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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Why after months is my ex driving by my house and telling friends he screwed up losing me?
Q. Please, help me understand what is going on with a situation involving my ex whom I have not spoken to since he left me 10 mths. ago and soon after became involved with someone else. We were together for 7 yrs. and engaged to be married when he ...
A. 25 March 2011: she is posting the pictures, (which may have been taken ages ago) because she wants to spread the message that all is well in their relationship. When all is not well. If a person is really secure and at peace within themselves they don't need to ... (read in full...)
Do I respect that he's still hurting from being dumped, but then maybe lose him, if another girl connects with him first?
Q. The guy I like was recently dumped by his GF. He is in love with her. He used to flirt with me before, but more as a friendly flirt. I like him, but he's telling me he's not ready for relationships b/c he still hurting. I cannot tell him how I feel...
A. 25 March 2011: Rebound relationships, straight after a breakup, do often fail. I do not know why, but they do.
Can you cope with feeling a little jealous for a while? How secure do you feel about some temporary competition? Until he is ready for a permanent rela... (read in full...)
Are these good baby names?
Q. I am hoping to have a boy. If I do, his name will be Kylan Jake. But if I have a girl, her name will be Joselyn Nicole. Do these names sound good? Please help!...
A. 25 March 2011: Kylan Jake is very modern. Joselyn Nicole is more a mixture of names that have been popular in the past. But all are nice names. There are some beautiful names you can consider for the future. Though I am sure there are some wonderful interesti... (read in full...)
Where is the world going? And yes this does affect relationships.
Q. "Where is the World going? And yes this does affect life and relationships." The original question received from an anonymous female in the UK aged 26 to 29 and called "Where is the UK going" inspired this article. And you might think this does ...
A. 24 March 2011: hi Ampersand, thank you for your inspiring response. Yes Dickens cared about highlighting how people's lives could be very hard in his time.
Just as even more people do it tough today, but often the poverty is hidden.
I love the sound of your lif... (read in full...)
Where is the world going? And yes this does affect relationships.
Q. "Where is the World going? And yes this does affect life and relationships." The original question received from an anonymous female in the UK aged 26 to 29 and called "Where is the UK going" inspired this article. And you might think this does ...
A. 24 March 2011: hi Odds,
i totally love your response to this article. Five stars does not seem sufficient for such a lovely robust response. Really meaty, really good. At certain points I felt like cheering.
Privacy i will expand on next time.
When I sa... (read in full...)
What does my ex's behaviour mean?
Q. Lately I've been trying to get Over my ex...we went out a year. Three weeks later she had a new bf. Everyone says it's a rebound etc. Today I was talking to a mutual friend who has been hanging around with my ex a lot (My friends and ex live clo...
A. 24 March 2011: well known fact: rebound relationships are almost bound to fail, since the one who has just left a relationship is still in shock.
But asking about you?
Classic signs that you are being missed. The rebound relationship is faltering if not on the s... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is afraid of me cheating on her
Q. Hi. I have to go overseas for college soon and even though me and my girlfriend love each other and want to stay together, she's afraid that I'll cheat on her while I'm at college even though I just want to make her happy. What should I do? How...
A. 24 March 2011: She does need to develop more trust in you. You know you love her and that you are resolved to be faithful.
It is serious to her. So you can't trivialise her concerns. Though i am sorely temped to suggest you chew garlic daily, no one will wan... (read in full...)
The only thing keeping us together is our kids
Q. I apologize in advance that this is rather long... I just have no idea what to do. We've been married for nearly 6 years, together for 11. I feel like the only thing really keeping us together is our kids; a 3yo and 1yo. My husband over the...
A. 24 March 2011: this is a terrible situation for you and the children. His motivation has taken a nose dive. But that is no excuse for his selfish unmotivated disrespectful behavior towards you and the children.
He is poisoning the atmosphere and warping his chil... (read in full...)
I confessed to my wife that I went to porn sites and now she doesn't want anything to do with me
Q. I have problems, my life, sucks and im to blame for it. I messed up the relationship with my wife, and my family. Let me get to the beginning, my wife gave birth of our first and possibly last child a little over a month a go. A boy whome we both ...
