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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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My boyfreind has been admitted to psychiatric care. How do I help him when he comes out?
Q. Dear Cupid I have the most wonderful but very troubled boyfriend. He has recently been admitted to psychiatric care as his depression and schizophrenia got out of control. I managed to get him admitted to care as I was concerned about him. His f...
A. 11 April 2011: also i meant to say, when he comes out he may still be tired and overwhelmed about all that has just happened to him. Keep things calm. Try to keep him away from stress. Little things may upset him while he is still regaining his strength. Be guided ... (read in full...)
My boyfreind has been admitted to psychiatric care. How do I help him when he comes out?
Q. Dear Cupid I have the most wonderful but very troubled boyfriend. He has recently been admitted to psychiatric care as his depression and schizophrenia got out of control. I managed to get him admitted to care as I was concerned about him. His f...
A. 10 April 2011: Hi
First off I am going to give you the benefit of no doubt as I do not believe you would claim that your boy friend was ill if this was not the case.
And in the circumstances where you mention that "he has been neglected by his parents (I t... (read in full...)
What is the best way to heal problems with my acne before the prom?
Q. Maybe this is the wrong place to ask a question like this,but here it goes anyway. I get your typical teenage acne, sometimes usual small whiteheads, sometimes cystic ones that are ridiculous. When the acne subsides, it leaves behind a reddish scab...
A. 10 April 2011: hi, if it is very mild ask your friends what they use or check out the topical applications at the supermarket. Do not pick at it. Do not use soap. Use a very gentle mild non soap skin cleaner - see supermarket again. if it is really bad see ... (read in full...)
How can I attract and keep a girl friend? I really like blondes
Q. I am a 16 year old boy. I am wondering how I can attract girls and how to i get them to like me. So far I have not been able to get a girlfriend because I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I am really in to girls, mostly blonds. So I need ...
A. 10 April 2011: what a beautiful pertinent answer from HayleyAlice. She well deserved the five stars i gave to her lovely answer to your question re blondes and girls
... (read in full...)
If love comes and goes is there any hope for two people wanting sustained long term love?
Q. I read it all the time: "We were in love, but then I fell out of love." And then--poof!--the relationship ends. Love seems so fleeting. We get to know a person, the first few months or year are exciting. But then we tire of that person. Love fad...
A. 10 April 2011: know thyself very very well, your strengths, your weaknesses. And besides SWOT analysis of you, do it to establish the same by your partner doing it to themselves, as you just did. Then both of you doing the same about how you see each other. The an... (read in full...)
How can I attract and keep a girl friend? I really like blondes
Q. I am a 16 year old boy. I am wondering how I can attract girls and how to i get them to like me. So far I have not been able to get a girlfriend because I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I am really in to girls, mostly blonds. So I need ...
A. 10 April 2011: just signalling out a physical quality of the body would sound too shallow to most girls. Be if if you said you liked girls with red hair, or frizzy hair, or small feet, or brown eyes, or no acne. Or worse if you acted in a racist way (i realise ... (read in full...)
Does this other man now have more influence over my husband than me?
Q. This am married. My husband got his ears pierced 5 years back. then he met a man with more radical piercing. And copied that man. Now he is very reluctant to change them back to studs. I fear him being ridiculed by society. Now he has purchase...
A. 10 April 2011: hi, if your husband is in business he may cause some customers to think he is more flamboyant and expressive (which may be exactly what is his personality) than his clients. It will not bother some clients. And other clients may think it looks ... (read in full...)
How do I convince a guy who's been with a ton of girls that i'd be Good sexually?
Q. How do I convince this guy, who has been with a ton of girls, think that i'm good sexually? ...
A. 10 April 2011: hi, thank you for the update. So are you assuming this will become a sexual relationship soon after you two do become an item as a couple? There is no need for it to become sexual soon after you two become an item. To determine if the two of you r... (read in full...)
Should I break the news to my parents about my having sex with my boyfriend?
