it? xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): You have the world at your feet...and you have choice...many people don't. You have a choice to be the person you WANT to be....or the choice to be a drop out and unfortunatly possibly wind up on a road to know where but misery. I have seen a lot of old school friends wind up on this road and their lives have been ruined...and their family...i have seen a number of them wind up overdosing dead or commiting suicide..losing their children family disown them..and they were great people it was life that was hard for them. Is your life that hard? that you can't face reality ?do you have opportunities? university? employment? children? marriage? travel? To take drugs because of Bordom is such an insult to the lives that i saw and still see wasted....YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE WAITING TO CREATE...DON'T DESTROY IT...all for the sake of bordome. Make your life fantastic...make it fun...make it ....your dreams...what do you most want to become? I so hope you take your own advice and WORRY because you carry on this road and you WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE...FACT!GOOD LUCK..SPUNKY MONKEY
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Perhaps this has become a habit because you are surrounded by others who think it is OK. But the fact that you are asking this question tells me that you are recognising that there is a better way. Correct me if I am wrong?
If you want to change any habit that is unacceptable to your code of ethics they say you need to adopt new behavior and replicate that new behavior every day for 6 weeks and it starts to become a habit.
So imagine you have a drug dealer come to your door? (forgive me - I don't do drugs so I am not sure how this operates). "Knock Knock, hey Mary, want to party, come on Mary open the door".
You: "Go away Jane I am not doing drugs any more"
Jane: "Come on, I'm your friend, haven't I always done right by you? you know you want it. Where you been? All your friends want to see you, come on, you can try this new stuff"
You: "Go away Jane I am not letting you in"
Jane: "You open this door now or I'll get X to beat you up again"
Mixing with people who do drugs means you mix with desperate bad people. Invariably you get sucked into a culture. You make yourself vulnerable to the ruthlessness of bad people. You get depressed when you can't find the money for more drugs. Or worse still you decide to sell a few drugs to your "friends" to help pay for your habit.
Can you approach your local Citizen's Advice Bureau to find out about any programs in your area that could help you?
Also log on to Talktofrank.com as they have free counselling on these very issues.
The Samaritans in England are another free service.If you need even more support.
Another important things is to try to clean up your act so you can start mixing with people who do not choose to destroy their lives with drugs smokes and alcohol.
Draw up a list of your Ten best points and think about how those things can be used to your advantage in the future. Are you still at school or going on to further education? If you have abandoned your education or are thinking of doing so, then don't. Education are the keys to your future advancement in life.
Also do not be too impatient about that advancement. Hasten slowly.
In the mean time have think of other things that might be able to relax you and make you feel good. Like a long soak in a scented bath. Do not worry what others think of you if they still want to do drugs and you do not. "What other people think of you is none of your business" (I did not invent that quote Oprah Winfrey did.) But the quote is true. As you travel in a train or bus or whatever someone somewhere is thinking and wondering about anyone they see. thinking many things, some true, some not. Whatever they think is irrelevant.
What you think of you and how you live your life - that is what is important. you want yo live your life, be proud of who you are and your achievements.
When you can start saying no to illicit drugs etc you can start living a whole new life.
And planning ahead, not just allowing "things" to happen top you.
Find a project that will take you to places where you are (one hopes) less likely to find illicit drugs. Visit the library and start reading up on how to do yoru family tree. Ancestry.com is fantastic for that.
Start reading more often. Especially biographies of people who have gone on to greater things, despite many obstacles in their lives.
If there is any honorable viable community project where you could volunteer your time then do it.
Wash all your clothing to get the drugs smells out of them. Clean up your bedroom and if you find any drugs then put them down the toilet.
Find out if there is a detox program you could join funded by the NHS and put your name down even if there is a waiting list.
Also if you choose to go on holidays do not choose the same old same old places where you know the only "entertainment" is drinking drugs and smoking besdie the pool. Get off the beaten track. There are great places in the world where such things are not valued.
You are on the way to finding Success just by asking this question. One drugs are out of your life you will be amazed at what other opportunities open up for you.
I hope you can turn your life around.
Best Wishes
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Hi dear, its the first step u have taken towards ur betterment by asking for help, this shows that u r doing things that ur inner being does not like,or is not accepting The next thing you will have to do is find the root reason as to y u took the step to do what ur inner being donnot like , the reason can be rejection, failure,disheartened, etc, etc, which u will know better. You will have to over come this feeling or hurt u r having with in u.For this u may need help but if u take stock of your own self, that is, for ur inner being, by thinking deeply ,that u r doing what u dont want to do , just for some small reason and ruining ur precious health and decide for ur self to do positive for ur own, u will surely over come it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Well what, in your opinion, would make your life exciting? Aside from drugs etc. Would having more friends make it more exciting? Would having some interesting hobbies make it more exciting? Would having a job make it more exciting? Would doing better at school make it more exciting?