A. 24 March 2011: here is the site to try to address your addiction to Porn:
Www.no-porn.com
You are not alone in being addicted to porn, but as you can see it results in
fall-out pain that you may not have anticipated.
By reaching out for advice you have taken t... (read in full...)
He says I'm on thin ice with him. I know its my fault and I don't want to lose him
Q. I dont know what to do anymore. Im i dont know im lost. Im truly in love with this guy (were in a long distance relationship) and I think Ive just lost him. I uhmm well Im not the most attractive girl in the world but Im not ugly but Im over-wei...
A. 23 March 2011: hi, Yes your insecurities are ruining your life. Your mind is playing a Cd of the accumulated messages of who your perceive you are. Time you removed that Cd and replaced it with some new messages. And your Mom has obviously imparted some ... (read in full...)
I confessed to my wife that I went to porn sites and now she doesn't want anything to do with me
Q. I have problems, my life, sucks and im to blame for it. I messed up the relationship with my wife, and my family. Let me get to the beginning, my wife gave birth of our first and possibly last child a little over a month a go. A boy whome we both ...
A. 23 March 2011: yes you are correct. Some serious healing work is required.
Please tell your wife you are willing to do anything to improve things.
Agree to couples counselling, even if you do it alone.
Because your opinionated Lady is seriously mad at you. This... (read in full...)
She thinks I'm fat and ugly and my penis is too small...yet she just wants me to be there until she finds someone.
Q. hello , do i ever need help . okay i met this girl 6 years ago - she was involved with a guy that was a deadbeat and now is a deadbeat dad of 2 ... anyway we became real close friends and we spent more time together (plutonitcally)?...
A. 23 March 2011: is it that she just can't recognise a guy who cares about her? Her Mom recognises that you would be a good man for her daughter.
But the poor judgement of this girl is why she appears to prefer guys who are jerks, and not as caring and resp... (read in full...)
How can I stop getting distracted by hot women?
Q. As a single guy how can I stop wanting to date every hot girl I meet?! Its distracting, seriously. Not to mention the ones whose numbers I get we become friends and all the while in my head I'm thinking about how gorgeous they are and how I wanna ...
A. 23 March 2011: looking for a real challenge? develop depth to a real relationship, build some solid trust, empathy and rapport to hold the attention of a woman who truly moves you, over a twelve month duration.
And remain faithful during the above rela... (read in full...)
Virgin at 20, should I hire an escort to lose my virginity?
Q. Hi i am a 20 yr old male and still a virgin. this fact depresses the hell out of me. everywhere i go theres people all having so much fun and i feel that im missing the best parts of my life and falling behind on much needed experience. most people ...
A. 22 March 2011: you will eventually find a nice girl, connect with her and feel love and passion for her. You will always remember your first time vividly for all time. Even if it is a bit fumbly. But if you go to a prostitute then it will not be able to go on to... (read in full...)
Am I now considered a hooker?
Q. I am 19 year old female. I live in an area where there is a lot of prostitution. I have always fantasized myself being a working girl so I like to dress the part and walk around the streets to see how many men proposition me. When they do I just ...
A. 22 March 2011: definitely you are NOT a prostitute. You enjoy men being attracted to you, which happens to girls when they realise how physically attractive they are. You had no intention of earning money that night. You told the guy you were not a working girl. ... (read in full...)
Why do people stay in loveless marriages?
Q. Why do people stay in a love-less marriage? When you know the other person doesn't love you anymore, why do you stay in that relationship? Is it because you think you can win them over? I think once the love is gone, it's gone. They might still ha...
A. 22 March 2011: hi,
All of the following are ONLY suggestions. Because some options may not apply. Or may not be helpful from your perspective. But if any of it helps i'll be happy for you.
Has he told you that he does not love you, and why? or is that assumed... (read in full...)
Is it possible to predict before marriage that a couple's sex life will suck 5-10 years after they get married?
Q. Almost every one of my guy friends who has been married for more than 5 years or so has told me their wife has lost almost all interest in sex. Many go for a month or two without it onb a regular basis. They also tell me about friends of theirs who ...
