A
female
age
41-50,
*en1980
writes:I met a man from a dating site and he is Australian.He is divorced with 2 kids. But his kids live with his ex wife in Melb. We met on the 2007 and after 3 months get to know each other he left me. He told me that his Indian friend from Malaysia told him that Malay girl is not good, has many boy friends and just after the money. Then after over 1 year we break off he find me again on Sept 2008. He sent me text message on my Yahoo mesengger said that he was tried to contact me on my mobile. And he wanted to get to know more about me. Since i'm not in a relationship I forgave him and then we reconcile on Dec 2008. He bought me flight ticket to Australia and from there we been living together. I was on visitor visa and every 3 months I have to get out of the country.Within 1st 3 months everything seems to be ok. But I started to suspected him when he always put his mobile on silent mode and password. 1 day his son was calling his mobile while he was in the shower and I try to go and get the phone and give it to him. But the phone stop ringing. I realised that he forgot to lock his mobile and I can check all the contact names and the text messages. I read a few message from the Philipina girl he met after we both break off.The message sounds like they still in a relationship. Then I told him that I have been trough all his text mesage on his mobile phone.And he was really pissed of me and told me that he will finish with me and ask me to go back to my country. But then he apologized. He explain to me that he just wanna play a game as a revenge to the Philipina girl who cheated on him before.He said that the girl has 4 other guys from other countries. But the girl using him for money. And keep asking him money till the day i found the text message. He said he didn;t want to tell the girl that he i now with me because he want the girl to wait for him forever but he don't want to meet her again in life. I feel a bit weird and still suspected him. My life continue as usual eventhough my mind is not fully peaceful. Then after 4 months be with him I caught him again. This time when he was on computer. He told me that he is working. But when I need to say good bye to go out with friends he seems a bit worry if I check his computer. And he was standing in front of his computer to hide if I can see anythg there. It made me suspected he chatting to someone and I push his body and I can see blinking from his yahoo mesenger. When I tried to read he quickly signed out from there. I was very angry and I almost cancel my dinner with friends. He ask me to go out 1st and he will explain to me later when I come back. When i finished dinner I ask him who he was chatting to and why he didn't want me to read the message. And he told me that he was chatting with 1 of his ex girl friend , Indian doctor from KL. He said that the Indian Doctor just asking how is he doing and said she missed him and missed having sex with him. The Indian Doctor said that she was imagined to have sex with my partner and she want my partner to rape her if he go to Kl again. My partner ever told me about this Indian Doctor before, he said that the Indian Doctor is crazy about sex and always want to be in bed 24 hrs a day and it's hard for him to do his work. That's why he made a distance with her. But then I forgave him again. Till I found that he is still on a dating site which we met while I am no more on the dating site.Not only that I found him on another dating site. And in his profile he said that he lives in Rio De Janero, Brazil. I am blown out again and this time I threatened him to finish with him and going back to my country. But he don't want me to go and he said that was his old profile. And people keep sending him message and show interest. He said he will prove it to me because now he believe that I'm the only girl he want in his life. After that I still be with him and he totally stop everything(All the dating site) Then only he said a 1st LOVE WORDS to me for the 1st time after almost 1 year we be together. Then on November 2009 I fell pregnant. I was a bit confused whether to keep the baby or just do an abortion, because we are not married. Then he told me he want me to keep the baby as he already lost his kids. His kids doesn't really want to meet him or talk to him when he with me.So I keep the baby. I was due to deliver a baby girl on August. While pregnancy he promised that he wll marry me before the baby born. We still fighting about small thing when he always busyworking 7 days a week. I was pissed of him when he work to much while I dnt have any friends. My life everyday just chatting with my friends online on internet. Then when I almost due I ask him when he want to marry me because He promised me before. He said he never trust in any marriage after his ex wife cheated on him. And I was very upset and I totally lost my tantrum. I need to talk to him but he just walk away. When I call him he said he is going to the shopping centre alone. And He really make me angry and I smashed his notebook. When he's back he act like nothing and he a bit angry when i smashed his notebook. We've been fighting on and on till my baby girl born. Last night He told me that he will finish work at 5. And I was try to call him since 4pm but he didn;t answer my call. I cook a lot for dinner and ate alone at home. Checked the clock every hours while trying to call him till 12 am. He still out there somewhere. He did that to me 3 times before. And when I got very angry and wanted to break up wth him he promised me he wont do it again. But last night it happened again and it worst that he came back very late at 12.30am. I told him that I can't tolerate with someone like him. I gave him chances to change but he still be the same. I slapped my own face till my mouth bleeding just now when I can't control my anger. Now I don't know what should I do. I am applying a partner Visa. And now is on brdging Visa. If anyone can help me with advices I am much appreciated! Thanks for reading my miserable life....RegardsJen
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 your partner is a disgrace. He is a philandering cheating unfaithful man who cannot be believed.
