A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...thank you for your time for reading this.I just have so much anger I need to vent somewhere -.-.I have just realized...I hate all my friends. We used to be all goody goody. After my birthday though, I started to discover things I hate about them. More bad than good. They're so immature. They joke around about being pregnant and making jokes about things that are way to serious to be funny. Like, "Heehee come over here so I could rape you!" I know they are joking but they do that type of humor at the wrong times. One of my "best" friends is SO desperate. At class she kept on talking to one of my "boy" friends (that I actually like as a friend). He told her to go away and to do her own work but she kept on blabbering on. Since he was a football player she kept on going on about being a cheerleader. When I asked her about it (because I'm in the squad) she told me it's somewhere else. We both got annoyed since it was obvious she was lying and she kept on doing it! When I questioned her about doing a backflip she gave the wrong instructions to do it. So I got pissed and told her off to quit lying about something you can't do. She looked hurt but I didn't care. She did this to all of my ROTC and sports friends. I feel like I can't continue to be friends with this imbecile ( who lies about her grades). How can I tell her to get lost and make it sound like I really mean it?
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 Well, like you i had one of these moments where i did realize all my friends were just plain nasty. At first they didn't used to be too mean to me, but it was what they would do to other people which would bother me, how they would laugh at others for being fat, stupid, ugly, etc. I wasn't like them and stuck out like a sore thumb and told them all to just get out of my life. Anyway i will give you a few options to choose from and see which one (if any) suit you.Distant approach: Start gradually cutting down contact with them, become distant and hang round with others at lunch time and stuff. When they come to speak to them keep it short and simple and then say you have to be somewhere and walk off. If they are determined they will keep pestering you so it could take a while for them to get the message.Annoying approach: Do something to irrate them, start off with little things until you become really annoying, find out what makes them tick and do it constantly to them untill they are the ones who don't want to hang around with you. However this one once again might take a while for them to catch on.To The Point approach: Tell them exactly what you think about them, say you don't want to be friends anymore and you can't stand there immature behaviour, tell them to not bothering to talk to you anymore and this is it. They will defointly get the point but they could react badly.Ignore approach: Cut off all contact straight away, don't talk to them if they approach you just walk away, block them on any sites and change your phone number, don't even give them a reason why your ignoring them. They will soon get the message you don't like tham anymore but it could take them a while to give up pestering youGood Luck.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 November 2011):
 it can really be a light bulb moment to discover that you are maturing at a faster rate than peers. And that you emotional intelligence is on a higher plane than the people who you thought were your friends.
In a couple of years those people above will perhaps be as mature as you are now. But culture is everything too. what are you supposed to do? Mark time for two years, not growing, not changing, until your friends catch up?
That's unfair on you.
The alternative is for you to keep on maturing even if that means you grow to a point where you feel the need to graviate towards more emotionally mature people. And learn from those people so you develop your leadership skills.
I would not confront the imaturity of the inane girl, trying too hard, desperate to impress and telling lies to one of your friends. He saw through her and was not
impressed. The only person she fooled was herself.
What you can do is start developing interests that take you out of your comfort zone. I think you are ready to move towards interests that will help you meet more mature interesting people and develop your leadership skills.
Your studies are important. And so are
the things you do in the cheer leader squad. If you see your existing friends a little less can you use that time instead to look around for a project or group of more responsible interesting intelligent people? People who don't talk stupidly?
Is there any community project, one you would be comfortable volunteering to help, where the aim is to improve the lives of a disadvantaged group in the community? You already demonstrate empathy and leadership and I think a one a week commitment to such a project would develop you even further.
Also, is there a group that meets to foster a love of and an interest in public speaking? And a focus on improving public speaking skills? If you gave a commitment to join such a group then I think a once a month commitment to such a group would really lift your skill set and ensure that you get the opportunity to mix with people who will value and appreciate your skills and abilities.
The sqad work keeps you fit, and no doubt occasionally you meet people who are jealous of you.
But what they think of you is their problem. Leave such people to their own devices. Their heads are not in the same place as yours.
And read when you get the chance books that are beyond what you need to read for your existing studies. Seek out, especially, biographics of men and women to discover all that they achieved, despite the odds. Reading widely will ensure that you learn and grow and develop more understanding and empathy than you already clearly have and are working towards having even more understanding and emotional intelligence.
One day your existing inane 'friends' will wake up to how emotionally 'evolved' (that's a good thing) you are.
And will wonder how you did it.
Of course you will know why you did iT. And why it is essential for your growth that you DO DO It.
Therefore, instead, seek out people who can challenge you, in a good way, emotionally and intellectually.
My best wishes you.
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