A. 22 March 2011: i know couples who continue to be totally in synchronised peacefull happiness. And of course I am aware of couples where the relationship has faltered or ended.
Now medical issues can interfere so occasionally that can interfere.
But for the rela... (read in full...)
Can you suggest any good tips to help me cope with panic attacks?
Q. I'm 17 and coming towards the end of my first year at college. At the beginning we had to do loads of presentations which I hate doing. It got so bad that I started having panic attacks whenever it came to doing one however we stopped doing them ...
A. 22 March 2011: ooops!
I meant to say you jot down key points on the numbered cards:
Card one
title of presentation
the three key points you will cover
Card two
Expand on key point one
Card three
Expand on key point two
Card four
Expend on key po... (read in full...)
Can you suggest any good tips to help me cope with panic attacks?
Q. I'm 17 and coming towards the end of my first year at college. At the beginning we had to do loads of presentations which I hate doing. It got so bad that I started having panic attacks whenever it came to doing one however we stopped doing them ...
A. 22 March 2011: hi, i can recall my first formal presentation and my legs were trembling like you cannot believe.
And another early presentation why i felt the audience, who were all people i had known for a while, possibly might be judgemental (that was real... (read in full...)
My husband takes everything the wrong way and now thinks I'm a liar!
Q. I am newly married gal.I am facing some problems with my husband because of culture differences and the living and speaking styles.because of which he dont understand my intentions and takes everything in wrong way.and now he thinks i am lier and ...
A. 21 March 2011: this needs some respectful open communication.
if your husband is unfamiliar with how to do that then please try to locate an impartial non-judgmental person (though preferably a trained relationship counsellor) who can keep the discussion on trac... (read in full...)
Where is the world going? And yes this does affect relationships.
Q. "Where is the World going? And yes this does affect life and relationships." The original question received from an anonymous female in the UK aged 26 to 29 and called "Where is the UK going" inspired this article. And you might think this does ...
A. 21 March 2011: yes a further part of the answer is going to focus on the real power of the people. 'crowds and power' by elias canetti won a nobel prize for exactly that. First i wanted to focus on how people are conned. Then i want to talk about powerful peacefu... (read in full...)
I love him, but another boy confessed he likes me
Q. okay so this is a little rubbish for me, im in a healthy happy relationship, i love him with all my heart and he loves me, weve had our problems but were stronger than ever....but, theres another boy who recently confessed he likes me. im not one to ...
A. 21 March 2011: This is a tough problem. The next field often seems lusher than the one you are standing in.
All relationships have an occasional problem on the way. And once resolved that builds trust.
If you walk away from your current guy all that trust w... (read in full...)
Mistress being dragged into marriage, please help!
Q. he lost his wife to ovarian cancer 4 months ago and has 2 kids,8 year old and 11 months.i have been his mistress for 2years.i have a son from a previous relationship but he lives with his dad.Problem:he wants me next to him always and wants us to ...
A. 20 March 2011: how do you know he will not feel the need to get a mistress once your are pregnant AND his wife? If he is offering marriage and you want to be married to him then accept marriage, but stay on the contraceptive pill until you are ready for a child - ... (read in full...)
Husband says he isn't relaxed during sex because I don't let him watch porn!
Q. hello, i been married for 4 yrs and have a baby 2 yrs old. before marriage my hubby and i would talk hours we had long distance relationshp. we nw hardly speak to each other apart do this nd tht... nd hv any sort of physical closeness once every 2 ...
A. 20 March 2011: so sorry he is showing you so little consideration.
living with his parents is a obstacle.
Ok - you can still reach the articles in DC. (that's a different part to the questions.). Click on to the tag 'sex' on a question about sex and other ar... (read in full...)
Husband says he isn't relaxed during sex because I don't let him watch porn!
Q. hello, i been married for 4 yrs and have a baby 2 yrs old. before marriage my hubby and i would talk hours we had long distance relationshp. we nw hardly speak to each other apart do this nd tht... nd hv any sort of physical closeness once every 2 ...