Q. for some backround info: i'm 18 and i have a 26 year old boyfriend. we have been dating since october 5th and on valentines day told me he was in love with me. i have just recently began staying over at his house. my parents have many issues w...
A. 9 April 2011: you are 18 and so legally an adult. Your sexual life is no one's business except as a private relationship between you and your boy friend. though i do hope you are using protection.
If your parents wish to be in denial then that is their prob... (read in full...)
How do I convince a guy who's been with a ton of girls that i'd be Good sexually?
Q. How do I convince this guy, who has been with a ton of girls, think that i'm good sexually? ...
A. 9 April 2011: Not that should need to convince any guy that you are good sexually in order to interest him. The real question is, are his list of qualities sufficent for him to interest you, and why? And are his list of short comings enough to become deal ... (read in full...)
I'm so torn. She flirts 24.7. I really care about her. Is there any way to deal with this instead of breaking up?
Q. what should i do? i have been with this girl for nearly a year, she's my first everything, and i love her so much. I honestly do care about her. she feels the same way and we always talk about how we want a future together. we never fight or ...
A. 9 April 2011: she's flirting and that is very upsetting for you. But she's still young. She is getting a serious buzz from seeing the power she can have over guys. I don't sense that she is doing wrong other than being very sociable and flirty. But i sense that ... (read in full...)
Did what I say crush my cousin's intentions? I wanted to say something different.
Q. One of my friends brother called my cousin my boyfriend and my cousin blushed. And then i said he was just my cousin. But i wanted to say something different. When said what i said my cousin he looked sad, and now he acts way diffrent. Do you think ...
A. 9 April 2011: You can always be a good friend to your cousin. But how close a cousin is that cousin? If it is a first cousin do you really want to make it more than good friends. If you like him, then why not make it clear that he is your honorary brother? That ... (read in full...)
G/f has decided she never wants to have sex again?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now, and it is pretty serious.Our sex life was AMAZING until 2 months ago where she decided she was "never interested in sex" and has decided that she never wants to have sex with me again? I try ...
A. 9 April 2011: if she is around your age or younger she may be having second thoughts about having sexual relations at such a young age. Did any consequence of sexual relations occur that may have upset or traumatised her? Perhaps it is something she has not yet ... (read in full...)
Didn't hear from her for months. Do you think she still cares?
Q. i met this gal ages ago about October last year online we have been talking a lot until few months ago i emailed her no reply for some weeks. i got a reply today does she still love me and why has she replied so late to my email??? please help ...
A. 7 April 2011: hi Mzh198,
At least she is thinking of you now. Though some people are naturally disorganised, and take time to get around to doing things.
Maybe she is interested, maybe not. It is too early to tell. But there are so many potential gals out ther... (read in full...)
Who answers the questions on this site?
Q. Hi Andew Not really sure how I got here virtually!!! Must be on a cloud? who is it that actually answers these questions people have? other users or do you have a staff of lisc. social workers, Ph.d's ect...who purse this site and chime in when th...
A. 6 April 2011: hi, good question.
Andrew has set up DearCupid in such a smart way.
It is a wonderful site that allows people from all over the world to chime in with their collective wisdom.
Often with life experiences and the wisdom of surviving exactly the ... (read in full...)
I think my Dad is cheating
Q. This is a random question, I'm 26 and worried my dad is cheating on my mom? My dad travels away for business every week. I have been living away from home for 9 years. I just moved home and noticed a big distance between my parents. My dad ...
A. 6 April 2011: You appear to really care, and you sense that your Mom may be in a vulnerable position. And it is horrible if your Mom is suffering put downs from your father. If your father is cheating he may have done it for longer than you realise. And be a very ... (read in full...)
My mother is dating my ex behind her husband's back!
Q. Im a 26 year old mother of one and a daughter to a 47yr old woman.I was dating a guy it started to get quite serious so after a few months of us dating,we moved in together.We were living together for a year before things started to change,i ended ...
