A
female
age
36-40,
*osephin
writes:I have been in a relationship with a married guy for two years.His wife of 10 years could not conceive due to some health problems.So he approached and told me he would leave his wife for me.he caimed they had discussed about it and he was ready for it.I gave in and I have been pushing him on the issue but he has been so reluctant.He gavelots of hope saying that soon things will be worked out yet i see no progress from him.he is older than me by 12years so i thought at age 40 he equally would take the issue seriously and fulfill his word. He has always been there for me but his dragging the matter made me to cross with him.We have been on and off for months now until i decided to give it a break.He made great efforts trying to get me back but i told him i wont until he works things out first.The other day he forgot his phone home i did not know.i send him a text telling him he has to choose between us once and for all too bad his wife read the text and called me immediately.She called me names and warned me saying her husband had told her that am the one who cant let go of him.Both of us were annoyed and the husband rather felt sorry for his wife than me.I have been so bitter,this being my second week all i feel is revenging on the husband for putting me through such shame.He called me on phone i didnt respond ,he emailed and i replied bitterly so he has not made another attempt.I feel bad that he wasted my time on empty promises and he really has broken my heart.I have cried alot,i stay alone and miss his company which brings back the memories.What should i do?please dont tell me to forget about him as he is married and will never leave his wife this i know.I just want something new that will build me back and show him that life is much better without him.Anyone in such a turmoil out there?please lets share
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a break, conceive, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, josephin +, writes (9 November 2011):
josephin is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thnks alot good friends.am young but has been blinded for so long thanks for this truth.I had no one to turn to but your understanding and reaction to my issue has put me somewhere.I have learnt and my eyes are open for something better.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 You are being so very very unkind to you.
Please try to Value you. If you are beating yourself up with pain over this failed relationship then please be much much kinder to you.
While you continue to focus on him you will not heal.
And heal you must.
All he can offer you is a mirage. He lies and he has never had any intention of leaving his wife. Sad, but it is true.
The best option for you is to start cultivating the Art of Putting you FIRST.
He is never going to put you first. He has made that abundantly clear all the time he has been with you.
You are in your early 20s. No doubt very attractive (otherwise he would not have sought you out).
There are lovely attractive professionally employed nice single AND unattached me in your community. You need to target those nice available SINGLE men.
I am not suggesting you forget this married man. Certainly think about the particular attributes you like about him. List them on a piece of paper.
Now go shopping for a SINGLE guy who has some of those attributes. In fact some of the single available men probably had more qualities and positive attributes than the married guy.
Think how wonderful it will be to become part of an exclusive relationship with a Single man, where he wants to devoted his leisure time to you.
Who will be available for lovely "at home" evenings together.
Start making a list of your ideal marriage partner and the key qualities you want in the nice Single man you will attract.
But please stay away from players. AnonymousMale1 can tell you all about Players and the Great DearCupid site can also educate you on how to find the man of your dreams and how to see through a married lover.
And you never want to be married to a man who cheated on his wife, with you. Because such men will not stop cheating. Pretty soon the second wife will feel set aside once he finds his next girlfriend. All because he is commitment phobic. Because he does nbot intend to leave his wife.
It is a horrible lesson to have to face. But better now at around 22 rather thn many years later.
Best wishes on your tough journey.
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