A. 20 March 2011: Dear, dear, dear he is being petulant about his porn? that is emotional blackmail on his part. He is claiming he can't fulfil his marital responsibilities because he can't watch porn? What will it be next time? Will he need access to a lap dancer b... (read in full...)
I've felt treated unfavorably by them, yet should I help my in laws now that they need help?
Q. My in laws have selfishly enjoyed their life, they have always put themselves first. Should i help them now that they both have some health problems? They have always treated me as an outsider, they're thoughtless towards me, my kids and my husb...
A. 20 March 2011: thank you for the nice follow up. As you posted it up as a new question your follow up is not showing here.
But i know you were appreciative of everyone's help.
To make your follow up show here you just reply to your own question here, a... (read in full...)
This is followup to question yesterday from OP on helping inlaws
Q. Thanks to everybody who took time to answer my question i wrote yesterday the 18th. "I've felt treated unfavorably by them, yet should I help my in laws now that they need help?" You have all really helped and i feel a little less broken now. ...
A. 20 March 2011: thank you for your follow up here. I will add in a reply also so that everyone knows you thanked them
Abella... (read in full...)
Should I still persevere? I want to ask her out again, but do it right this time
Q. Note: Please don't be deterred by my long paragraph :( Greetings there. I'm just seeking a little guidance as I've been wandering around my house aimlessly and would like some advice. Kind of a long story, so excuse me. Back in September/Octo...
A. 19 March 2011: Definitely you should ask her out.
And well done that you have been making a good impression re how you have conducted yourself over this.
She will not have a lot of spare time since her own band would need lots practice etc.
Do some intell on th... (read in full...)
I've felt treated unfavorably by them, yet should I help my in laws now that they need help?
Q. My in laws have selfishly enjoyed their life, they have always put themselves first. Should i help them now that they both have some health problems? They have always treated me as an outsider, they're thoughtless towards me, my kids and my husb...
A. 19 March 2011: Please allow me to disuade you from caring for a relative unless you already have a very loving, caring, good and very happy relationship with the person/s to be cared for.
For even if you love them to bits and get on with them very very well it i... (read in full...)
Spark has gone with Bf. But new spark not interested. How can I get this fire going?
Q. Hi everyone, I am 21 and in college, and I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly 10 months now. At first, we really hit it off - we've known each other for a few years and are really close friends. That was back in the summer of 2010. ...
A. 19 March 2011: it sounds like you were always a tiny bit more capable, than your Bf, in various ways, right from the start. You were his first. Your assisted him in many ways. His tantrums, his jealousy etc.
Perhaps you and your Bf started out on the same X road... (read in full...)
Spark has gone with Bf. But new spark not interested. How can I get this fire going?
Q. Hi everyone, I am 21 and in college, and I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly 10 months now. At first, we really hit it off - we've known each other for a few years and are really close friends. That was back in the summer of 2010. ...
A. 19 March 2011: i am sorry that one potential issue tag was given and does not suit your situation and i am not sure if it can be removed. Perhaps it was seen as a 'potential' issue. But you have demonstrated your high standards. Sorry i did not see your followup ... (read in full...)
Spark has gone with Bf. But new spark not interested. How can I get this fire going?
Q. Hi everyone, I am 21 and in college, and I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly 10 months now. At first, we really hit it off - we've known each other for a few years and are really close friends. That was back in the summer of 2010. ...
A. 19 March 2011: It is so good that you were honest with your Bf when you knew you no longer felt as enamoured with your boyfriend. You were gentle and honest with him. But allowing it to limp on, him hoping your feelings for him will improve to how things were ... (read in full...)
Love triangle with my ex and his new girlfriend......
Q. I got with my boyfriend when we were 14 and we split up when we around 16. He got a new girlfriend and we went our separate ways for a while. However, we share the same friend circle so are nearly always in contact, and whenever we are together ...
A. 17 March 2011: He still gets his ego massaged by basking in the glow of your admiration. Tell him how much he means to you. And that you are feeling uncomfortable continuing to talk to him (while you have feelings for him) because he is already in a ... (read in full...)