You need to figure out what you think is the definition of an 'exciting' life is. Otherwise you are never going to be able to take actions to achieve it.
To me, an exciting life is having a good job (or back when I was your age it would have been getting good grades at school), good friends, spending time with family who you really care about, interesting hobbies - mine are horse riding, running, cooking and wine, going out on dates/having a boyfriend to share your time and experiences with, planning for the future, and planning exciting things to look forward to.
If you have no goals and nothing to work towards then your life is never going to be interesting. So think about what you want from your future, and then think about what you need to do to get there. Having something to look forward to is a very important thing - I suggest you set yourself some short term and long term targets to work towards that get you excited. For example, maybe when you are 18 and finished school you might want to go to University (that is very exciting!) so you have to plan how you are going to do that. That could be your long term goal. Short term, maybe you want to go on holiday with your friends, so you would need to figure out how to get the money to do that and then you could start planning it.
Everyone gets a little bored from time to time, that is just life - but as you get older I promise your life will get more exciting and you will get busier and busier. But only if you stop the drugs, smoking etc NOW. If you carry on your life will just waste away, getting more and more boring because you are wasting all your money on drugs, your friends wont want to know you because you are stoned/drunk etc all the time, your family wont want to know you for the same reasons, you wont be able to get a job....your life will rapidly spiral downhill and it is a difficult place to get out of once you are there. Keep telling yourself every time you want a smoke or to take drugs or a drink that it is contributing to messing your life up, and you will only be more bored if you do it. Keep the future in mind and it should distract you from doing things like drugs and smoking now, because you will have something to work towards.
But please feel free to reply and let me know exactly what you think would make your life exciting, and then maybe I can come up with ways to make this happen and get you off the drugs.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): No need a counselor, you did good to have this thinking help yourself. Simply have a serious thoughts to set a long term goal and breakdown to series of short term goals for yourself, and base on the goals set timeframe for each goal, and invest your time and effort to acheive your goals. Your life can be brilliant if well use, your age is not old, to plan ahead to live a good life is good at your age! Discard the "friends" if they pull you back to the drugs and drunk, live a good life dear! Wish you best!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (23 August 2011):
hi, I think you may benefit greatly from seeing a counselor. The reasons:
- you say you feel trapped. Despair creates the need for temporary escape from life, which is what the drinking and drugs provides temporarily, which is one reason they are addictive. Everyone feels this trapped at some point in their lives to some degree, but only you know how intensely you feel this way and how persistent this feeling is, and how resistant this feeling is to your previous efforts to get relief. so I'm not going to assume that this is something you can just pull yourself out of by switching up your daily routine, or I assume you would have done it by now. Some times a simple change in routine can really make a world of difference but maybe you need some help identifying what to change.
- you say you want to stop the drinking and smoking and drugs, but can't. Since drinking and doing drugs are dangerous activities if you cannot stop yourself even though you want to, I would say it's time to get some outside help.
- you may have biological based depression, or you may not. but biological based depression is more resistant to relief despite making changes in life and problem-solving. So if you do have this, then you may need medication to even out your moods no matter what other positive changes you make in your life. you won't know unless you get tested by a health care professional.
It's very good that you realize that this is something to be concerned about, now. The sooner you can get help, the better. Many people do not realize until they are in a lot deeper and it's harder to get help and by the time they do they've wasted more years of their lives.
If you're still in school, most schools have counselors that you can use for free. You could also see an outside counselor if you don't feel comfortable going to a school counselor.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (23 August 2011):
The way to feel better about life is to start living a better life. Once you do that you'll feel better and better. When I was your age I decided that I had to change the people I was hanging with. It was a really good move. I met some really neat kids who 30 years later are still my closest freinds (even more so that people that I went to college for 5+ years with).
Something to seriously consider. People that start taking drugs and drink at your age tend to mess up their development on how to deal with stress, criticism and the normal stuff that life throws at you. As a result they end up adults with little ability to cope in a mature fashion... they simply didn't develop and it's a real mess.
So it's not that drugs are potentially addictive (some are), but that by numbing you'll not mature the way you need to to be a successfully adult.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 You have to find something to occupy your time. Maybe some new friends as well. Look for group activities, sports or maybe a martial art to give you something to do. The biggest thing is the people you surround yourself with. If you have to be drunk with your friends then they must not be very interesting. You'll be able to find people where you don't need anything else to want to hang with them.
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