A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello i have been with my fiance for 4 years now and we have 3 kids together but the oldest daughter is from a previous relationship and so not biologically mine but i am adopting her. Everything was going great until recently she started talkin to her ex again because he is after visitation rights but now she spends more time speaking with him than she does with me ive seen messages that proves shes cheating on me with him and this is the bloke that left her 6 months pregnant for another girl. i feel so worthless because she would go back to him and i just dont know what to do it is really getting me down can anyone please help?
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male
reader, FLIPPER66  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 ok , you say you've seen messages that proves she cheating on you with her (exbf or husband) yet you give no example of it here.(also if you believe it is proof print out copy of them when you confront her) i sort of agree with the girl responder here . let your gf/fiance know you've seen the messages weither intentionally or not . let her know your now not as comfortable about adopting her daughter as before and of where you stand at presnt in this relationship.. if as the other girl responder states . if the calls are primarily about the custidy issue she shouldn't mind putting the phone on speaker while your there. the only reason she would object is if she did have something to hide. also remind her of her ex leaving her cold turkey when 6 months pregnant something you wouldn't have done. yet by her actions your not sure now about what her intentions are at present and she may be loosing out all the way around . if she did or has cheated on you and most likely the ex at some future date will do her the same way again if he finds someone more interesting or prettier than she is. let her know the custidy issues you understand but more than that is unacceptable to you in your relationship with her.if she has cheated and she knows you know see how remorseful she is. because some say their sorry maybe a time or two and bawl like babies at the time but their only sorry they got caught . if they were really sorry they wouldn't have cheated in the first place. if she can give you good enough reasons why she's sorry about her actions and ask you to stay would you consider forgiving her but demand she has to prove and regain any trust you had in her(you set the guide lines for reestablishing that. such as any and all communication with the ex be with you at all times no exceptions allowed)if you can't forgive her your just another broken home statistic somewhere here on the net.in my opinion try working thru what ever the real issues are in your relationship with open communication and not one of condemnation. give her a chance but with a warning that if she screws up its over and done with in your books.one note do not be over bearing if you stay with her and she acepts your plan yes be aware of things going on . but at the same time pay alot of attention to her. many women feel that men after awhile loose that romantic touch they once had an they feel neglected. don't give her that excuse . pay her the attention or more so if needed. if she did cheat(not saying for sure because as said you offered no proof here other than stating you had proof)so we as responders can't really know for sure what was in the messages that make you believe that proves it.i know i've given pro's and con's to this but it may help you determine what action or course to take.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Totally unacceptable situation.
Tell your ex that you are not comfortable proceeding with the adoption while your Fiance is choosing to put so much time talking to her Ex instead of you.
And if your partner says the talks are just about visitation rights then say, fine, put the phone on speaker phone for each call.
If will become very obvious if that really is all the calls are above. You will be able to recognize manipulation when it happens in the calls.
Then give your partner a chance to limit the long calls from the ex . Because it is not acceptable.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Hello,
Let me see, you have 2 children with her. He ex wants rights.
Firstly, yes, he can get rights as this is his daughter biologically.
However, for you, you now know she is cheating with him and she has virtually pushed you to one side. At the moment, it doesn't seem the right thing to adopt the first daughter as your fiance seems to be pulling away. Also, do not marry her either while this is happening. It is time to talk to her and find out where you both stand. Don't settle for all this happening around you, make a stand by asking what is happening. Then you can decide on what facts you have. As it stands, there is really no future for here unless of courrse you want to stick things out for your two children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Wow! Leave the tramp and let her go back to that lowlife!
If she can cheat on the man who has looked after her and given her 2 great kids, with a louse who treated her that way then let her run back to him because once the responsibility of minding 3 kids sets in that man will be off like a shot. Your girlfriend will be on her own with what she deserves- leave her to it.
Is your self esteem really that low that you would accept this crap from her?
You can and will do a lot better. She will get what's coming.
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