He kissed a girl during a game of truth or dare, I overeacted and now he is mad at me, how do I fix this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only been dating about six weeks. I'm only fourteen, but I have the strongest feelings ever for him. He recently though went on a 'rowing' camp and kissed a girl there in a game of Truth Or Dare. Honestly, I thought he was ...
A. 17 March 2011: post script
if he had been kissing and cuddling a girl in secret, and was 'sprung' and yet was still not telling the truth to you, THEN i would be horrified, and in those circumstances, yes, i would drop him.
Different situations call for differen... (read in full...)
He kissed a girl during a game of truth or dare, I overeacted and now he is mad at me, how do I fix this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only been dating about six weeks. I'm only fourteen, but I have the strongest feelings ever for him. He recently though went on a 'rowing' camp and kissed a girl there in a game of Truth Or Dare. Honestly, I thought he was ...
A. 17 March 2011: You have just started dating this boy. It's been about six sweet weeks. And you have the strongest feelings for him. He's very special to you. He's your exclusive boy friend.
You have had such a high opinion of him that his sheer perfection may ... (read in full...)
Should I wear makeup on our first date?
Q. Should I wear makeup on a first date? We met at a party and wore full-on eye makeup with lots of shimmery eyeshadow and fake eyelashes. However, I normally just wear mascara (for going to school, casual hangouts, etc). We're having dinner ...
A. 17 March 2011: For a moment I though you meant NO makeup. (Abella mops her brow!)
Then I re-read and understood you wanted to try something in the middle.
Good move.
So cut the glitter.
It's a casual restaurant. Thus full-on glam makeup would be far too much.... (read in full...)
My live in g/f doesn't feel comfortable with children but my 2 have moved in with us. How can I help her?
Q. So I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for over three years, now. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. She’s so generous, kind, thoughtful and is always putting everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. She supported me for a year while I was ...
A. 17 March 2011: You, the children and your lady are under stress. Despite it all your children are missing their mother.
Your lady wants and needs more one on one time with you.
You both need some sceduled breaks from parenting.
Your lady definitely needs a holi... (read in full...)
B/f not ready for marriage but wants to move in together but I'm unsure about this!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and half and our relationship is serious. A few months into dating we talked about marriage and back then he wasn't the biggest fan of it. A few months ago however when the topic of moving in came up I told h...
A. 17 March 2011: yes, i think your instincts are spot on. If he is serious about you, then why does he need another four years to think about it?
Why can't he tell the world now that you are his permanent choice for marriage?
My rules are:
1. A man truly in lov... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before I am sure that I have made the right decision to finally divorce my husband?
Q. I have asked my husband for a separation due to the fact that I was hurting so much as a result of his words and actions. We have been married for 13 years. He had 2 emotional affairs; 3 years into our marriage and another one 6 years thereafter. I ...
A. 16 March 2011: he might be temporarily remorseful about you taking action because of his actions.
But now genuine is he? Afterall he's resistant to counselling.
But once he feels safe he will cheat again.
By the way you do not 'ask' for a separation. ... (read in full...)
Please help me decode him........
Q. i know him since childhood .. he is 5 years elder to me and I used to call him Anna (brother) .. thats how any girl here calls a guy who is elder to her .. anyways .. after he finished schooling and left school in my 5th grade we hardly ever met or ...
A. 16 March 2011: yes he does feel comfortable around you.
He may even like you too, as he has noticed things about you.
And he has been doing things to fix things. Doing thing to fix things is what non-demonstrative guys do, to show that they like you. Just enj... (read in full...)
When do you end an otherwise wonderful relationship? I am sick of waiting in limbo for us to take our relationship to the next level
Q. Hi everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for nine years now, since I was a teenager. Sure, we've had our rocky patches, but we've worked things out each time and we've seen each other through everything. We spend quality, one on one time togethe...
A. 15 March 2011: Is he procrastinator central?
There is a reason why you cannot just sit him down and explain what you have said on Marriage on DC ?.
If that fails then you have to try some 'dirty tricks
And is he very financially conservative?
A... (read in full...)
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