A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've had an emotional empty feeling for a few years. I can't identify the cause despite but it might have developed from the sadness that was caused to me as a child about things that I couldn't control and being very unfortunate. I do have good days though, but I do feel some type of sadness everyday. I try to block it out, or ignore it with hobbies, but after a while, it doesn't seem to be helping. I do have friends, but none of them could hope to understand the things I feel; they can't do anything to help me. I am going to therapy quite frequently, and I am taking medication, but there hasn't been any improvement in the past 2 years that I have been getting professional help. I also find it difficult to get people of the opposite gender to notice me. I feel like I'm invisible. People of the same gender as me, they often bully because of my appearance (which is nothing out of the ordinary). Are there any suggestions on how I can feel less empty and maybe get someone to notice me? If not, that's fine...
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male
reader, CASA DE FIGUEROA +, writes (7 September 2011):
Your just growing through that weird stage in every boys life, puberty. As you become older things will improve and you will find hapiness. You also have someone who is always there and that is God, he gives hope. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 September 2011):
 And last but not least I also recommend one of the Great Uncle on Dear Cupid, namely Caring Guy.
He has written a very insightful article, repeated below, on teenagers and although it is addressed to parents as well as teens I think it shows a good understanding of the pressures at this time.
Being a Teen can ne a tough time, even for teens without medical issues.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/understanding-teenagers.html
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 September 2011):
I do know that I suggested some activities that may bring you into contact with people in your community who are not teens. Activities that are often full of wiser, kinder older people who will welcome you and delight in the entry of a younger person to their group. My aim was to look at ways to help you lift your self esteem and learn some skills. Because I know that teens in the 13-15 age group are not always as forgiving of a person with depression, not always understanding how debilitating and exhausting it can be.
If you do have any kind friends who are in the 13-15 age group and who treat you kindly and with empathy and are unfailingly genuine with you then cherish them. But it is often the case that first your health must improve a little before you are as able to cope with the reality of teens who themselves are often full of self doubt and their own problems.
And sometimes when you are depressed it is difficult to relate to people who give you responses that indicate that they do not understand yoru illness.
So always my aim was to think about readying you to return to interacting with your peers who are around your own age group.
And this will happen. But there may be a short delay until you are ready to do this.
Once you have raised your self esteem by mixing with some slightly older but also kind people in your community then you are likely to have developed that inner strength and resilence derived from being treated kindly and being encouraged by people a little older than you. That experience will instill more belief in your ability to do good things.
And thus allow you more able to make connections with people in your age group.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 September 2011):
Hi, Sounds like things are feeling very tough for you right now? I am glad you are getting therapy. That can make a big difference as you build up trust with your therapist.Girls may be on your mind right now. But there are also issues that need resolving in your life first. Your own medical treatment must be a Priotity while you still require more support for that. Get those things on track and your life calmer and you are likely to find that the girls will seek you out. Though keep yourself physically fit for the time when the girls do start noticing you. Girls love fit bodies.But the Depression, being a serious illness must be addressed before you add in the complication of girls to your life. Tough as that is at your age.You are right to seek support and getting professional support. That is essential and is a good move on your part and on your parents part. Depression is a very serious illness and does require the Best possible support from a Medical Specialist in this area.This illness is NOT your Fault. In fact it is not anyone's fault. These things do just happen. But you do need the best possible professional Medical attention to help you get through this time.I am glad that you have some good days. But you would like more I imagine?And friends in your age group are usually so focused on themselves that they don't have a lot of time to demonstrate empathy and be understanding. That will change as they get a little older and by that time your therapy will probably have made a positive difference.For the Better.Regular Therapy and your medication can make a very big difference for the better. but two years and you cannot see a difference? Talk your Doctor about the possibility of your Doctor referring you to another specialist to see if the Medical