A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I live in Ireland and I can't find any nice guys! All the guys i meet just seem to use me. I feel as though I,ll never be loved for who I am or what I like doing. Like I,m a night person ( Not like clubbing but other stuff ) I,ve not met a guy who likes stargazing, moonlit walks or even just a romantic guy. Where are they all hiding? I can find players and a******s everywhere where can I go to find a nice guy? What do guys like in girls anyway. Please get back to me on this I feel like I,ll be alone forever!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Umm... stargazing, moonlit walks, romantic you said. Those are feminist things that women do. Most guys don't do such things. I'm sad to say that the type of guys who do those things are mostly gay men who wouldn't be interested in you (or any women anyway). Can you find a guy who loves you, not a guy who loves what you do? If he loves you enough, he would do those things with you (even though he wouldn't do it by himself). Good luck.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Students maybe? Hard working, loyal, committed, sounds like you might want to search for someone with a look at their career as well. If a man is flipping between jobs then maybe he has a problem staying committed, and if he's just taking easy jobs then maybe he isn't hard working? How they treat other people in their life also tells you how they will treat you, so if he's nice towards his family it is a good sign, but if he is mean towards them it is bad sign.
Of course, you need to look at the total picture here and not the smaller parts. Learn to read the signs better, signs that in one man can mean he is a good guy (being nice to his mother for example) can in another man be a bad sign (a mommy's boy who can't do anything on his own). So look at the big picture of things, and get to know the man better before trusting him or giving him off your time and body.
Look for him in places where he can show his skills. If you can observe him at his work-place that is good, to see how he inter-acts with co-workers (if he has a job in the service business for example). Or look for him at places where he might spend his free time, such as the part for jogging, or at the society for star gazers.. if there is such a thing, or at church if you are religious yourself.
They are out there, just remember that people are people and imperfection makes them human. No one is without any "flaw", including nice guys. You need to set up a system of what is most important to you in a man, and what are deal breakers, and what you can accept. What exactly makes these jerks you find jerks in the first place? Write it down. Then use the process of elimination to find the right man for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): From what I see is that all the nice and sweet guys are all stuck in "the friend zone". As girls we are all attracted to the bad boys as they always seem more interesting. Think about it
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): I will just give my personal opinion. I don't believe that nice guys, mr right or soulmates exist. If they did there'd be no players, FWBs', divorces, & brokenhearts right? All women would know by intuition the men they are destined to be with & find them without having to play the field. Alas, such is not the case. We go into one relationship after another, thinking it will eventually lead us to our dream lover. But we hurt other peoples soulmates just to find ours. There's no fairness & justice if you believe in Mr Right by making Mr Right of others become your Mr wrong in the process of finding your own Mr Right. Even if you find a man you believe with all your heart is Mr Right how can he be that if he was other womens Mr wrong? It is unrealistic to believe that he is any better. Objectifying & romanticizing people only leads to disappointment & frustration. People are not perfect. I know that there are no perfect women out there who can 100% live up to my expectations as a man. Having said that I also know that if I want her to become the kind of women I want I must make myself become the kind of man she wants & needs in her life as a woman. It starts with ourselves. It is not your looks, intellect, money, career, sexual prowess or what have you but your CHARACTER which will bring out mr right in ANY man you begin an intimate relationship with.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Australia.
:D
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 start saving up to do a working holiday around the world in two or three years time.
Do your homework to find interesting places where men outnumber women and earn big incomes - where they want to spoil the girls like princesses. The Mining Industry around the world is very male dominated. And is often on the look out for staff.
Before you are ready for some overseas touring in a working holidat, please do consider working on the following
1. Your boundaries as defined by you. And stick to those boundaries in future
2. Work on your self esteem and value you.
3. Get fittter (for your possible working holiday) and meet new friends at a Zumba or Yoga or Circuit class on a re
4. Practise saying No and meant it.
5. Curtail the time you spend with the unhelpful friend as they are part of a scene that is not helpful for you
6. Start saying affirmations to you first thing in the morning, last thing at night. Affirmations that remind you how nice you are, how deserving, and remind you of what a lovely prize you are, to yourself, and to the 'ONE' who you will meet in due course
or: train as a sports physiotherapist and work with specialists contracted to the main big sports teams in a sport focused city. You will get to treat the most gorgeous fit male sportsmen all day as part of your work. Surely you would catch the eye of one?
But truly some travel to far flung places will allow you see so many wonderful places and develop you and put you in touch with adventurous interesting guys
Hope things start to improve soon,
Abella
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Either you're looking in the wrong places or you are unwittingly attracting the wrong man. Perhaps you are coming across as too accomodating or too nice too quickly and the men don't find you a challenge. People appreciate what they earn more than what is given them for free.
You may be a bit desperate and people can sense that. It will repell the men you want and draw the ones you don't.
Even if a man had it in his head to have nothing more than a casual fling with you, how you carry yourself might steer him off that course and encourage him to want to get to know you better.
Without knowing you, where you're meeting these men and how you interact with them it is difficult to say. We can only offer theories.
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