A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its been a few days since my bf of three years confessed that he cheated on me. I still find it extremely difficult to get through my day, I hardly eat and if it wasn't for my prescription sleeping pills I probably wouldn't get any sleep. It is obvious I am extremely hurt. I know it was hard for him to tell me he cheated, he was in tears as he told me. But I can't help but wonder how he is doing. Do you guys think he is having as hard of a time as I am? Or does a guy get over it much quiker than the girl? Its disturbing to constantly have these mental images of just thinking of your bf and some whore having sex but I can't help it. Every night I've had a dream about him and I being still happily in love and then I wake up to my reality.I was so good to him I was a good gf so why would a guy throw it all away? Could it be that he was just not in love? Or he just didn't care enough to keep putting effort into the relationship?I apologize if this is too many questions all at once but my mind is just racing. I appreciate all of the advice and asnwers you have.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice and kindness. i really appreacite it! @thatkid you really are giving me some hope. i hope that i will get my happy ending as well. i know what i have to offer and what kind of person i am so therefor i know what i deserve. i just have to get past all this pain and heart ache. i will have to accept my reality sooner or later :(
A
female
reader, thatkid +, writes (10 November 2011):
I went through this a little more than a year ago with my ex, and so I'll be sharing my experiences with this.
My ex also told me that he'd cheated on me. I broke it off then and there and like you, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and when I did sleep, I would wake up in tears. Being cheated on is devastating. It hurts so bad when you give your all to someone and they throw it right back in your face.
My ex cheated on me with one of our friends at the time. They were drunk, high, and at a party together, but it was absolutely no excuse. He cheated on me because we had not yet slept together, and he was frustrated, but that's no excuse.
The point is is that there is no real reason they cheat on you when they say they love you. They can make up all the reasons they want, but there's never any excuse behind it.
I found it hard to remain friends with my ex, but we tried for a few months. After he cheated on me, his whole world changed: our friends were pissed at him, he was pissed at himself, and he lost me right off. I struggled with whether or not to get back together with him, and I eventually decided not to.
That was probably one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but I can tell you now, a year after I made the choice, I have never been happier. I am now dating someone that I am completely in love with, and my ex hardly ever crosses my mind. It was HIS fault he cheated on me, NOT mine, and it took me months and months to realize that.
You are no less of a person because of all of this. There is nothing wrong with you, as I am sure you are a beautiful person. It will take a while to get over it, but you will recover, and after that you will find true happiness because you were strong enough to get away from him.
Good luck! (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Who knows why he did this to you. I do not agree that there was probably something lacking in the relationship for him to cheat. There is no excuse, if he wasn't happy then he should of talked to you. I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I know how you feel and these next couple of weeks will be the toughest you will go through but you will get there. When people used to tell me that I never believed them but you will get through this terrible time. Get yourslef up in the morning, try and motivate yourself to do things, keep yourself busy if you can, lean on your closest friends and family for support. It is hard and some say the pain is like grieving only worse. That is very true. I wish you all the happiness in the world, you certainly deserve it and you will meet someone eventually that will treat you has you deserve to be treated. Sending (((hugs your way)))!!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 November 2011):
 I am so sorry for the immense hurt you feel. This is going to be tough.
But it is also true that, 'as one door closes, it allow the opportunity for another door to open.'
I would never put up with a cheating partner either.
Wishing you much happiness and love (with fidelity) in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it wasn't a paid whore it was just some girl he met at a party one night and randomly hooked up. He didn't cheat before this was the first time. Cheating is cheating and I will not take him back, he's hurt me in the past and he's had his chances so there is nothing left to talk about with him. I told him to leave me alone and Im cutting off all contact. If I don't move on now I will never be happy again with him. But its just really hard to accept that he will not be my babe any longer. Despite of how much I love him I need to let go and it hurts!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 November 2011):
He confessed that he cheated, that tells me that he is feeling so guilty that he wanted to share the guilt a little to make him feel better. So he told you, knowing it made him feel better to finally reveal his guilt. But knowing too that it would hurt you. He also is probably now waiting on tenderhooks to see if you will forgive him.
Three years you have been together, did he tell you when the cheating started and if and when it ended. And what motivated him to cheat? If it was a one off early in your relationship then he may not have been committed to you at the start as he is (one hopes) now.
But if it was a long term on-going con-current relationship then that is very serious indeed.
Why did he tell you?
Was it because the other woman broke up with him?
He would be going through pain, though he caused the pain. So it is nice of you to think of him. But he should have made better life decisions earlier and not cheated in the first place.
Was it a paid relationship? You referred to the girl by a name indicating that? Or was she just a misguided girl who was told by your boyfriend that he was single? And she ended the relationship when she realised he was not single?
Of course you have been good to him and for him. That is another reason why he has come clean with you. He recognises that he wants you more than he wants the other woman. Hence why he is so worried.
Guys who make poor decisions cheat because they can, and because they have not defined the need to be faithful. Many men see a man as successful if he can easily get a woman, any woman, at any time. These silly guys can be indiscriminate about their dalliances. You only refer to one woman so it would seem that indiscriminate promiscuity as described above is not your boyfriend's problem.
I think he may have seen the light. But he needs to come clean completely. And risk losing you. Just so that your mind can be put at rest
Then he has to start communicating and spending time with you, more than in the past. And the two of you need to discuss your values and attitudes about so many things in life, to get your lives back on track
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Honey nobody can tell you why he cheated on you, because we do not have the answers. I hope that he now feels guilty for what he done, but he is the one that done wrong, so obviously there was something lacking in the relationship for him to go and do this. Have you sat and spoke to him and asked him why he done this? Off course it is going to be hard to get over this and off course you are going to picture it. Nobody can tell you if he is feeling the same way or not as you because we don't know how he felt about you, but hey it is his loss. You just need to give yourself some time now to heal. Allow friends to comfort you and you will feel better in time.
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