Specialist (Psychiatrist) can make a difference. Think of it this way - if a metal roof was leaking your Mom would call a plumber? Someone who specialises in that area. She would not keep on asking the carpenter how to fix the Metal roof would she?My view is that any part of our body can get sick (and most times get better too) Hearts, Lungs, Liver can all get sick. So can knees, skin (acne) and even ears get sick. So can the organ in our body called the brain get sick. Doctors are discovering new and better treatments all the time to make things better. There is no body rule that says your brain cannot get sick sometimes. But there are some very good Medical Doctors who can make things better for you.Talk things over with your psychiatrist. Do not be afraid to ask questions. A psychiatrist is a Doctor who especially studies things like depression. A good psychiatrist has to study for about 10 years solid before they can practice. And some then go on to specialise even further. But such specialist Medical Doctors are usually excellent at making good adjustments to your treatment to bring about some improvements. Bullies are totally pathetic losers. My answer on bullying would almost be a separate answer. what I will suggest is that you try to understand what is motivating the bully and how the bully expects you to respond. Know their tactics to better avoid them. You can learn more by looking for the Chart format of Biderman's Chart of Coercion. It says what the Bully does and what the Bully expects the Victim to do. And the important thing is not to react the way a bully expects. Speak to your parents and a senior teacher at school if you are being bullied as this is NOT acceptable.While you are depressed it probably gets pretty hard to motivate yourself. And I could suggest a thousand things. But if you don't feel motivated enough to even go outside then the best intentions may just end up as words on a page.One thing that might help you to see yourself improving and see what works and what does not is to start a journal that you keep at home in a safe place and write up daily. It can become an important ally to help you make sense of what helps and what does not.Is your family life supportive? Or one of the challenges?Are you fit or would going for a walk in the sunshine every morning help lift your spirits? Could you ask your Mom or a sibling to join you each day for a walk?Getting calmer in yourself can help a lot. There are many tapes on the market to help. Some are far too expensive. and not all that good. But one set that is inexpensive and does work are the seven tapes created by Setterlind and Unestahl at Orebo University. Setterlind and Unestahl developed a wonderful series of 7 tapes called the "Seven Cs" that really do help calm people. And have been distributed throughout the world and are especially useful. It is called Stress Reduction and Mental training and I can assure you they are good. Many have tried to plaigarise these tapes - but the copies are inferior to the real thing. They are in English. These tapes include affirmations that you can use to encourage you to be calm.Do you manage to eat healthy meals? And if not could you try learning to make some healthy things at home? Often purchased food has too much salt and fat and sugar and this does not help a body to be well fueled. Do you get to eat fresh fruit and fresh vegetables and I mean fresh - not fried, not battered, etc.I bet you do have some good points and you cannot even name five of them right now? Yet in truth you probably have at least ten best points right now. Do you have somethings that you are passionate about? I got through my very early teen years because I became fascinated with architecture and Frank Lloyd Wright. My fascination led to me reading everthing I could about him and his buildings and his work.Is there a bowling team you could join nearby?Be kind and forgiving about you.Do you have a walking track nearby where you could walk or a swimming pool nearby where you could swim? Lap swimming can be very calming.Do you have a digital camera? Could you consider taking photos and learn how to frame them and then sell the prints to others? Black and white prints seem to sell very well.I have not suggested cycling as it seems so much more expensive today.Most people are most concerned about themselves. Sadly. That is why they cannot spare much for others. Often learning a new skill that others do not have can open up your life to other people. Could you enroll at the weekend in a painting or pottery class and learn to make some interesting pottery or paint greenware or paint water color paintings? Often community groups of amateur painters put on exhibitions (and although most are older) you might find this a great way to earn some extra pocket money when someone buys one of the pieces you created. Do you have a relative who has come to mean a lot to you? A wise and kind relative who lives nearby and who would welcome a visit from you if you offered to visit? I often used to cycle straight to my Aunt's home after school as at least no one drank alcohol there until one glass before the evening meal. So I found my Aunt's home calmer and I enjoyed being there more.You do need lots of support of good people. Talk to your Doctor who may have other suggestions and ideas. And may even have other contacts and professional specialists who the Doctor can refer you to. My best wishes to you
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