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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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My husband and I are Jewish, how do we go for a traditional Catholic wedding without feeling uncomfortable??

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My boyfriend bought a new and has not asked me to move in, much less what I think of this move. I can't see us living together. Should I just tell him I'm moving on? Or stick around?

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Q.   Hi friends , I am a 24yrs old university graduate, and 6 months pregnant, but the father of my baby has left me, he broke up with me over the phone and called me all sort of names. he even calls me a prostitute,..the relationship was a very smooth ...

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Is it feasible that I can get my Gf back despite her attitude, my illness and my infidelity?

Q.   Hi everyone. So this is my first post, and I was with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years. About two months ago, I stopped taking my medications (I have bipolar disorder), for reasons I wish I knew the answer to. Now that I reflect upon it, life...

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Q.   This is an unusual question, but I'm curious to see what your answers will be. I was watching the HBO show Game of Thrones the other day, in which it is hinted at that one of the characters is having sex with his sister. On IMDB, this brought up ...

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A.   24 April 2011: ps while performing fellatio remind him how much you have been 'reading up' on fellatio so that he understands that your learning more about this has come from reading up on it, and now you need a 'practical' Afterwards ask him how you did.... (read in full...)

Does he not find me attractive now? He loses his erection as he gets the condom

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Trapped in a loveless marriage..........

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Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get short, blunt answers...

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Trapped in a loveless marriage..........

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Trapped in a loveless marriage..........

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A.   18 April 2011: i do not feel comfortable with you using your girlfriend to display (behind your wife's back) that your marriage is over. This will cause hostility towards your girlfriend if your workmates know and are friends with your wife. Within 30 minutes ... (read in full...)

Trapped in a loveless marriage..........

Q.   Hi-i need advice, please help!I have been with the same girl for 10 years, married for 2. It was a mistake, we are friends nothing more. 18 months ago I tried to leave, she was devistated. We had 'goodbye' sex and she fell pregnant. I agreed to ...

A.   18 April 2011: You may well lose both your wife and your lover from your life. Your wife surely knows that the marriage is in trouble. How does your girl friend feel about helping to bring up a child who is not her own? If she is hesitant, then there is your ... (read in full...)

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A.   17 April 2011: It is so hard to get over these situations. You think you know a person, inside out and backwards. You trust them utterly. It seems perfect. But something somewhere is not as it seems. If she had the true inner strength to truly mean all that she... (read in full...)

Help! I feel so lost. What can I do? My boy friend refuses to let me end our relationship.

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I'm 17 and at the beginning it was great. He treated me great and I was so happy. He still takes me out etc, but it's just not the same. You see, my bf seems to have an idea in his head that I am going...

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What do the men look for in a woman? Do they only want sex?

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A.   16 April 2011: yes men might be looking for sex. But if sex is all he is after, and offering, then he's a loser. You don't need losers in your life. A woman does herself far more favors if she works out what she needs first. When you 'qualify' each guy t... (read in full...)

What would you do in the case of paternity fraud?

Q.   What would you do if you were to find out the child your wife/spouse gave birth to you was not yours? ...

A.   16 April 2011: DNA no match, so that sounds like baby has already arrived. Get legal advice immediately to remove your name from the Birth record re paternity. Also get legal advice to ensure you can cease paying any child support. Don't stop paying child su... (read in full...)

How can I convince my mum that I’m not pregnant, and to let me back into my house?

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A.   16 April 2011: hi, you visit the Doctor for a proper pregnancy test, and take your Mom along with you when you see the Doctor. If the Doctor can tell your Mom you are not pregnant that should satisfy your Mom, a Doctor can also tell if you are a virgin as well... (read in full...)

Should I buy my girlfriend, 17, a vibrator to help her discover more?

Q.   Hello everyone, my best wishes to all who take the time to help. It is appreciated. My girlfriend and I are both 17 and have been experimenting sexually. The problem is she has never masterbated, and doesn't like the idea of doing it with her fing...

A.   16 April 2011: Buying her a dildo or a vibrator is a bit drastic. Because they can be large and thus not comfortable for a virgin. She may not be comfortable with masterbation yet. In any case she might prefer some hugs from you, more than anything else. And ... (read in full...)

What would you do in the case of paternity fraud?

Q.   What would you do if you were to find out the child your wife/spouse gave birth to you was not yours? ...

A.   16 April 2011: It depends. Is there a reliable DNA test to say this is so? Or is the child clearly ethnically unlike the birth mother or the alleged father? Or is there a strong suspicion? If it is just a strong suspicion then get a DNA test. But if th... (read in full...)