A. 4 April 2011: it's almost too much to comprehend that your mother would do this. And that a man intending to be a Minister would contemplate a relationship with a woman who is already in a relationship.
I can imagine you may be feeling betrayed. Plus his rela... (read in full...)
I don't want to be just a sex buddy with this guy. Is that where this is headed?
Q. Around seven months ago I met a man and we got along really well. I was in a relationship back then so we were just friends but I could tell that he liked me. While in my relationship, I met up twice with this guy strictly as 'friends' until I broke ...
A. 2 April 2011: best thing i can say is, 'start as you mean to go on'.
If you allow yourself to be the naughty chat/easily agreed to sex, then yes, that is what you will be the sex buddy/fwb.
He is not acting like a guy who wants a relationship, and he has sign... (read in full...)
Ex has come between me and my cousin. Am I wrong to have nothing to do with her?
Q. Well, i went out with this boy for nearly a year, we were perfect for each other and we both fell in love with each other, we broke up because he started drinking and i didnt like it, but i still loved him for ages after the break up. i tell myself ...
A. 2 April 2011: your cousin is not on your 'team' so to speak. One has to question how well she 'helped' you to deal with him, if she has now managed to interest him? She would have known a lot about him, before she even started in a relationship with him.
You must... (read in full...)
Does this look like love?
Q. My boyfriend means the world to me. i trust him with everything i tell him and he is the only one i can talk to about pretty much anything. we are always telling each other that we love one another, and he is always telling me i look beautiful, ...
A. 2 April 2011: hi, he sounds very loving to me. Here is my criteria for love. The list may not include everything, but off the top of my head, here are my suggestions:
1. The two of you can talk about anything with each other.
Neither have any concerns about be... (read in full...)
Should I tell my parents I can hear them having sex?
Q. I still live at home and my parents are in their 60's. I keep hearing them having sex and it's getting quite annoying and loud. Do you think I should say anything to them?...
A. 2 April 2011: Sounds like you have great healthy happy parents. They still want to maintain that connection, which is really lovely. I agree with all the head phone or ear plug suggestions. But if it becomes unbearable, for you, can you suggest that you move to ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to overcome my fear of giving presentations.
Q. I've recently posted questions on here about doing presentations and some people gave some advice saying that I need to make sure that I am prepared and everything however I don't think this is the problem. Weeks before the presentation I get real...
A. 1 April 2011: hi, i am very sorry that your feelings are coming in to give you such a dreaded feeling about giving a presentation.
Sounds like you are having a panic attack where your anxiety levels skyrocket when you start thinking about speaking to an audi... (read in full...)
Is sex with a 'player' a good idea?
Q. Hey I'll get right to the problem and i need answers asap! please :( The guy i had a crush on started talking to me about a month ago. He said he thought i was cute and a type of girl he would date. So he asked me to come over to his plac...
A. 1 April 2011: yes, you potentially could get pregnant and yes you could get a STD. Guys who 'forget???' to use protection are just irresponsible.
I do hope you will be OK, in the face of all this.
A player is predatory. He enjoys the chase. And can be oh so ch... (read in full...)
Is it wrong not to trust him because of one mistake?
Q. Dear Cupid, My bf and i were together for 3 months and then he dumped me, he told me it was because he was afraid I was gonna dump him. We were broken up for 5 days and in those 5 days he had another girlfriend so now I don't trust him as much ...
A. 29 March 2011: he may have dumped you because he wanted to connect with the other girl.
And then he realised he likes you better.
It is trifle shallow and immature of him to veer off to connect with the other girl and then five days later he returned to you.
He... (read in full...)
I had sex with someone else while we were on a break and now he says I am 'dirty' to him, what can I do?
Q. My boyfriend who I love more that anything else told me we should take a break so he could deal with some issues. A week later I saw he was taking someone to prom and I knew he liked her. Out of jealousy and a need for security, I had sex with a ...
A. 28 March 2011: hi CuppenZeCake, what he called you is nasty. You are under no obligation to try to convince him you are OK. You are not 'nasty'. He has no right to call you that. And i am very sad to hear that a guy would call his girlfriend that abusive ... (read in full...)
