A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend and I dated about 11 months before she dumped me. We had a fantastic physical and emotional relationship, we had great chemistry, and often stayed up to the late hours of the night talking and just enjoying the companionship of one another. I was always a shy and timid person, and she initiated everything from talking to me to seeing what opening up to another individual is like. I saw that seclusion and a lack of a certain degree of dependence on people is not healthy, and with her, I found the true meaning of love and happiness for once in my life. Also, not to sound like a grief-stricken dumpee, I was the perfect boyfriend towards her. I put her needs above mine, never questioned our relationship, and even went as far as giving her thoughtfelt goodnight messages everything. One last thing, she was my first relationship and first true love, while this was her second.However, sooner or later, these things have their problems. Her restrictive parents amongst other things did its toll, and after a full week in mid august of being extremely distant, she decided to end it by texting me the message, "I think I dont like you anymore," breaking my heart in the process. During the first week of the breakup, I gave her space but she kept on initiating contact only to yell at me for the things I did that she hated. I took all of her rage without ever saying a thing to defend or explain myself, hoping she'll realize her petty reasons for her decision. After a full 2 days of no contact (something that hasnt happened in almost a year), she tells me she misses me and everything I gave her emotionally and physically, but cant be in a relationship with me. I grab hold, like an inexperienced idiot, and try to talk to her without getting my feelings and love for her in the way, something I failed at. After a few days of that and me just trying to see if she wants what we had back, I realized it was way to hard on me and this friendship thing was going nowhere, so I started to ignore her again. I even told her I couldnt do it before I ignored her because of my feelings for her, but she said that either I be her friend now or she wouldnt want to be my friend ever.Before that started, she began to think I was interested in a long time female friend of mine romantically and started to become bitter, becoming a major reason I didnt want to talk to herI ignored her starting on a monday up until thursday of the same week. On monday and tuesday, she sent me a message/text each day, both I ignored. On wednesday, our school started classes. She is in 4 of my classes and me and her did not say a word to eachother the whole day. That same day, as I was driving home, she texts me saying "hi, i hope you had a great first day", which I ignore. Later, I get more messages asking me why I am ignoring her, do I hate her, and did I move on. I ignore them all. That same night, I get 30+ messages on facebook saying she has something to tell me, that she hopes I didnt move on, and even as far as to think I was off with that long-time female friend. I ignore those also and her last msg said she is going to talk to me at school no matter what. The next day, she pulls me aside and tells me she still loves me, she wants me in her life, and she is not going to date anyone else, but is hesitant to start again because of her parents and her thought of commitment. This was 2 days ago, and we have been talking like nothing bad has happened between us ever since. I declared I still loved her and she repeatedly says the same thing. She asks me what I want to do, but I keep saying she needs to decide. I have persuaded her to stick to the relationship many times in the past, and I want her to truthfully and honestly tell me that she wants to try again, but she insists I say something. Is this girl worth another shot, will I get hurt again or did she realize everything I wanted her to realize after she broke up with me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 September 2011):
 What tough first love for you. You did not say how old this girl is. Yet you also mention that she said she would "talk to you at school". Is she a student and you a student? Or is there a definite age difference between the two of you?
You mention that she defers to her parents wishes a great deal. Is your girl friend the same age as you? Because if she is much younger than you that would impact on my answer.
There the remainder of my answer will assume that your girlfriend is within one year of your age? If this is not the case then I will provide and alternative ansser.
I think you bent over backwards to be as wonderful as you could be. In the process you did not always think, "Is this good for me?"
In a word you were just TOO good to her.
This time I think you are smarter. You know you care about this girl, she is special to you.
But she did put her parents before you, and she did end the relationship in a callous way. Either not understanding or not caring that it was an unkind way to end the realtionship.
Almost as if she had "finished playing with you"
It is very good that you are now putting her on the spot to truthfully and honestly declare her intentions. She brought this situation on herself. You know you love her. Now you are standing up more strongly and refusing to plead with her to come back.
I think stand firm and leave the ball in her court. She needs to make the decision as it was she who finished the relationship earlier.
If you weaken then she will know that she is back in charge and that power is likely to lead to her hurting you again.
PLease keep in mind what is the right thing for you at all times.
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