A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I can't tell my boyfriend about any of my emotional problems because I don't want to worry him or because I know he won't be able to help but I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. When I tell him I feel down or depressed he just kind of shrugs it off and moves on to another subject. I don't know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 You know , your bf is probably using by sheer chance... the right approach.
If you are actually, clinically depressed, you need professional help. Simply unloading on sympathetic ears may give you momentary relief but won't help in the long run.
If you are just occasionally feeling blue or sad or out of sorts... that's life, OP, it can't always be a bed of roses, there 's ups and downs, light and dark.Much better learning resilience, self empowerment, and smart strategies to cope with stress and frustration, that always needing to have an emotional crutch close by and being upset when you don't.
Like Basschick says, happiness is a choice. Read Martin Seligman 's " Learning Optimism " and "Authentic Happiness " and you'll see what we mean.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Your b/f may not know how to deal with the weighty topic of depression. It could be his own ignorance, fear or inadequacy.Then again people use the term "depression" so loosely these days, he may just think that's code for "I'm PMS" so he just leaves you alone because you're having a "female thing" and thinks by giving you space you'll work it out. We all experience moments, days and times of depression. Some days we just feel "blah"....sometimes it's just a matter of adjusting your attitude or your enviornment. Being happy is a conscious choice. Being angry or sad really wipes you out mentally and physically and sometimes it's not worth it to wallow in sad or unusual feelings. You have to force yourself to think of positive, happier things and pretty soon it becomes contagious. If you are clinically depressed rather than unloading on your b/f which may just chase him away; try to find a good counselor and pay for a few sessions to help you sort through what's really going on in your head. And above all, remember everyone is entitled to happiness. Sometimes you just have to be receptive to it; and give yourself permission to have it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 November 2011):
 He might think that the best way to get you out of a funk is to distract you from the source of the problem, and not realize that this action actually diminishes what the problem is. I'm not blaming you, because it's difficult to bring up things that make you look vulnerable, but being silent when these things happen make him think his behavior is ok. By emotional problems I'm not sure if you mean you have a mental health issue like clinical depression, or that he just shrugs off your concerns/bad moods. If it's the first, I would sit him down and just be like, I need you to take what I say seriously, and if you can't TRY to be supportive of me in this we're going to have a problem in the long run; if it's the latter, when he shrugs something that's upsetting you off, you need to nip it in the bud as the issue occurs, and say, hey I'm not ready to move on from this topic, i'm still upset, and it's not MY problem, it's OUR problem. the two solutions aren't much different, they still demand of him additional emotional support, it's just how you bring it up that depends on the neglect at hand. tell him the effects of the neglect, how it makes you feel.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 November 2011):
 You can try some things that may make you feel better like getting outside, going for a walk, being kind to you, some positive affirmations, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, allowing yourself a little slack to sleep in and do something nice for you.
But that may not be enough.
You should certainly talk to someone. And maybe your boyfriend is not the right person to talk to in the first place.
You can speak to your Doctor who will be able to assess you and refer you to an appropriate counselling line.
You can also try one of the free online counselling services
Or try this line which is for teens in USA http://teenlineonline.org/
UK has some wonderful resources (many)
http://www.samaritans.org/
http://www.talktofrank.com/
http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm
Improving mind body and spirit
http://helpguide.org/topics/mind_body.htm
depression
http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.htm
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/
But do not suffer in silence. Your health is important.
If your boyfriend feels unable to cope about talking about these issues then you still DO need to get some outside help.
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