Is it unacceptable to be with someone this much older?
Q. I am a 27yrs old woman in a relationship with a 55yrs old man. We've been together for 4yrs. I love him and he loves me very much but the age difference has been bothering me a lot lately. He wants to get married but the problem is I have a large ...
A. 28 March 2011: i cannot see any problem with the age difference at all. People are usually more concerned with what concerns themselves, rather than others.
Besides it is not really worth it to allow other people's concerns to become your concerns.
Life ... (read in full...)
Need help with flirting!
Q. I need some help with flirting and peaking interest in women. I've heard stuff all over the place from keeping your mouth shut and asking questions, to compliments, to put downs, to making them laugh 'til their eyes water and breaking the tou...
A. 27 March 2011: Too much flirting can make you appear to be a player. And smart girls avoid a player.
Far better to ensure that:
1. You understand who you are and your strengths and the areas you still need to work on.
2. You are not arrogant
3. You observe and ... (read in full...)
I want to be direct, but I'm a subtle person so how do I let him know I like him?
Q. So I really am into this guy back home. We hooked up over winter break and continued to talk, etc. Im not the flirtiest person, but I tried to make it known. I have a fesr of rejection though, and knowing I wouldnt see him until spring break, I ...
A. 27 March 2011: nothing wrong with being shy nor with being subtle. Sometimes the world might be a better place if more people were subtle.
You do NOT need to ask him if he is into you, or not. Let's put it to rest that he does not know you like him.
Becau... (read in full...)
How do I know if he's flirting with girls?
Q. hey i have been going out with this boy for 2 months now and he is so sweet and i love him to bits. he is the most popular guy in school and he hangs out with a load of girls. i dont know how to flirt, so i dont know if he is flirting with these gi...
A. 27 March 2011: he may or may not flirt with others.
But in a relationship it is important to have trust in your partner. Has he done something to make you not trust him?
Some people are more accomplished at flirting than others. But some flirty behaviour is harml... (read in full...)
He owned up. He sent sick texts. is he crazy or obsessed with me or both?
Q. Two years ago my boyfriend and I had split. Even though we were apart for some time, I always felt somehow we would get back together. I stayed at home hoping that he would call, as I didn't want to meet anyone else, plus i don't want him to star...
A. 27 March 2011: he is obsessed with irrational jealousy, which is not healthy for him, nor for you.
His silly texts were infantile. And yes suggesting he could not let you go, even though you had broken up. Those texts were disrespectful to you.
I would suggest ... (read in full...)
I am attracted to him, and I just want to make sure I am reading his signals correctly.
Q. Trying to figure out if this guy likes me. I am attracted to him, and want to make sure I am reading his signals correctly. I work with this guy and we see each other about 5-7 times a day. All are for very short times of 1-3 minutes each. He...
A. 27 March 2011: he sounds so much fun, i can understand why you are attracted to him. And he is certainly interested in you.
But, first 'he had to pick up his kids'
So he does have children.
Is he married, in a relationship, separated but not divorced, a ... (read in full...)
Is she just being nice or does she really like me??
Q. Im dealing with a shy girl but im not sure if she likes me or if shes just being nice. Just about everytime I talk to her, she asks me how my day is, or how im doing in general. Whenever I talk to her in person she never looks me in the eye and shes ...
A. 27 March 2011: definitely iron clad triple gold class Likes you? Yes she does. Talk to her, ask her some open questions, share lunch with her. She like you!... (read in full...)
Did she ever really care? Or was I expecting too much for her to work things out with me?
Q. This time last year someone I'd known for eight years online confessed their love to me. We had only been speaking about 2 years since a massive break in contact, but we were talking every day since then. She seemed very empathetic at fi...
A. 26 March 2011: you are welcome. Hope the future is brighter, regards Abella... (read in full...)
Did she ever really care? Or was I expecting too much for her to work things out with me?