Marrying him would only heap more pain on you. And he will not stop being unfaithful.
He has the potential to cause you immense grief.
You are in a completely vulnerble position. You have a specialised visa that means you have only three months before you have to renew. I do not know if you are allowed to work during a visitor visa, but i suspect not.
I would think your sort of visa is for engaged couples to give them enough time to settle in and get married.
But your philandering double dealing cheating liar of a partner is just using you, while stringing along a pack of other women.
He has NO intention of marrying you.
Just having a baby is not enough to allow you to stay in the country and i would hope you would never allow him to look after his daughter. Because i think he is thoughtless and irresponsible.
His poor ex wife could probably tell you more about his nasty behavior. Is he even legally divorced?
And any time he refuses to support you then you will have trouble with your Visa. Your situation is Too difficult to imagine.
I do understand that you are distraught. But some of your reactions are not smart. Losing control and allowing out of control anger is not smart. You need to control your own reactions better.
You are not helping yourself with all your tantrums and drama. You need to get a handle on your emotions and think more calmly and strategically.
Don't try silly arguments, nor tears, and certainly do not be so silly as to injure yourself. You are doing yourself no favors by behaving in this manner.
Just remember that your partner is a LIAR and you cannot rely on anything he tells you. He is also a FOOL. A very very UNTRUSTWORTHY man.
Stop telling this BAD man anything you intend to do. Quietly plan how you can legally stay in Australia and perhaps meet a new man. But tell your bad partner NOTHING about any such plans. Do not pre warn him, do not bother to threaten him. Do not bother to destroy his possessions.
If you intend to leave then now is the time to decide what you can safely leave behind (and never see again) and what you need to take with you.
NEVER NEVER leave your child in Australia when you leave Australia to get your Visa renewed. If you do this you run the risk of him keeping your daughter, but not supporting you coming back to Australia.
Make sure your child is on your passport, not on his passport.
Also contact the Child Support Agency - ask the Women's shelter people about this - to get it official that he has to pay child support. Find out how that operates- because that I do not know.
When he is at work familiarise yourself with what investments and what income and assets he has. Take photo copies of all this. secrete all this important information plus your child's birth certificate inside the travel case you will use when you next leave Australia. This information may later help the Child Support Agency.
Your most vulnerable time for you will be when you next leave the country, for he could just as easily advise authorities that he will not suppport you. And thus your Visitor visa would be refused.
Your best time to leave your partner would be in the week after you return to Australia with your just renewed Visa. Then you have three months to re-organise things to help allow you to stay, IF that is possible. BU T it may not be possible to stay.
Next time you leave Australia make sure you take your child with you.
You could leave Australia with him thinking you will renew the Visa, but instead stay in your own country and remain uncontactable to him.
Just take some action to protect yourself.
Search out a women's group that assists women from your country put into these situations.
A local big library may be able to put you in touch with groups that assist women in potentually abusive situations.
Also search for a women's shelter you could go to, to get shelter when you leave this man. Ask for help.
If you do NOT intend to stay in Australia then tell the Immigration department is Australia of how long he has been stringing you along. Talk very very calmly to these people or they will not take you seriously.
Whatever happens, you do need help.
A
female
reader, d'writer  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Your partner is one real pig. You don't deserve such treatment. You are in Australia now, find a job, get settled and get rid of him.
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