My husband and I are Jewish, how do we go for a traditional Catholic wedding without feeling uncomfortable??

Q.   My husband and I are Jewish. A very good friend of ours is getting married - and having a traditional Catholic with a full mass and communion. The problem is that we are not comfortable being in a Catholic church / mass. There is nothing in our ...

A.   16 April 2011: hi, No one would take any notice if you sat in the Church and just participated in the joy of the couple marrying. Often people within different versions of the same religion can feel uncomfortable attending, but usually put that aside to honor th... (read in full...)

Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get short, blunt answers...

Q.   Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get blunt answers. Before the last few days I was getting really lovely texts and phonecalls from her, as if she was really eager to hear from me and was really chatty. But it doesn't feel lik...

A.   16 April 2011: Hi, i would love to see an update on this one, please. has she improved now? Or is she being blunt with you, as she was when you asked for advice? That is, is she still being short and sharp? Thx Abella... (read in full...)

Is it too late to ask her out with only 2 days until she leaves?

Q.   Alright, so there is this girl who lives in the room next to me in residence at university and about 2 weeks ago she mentioned that she and her boyfriend had broken up but she seemed to be over it from what I gathered. Anyway, since then I have ...

A.   14 April 2011: Of course ask her out, but it may go no where and don't push it. Try a low key relaxed place and do something nice. tell her you admired her from afar and did not ask her before as she was in a relationship. You may only be able to establish a ... (read in full...)

What can I do? He's so jealous and questions me for ages if I do go out with friends.

Q.   basically me and my boyfriend have been together for two years and a couple of months. I love him with all my heart and we've known each other for years. but he is so jealous of everything! He doesn't like my friends he doesn't like me going out...

A.   13 April 2011: in two years you have come to know who he really is and what he's all about. And i can't imagine how deflating it must be, wondering what the next spate of criticism will contain. There are two great expressions, : ''Start as you mean to... (read in full...)

What do the men look for in a woman? Do they only want sex?

Q.   Question for guys Its a pretty simple one but you see i am finding it hard to find a guy who wants me for me . Only want me for sex really im not nasty at all or ugly... Broad question for you all What do guys look for in a woman ?...

A.   13 April 2011: hi, men are not that shallow that they only look for sex, except players are different. Real men get happy, sad, lonely, and embody all the real emotions that make them great husbands. They want companionship, want the pleasure and trust of sha... (read in full...)

He heard lies from someone else about me and now calls me a prostitute! To make it worse, I am pregnant with his baby and he wants to take it away from me.....

Q.   Hi friends , I am a 24yrs old university graduate, and 6 months pregnant, but the father of my baby has left me, he broke up with me over the phone and called me all sort of names. he even calls me a prostitute,..the relationship was a very smooth ...

A.   11 April 2011: chiGirl has really done her homework with her excellent answer. My immediate reaction is that suddenly he is looking for excuses to evade responsibility. And his threats are disgusting. He is just trying to hurt you because he is immaturely unab... (read in full...)

My boyfreind has been admitted to psychiatric care. How do I help him when he comes out?

Q.   Dear Cupid I have the most wonderful but very troubled boyfriend. He has recently been admitted to psychiatric care as his depression and schizophrenia got out of control. I managed to get him admitted to care as I was concerned about him. His f...

A.   11 April 2011: also i meant to say, when he comes out he may still be tired and overwhelmed about all that has just happened to him. Keep things calm. Try to keep him away from stress. Little things may upset him while he is still regaining his strength. Be guided ... (read in full...)

My boyfreind has been admitted to psychiatric care. How do I help him when he comes out?

Q.   Dear Cupid I have the most wonderful but very troubled boyfriend. He has recently been admitted to psychiatric care as his depression and schizophrenia got out of control. I managed to get him admitted to care as I was concerned about him. His f...

A.   10 April 2011: Hi First off I am going to give you the benefit of no doubt as I do not believe you would claim that your boy friend was ill if this was not the case. And in the circumstances where you mention that "he has been neglected by his parents (I t... (read in full...)

He criticizes me and sends mixed signals, should I stay with him?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend a year now... I am in love with him and feel so low when im not with him.. but I feel as though he is mentally torturing me. He doesnt liek me wearing make up and the other day he gave me an ultimatum betwee...

A.   2 March 2011: he is way too judgmental and rigidly imposing his views on others. So he's vegetarian and you are not. Tell him to get over it, and not pass judge. It is ignorant and rude for him to pass judgment on what you are eating or drinking. Check if he we... (read in full...)

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