Q. This time last year someone I'd known for eight years online confessed their love to me. We had only been speaking about 2 years since a massive break in contact, but we were talking every day since then. She seemed very empathetic at fi...
A. 26 March 2011: if someone can get over a breakup so very quickly then i question whether
(a)were they shallow just pretending feel what they did not
(b)were they incapable of loving another - there are people who are not well who can do cruel things to others -... (read in full...)
Boyfriend keeps lying and cheating, I don't know what to do!
Q. I met a man from a dating site and he is Australian.He is divorced with 2 kids. But his kids live with his ex wife in Melb. We met on the 2007 and after 3 months get to know each other he left me. He told me that his Indian friend from Malaysia told ...
A. 26 March 2011: your partner is a disgrace. He is a philandering cheating unfaithful man who cannot be believed.
Marrying him would only heap more pain on you. And he will not stop being unfaithful.
He has the potential to cause you immense grief.
You are i... (read in full...)
Did she ever really care? Or was I expecting too much for her to work things out with me?
Q. This time last year someone I'd known for eight years online confessed their love to me. We had only been speaking about 2 years since a massive break in contact, but we were talking every day since then. She seemed very empathetic at fi...
A. 26 March 2011: sadly, it easy to build up a person into something you imagine them to be, when a relationship is primarily on line. Maybe she can sustain a relationship when she spreads herself thinly across multiple people and when contact is limited with eac... (read in full...)
I'm desperate for a relationship
Q. hi i'm very desperate for a relationship. it's a natural thing but not said much but i masterbate almost every night due to stress. i've tried to cope this week and i did well talking to friends but just can't talk to girls in person. I wouldn't ...
A. 26 March 2011: ok, first off 'desperate' can show on your face and your actions, your words and your demeanor. And such 'desperate' signals will be a turn off for others. You Don't have to look like Justin Beiber to interest girls. That fact proved to me yes... (read in full...)
Why does my Ex want to talk to me???
Q. I hear from People that my ex girlfriend wishes she could/wants to talk to me.. But the girl got into another relationship 3 weeks after we broke. Personally, if I were her I want to spend time getting to know my new partner rather than worr...
A. 26 March 2011: your ex has had second thoughts and is now regretting losing you. If she was over you she would not give you a second thought. But her rebound guy is not as good as she thought. In fact he is not as good as you in various ways. If she was satisfied ... (read in full...)
How do I tactfully deal with my boy friend's lonely Mom? Am I being bitchy not wanting to go out as a group of three on dates with my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend's mom is very nice and friendly, and I do like her. The problem is that she is always around, and several times while he and I are hanging out, she has tried to get us to do things with her, like go out to dinner, go to the movies, etc. ...
A. 26 March 2011: of course you are not being bitchy. Yes his Mom is being a little needy and not allowing her son to grow.
But you are understanding that this needs to be handled very delicately.
Talk to your boyfriend, also very tactfully (as all you say may get ... (read in full...)
Was I the very very last to know? Has he been a liar to me all along? I'm devastated
Q. i started seeing my bf last june. we both work for the government and there is a strict non fraternization policy so we keep it on the DL. i have been 2 LTR's and do not have a lot of experience playing the field. but i really liked this guy so i ...
A. 26 March 2011: you have been well and truly duped by a complete utter cad. This man could not be faithful even if put into a straight jacket in a padded room.
How arrogant that he thought he could ever get away with it? Not for him? He'll probably be unfa... (read in full...)
Why after months is my ex driving by my house and telling friends he screwed up losing me?
Q. Please, help me understand what is going on with a situation involving my ex whom I have not spoken to since he left me 10 mths. ago and soon after became involved with someone else. We were together for 7 yrs. and engaged to be married when he ...
A. 25 March 2011: she is posting the pictures, (which may have been taken ages ago) because she wants to spread the message that all is well in their relationship. When all is not well. If a person is really secure and at peace within themselves they don't need to ... (read in full...)
| *bella's friends
These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
